I love Jesus but I want to die: what you need to know about suicide
I was in California on a business trip, just yards from the beach, eating ice cream and laughing as the conversation drifted away from business. Eventually, somebody mentioned a friend-of-a-friend who had died by suicide.
The familiar ache and nausea filled my chest. My insides rattled when my coworker said he didn’t understand what would make someone feel like taking their life was the only option.
I swallowed hard and let out the breath I’d been holding. “I do.” For the first time in my life, I spoke up. “I completely get that. I’ve been there.”
My coworkers stared, jaws dangling in breathless shock. Finally, someone asked what it’s like to want to die. So I told them about the physical pain, the exhaustion, the heaviness. I told them it’s like dying of a terrible disease and wishing I could hurry it up, knowing things would only get worse.
The last two weeks have brought news of too many people wanting to die. Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade ended their lives last week. Several of our friends’ kids have attempted suicide, shocking their church communities. Our hearts are breaking with those in such pain.
I remember my colleagues’ faces as my words sunk in. They had never heard what it’s like to be suicidal and they started to understand, at least a little. And I’m reminded how little the church knows about depression and suicide.
We are called to be the light of the world, a refuge for the broken and weary. But if we don’t understand the darkness people endure, it’s much less likely we’ll reach them in it. So here are some things every Christian should know about suicide and depression:
It’s not just mental and emotional.
The phrase “mental illness” makes it seem like it just exists in our thoughts. But it doesn’t. WebMD lists at least 12 physical symptoms of serious depression. Chronic pain develops or worsens. Chest pain, migraines, stomach problems, and a weakened immune system are some common symptoms.
There’s a bone-deep weariness that becomes a constant companion; no amount sleep or coffee can shake it off. When people say they can’t get out of bed because of depression, this is what they’re talking about.
That day at the beach, I told my coworkers about depression’s physicality. Every part of me ached from resisting gravity, as though my cells wanted to collapse in a puddle on the ground. My skin stung like lotion on a fresh sunburn and my throat hurt from the lump that lived in it. At one point, I was seriously underweight because I couldn’t force food down.
Suicide is not a selfish choice.
Sometimes people say suicide is the most selfish act you can commit. But for many battling the darkness, dying seems like the most selfless thing to do. Depression often carries an intense, shameful sense of self-hatred. In those pits, I believed I was toxic and harmful to those close to me. I was certain taking my own life would be a blessing to others.
It’s a familiar refrain. This mom thought her husband would find a beautiful new wife and mother for their baby. She knew he wouldn’t be burdened by her illness and her child would have a better mom. My good friend, Steve Austin, nearly died because he believed ending his life was best for his wife and infant son. Thankfully, he didn’t die. He spent some time in a psych ward, got on meds, and found support he’d never found in the church.
We might not be sad.
Depression isn’t sadness, as this article explains. It’s much more complex: emptiness, flatness, irritation, or a strange numbness. Many people who seek help for depression only report physical symptoms because they don’t feel sad.
For me, I first notice it as brain fog. The world seems to move in slow motion, but I still can’t keep up. All I want is sleep, not just because depression is exhausting, but because sleep is an escape.
It’s not because we don’t pray or read our Bibles.
In 2013, a Lifeway Research study found that nearly 50% of evangelicals believe that prayer and Bible study alone can conquer serious mental illness. Unfortunately, this mistaken belief prevents people from seeking the help they need.
I know this firsthand. No matter how many times I recited verses, asked for healing, and did all the other things I was supposed to do, I still had an illness. I wasn’t miraculously healed.
Of course, our God is powerful and able to heal in an instant. And sometimes, mild depression naturally goes into remission, like cancer, which may reinforce the dangerous idea that seeking medical help signifies lack of faith. Christians need to know prayer and reading hope-filled verses are important parts of a holistic self-care plan.
But they aren’t enough. It wasn’t until I started taking medication and seeing a licensed therapist (pastors don’t receive adequate training to counsel people with depression or suicidal thoughts) weekly that the darkness lifted and my chest stopped aching.
And I’m just as grateful God chooses to work through little pills and skilled professionals as if he waved a magic wand and healed me instantly. He is still the ultimate source of healing and still glorified by working through people.
People serving God wholeheartedly struggle, too.
The lie that those walking closely with God don’t ever have suicidal thoughts or other mental health issues is dangerous because it wrongly casts these issues as sin.
If we believe depression and dark thoughts are sinful, we’re more likely to feel ashamed and expect God to deal sternly with us. But the truth is he’s good and gracious, not waiting to punish us for our struggles.
Depression and suicidal thoughts don’t care about how spiritual we are. I’m sure plenty of devout believers and faithful leaders wish it did. I do.
I was in ministry – serving, preaching, leading worship, going on mission trips, leading Bible studies – but still wanting to die. Still hurting. Still hopeless.
I mentioned Steve earlier. He was a youth pastor when he tried to die. He knew what the Bible said and how to pray. He was well aware of all the “right” answers and appropriate spiritual statements. They just left him more ashamed because the stigma of being a pastor with these issues was too great.
Depression and suicide are on the rise nationwide. We can’t assume that those we love and look up to aren’t fighting the darkness.
We can’t “choose joy” or “stop thinking about it.”
Sometimes Christians tell us to “choose joy” or focus on somebody other than ourselves. There is some truth to this: caring for others and learning to cultivate joy are important parts of a healthy life.
But when death seems like the only way out of an internal torture chamber, those things don’t work. What’s worse, they become a way to mask pain. That’s how I could be involved in several ministries and wear a big smile while I wished for death.
Saying things like, “I’m so sorry you’re hurting,” and spending time with people struggling is much more effective than telling them to choose joy. It allows them to be honest, which might wind up saving a life.
Suicidal thoughts are intrusive.
They show up, whether we want them or not, like a horror movie playing constantly in our heads. We watch our demise over and over. Sometimes, it’s terrifying. Other times, it seems like sweet relief.
Several years ago, I was part of an incredible church in Atlanta. I co-directed a non-profit and served in the youth ministry; students looked up to me and came to me for wisdom. Nobody knew how much I struggled. They never knew about the horror movie in my mind.
One tough Sunday, I stood alongside my students in worship, doing everything I could to turn my eyes upon Jesus. I told him I love him and would praise him anyway, even if I always felt like that. But when I closed my eyes, all I could see was an image of my body, swinging from the rafters.
I didn’t tell anyone.
We know we’re not supposed to have these thoughts, so we don’t tell.
We know they are not healthy and normal thoughts. We are well aware that they are uncomfortable and frightening for people to talk about. So we fight to suppress them, telling ourselves not to think such hideous thoughts. If we’ve been in treatment for a while, we might be able to recognize that those thoughts belong to the disease. We might be able to recognize them as lies.
But we might not.
We might believe God has forsaken us because we’re so bad.
The disease lies. When healing doesn’t come, it’s easy to believe that God has left. And if we’ve been taught that depression and suicidal thoughts are sinful, selfish, or displeasing to God, we may believe he’s right in abandoning us.
