Beautiful Between

living fully in the now & not yet

This is how to find hope in the Bible when you desperately need it

The room was semi-dark; if I sat at the edge, nobody could really see my face. I liked it that way. In a room full of church leaders and staff, passionately praying for God to move and transform lives, I couldn’t connect with their zeal.

I was probably in a season of depression, or lone and homesick. Either way, I remember the emptiness and the soul-ache. Something about being surrounded by such passionate leaders always made it more acute.

Maybe it’s because I knew all the “right” things to say and do. I knew all the verses others promised would fill me with joy and “break off a spirit of depression.”

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11)

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13)

The joy of the Lord is your strength. (Nehemiah 8:10b)

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. (Psalm 23:1)

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 2 Corinthians 5:17

I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14

Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, Rejoice. (Philippians 4:4

Magic Words

Years before, I was taught to memorize them, to speak them, to use them to fight back against my emotions. The idea was that if I spent enough time in prayer and Bible study, it would solve all my problems. So I tried.

I knew the Bible says, “God’s word is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword.” I knew God said of Scripture, “It will not return to me void,” meaning it wouldn’t come back without accomplishing everything he sent it to do.

Early on, I simply accepted it all at face value, believing it would work exactly as people told me. But when I spoke those words out, they fell empty from my lips, devoid of the power I’d been taught to expect.

Over time, I discovered that it never helped when I went to the Bible looking to feel better. It seemed that uttering verses like magic words was a fool’s errand. And that repeating memorized verses that people told me should fill me with joy…it never did.

I didn’t know there was something missing.

If I make my bed in hell

In that darkened room, I dutifully opened my Bible to Psalm 139, berating myself for not being able to just feel better. This passage is the home of some familiar anti-depression verses like I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made and the one about how God’s thoughts about us outnumber the grains of sand.

Suddenly, the words jumped off the page, shaping an image in my mind:

If I make my bed in hell, you are there.

And there I was, fetal-curled in the black depths of a pit, arms clinging tightly to myself, staring blankly. “If I make my bed in hell…” I knew that place well, though I’d never imagined it quite like that. It was more than familiar.

But what tightened my throat, made me catch my breath, stung my eyes, was the image of Jesus there. In my mind’s eye, he sat close behind me, sometimes laying a hand on my shoulder to remind me of his nearness, sometimes just sitting quietly with me.

“…you are there.”

None of the verses people told me to pray and recite have ever worked like the magic words I expected.

But when something comes alive, jumps off the page, and embeds itself deep into my soul? That’s powerful.

And, dear friend, perhaps you’re experiencing this, too. Perhaps you have the lists of verses and declarations tucked into your Bible or saved on your phone. Perhaps you’ve tried to read and pray and connect with God, but it all just seems so empty.

I’ve been there.

Find hope in scripture when you desperately need it

Here’s the secret:

The absolute best Bible verses for hard times are the ones that come alive to us.

See, we don’t need magic words or magic wands to make it all better (though I’ve wished for that so many times).

Instead, we need to meet with a God who doesn’t desert us in hard times. We need to hear from the mouth of God for ourselves as he breathes into some part of Scripture until it comes alive.

Because yes, God’s Word is living and active. Yes, it is powerful and accomplishes what he sent it to do. I believe that in the core of my being. But if I believe it’s his word, then he gets to choose what he does with it in my life.

And I’ve learned that Jesus comes alive in the pages of Scripture for me, and it’s always as Immanuel. That’s how he stands out to me, how he speaks to my heart. I’ve always found hope in verses about being him being present in the dark.

So he chose the raw, dark imagery of a verse that says, “If I make my bed in hell, you are there” instead of brighter verses like “rejoice in the Lord always” or “be anxious for nothing.”

Because God knows that sometimes, depression, anxiety, and grief feel hellacious to me. And he knows that reminding me he’s present in that darkness is more life-giving to me than the hope of getting out of it.