This is why we need to treat depression and suicide with the same compassion we treat other serious health issues. Kindness and encouragement from other believers are rich and powerful; they prove the presence of God and demonstrate his unshakeable love.
You can wholeheartedly love Jesus and be depressed.
If you’re struggling, you need to know your life can be set apart to his purpose and filled with opportunities to serve and bless others. You may still struggle. Sometimes, you might want to die, but you are no less beloved, worthy, or faithful because of the dark thoughts. And, though you may not believe it, it’s still possible to live a full, joyful life in the midst of depression.
It will require hard work and lots of support from trained professionals. It will probably require therapy, digging into painful stuff, and maybe medication. But you can still have abundant life; I know because I do.
I have to take my meds every day, spend time with Jesus in the morning, and go to therapy faithfully. I tell those closest to me when I have hard days and dark thoughts because I am determined they will not win. And a few years into my journey, I still struggle. But my life is beautiful and I’m happy.
You can be, too. But please, invest in yourself. Take care of yourself. Here are a few steps to take:
- Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or text with someone at the Crisis Text Line by texting HOME to 741741. Program these numbers into your phone so you have support 24/7.
- Make an appointment with your doctor. If you don’t have insurance or can’t afford the appointment, most cities have free or reduced-cost clinics that offer mental health services.
- Find somebody to talk to. You are not a burden to them. You are precious and important and this world is better because you’re drawing breath in it.
It’s easier to save a life than you think.
Earlier, I mentioned believing my death would be a blessing to others. But I’m still here because one friend noticed something was wrong and did something about it.
Angela invited me to dinner, took me along to pick blackberries with her kids, and constantly reminded me how important I was to her family. She told me she loved me, it wasn’t my fault I was broken, and God didn’t like that I was hurting. She was simply present in my pain.
On a hot July night, when I was tired of fighting to stay alive, I showed up on her doorstep because I knew it was safe. And her family walked with me through the dark.
When I needed Immanuel, God With Us, she carried him into my life. She helped me believe I was loved and my life mattered.
So often, all it takes to save a life is being Jesus to us – being present, being loving, and being light. Christ is “in you, the hope of glory” (Col. 1:27). You don’t need answers or to be able to fix it. You just need to be present, perhaps help set the doctor’s appointment or just listen. Just be aware of those hurting. Just be kind.
Depressed and suicidal people just need you to enter the dark and sit there with us, your love unchanged. You could be his arms to hold us, his hands to feed us, his voice to tell us we’re not alone. Your love and kindness are more powerful than you know.
Depression and suicide are serious issues, and my heart breaks with those of you facing them.
If you need to talk or you know somebody struggling, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or text with someone at the Crisis Text Line by texting HOME to 741741.
Thanks Sarah for sharing from you heart and your life experience. I have lived your story and sought to put words to it, so you did it beautifully. This is especially important for the Christian community, who have often been the harshest critics. Blessing ngs
I hate that you know what this feels like, Deborah. Thank you for reading and for the kind words ❤️
I also know how this feels, I am Bipolar and can remember being told my Faith was not strong enough for healing. When they ask you if you are alright and then tell you how to deal with a depression that is chemical,unfixable. Then when I am bipolar down and also emotionally depressed I do not really want to be here. The Church has failed
I’m so sorry, Andrew. Please know that there are many Christians who are compassionate and want to learn and understand mental health issues. You aren’t alone.
I have depression and ptsd and want to die; I don’t like mental health doctors and their pills made me feel worse. I did relent and take an anti-depressant for physical pain but it makes me want to die more -Just like the ads say. Thankfully I don’t know the depths of depression and sunshine and laughter are big parts of my life but I have told all my friends I want to die because only death will free me; like; I am old-65- so I have had a good long life along with the pain and wretchedness.I told my doctor recently that my life ended a long time ago; when he asked why I would say that I told him I am in the “going through the motions part of my life” When I used the word suicide they took me to a crisis unit and stashed me in a room overnight. Next day I knew I had to tell them all was well in order to get released. Real big time help! When I die I will be free and will see Jesus and I tell myself I am only a heartbeat away from Heaven; and; I ride a bicycle and that is a really good way to commit suicide in itself. I am an alcoholic and smoke as well and that all pushes me towards the “end”. I do take vitamins and eat a vegetarian diet so in that sense I am hurting myself by prolonging my life. I do believe that all teens and people in their 20’s need to be stopped from suicide but that doesn’t apply to me. 7 people I know died from suicide; a consequence of my living so long and seeing them all die and I feel sad for all of them. Hope they are all at peace in Heaven; I just want to escape this body I feel trapped in. What the bleep is so wrong with that?- Don Emmal
It really seems like i am.
I’m tired of life. I’m not suicidal, I’m too much the coward for that. But after reading many of the posts here I say to myself “look at what these people have”… So, someone please tell me what I have to live for? I’m 56, disabled from serious car accident on duty. I was found unfit for duty – career gone. I was in the armed forces reserve, and was discharged from that because of the accident. 80% of my formal education I paid for myself. I’m in chronic pain and can’t get anything decent for that because of the trumped up “Opiate crisis”. I’m alone in this crappy world. If I died tonight like I want to, no one would notice for some time (maybe after the mailbox is stuffed with no more room. I’m relatively poor, living on $ 900 a month. Can’t find a girl friend. In 2001I was granted sole custody of my daughter who was kidnapped by her mother and I blew all my retirement contributions $40,000 to try to get her back. I never did, and she was raised to hate me. My real friends have all died. I don’t feel welcome in the church, and I won’t go there with people who give you the sign of peace on Sunday and tell you to go to hell on Monday. I am to the point where I almost hate God, Jesus… I’ve never felt his love, and was mistreated (not sexually) at the hands of priests and nuns. I’ve even come to despise my two cats. And I don’t look for any happiness in heaven. I’ve yelled, cursed, and screamed at God, Jesus… and they don’t care. I’d trade heaven and go to Oblivion for some true happiness and joy for what ever years I have left. And to those who would say ” God loves you, read the Bible” my reply is “how do I know any of that is real?” I can write a book to the effect that I’m the King of Prussia, but that doesn’t make it so.
Please help I can’t take it anymore. I feel like such a failure I just want to die
Really. Where. They are no where but in their own little world and clicks. I want to go Home. I’m all alone and no one cares no matter how much I ask for help I’m ignored or flat out told no. I love my Christian family but I dont trust anyone any more and Father and I haven’t spoken for a while. I hurt all the time and feel like an orphan!
Hi Sarah, thanks for your words. I’m seeking help but I still get thoughts. I tried Dec 16 feel like its happening all again
Hey Cheryl,
Keep seeking help and hanging on. If you need help staying safe, please be sure to go to the emergency room. I know it can seem scary, but you are worth whatever it takes to get better. You matter and you are loved so very much.
<3 Sarah
Sarah thank you so much for this amazing article, the religious community needs more like you. I am a Christian who also suffers Mental Illness, your ministry is so important. The Church is the ONE place people should feel they can go. And people need to stop with responding in religious cliches when someone is struggling and understand it’s not helpful. The Church community has a lot of work to do around Mental Health Outreach. Sending love and prayers.
I come to realization of accepting I need help. I been struggling with anxiety and depression for years. I have ptsd as well and have a low tolerance for rejection and waiting. I been having thoughts of wanting to die and hurt others. I feel like god is angry at me and I’m angry. I have very low self esteem. I don’t feel pretty and good enough. I can’t keep relationships friends or hold on to jobs. Also my current living situation is not so good. I struggles finding a new home. I have a problem. I tried all that praying going to church and reading the Bible but for some reason I still feel sick.
I’m fading into a deep depression-I feel dead and empty inside.I used to like the numbness because it blocks out painful feelings and memories.
I yearn for an end to this life,but I wont commit suicide because of my chinchillas.They are the only thing that keeps me hanging on,although I lost one recently,a girl called Squeak that had been with me for 10 and a half years.
The loneliness is slowly killing me,the craving for affection,companionship,a warm body next to me in bed…life on my own seems utterly meani glass.
I lost my parents in 2014 & 2015.My dad had a heart attack in front of me in July 2015 and was dead within a minute.Some people say I might have PTSD because of it.A person I loved for over 30 years(but wasnt with), committed suicide in January 2018.
I’ve no family left,and some days I see nobody at all.
I have a bf in the Philippines but not sure he really loves me or just wants my money .
I feel like I’ve lost so many people and creatures close to me that life has no meaning anymore.
I will persevere on,for the sake of my furry loved ones…
Shantel
December 8, 2018 at 2:10 pm
It really seems like i am.
Frank Marita no
May 9, 2019 at 12:47 am
I’m tired of life. I’m not suicidal, I’m too much the coward for that. But after reading many of the posts here I say to myself “look at what these people have”… So, someone please tell me what I have to live for? I’m 56, disabled from serious car accident on duty. I was found unfit for duty – career gone. I was in the armed forces reserve, and was discharged from that because of the accident. 80% of my formal education I paid for myself. I’m in chronic pain and can’t get anything decent for that because of the trumped up “Opiate crisis”. I’m alone in this crappy world. If I died tonight like I want to, no one would notice for some time (maybe after the mailbox is stuffed with no more room. I’m relatively poor, living on $ 900 a month. Can’t find a girl friend. In 2001I was granted sole custody of my daughter who was kidnapped by her mother and I blew all my retirement contributions $40,000 to try to get her back. I never did, and she was raised to hate me. My real friends have all died. I don’t feel welcome in the church, and I won’t go there with people who give you the sign of peace on Sunday and tell you to go to hell on Monday. I am to the point where I almost hate God, Jesus… I’ve never felt his love, and was mistreated (not sexually) at the hands of priests and nuns. I’ve even come to despise my two cats. And I don’t look for any happiness in heaven. I’ve yelled, cursed, and screamed at God, Jesus… and they don’t care. I’d trade heaven and go to Oblivion for some true happiness and joy for what ever years I have left. And to those who would say ” God loves you, read the Bible” my reply is “how do I know any of that is real?” I can write a book to the effect that I’m the King of , but that doesn’t make it so.
This is a really old thread but I lost my 28-year-old son, Daddy, husband, three oldest friends, and birth mother in the last year and a half. My two daughters are not there for me. I moved from Ohio to Florida TO be closer to my oldest daughter and grandchildren. I’m all alone! I think I’m going crazy! I will be baptized at church today because I need to die one way or the other. I don’t know how to tell anyone what I’m going through emotionally and financially I’m not making it without my husbands income. I don’t want to end up homeless. I don’t want to be alive. It hurts too much!
Why isn’t there any support for those of us whom are living in serious mental and physical pain to support our decision to end our lives?
Wow do you give some bad advice or what? The church is the last place they should go to. The church is a business no one cares. I would personally love to see a Christian or missionary it doesn’t make a difference they are the same, I would love to see them feel so guilty and have the entire church kick them out. It was done to me and if I ever see one of those people again I will beat them down and leave them to die. Its only fair Christians and missionaries are complete scum and I feel no guilt or shame to what i just said.
I believe a big picture the church is failing in is demonic influence and sometimes demons inside terrorizing.
I know I have them . I’m not crazy . I feel the serpents move inside my body and scream through my mouth . When I call on help from our lord and Messiah Immanuel .
Let me tell you ! There is power in His name !
In the beginning the church is been going to for 7-8 yrs .
The pastors were unable to cast them out .
I was bed bound and the terror they can put inside you .
It’s unworldly . I begged them not to leave me until I was delivered.
They ended up lying to me that they were gone .
But I know they hide and they are good at it .
Then the ended up putting the blame on me . I’m doing something wrong .
I’m sick dying slowly by torture in bed by these demons .
And they stopped visiting me – the sick – they said I’d only be welcome when I’m better.
They don’t want to upset the congregation!!!!
Where was Jesus when he cast out some of the demons ?
In the synagogue!
For the glory of God and he people the believers witnessed His Power and Authority given Him from His God and His Father .
Then there’s the ones where I reached out . Online . Sounded like they knew and understood that believing saved Christian’s can have demons .
Then I look further down and they are charging for this “secret “ how to cast out demons !
Freely they are to GIVE .
I want to take this body apart just to make it stop .
I do t want to die . I love life .
I want biblical Spiritual Help .
But I’m finding out that we truly are in the last days .
And the numbers of the great falling away is massive .
The depression , I’ve had all my life . This is worse . This is help I’m in a sinking boat and no one understands that is commanded to understand .
Freely you have been given . Freely you give .
The believers are no longer walking in love . Visiting the sick ? Feeding the orphans ? Helping the widow’s?
Being kind to your neighbor?
That is what builds our faith . This kind of works and this kind of works only . Love
So , we shouldn’t be surprised demons are not being cast out , diseases are not recovering ,
The sick are ashamed and not being comforted and visited .
No wonder this deep depression is only getting worse through spiritual means of biblical love .
Because the Holy Spirit has left most churches .
We know this to be true by The Book of Revelation- To Reveal !
I’m here to help . I’ve been to an unworldly hell and back and Immanuel brings me back .
I’m not saying your hurt and depression is from Satan .
But we are told our battle is not against flesh and blood . It’s spiritual w powers and principalities from above .
With these Truths in your heart .
In your prayer to your Father in Heaven . Ask him . Where is your battle coming from . ?
Pray for the free gift of spiritual discernment.
Pray for the power of the Holy Spirit .
And then just trust . He is Faithful . He will answer you . In His perfect timing .
I was being tortured from inside24 hrs a day . Because u can’t eat when they are screaming from your mouth .
I finally went to medication and have a nurse .
I need my body to be under heavy Xanax and painkillers.
Just to live again .
But this is not life . These demons have robbed everything from my body .
And when Messiah comes upon them in his full power . They battle him !
And it hurts I actually feel the whole battle .
This is why , Messiah said when 2 or more gather in my name . There I am in the mist of them .
I cannot get anyone to help me from any church because they all fail to cast them out .
Christ was mad at his disciples when they were unable to cast the demons out of the boy .
He was not mad or blamed the boy .
They lacked Faith . Works – love – Faith without works is Dead .
Nowhere in the Bible does it show a person healing himself , raising himself from the dead , casting out demons .