The Bible can be a well of hope and encouragement for you

There’s deeper peace when Scripture becomes experiential because we trust God to speak to our deepest needs and longings. 

Today, let go of some of the pressure. Today, give yourself permission to not read and recite the “right” verses. Give yourself permission to show up, honest and raw and vulnerable.

Next week, I’ll share the practical steps that have made me confident to hear from God in Scripture every single time I open my Bible. You can have that, too.

For now, what are your questions and struggles with finding hope and encouragement in the Bible? Let me know in the comments below!

44 Replies

  1. Anonymous

    I just want end.

  2. Vickie

    Me too. Hang in there, friend. Life is an endurance race, not a sprint. I’m weary too. I don’t even want to get up in the morning. I ask God to help. Don’t give in. Ask God for strength. Find something to distract your mind, an uplifting video, a good sermon, a good read, even pretty pictures. *Don’t think about unhappy things.* Drag your mind back to the positive side; remember happy Christmases or puppies and kittens … or consider the fact that, out of ALL THE WORLD, God chose YOU to redeem. Read Philippians 4:8-9 and repeat it, over and over and over in your mind (or out loud) until you understand the importance of not allowing your mind to lead you into ugly pastures — I have to drag my mind back from dark wanderings too, so I completely understand. Jesus IS coming soon! Until then, hold your ground. Peace.

  3. Vickie

    Sarah, Thank you for your words. I think you did a very good job of describing the importance of “getting” scripture, so I was hoping to see more responses when I came to the comment section. I think you’re a very good writer. 🙂

    Peace and joy and blessings,

    1. Thanks so much, Vickie! You’re one of the first people to read it, so hopefully there will be some more discussion 🙂

  4. Well, that might be the most profound thing I’ve read in months. I’ve seen people with “I know the plans I have for you” tattoos, but I’ve never seen one that said, “If I make my bed in Hell . . . ” Such a great perspective – that if it’s God’s Word, He gets to decide how He uses it in my life. Thanks for not being trite – and for making a serious difference . . . !

    1. Hallo Mike and Sarah. yip, I agree too, what a perspective. There was a time that I too simply expressed “scripture passages”” or randomly opened my Bible with child like faith that something will jump at me. .. But reading this tonight reminds me that I have to draw a larger “frame” to find rest and peace ins saying / praying ” Psa 139:6  Knowledge too wondrous for me, It is high, I am unable to reach it. 
      Psa 139:7  Where would I go from Your Spirit? Or where would I flee from Your face?  Psa 139:8  If I go up into the heavens, You are there; If I make my bed in She’ol, see, You are there.” now that is something to stand still and think about. so many thanks Sarah ! for this blog entry.

  5. Kathy

    And if we consider the Apostles’ Creed saying Jesus descended into hell, then we may realize that there is no where Jesus has not gone before us. There is no where he can’t go to redeem us.
    So, if someone tells you that you will go to hell for having a thought or feeling, we may turn that into a reminder that even in hell, God’s promise is for you!

  6. Debbie Ogburn

    Thanks, Sarah, for these encouraging words. Mike Bechtle, you expressed what I was thinking, but you said it better than I could right now.

  7. Rebecca

    I don’t remember how it is I’m receiving this email but it felt like an answer this morning. I’m so tired of struggling to be a certain kind of person in a world where only ‘ positive ‘ is wanted. I needed the reminder and permission to show up before Him as honest, raw and vulnerable as I am. As far as struggles with finyhope and encouragement in the Bible ? I’m tired of having more questions than confidence and feeling that there something wrong with me that I have so little confidence

    1. Hey Rebecca, Just noticed your comment. Do you like to read — good books? If so, or if you’re willing to stretch out, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND Sharon G Brown’s “Sensible Shoes” series. 4 books. Fiction. Incredible insight and superbly written.
      They follow 4 women who all end up at the same spiritual retreat and each have messy lives, or frozen, or stuck lives. And they just need to learn how to “get real” with God. For most of us that’s like unriddling a riddle, isn’t it!
      First 2 books are available in audio version if you’d rather ‘listen’ to your books.
      God bless you. . . praying for you as I hit SEND on this.