And yet All these pastors in the Church tell me I can cast them out myself !?
Really?? I only read where he sent them out 2×2 . So it looks like I’m going to die because there is not ONE person in the body of Messiah that can help me ?
Is that Gods Justice ?
So, my point is many of us could be suffering because we not aware of the kind of help we need to truly be healed .
I say this in love . And I understand depression and I pray everyday God will take Mercy on me . And not let me wake up here on Earth .
Whatever medications you need . Take them in Faith in the Lord and it’s already blessed . The Word of Truth .
If you feel the need to reach out to talk my email is cjazaerli@gmail.com.
Just put the word Depression by your name so I know it’s not junk . ?
I am a Christian who lost my wife to suicide just over 5 years ago. The biggest loss of my life. She was a sweetheart. If I’ve learned anything, it’s not to depend on others, though I hope to find another. God gives everyone free will as to who they choose. I know to keep looking up is the only way to cope.
Absolutely Sarah.
I don’t want to commit suicide, but I don’t want to live. I see kids with cancer, or some horrible disease, and I ask God, let me have their disease, so they can live. Everyone that has loved me unconditionally has died. I’ve been treated as an outcast since 1st grade, and all my family, has either shunned me, ghosted me, or betrayed me. Nothing changes, I must ne the problem, but I don’t know what I’ve done, and 1 of the main reasons I don’t kill myself, is I have a niece and maybe a nephew, that are depressed, and I don’t want to give suicide any validly. My work mates, find enjoyment in contriving vicious gossip, about me. I was raised by a narcistic father, that abused both me and my mom. I just want to be treated like a human being, but again nothing changes, God please take me, I’ve had enough.
Andrew, I have seen first hand what getting off your meds can do… I lost a fellow Bro in Christ to suicide because he was Bipolar and got off his meds because he was going through a divorce and felt DONE…also, I have come to realize that your faith shouldn’t be in the CHURCH But in God Himself…. God Doesn’t create anything that doesn’t have a Purpose. You Have a purpose… Just find what that is…please don’t give up. Phillipians 4:13 is my go to verse… Maybe it can be yours too.
How can I don’t like that
Hey Frank and Don, thanks for sharing. To respond to one of your questions Frank, it takes faith. Faith to believe that what God says is true. Faith is humility that we don’t have all the answers ourself. I encourage you – you have tried living your life by your own means and it hasn’t worked out. It’s because we were never meant to live just figuring things out on our own. We were never created to find joy in our immediate life or to have the answers of life. We just don’t and we can’t. There is only one who can, and that is Jesus. Jesus alone can heal you. He alone can give you purpose. He alone can heal the ache of your heart. I’m not saying this life is easy, on the contrary. Isaiah tells us that Jesus was a man acquainted with sorrow and grief. He faced death, sweat blood because he was in so much anxiety, and wept when his friend died. He was poor, rejected by everyone, hated, despised. And yet he came to this world and suffered all of those things FOR OUR SAKE. He did it out of love for you, because he wanted to meet you in the midst of your pain and offer a solution. He paved a way for your freedom and your life. He came to offer life and life abundantly. Matthew 11 says “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” He is waiting for you, with arms wide open. And on the times that you find it hard to feel his presence, remember to have FAITH. just because you don’t see the sun shining doesn’t mean that the sun isn’t there or its forsaken you. You know as surely as anything that it will come tomorrow. God is with you ALWAYS, never left you nor forsaken you. This life is short and in a moment the pain will cease. Make sure you are right before God. Tell him how you feel, repent for choosing other things before him, and accept his incredible love. Ask him to help show you how to be His son. Bless you my friend. Feel free to contact me at estherpsalm@gmail.com
I don’t suffer from being Bi Polar but I Do relate to All of this. I recently lost my Dad. My 2nd marriage failed, I can’t do Anything right. I honestly believe I wasn’t supposed to be born. I Shouldn’t have. I’ve caused A Lot of stress & chaos from the time I took my first breath. There is no joy in my life only intense sadness. All I want is to go & be with my dad. I know he wants that too. I have 2 things that force me to stay here & that’s my fear of going to Hell should I pull that trigger & the other is my grandson who I am raising. His mother abandoned him & I now play That role. But I don’t want to. I’m too tired. I need someone else to take over so I can go. What does happen to those who take their life?? Can they still make it to Heaven??
Hello Linda!
I feel your pain. It sounds like your life is so tough, but remember that Jesus says “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5. Through all the pain, all the tears, all the hurt, He is there beside you to hold your hand and help you through.
In answer to your question about can those who take their live go to heaven, I refer you to Revelation 21:8:
“But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.”
It says that the murderers (and suicide is self-murder) will be destroyed in the lake of fire. So, please don’t take that step. I have never met you, but I want you to be saved and spend eternity in heaven. One day I want to meet you there.
Here is a beautiful promise I want to leave with you:
““My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
And here is my favourite of all promises. I have clung onto this verses whenever life got hard for me:
“For I, the LORD your God, will hold your right hand,
Saying to you, ‘Fear not, I will help you.’ ” Isaiah 41:13
Cling onto Jesus. He is always there for us when we turn to him. Praying for you.
I always believed this as well until I entered a permanent fight-or-flight freeze state in early October 2018. Three years and 2+ months later I’m nearly dead. Brain structure changes after prolonged, extreme anxiety, PTSD, solitude, rejection. I’ve all but lost my faith, I’m under great threat with no way out but homelessness or death. I just turned 60, I’m so so tired, mind, soul and body broken. I was an athlete and mountaineer, zealous for – the Lord….those 2 words rolled off the tongue because I knew him. Feels very odd and unfamiliar now. Nothing is more terrifying than permanent terror leading to loss of faith….nothing makes sense after 35 years (as a mostly-fallen i.e. willfully rebellious) Christian. I’m 90 percent bedridden. Lost concentration and focus. Christians think demonism – perhaps – but every organ in our bodies can fail or get sick, why not the brain, the last frontier? Psychiatry is a guessing and money game. My memory is gone from meds. If there is any Christian who reads this please please pray for a miracle, to come quickly. My life is on the line. No one needs me but my beloved kitty….less than a handful of friends briefly sad, only one family member across the country cares, I am alone, I am no one’s priority or person. An evil, greedy man holds my fate. PLEASE PLEASE PRAYFOR A MIRACLE MY BROKEN BRAIN IS BEYOND HELP. BELIEVE ME….all of my beloveds saw and left.