      1. Rebecca Goodman

        Thank you Pilgrim Journeyer for your response, recommendation and prayer! I love to read but a bit slow so I don’t get through many books a year. I will check it out!

  8. You left me with lots to ponder…. Thank you. Perfect timing too….

  9. Amy L Faughn

    Thanks for your honesty in sharing your struggles with not always being being encouraged by reading the scriptures. I’ve been there many times.Its so encouraging to know Iam not alone in this . As I allow myself to be more real and vulnerable and know that God accepts me as Iam,I seem to be learning to trust Him more deeply. Iam so glad He is there in the middle of our mess.Thanks again.

  10. Love this Sarah!

    Brings back some EXCELLANT memories. . .super tough, long-term period in my life. . . about the 6th year in. . .NOTHING WORKING. . . MAJOR discouraging. . .and one of those KEY PHRASES that ONLY HIS SPIRIT knows how to high-lite to us is high-lighted in my soul during one of my reading periods.

    And man-oh-man, I FED on that PHRASE for months. It sustained me. It enabled me to keep on keeping on until my eventual breakthrough came. That was still a full year or more off.

    Later, I realized I had been given some of the “hidden manna” that scriptures reference. It was both BEYOND PRECIOUS as well as DEEPLY NEEDED.
    (In this case it felt exceedingly precious because it was a phrase that came from Christ’s own suffering soul, the night before He was to be crucified.)

    Thanks for spelling out these GREAT thoughts for us all.
    So, not only is HIS WORD powerful, living, n’ active, but HIS SPIRIT is too.

    And AMEN for Him, in and with US!!

    Blessings, PJ

  11. Anna

    I love this post. I have learned to embrace the broken hard places in life because that is where I have met the Lord. I could not agree more, instead of trying to run from or positive think, recite, declare or rebuke our way out of the pit embrace what the Lord can do in us through the refining, redemption process. That is where traits like realness vulnerability and beauty are birthed.

  12. Erin

    Thank you for these great reminders! In my recent season of depression, I’ve been reading the Psalms. Just like you said, David was so honest about his feelings but also how faithful God is, even in darkness.

  13. Jason

    Sarah – thank you for sharing these words. Tears came to my eyes when I realized that Jesus is there in the most dark place or pit of my life. The enemy also does a great job at making me think there’s something wrong with me for feeling depressed or in despair. It’s a great comfort knowing that right there in that despair is where Jesus is WITH me. And I am NEVER alone.

  14. Cara Cicconi

    None of my family cares about me. They ignore me and cause me more pain. I’m very lonely.

  15. Vickie

    Cara Cicconi, I know what that feels like. 🙁 When I feel “lonely,” I try to distract myself. I look for stuff to watch on computer or read or write (I think keeping a journal can be SO helpful! You can tell it *everything* and it *always* listens! LOL).

    I wish we could have a cup of coffee or something. You know, Cara, family can be more painful than anyone or anything else. It’s not supposed to be that way, but it often is. Maybe we (people) just have too many thoughts and feelings about how things are “supposed” to be … which more or less ruins the things about family that are already good … you know? Family knows you at your worst, they’ve seen you cry and laugh, throw fits and play; they’ve seen you with the flu, hair all greasy, nose all red … and they’ve seen you in gorgeous new outfits or beautifully styled hair … they’ve seen YOU, warts and all, as they say. But, Cara, they don’t see ALL of you. No one can do that but God. And that’s the best place to go when you feel lonely, really. God, unlike family, is ALWAYS there. I have learned (and am still learning!) to take comfort from this. Isn’t it funny that we (people) can be “alone,” but *not* “lonely” … yet we can feel “lonely” in a crowd! Anyway, I hope you’re feeling better. Peace.

  16. Bethany

    Sarah…. I’m practically speechless. I lost count of just how many times I found myself taken back by certain things you shared that I so completely identified with…. it’s like you read my mind and then came alongside me.

    That, alone, is Divine intervention. I only recently subscribed to your blog and to have found this particular posting…at this particular time??? Our Father….. our Abba…. is So Faithful.

    God Bless you, Sarah.

    1. Oh, Bethany! I’m so very grateful to hear that. Thank you for letting me know how God used this for you. That’s exactly why I do this. Take good care of yourself <3 Sarah

  17. Tony Prezioso

    This was a great encouragement to me Sarah. When His word comes alive to me I get so overwhelmed by His grace ,love and peace. When feelings of dark depression, fear, anxiety and loneliness come over me He lifts me up out of the “miry clay” and the darkness in me can’t “comprehend” it (John1:5). That’s God’s amazing love for us!

  18. wade

    Encourage Read. I love those verses in Psalms I’ve memorized psalms 139:1-18 in the past. Ive struggled for many years with doubt & unassurance of my salvation. I fear its just a head knowledge & not a heart knowledge. Ive prayed & asked God to save me so many times, and read so much scripture like john 6:37, etc and nothing seems to help. It’s brought about anxiety & depression & hopelessness that I’m pretty much a lost cause. I’ve even came to the thought that its scrupulosity, but i don’t know. I just want Christ to be tangible to me & be able to live in freedom, but at 34 that doesn’t look like its going to happen. Thank you for this article, it gives me a tiny bit of hope.

  19. Telcia

    I’ve just found your blog with a super long, prayer-like Google search…I’ve read two posts and you are just like me and I’m very encouraged. Can we meet? I LOVE redemption too.
    I did go to a depression program this past year that was Christ centered and science based and it helped my whole life. It’s Nedley Depression Recovery. I thought people coming here should know about it. Thanks for your words!

  20. I found your blog the other day through your “The Darkness May Always Be There…” post on Live Original. I’ve been binge-reading in my spare minutes ever since! This post especially struck a chord with me because I didn’t realize I’m not the only one who gets more encouraged by verses like the one you shared than by all the “right” verses for battling anxiety and depression. One of my favorites is Psalm 139:12
    “even the darkness will not be dark to you;
    the night will shine like the day,
    for darkness is as light to you.”
    It gets me EVERY TIME because it’s incomprehensible to my human mind how God isn’t scared by our struggles with darkness!

    Thank you for being courageous enough to share your story!! I haven’t found very many blogs that seem to be speaking just to me, but yours has done that and I’m so grateful:)

    God Bless,
    M @ In Beautiful Chaos

  21. Darle

    I lost my husband and both my son’s. I lost my extended family and my 2 best friends. I am without hope for my future and nothing seems to help. I’ve done therapy and anti depressants and Church and more. But, my reality never changes, my loved ones are dead and I am alone and I just wish I could be with them. It’s hard to get up and face another day, every single day.

  22. Vickie

    My heart hurts for you — and with you. I hear your pain and see your reality and it is, indeed, a harsh one. My reality is no “walk in the park” either. Life can be very, very brutal … and then it’s so *overwhelming* to try and find God somewhere in that mess! There IS purpose to pain and suffering. It feels awful and goofy-stupid and useless and endless …
    But still *it has purpose.* And God will use it. He IS using it. You just can’t see how or to what end.
    Darle, it is all about trust. Trust and obedience. Life can be a drudgery, a gazillion mile death march; gray, ugly, miles and miles of unchanging scenery, a whole DESERT of nothing but more of the same. (I remember thinking: “oh! so *that’s* why the bible is always talking about “endurance”! My life wasn’t *always* this difficult … but it’s always been difficult. Life is not easy. Period.)

    TRUST God. He is preparing a thing for you. Jesus gives a blessing to those who *don’t* see but believe.” <– it is a special blessing because it is *especially* difficult to do.

    I think sometimes we are called to lead "extraordinary lives" that **no one sees but God.** This is how He draws us exceptionally close. Remember when you first met your husband, how you just wanted to be *alone with him?* It is the same way with God … He wants to be alone with you. He wants ALL of your attention.