I DON’T WANT TO KILL MYSELF – BUT I CAN’T LIVE ALONE IN THIS TERROR I’M SO UNWELL
Hey Susan…please believe me, when I say that I care about you, and wish that I could reach out and give you a big hug. Your life is special…all of our lives are special, because we’re all God’s children, and he loves us more than we can ever know. No one said life was going to be easy. Many of us are struggling just like you, including me. I pray to God, because I know he listens. It gives me peace to let out all the negativity that gets bottled up inside me. I’m lucky, because I have a wonderful wife, and two beautiful children, including a dog that shows me unconditional love each and every day. Because of my depression, I no longer want to be around anyone outside my home, and because of this, I have no more friends to hang out with. There are days that I want to give up, but my dear wife lost a brother to suicide, so I made a commitment to God not to give up. I promised to keep fighting, even though I’m suffering mentally, as well as physically, due to two herniated discs in my back, arthritis, and the complications from CMT disease. Praying to God, working out (even when in pain), playing with my dog, hanging out with my family, and realizing that there are MANY people who are suffering more than me, keeps me fighting every day. I won’t give up, because I know God doesn’t want me to give up. He’s beside me, and he’s beside you too. I’ll pray for a miracle for you, but you should also open your heart and reach out to our heavenly Father. He’s always there for you.
Suicide is a way the devil takes what’s not his . Life doesn’t end when u do that one just cross’s over to be with him in all his torment let me say this. If u weren’t very blessed right now right where u are the devil wouldn’t be trying 2 overwhelm u with thoughts of ending it all . Ur going though so much hell right now in ur mind because there’s a huge blessing coming ur way and it’s the devil’s job 2 keep u from getting there so he has called all his top demons to attack u .Call on Jesus out load talk in tongues cry out to him surround urself with the word find the channel call the church stay in his presence I don’t care if u don’t feel like it’s working stay there . Just keep calling he’ll come then go to the Bible open it at random where your fingers touch read on both ends he’s their waiting with open arms . Don’t become satins never leaving visiter in the name of JESUS satin take ur hands off of GOD’s property his child his precious loved one he doesn’t belong to you take your hands off, NOW in the mighty name of JESUS SPIRIT
we plead the blood of JESUS SPIRIT over his beloved hallelujah TNK U JESUS TNK U DAD we love u Father. THANK U . Call on his SPIRIT . GOD is a spirit those that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth . Ur Blessed. Never ever forget that never . Stay under his umbrella we’re all praying for you. In The Spirit of JESUS Name amen and amen .
That’s one of the things that bothers me the most. Being told that if I really believed in God, I wouldn’t suffer from depression or think about suicide. It’s infuriating. One has nothing to do with the other.
That is so very true❗️
I know most of us have different degree or levels of depression and those who keep bring God into the subject as if you have a personal connection with God or is it some kind of Psychological trip you can use on yourself to deal with the problem of depression?
I got so bad with depression I prayed to God and Jesus Christ both to please help me end my life and let me pass on if your a merciful God and I’m still waiting to see if my sincerity prayer would be answered?
I have found some things that does help give me a lot of relief when I’m able to get up and go out to find that relief and that’s to see and watch people or kids laughter and having fun.
Also finding those who are needing help even something as simple as pushing a grocery buggy for a older person
There’s a lot of people just like most of us here on this site and they are not just gonna walk up to you and say “I’m depression and do you know how I’m feeling?”
I’ve gone to the park and watch people walk by and some walk by as if you don’t even exist while anothers will be kind enough to let you know you do exist.
Just remember to keep looking for somebody who will be kind to you and you be kind to them and others and be helpful when you can.
If you can find another person to help or make smile it can go a long ways of suppressing depressing.
I’m 72 years old March of this year and still struggle with my problems because when your not able to get out of the house to find somebody with a smile or needing help you start to feel trapped and boy does the depression comes on strong especially when your around people who have no kindness or love in them and act like life is just a big joke.
Get away from those kind of people who cant be kind to you and look for those who need help or could use a smile themselves even if you have to fake it!
I could go on all night about my problem and things I found to help keep my depression down and hope what I’m trying to tell others makes some kind of sense?
Linda Jo
Yes if you’ve accepted Christ and are so mentally tormented that you take your own life,of course you go to heaven.Remember Romans 8:38:
“For I am sure that neither life or death or powers or principalities nor height not depth,nor anything in all creation,can separate us from the love of God”
Of course this doesnt mean you should commit suicide.Please DO NOT do this.You will leave your child,family and friends in excruciating emotional agony.Although you will be saved,you will have to experience the feelings you caused them in your life review with Jesus.
Hang on! It will get better!!
I agree. I suffer from depression and have suicidal thoughts. I’ve only told my friend who is also depressed like me but I never told anyone else all that’s inside me. I know they wouldn’t understand. And I know how much it hurts to hear that my faith is not enough. I wish I could die, meet Jesus and be gone from this world. It’s like a jail to me. The hardest thing is that I don’t know what God’s trying to do and I always feel like a failure. The only good news I had in years is that one of my classmate is depressed to and there is two more in this international christian school. I wish I could die. I only want to be gone from this painful world. I have three friends, one is in another country, one doesn’t talk with me a lot because she’s extroverted (and have a lot of friends) and one’s in the same room as I am in now. I didn’t have many friends and I’m not good at socializing…I just hate this world I’m in…I know God’s up there watching me, but that doesn’t mean I’m always happy am I? I just wish it was true……Please pray for me, I’m a MK (Missionary Kid) in Southeast Asia and I go to a international school in Papua.
Hello, I have had yours and everyone else’s responses and feelings on here. I was looking up today this evening about trying to find prayers and ways to deal with preteens and teenagers about depression and how to help with my young grandson who seemed very upset after visiting with a girl at the mall as we went today and it’s right before Christmas. Afterwards he was upset Took him home my fiancé and I did to mom and he didn’t want to talk but I heard his voice was shaking we’re very close I am 59. He is 14. Hormones are raging racing I should say he’s a straight a student, has great role model‘s that are mentors as far as bother like in my fiancé and in his mothers boyfriend of two years he has two beautiful sisters who are five and six and mom is 34. But I guess meeting up with a friend that was a girl nice to walk around the mall and while we were there maybe it didn’t go well. We went with them all the time small small place then on the way home he was upset quiet and he’s never quiet he got back to our house for a moment while we fed our dog and then he said I went in and he asked if he’s OK and he said no and I could hear his voice shaking and I said buddy so maybe something didn’t go so well and he goes no it didn’t his voice is shaking I can tell he’s crying and holding back the tears He wants to be big, strong and we are Christians. I said hey sometimes things don’t always go the way we think he said I’m not going to school tomorrow and I said mom says I need to bring you home that was the plan we just stopped off to feed the dog because OK but I’m still not going to school tomorrow which worries me so much there’s so many teenagers plus adults who get depressed. I raise my two daughters there 39 and 34 and I have five grandchildren he sealed as I’m writing this because I want to say first I never heard in my church growing up that depression was not from God And that God would save me of all things. First I learn to be a believer and that God‘s son Jesus Crice is my Lord and Savior and if I ask I shall be saved. And God gave his only begotten son so that we may have everlasting eternal life. John 316 I live with that promise and hope and faith. I struggle, but when I see my grandchildren and my grandson struggle to just want to be excepted and