    Darle, He must love you very much to trust you with such tests. I mean, God *knows* you want to draw back. He. Knows. But press in closer instead. Allow Him. He wants you closer to Him. You are being "purified" for this purpose … and who knows what *other* purpose or purposes He has for you??? (There is excitement in the possibilities if you'll dare to allow these thoughts.)

    We go through "difficult things" so God can build something FOR us. He NEVER SLEEPS, Darle. He is *building* for you a thing you can't see. There is pain, yes. That is the "price" of love. We all know the people we love are going to die … and we have to live and love anyway because that's the heart gives humans. Life is uncertain … death is NOT.

    Trust God. You may see "deliverance" in this world … it may not come till the next, but there IS "purpose" to the trials of your life and God's beautiful Plan isn't easy to understand but His Plan **definitely* "includes" YOU and a full heart at some point — and MORE!

    Strength in this world, happiness in the next.

    Trust God … but don't trust your "feelings" in hardship. Feelings lie. Your "feelings" are lying to you **any time they are pushing you away from God. HE is your "fortress." Don't be deceived into leaving His safety.

    I'm sorry this is so long! If you ever need a friend or sympathetic ear, just let me know (via this comment section) and we can email, if you'd like ..?

    You belong to God. You are my sister. You are NOT alone. Ever. "Friendship" is a blessing I enjoy. 🙂

    Peace and Hope to you.


  23. Janet Collins

    I appreciate this post so much! I just found your website/blog/book after listening to the Head and Heart podcast you were on. I’ve dealt with depression for over 25 years. Some seasons are so challenging and I’m in one of those right now. I’ve been a Christian for 47 years and I’ve been so angry at God for not “fixing” me. This compounds the depression because I feel like I shouldn’t be angry with God. I yelled at him a couple weeks ago and since then, I have felt so far from Him. It’s such a strange thing to be angry with God and yet know, without a doubt, that He is my only hope! I’ve asked Him to forgive me, but I just feel like there’s a rift that I can’t fix Thank you for being so real and honest. I do have a couple friends I can be completely honest with, but it’s so hard sometimes and I end up feeling like such a burden. I’ve ordered your book and am looking forward to digging into it. Thank you!

  24. Kenneth Gray


    I can relate to finding no joy. I read scripture and nothing. Just words on a page. No matter how hard I try I can’t find joy in this life. I cling to the promise of salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ. It is my only hope. God’s absence and silence have killed all other hope. My life has been lived in entirely in God’s absence and silence. Never receiving any thing that indicates God is involved in my life. I have prayed for God’s assistance only to have nothing change. A 42 year and counting season of misery. Until God shows a sign of His presence life is just existence. Hell on earth. Silence, absence, and unanswered prayers don’t bolster hope. Without hope there can’t be any joy.

    God bless you, in Jesus holy name, Amen.

  25. Kenneth Gray

    Hello again,

    There is no hope in my Christian life. I read my Bible and nothing “jumps out” at me. God doesn’t communicate with me in that manner. God doesn’t communicate with me in any way. Just silence. No hope there. God is supposed to always be present, but is never here. God answers all prayers. I have never received any answer to any prayers. No hope there.

    I have no hope for this life. Only a miniscule hope for salvation. You can’t be sure about anything when God remains silent and absent from your life. This nothingness from/of God is torture.

    I’m told to remember what God has done for me in the past. God has done nothing for me personally. Jesus was for everyone not not just me. Thus nothing personally. Being neglected by God is torture. No hope in that.

    How do you find hope when God isn’t here for you? I can’t. Hope requires something from/of God in this life. Without hope life is just existence.

    Thanks, and God bless you, by the Holy Spirit, in Jesus holy name, Amen.