loved and not know how to deal I’m not know how to deal with rejection because really there’s no open communication with kids and even young adults and some older adults anymore everybody wants to text don’t want to take time to call and really talk and communicate I wish things and times were simple like they were as far I think we had better communication without all the technology. But when I see my grandson struggle my struggles don’t seem even as high as a pencil on the floor if you get what I’m saying! I’m asking for prayer For my grandson to understand that God loves him and that no rejection by any other person is worth him feeling so bad about his self that he wouldn’t see that bright beautiful future of life love and joy that God has promised. God does not state any time in the Bible that we will not have struggles as we’ve seen another versus above. I do want to also add I was diagnosed with an eye disease in the prime of my life married almost 20 years two daughters my ex-husband was a position and I was diagnosed with an eye disease that I would go blind And I am now almost totally blind! In fact I lost my job a year ago and I’m still looking Still looking and can’t find one but that has no tremendous effect on me when I see my little 14-year-old grandson struggle with the rejection of a young girl. God is real I believe in God and I know the journey on earth may not be easy and I don’t care if I go blind I still believe God is real in heaven is there for us! I will be praying for everyone on here that I’ve read your stories and I hope that you will pray for my grandson. I will be fine I know God’s promises and even when I am weak I will finance operation and reading the stories in the Bible and seeing Sarah your beautiful inspirational messages to others. In God we trust PJ
well its better to know what God and Prophets told, if one suffers that dsnt mean that God is troubling , it means its our deeds which makes us suffer but God forgives us ask God forgiveness and be happy and if u suffer it might be that God wants u to be close to him n want to protect u akways trust god and have strong faith that itself helps u to heal when we cant see others suffer how can we think that God makes us suffer
If u have a personal relationship with God (thru Christ as ur Savior & Lord), the Holy Spirit abides in u. It doesn’t mean u won’t suffer from depression or suicide; doesn’t mean u won’t have any problems in this life (more often the evil one will test u). With ur relationship with God, u have a partner to deal with these things in prayer (in humility) and God will give u peace that surpasses understanding (look for this). I believe, the evil one has always something to do with these lies he puts in our brains because he knows we are God’s children and he wants us to fail. When I had thoughts of suicide when I was 12/13 y.o. being branded the ‘troublemaker’ in the family, the Lord just scolded me (in my mind) saying ‘I have no right to take my life because its wasn’t mine’. Since then, whenever I feel suicidal through hi-school and college, God’s answer to me then, was always my answer to it – I could do anything else except suicide. I get depression once in a while and I made 5 ways to get out of Depression (because I had been down in the dark pit – and it was difficult to get out of, so I don’t want to go there anymore). These are: 1.) U are having ‘self-pity’. 2.) U are more fortunate than others (who have no hands, feet; can’t see, hear, talk, etc.). 3.) Know to forgive & love yourself. 4.) Remember that U are precious in Gods’ sight. 5.) There is always light at the end of the tunnel (look for it).
We all have a wall we have 2 climb over what’s simple for some is super hard for others attacking never is not answer Prayer covers u . So in the mighty name of JESUS SPIRIT We join in with ur SPIRIT JESUS and we ask in the mighty name of JESUS SPIRIT that u place ur wing over ur beloved child
Lourdes Fernandez
cover her with ur blood and keep her from all of Satins devices when thoughts of ungodliness arise lead her 2 ur word within the pages of ur holy Book the Bible . Psalms chapter 40 verse 7 reads I come in the volume of the book it is written of me . There u will find comfort and peace within ur soul . Over the tactics and evil traps and snares of the devil Open at random where ever ur fingers lay read on both sides DEUTERONOMY chapter 18 verses 21 And if thou say in thine heart, How shall we know the word which the Lord hath not spoken .
Verse 22 . When a prophet speaketh in the name of the Lord if the thing follows not, nor comes to pass, that is the thing which the Lord has not spoken, but the prophet has spoken it presumptuously thou shall not be afraid of him. Stay in the word keep searching until you find one that’s a an answer to what you’re going through . Seek and ye shall find knock and the door shall be opened plead the blood of Jesus over ur self out loud praise him with the fruits of your lips. A silent prayer is no prayer at all, make up a song sing to him out load . call a prayer line seek him and u shall find him for he’s not far off . We plead the Blood of JESUS over u . We TNK Ur SPIRIT JESUS for total deliverance of ur child out of the hand of the enemy !! In the Spirit of JESUS Mighty Name. Those that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth . We are praying for u my sister always in CHRIST.
Go in peace my sister.
In .JESUS Name. amen and amen
You’re right. Belief in God, by whatever name you choose, does not make one immune from depression. Or pain. Or loneliness. Or trauma. Anyone who says that God removes all pain and suffering, providing an idyllic life, is deeply misguided. God never promised an idyllic or easy life. He specifically allows us to be tested so we can use our free will to choose how we handle things that tempt us to give up.
Are people who commit suicide evil or damned? As humans, we can only decide what we believe about that. Often churches and people who believe themselves to be pious think they are entitled to decide for everyone.
Their judgment is the opposite of the love and kindness of the God they claim to worship. They do not understand, so they condemn and cling to their dogmatic views, dictated by others, rather than thinking for themselves. There’s nothing to be gained from religious zealots such as these.
But people who care more about faith than religion can help with kindness and support that come without judgment. They may not understand exactly the suffering, but they offer empathy and acceptance without needing to feel exactly the same suffering.
Having faith that God provides the tools within you to live and learn, despite the pains, is critical. It is easy to believe that suicide is unselfish, removing a burden from others, clearing the obstacles so others can move on without you. I’ve been there – and I don’t have any mental illness or personality disorders. Yet, I’ve been to that dark place, where my considerably strong will and implacable faith were muted by indescribable pain and the sense of helplessness, worthlessness. My heart aches for people who feel that depth of pain AND struggle with mental and/or physical illness adding to the pain.
So yes, it is understandable to believe that removing yourself is somehow better for others or for yourself.
It isn’t.
Whatever you may think, there’s a reason for your life. It can seem impossible to believe that your life has purpose when the pain feels overwhelming. As long as you’re alive, you have a chance to do or learn or evolve or feel even the tiniest happiness – through endurance. Once you die, no more chances.
You are also making assumptions about the favour you believe to be giving those for whom you care. They have free will just as you do. By deciding for them that your death will be best for them, you’re robbing their free will to choose for themselves if you’re a burden or blessing, if they want to share your life or not.
I learned this in the most brutal way. My attempt failed, and it was bewildering. My new marriage was founded on genuine love, but there was so much chaos in our dynamic that the love was challenged to the breaking point. My adult stepson returned from war with damage to his psyche beyond imagination, unless you’ve been there. He projected onto me, literally threatened my life repeatedly. I was the only one he could afford to lose, which broke my heart because I loved him so much. My husband was torn between us, usually choosing his son. I didn’t ask him to choose or blame him when he chose his son anyway. The constant fear, chaos, upheaval, sleepless nights… it was brutal. Even when I finally hit the wall and tried in vain to end myself, not one person showed any concern. No one intervened. No one offered help, or showed relief when I lived. On the contrary, I was shamed and further isolated, called selfish and embarrassing. The open contempt was crushing. But I was still alive, so I chose to do what I could to provide support for those around me, though it wasn’t appreciated. It felt like life was just going through the motions, surrounded by people who took my efforts and responded with contempt.
A few months later, my stepson died by suicide. The PTSD from his military service was too much. I pray he’s at peace now. But 8 years later, we are all still mourning. We’ll never have answers. We’ll never see his healing. We’ll never know what his amazing potential could have become. None of us have peace at his loss. Our lives have gone on, we all have happiness in our ways. But the void he left never stops hurting.
Suicide is not unselfish. You don’t just rob those who care for you of their choice to share your life, you also rob yourself of the chance of a full destiny. I say this with love and pray for your peace. You do matter.
I wish I were bipolar. At least then there would be some up times.
Never thought of that….I wonder how that would be?
Ralph- I used to say that (“I’d give my eye-teeth for a high. Just one.”) for the last 20 years, but then in the midst of a black, agonizing depression my “up” came as this horrific, scary, noisy mess that got me publically, physically carried from my church by the police, who also mocked my faith and physically abused me (no threats or violence on my part, no crime, no charges, pastor was just “worried” about me cuz I was acting weird), ended my career, destroyed my marriage and my family, saw me (uselessly, involuntarily) hospitalized four times over the next 5 months, and ultimately left me homeless. Now I find myself in the blackest puddle in the deepest hole I’ve been in since my last serious suicide attempt 11 years ago. So, my esteemed colleague, please don’t feel all that left out. The ride was horrific and the fall may end in my death.
You really don’t. It’s the worst,
There is no up. You’re just depressed always and then manically depressed often there is never extreme happiness. I have manic bipolar depression.
I have thought the same. Depression, anxiety, PTSD. Worthless
Ralph, you don’t want to add Bipolar to your problems. Being Bipolar doesn’t give ups for me. I have days that I just exist and don’t feel anything. Those are the good days. The bad days are days I wouldn’t wish on, even Satan, anyone. To put it plainly bipolar doesn’t necessarily mean you are happy for awhile, sad for awhile. It can also be you have bad days, then you have horrible days. Plus with bipolar doesn’t just affect your mood or emotions. It also makes you do things that you wouldn’t do normally. Imagine walking through a mall then out of the blue, you feel like smashing someone in the face. Depending on how fast the flip is you may have already done something bad or stupid, before you are even aware that you did it. So don’t wish for Bipolar Disorder on top of everything else, I assure you it is not fun at all.
Mania for me and many others is not elation or energy and intelligence. It is for many pure hell. The absence of fake joy or euphoria. It is anger, guilt, anger, guilt. Then bottomless depression. mania is not always tantamount to euphoria.
Money talks sadly and that’s all that matters sadly
Andrew the church is a group of people who sometimes don’t understand. God does understand and loves you. I have dealt with bouts of depression for 54 years, The people in church are in need of healing in some form also. Please put your faith in God he formed you in your mother’s womb and knows you better than anyone.
I could endure my depression if I had an otherwise ok life but I have unbearable real life situations that make me want to die just so the pain will stop. It’s more actual horrible things with no reachable solutions than mental illness. Terrible things have been destroying my life for the past 34 years. I wondered if it is God punishing me but I have been so over punished for whatever small sins I’ve done, plus I was punished as a child before I’d ever done anything wrong at all. I don’t understand why God chose me for a life of suffering. I just want it to end.
I relate with much of what you shared. I have lived with crippling anxiety and depression for over 30 years, but it is the multitude of losses that have accumulated in every area of my life that largely keep me where I am mentally — almost terrified, at times, of continuing to hope for any kind of future, restoration, or any semblance of healing. I have had a personal relationship with Jesus most of my life, but the anxiety & depression have affected my cognition and memory and my ability to forge ahead with ongoing determination as I have for so many years. I no longer see the silver lining in my trials and losses. I no longer glean the lessons. My spirit has been shattered, and I feel beyond my Abba’s grasp. There is no greater hell than this. I don’t understand why He has allowed this. I cry out to Him to heal me, if only for His glory, so that my life may be a testimony to His faithfulness and mercy — a testimony to His promises…. What purpose will my life have served towards His kingdom when I finally reach the point of no return??? Father God, please forgive my frailty and redeem my and my brothers’ & sisters’ stories so that You may be glorified! ???
I know the feeling all to well feel like im being punished for something but not quite sure what. Last 3 years life has been more down hill than up. All i can think about is feelung no more hurt no more pain just want t to be numb tired an exhausted from feelung like this. No end in sight fir me.please someone help for my thoughts scare me
Dear Had enough. I’m so sorry your hurting because I want to die right at this very moment… Everyone I love left me and I’ve prayed to God for years to please take my depression away… But everything you just said I could’ve written myself I’m sorry
Really. Where. They are no where but in their own little world and clicks. I want to go Home. I’m all alone and no one cares no matter how much I ask for help I’m ignored or flat out told no. I love my Christian family but I dont trust anyone any more and Father and I haven’t spoken for a while. I hurt all the time and feel like an orphan!
This is exactly how I feel. It’s never going to end I will never know what it feels like to be happy ever again
When I was a child living in Arroyo Grande, California I had the realistic experience that would rivil the real world, the waking world, it was more real than anything I have ever sensed outside this plane of existence. It was at great speed I was pulled backwards through a kaleidoscope of an amazing tunnel of many colored light rings, when it ended I was in the presence of two very tall beings. I could look around, but I do not remember seeing if I had hands or feet. At some point I was led forward through a hallway with shimmering crystals or jewels everywhere, then was led into a larger room that seemed to have a vaulted ceiling and the jewels were brighter and larger, I seemed to have stayed there for a while to look around. Then I continued to go forward and further into the vaulted room until I was brought to a giant clear area, like a massive window that was below us, because the two tall beings were still with me, they were like chaperones showing me what I needed to see. When I saw the world below, one thing that always stuck out to me was I didn’t see large bodies of water, like great oceans, just the tops of massive trees, vegetation and what appeared to be huge rivers going everywhere, but without any words being spoken I already knew what I was looking at, as if I had been there before. While I was there, I felt much older, like I have been alive for very long time, which had faded with time after I returned to the physical world as a child, but it didn’t completely fade away, some of it remained and this is what made the physical world seem black and white to me for the rest of my life. So when it finally ended to were I was brought back or came out of it, I remember seeing the ceiling of my bedroom real quick and real close, then I fell flat against my back from that height, I was extremely startled.
During severe anxiety it causes headaches & dizzyness. I am fearful of doctors always giving bad news. Fear of the process of dying, but not fearful of death, but in life there is no peace. Sometimes I continue to pace back & forth until I tire out or my parents stop me, but it is the anxiety & panic attacks that starts it all. Sometimes I sit on the edge of my bed and stare, it calms me to lessen the anxiety & the negative presence I feel inside me. My skin has pigment problems, I always see it as some form of punishment. I have been a shut in for for years and now I can no longer lie to myself & fool my self about my life I have been suffering from nonstop panic attacks. I have spent my life not connected to this world at all. I am looking for people like me, a group of people that have escaped the rat race and want no part of it, but they work together to empower each other. I am looking for this, I feel I am getting closer. If I find it, I will let you know. If you find something like others like this, let me know. Take care.