    1. Vickie

      Kenneth, the other day I saw a video on YouTube about tires. Yes, *tires.* These were clips of rogue tires that seemed to come out of nowhere and decimate windshields, smash mailboxes, gas pumps — one tire flew over an 8 foot retaining wall, rolled through traffic and bowled over a man who just minding his own business, walking on a sidewalk. That tire could’ve hit anything or anyone else — people were everywhere — but it didn’t. It was like the tire chose *that* particular man.
      So, why am I telling you this? Because, as I watched that video, I suddenly realized: there are most likely all kinds of the things God *kept* from happening to me too: car accidents, holes I didn’t step in, toys on stairs, hostage situations, falling pianos. And *tires* that come out of nowhere.
      We don’t always get to “see” or “know” what God does us, Ken. Maybe *not seeing* (feeling) God is a part of God’s “tests” for you? Maybe He wants to know if you’ll love and follow Him anyway? If so, I would have to say that this type of test would be one of God’s most difficult tests … so, how great the reward for those who continue to *follow anyway*?
      Don’t give up, Ken. Jesus is coming very soon. Until then, God knows exactly where you are and what you need.
      (My test is difficult too. I don’t think any of us get “easy” tests here … do we?)
      Peace, brother.

      “Jesus saith unto him, Thomas, because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed.” (John 20:29)

  26. Kenneth Gray

    Thanks for your words of encouragement, they are appreciated greatly.

    If this is a test/trial from God then it is the longest test/trial ever. I may be wrong but wasn’t the longest anyone had to wait for God in the Bible 40 years; and that was after God actually spoke to them. I am 42+ years into this test/trial and God hasn’t spoken to me. If I have to wait for God to speak then wait for God to act, I will be dead first. I’m always inundated with comments about God’s seasons. So far I have had only one season. A season without God being interactive in this life. This lack of God’s presence has left me unable to continue to trust that God will ever be here for me. Sometimes God’s tests/trials are harmful, not beneficial.

    Sorry for the rambling. This isn’t your problem and I should refrain from dumping my problem on you.

    So thanks again and God bless you, by the Holy Spirit, in Jesus holy name, Amen.

    1. Vickie

      You are not “dumping” your problem on me. You are questioning things and I think this takes a great deal of courage. You are not a “pretender” — which is an awesome quality/characteristic in a person.
      I’ve been in pain, every day for nearly 20 years now. Every. Single. Day. It’s always with me, sometimes it’s HUGE, sometimes it’s just *there,* waiting, like some starving animal. I’m not looking for sympathy. I just want you to know my “test” feels “hard” too. I wasn’t always in pain and this sucks very much. Like an endless slow-motion train wreck. I can only watch as everything folds in on itself. I cannot “hold things together.” It’s horrifying, terrifying. Like surfing a black wave that’s filled with sharks and stinging things … only I’ve never surfed and the board is crumbling under my feet … here’s what I ask God: “Is this love?” Because, if it is, I don’t understand.

      So …
      Maybe you “don’t understand” either, Ken ..? Maybe, whatever God is doing in your life, you’re not allowed to know “why” or “why not”?

      ” … lean not on your own understanding.” (Fun Proverb. LOL)

      Many years ago, I was reading about Joan of Arc (I’m not Catholic, I just wanted to know about *the person*). After she was arrested, she was asked (most likely in a mocking way), “Does God speak to you in your imagination?”
      And she replied, “Of course He does! How *else* would He speak to me?”

      This struck me hard. Think about it: God *gave* us incredible imaginations … what better way to “speak” to each of us individually? He knows our quirks and thoughts, our humor and anguish.

      Ken … is it possible God *is* talking to you, but you’re not hearing because you’re expecting Him to sound a certain way or to “speak” in a certain manner?

      Seen on a billboard in Florida: FEELING FAR FROM GOD?
      Guess who moved ..?

      It’s possible that not hearing God is your “test.”

      But maybe He’s speaking while you’re expecting ..?
      How’s your imagination? Pretty good … or non-existent? Because this world does all it can to kill imagination and most people can’t see it. (As a former artist, “imagination” was once my meat and potatoes. Now I am “supported” by other artists who — by the grace of God — love me. There is a beauty to this. And it is humbling and often mentally painful. Cruel beauty. Ha ha. 🙂 Anyway.)

      For someone who says they can’t hear God, your certainly sound godly. Don’t lose that, Kenneth. I’ve met very few “real” Christian men. Very few. Well. One, actually.
      Listen, I don’t know what I think of CS Lewis but some of his work is quite brilliant to me. Like: “God isn’t looking for “good” people. He’s looking for a certain KIND of people.”

      And I think you’re one of ’em, Ken. Hold tight. The ride’s almost over. We are in End Times … and even if the world goes on another hundred years, this world is a *blink.* The next on is FOREVER.

      Heaven waits. No more pain, tears, sorrow, darkness, fear … oh, I can go on and on. We get to see Jesus and who knows what else ???? All GOOD things.

      Much love and may God’s grace abound in you,

      PS sorry for length. took me long time. sound like superman … with … kyrptonite … must go … on … unh. <– falling over


    2. Mishy

      Heya Kenneth 🙂 I dont usually post comments ? but I stumbled across you and Vicky’s conversation, cause I really wanted to thank Sarah for sharing her experiences with us (thank u so much Sarah! ??)

      And for Kenneth: just want to say thank you for opening up here ❤️❤️ Your experiences have been hard, and i imagine bleak too at many parts ???

      I faced a similar time too in my life, where i was doubting whether Jesus and the bible is even real. And God’s silence during that time really broke me.. It’s especially hard when everyone else’s faith and relationship with God seems to be going strong and sturdy. I couldnt imagine why the God who says He loves me, will remain so silent and not show Himself. And it hurts cause even a word from Him would’ve meant everything.

      You dont seem to like the wording of seasons (understandable ?) so I’ll try use other terms.. God’s silent part of my journey eventually broke. I know your journey has been much longer than mine, and in my silent time too i found many others online who’s still waiting for God, like you.

      No one knows how long this silent time lasts for each person. I didnt know for mine either, it felt like walking in a fog that might end soon, 10 years or 60 years later, or never. As Vicky said, Kenneth you’ve have been trying very hard and holding on for a long time. Know that this trial is not your fault in any way / some sign of a lack in spiritual ‘abilities’ others have. One book that comes to mind is Job. Job’s message helped me a lot in my silent times and i hope it helps you too ?

      I pray that God gives you strength to hold on, even when you dont see. The silence will break, in a way and time that no one expects ?

      I’ll be praying for you and others like us, (if you want) keep us updated as you go ? Love from NZ (bottom of the globe)

    3. Bethany


      I believe I was led to reach out to you, as well. I completely understand what you have shared — of course, I don’t know your personal story, but I can relate to what you shared. I am just shy of 52, and have lived a very challenging life. I’ve struggled to feel God’s presence, as well, due to years of crippling anxiety and depression. I’ve prayed — crying out over & over, read from my Bible, listened to worship music. I am learning that being persistent is so important, brother. I tried to carry a relationship with Jesus by myself, and although I know He is the only reason that I have made it this far, being around and connected to other believers is so important. I’ve also discounted the ways that God has shown up through the encouragement of another, through just the right song playing on my local Christian radio station at just the right time, and through repeated messages of His faithfulness and presence with me — even when my feelings may say otherwise. I’ve been clinging to the hem of Jesus’ robe more than ever over the last few years. He is showing me that He IS here. Satan is doing his best to deceive and wear down God’s children. If you have confessed your sins, asked for forgiveness, turned away from patterns of sin — even if you may still stumble — and confessed that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, that He was whipped and crucified a painful death for you on the cross, which He would have done even if you were His only child, and that He then was buried and resurrected three days later, then YOU are His, and not even Satan can snatch you from His hand. You ARE LOVED, and in your faith — even if it is weak right now — He will reveal Himself to you. Please hold on and don’t give up. We are almost Home. ?

    4. Bethany

      Kenneth, This song just started playing on my radio — this is for YOU, brother.

      ~Danny Gokey — Just haven’t seen it yet

  27. Thomas C Brown

    I haven’t read ALL the comments but I see there are some fresh ones so I’d like to add one. First, thanks to Sarah and all who share hard things. It does us good to know there are others who struggle.
    I’m in a fairly decent moment of life today, but always wait on that other shoe to drop.
    Sarah’s work has helped me through a recent period of darkness. But another revolutionary work for me was Tim Keller’s Walking With God Through Pain And Suffering. Let me explain:
    The metaphor of being married as a way of sharing our debt and Christ’s fullness always made sense to me. But for all the talk of “relationship with God”, I kinda chalked that up as Christianese cliche. Then I read Keller’s book and a section on being a “free lover of God” opened my eyes.
    Our portion is Christ! Our spiritual spouse! And after all he’s suffered for our sin, suffering IN TRUST OF HIS LOVING CHARACTER, hard as it is day after day, might just be my sacrifice for Him. I don’t want his gifts nearly as much as I want Him. When we suffer while keeping our spiritual eyes on Him and trusting His live, we Honor Him. As John Piper would say, we are finding our greatest satisfaction in God –glorifying Him!
    I am so messed up! Yet if I open my eyes, He’s trusted me with the chance to add glory to His name! Praise God!

    Please keep your eyes on Him. Wait for your portion, your loving Lord!

  28. Thomas C Brown

    After a little thought I gotta respond to my own post.

    First, I get lost in the vision of how high it is to endure for Jesus. I get lost there.
    Don’t let me make it sound easy!! I’m the first to miss my chance to endure. I don’t see my chance to say I’ll endure Habakkuk’s bare harvest to see my love shown to a Savior who saved me from such bitter slavery! I don’t see how I fail to see Jesus gracious even in hard times. But please pray you catch the vision… I’d love to say thank you to His face!

    Second, Kenneth I did read your post about waiting. Let me try and gently remind you Moses never walked in the Promised Land till he walked with Jesus in the Transfiguration. Now that’s a LONG HARD WAIT. I pray you don’t wait that long, but Jesus specially walked with him on the other side. Our Savior. With Him. He was honored in spite of a lapse of faithfulness. Jesus honored him by showing him the Promised Land in person the first time.

    Don’t give up. Take heart. Great reward awaits. Jesus is our heart’s desire and He is our reward.

  29. Kenneth Gray

    Hello Sarah,

    I have been a Christian for 43+ years. In all that time I have never had anything jump out at me from scripture. No matter how much I read the Bible, I have never experienced God’s word as “living”. It is just words on a page. I have been battling with depression and hopelessness for decades and nothing in scripture has had any effect. God’s word is dead to me. The hope of eternal life through Jesus is a hope that is meaningless for this life, it’s for the next life. My current life is in this world and needs hope for this life. This life is hopeless and that is depressing. God forgot to give me any talents, skills, or abilities to be able to make life worth living. God also forgot to give me a purpose. Nothing worth living for. God never interacts with me. 43+ years of nothing but silence, absence, broken promises, and unanswered prayers. How am I supposed to have hope when God completely ignores and neglects me? Thanks.

    God bless you through the Holy Spirit, in Jesus holy name, Amen.

  30. Gordon

    Tell me if you ever find more than the trinity of God the Clockmaker, God the Book, and God the Human Conscience.
    Providence that sends rain on the good and evil alike is not God; it’s how the world was made and arranged to be.
    A book’s statements aligning with your mood is not God; it’s the way an English teacher carves things for students to babble about for a grade which have no context to begin with.
    A feeling of guilt when you do something bad is not God; it’s the law already written in your heart as part of the developing mind.
    Tell the book you worship to do something real,
    whether good or bad, so that we may be dismayed and filled with fear.
    But ye are less than nothing,
    And your works are utterly worthless;
    whoever chooses you is detestable.

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