My heart breaks for you. You are not to blame yourself. ITT this fallen world we live in today. I am so sorry for all your pain. I have a great deal of pain too. I try to think about my better days but the older I get the harder it is. I will be 61 this month and really feel like the best part of my life is over and it never was that great. The idea of living in this much pain is so difficult and hard to handle. I have actually seen and been with Jesus for a very short time almost 40 years ago this coming January next month. If it were not for that I would have killed myself already. I have wanted to die ever since just so I can be with Him forever because it is so indescribably wonderful. I can’t wait to leave this life of constant physical and emotional pain. I know God doesn’t want me to kill myself so I am trying my best to be patient. Can’t believe I have lived this long. I am only living and patiently waiting on the Lord to bring me home. Pray it will be sudden and quick I have suffered far too much already. Waiting…
Dont give up… he still loves you.
Are you seeing a therapist and taking meds? You sound like me before treatment. Please seek help. Death is not the answer.
Hello, I am a stranger just checking in. I hope that you’re ok a year later, God is not punishing you, it only seems that way. I struggle with my depression also. You’re not alone. Sending love and prayers and hoping that you find some comfort. One Bible verse I find comforting;
psalm 56:8 You keep track of all my sorrows Lord
You have collected all my tears in your bottle
you have recorded each one in your book
Amen to that that’s where I’m at now I don’t know what to believe all I know is I don’t want this to continue I’m dead inside the cat live on the outside when you’re dead on the inside get busy living or get busy dying
Hey! I just want to tell you that God is NOT punishing you. If you can imagine the most loving, kind, sweet, selfless person ever…times that by a MILLION and that is God. He IS Love; Love is Him. He isn’t keeping you depressed as a punishment. It’s the enemy that comes to kill, steal and destroy, but God comes to restore and bring life (John 10). Life abundantly and life to the fullest. This is part of living in a broken world; this is the effect of sin, not God. However, God promises to meet us in the midst of our brokenness and hurt. He tell us he will gather us as a mother hen gathers her chicks. Tell him how you feel, the frustration and hurt. Invite Holy Spirit to come and bring healing to your heart. Ask him for his peace and joy. And everyday keep setting your mind and heart on Jesus, even when it’s hard. As you do this over days and months and years, you will be amazed at the life that comes from Him. Jesus knows what it’s like to feel that – he was the most rejected man ever to life. Hebrews tell us he identifies with all of our weaknesses – he was a man ‘acquainted with sorrow and grief’. He knew what it was like to weep, to stare death right in the eye to the point that he even sweated blood. And yet He overcame because He is victorious over the grave. And we overcome by the Blood of the Lamb. Ask him to come and enter your heart; to give you his eyes to see the preciousness of life. You are a beloved son and daughter, one who is seen, known and loved.
Had Enough, ( message left in April)
Have you ever heard of Joyce Meyer? She is a Bible teacher/Preacher who is so practical and down to Earth. Please look her up and listen to her story. She had a very difficult upbringing. Maybe her story can help you.
Prayed for you.
~Melissa
I understand wondering why I was born! Being sexually abused as a child by relatives as I grew older I was so afraid I would sleep with several layers of clothing on so I would wake before they got to me.. I married too young to get away and still afraid of being with my husband feeling it was dirty. I was told by a minister when I confided in him that I was cursed in the womb .. it made me feel like why try., I went to church, prayed it wasn’t true. As I grew older my Dad passed away it seemed he was my only safe place. Now after my second marriage it has failed also..
I left everything to be with my son that was very ill sitting by his side 24/7 asking God to take me instead of him.. which he is better now, but as I had sold my home to be with him living in the same town I have only seen him 2 times in over a year. I live in a hotel . I’ve pawned and sold everything I had of value to pay my bill.. he doesn’t even check on me.. I pray and read my Bible but it seems the only release I have is to take my life. I try to make excuses to see him but I don’t even know where he lives.. I just received a letter under my door to pay my bill or be out in 2 days!!! Where do I go? I have no one else in my life. I worked 3 jobs to give him the best of everything thing but now he doesn’t have time to even call or visit.. this hotel room is like a prison cell I suppose but at least I could maybe hear another voice.. I don’t know I’ve never been in jail.. but suicide I feel would be so peaceful.. no crying, loneliness and wondering where I will be homeless.. I long to be with someone, anyone to hear another voice a reason to get out of this room where I was sexual assaulted only 2 months ago I didn’t even know this man while walking my lil dog .. I guess I was his target and was told by the police it would take a while since I’m in a large city.. still tormented knowing his room I’s only 2 doors down .. he was arrested but let go in the parking lot even tho he had a gun and the police had my clothes with his DNA on them.. I was taken to the hospital to be taken care of from the damages! Now to be put out in my vehicle not knowing where to go or when this will be over .. why all my life !!! Why not just end it???
I’m homesick for heaven
I am homesick for Heaven as well. I’m afraid if I commit suicide I won’t make it into those pearly gates and will go to hell. Anyone’s thoughts on this?
Same! I’ve asked Him to please just let me come home and be with You. Be safe. Be loved. That’s not His will. Not yet. My depression isn’t His will either. Though many times it feels that way. The depression isn’t His fault. It isn’t ours. There is something soooo special about us though. We tend to have bigger hearts and show more compassion and love…why? Because we know pain all too well and don’t want anyone having to feel what we feel and how we feel. We’re also tough. Resilient. Every day. Sometimes multiple times a day. We are absolutely incredible human beings!!!!! ??????
I’m balling in bed. Lots this week…this month…this year. Im 37 had this my whole life. I want to say this year has been a tough one. But so were many many other years, if not all. Have I had one year without a bad bout of depression? I honestly can’t recall one.
Currently…I’ve stopped crying. Though I honestly thought I was going to fall asleep balling and ready article after article searching for answers. But this one have me hope. Today just got a little better…shit, a lot better considering I am no longer balling. ☺ We’re gonna be ok. We will always be ok. ???
Me too
So am I!!! I think of heaven as my home
Me too. I have felt this exact same way now for almost 40 years.
Same. I lost my dad this year.
Herpes gone!!!…..
Ian not sure the church has failed but my faith,I need a surgery that’s 50/50 to survey and the pain is terrible.
Hi AaRON
As a non-believer (I happened to come across this great article from looking up some lyrics to a song) I can attest that this is the very attitude that finally pushed me out of any affiliation with any church groups and ultimately led to an “asshole atheist” phase of my life. Luckily, people in those circles similarly revealed themselves to be inauthentically unskeptical in their beliefs pretty quickly despite their claims to the contrary and I guess I’d now describe myself as fairly weary of taking a particular stance. I have definitely changed in that I do see the vast utility of some of the teachings of the church (mostly through revelations from The Dialectic of Enlightenment by Adorno and Horkheimer). In all honesty, I forgot the point I was going to make here, but the lack of justice on display in the world is enough in my opinion to make anyone depressed and I guess I’ll just say that fighting this injustice (or attempting to) is what allows me to persist. A sort of existentialist answer to all of this.
Society’s placement of this problem on the individual is unquestionably absurd, but unsurprising. It would seem to me, this is a systemic symptom of a societal void, corrupted by selfish economics and incentivizing greed and “stuff” over other people. It’s a pathology that we have to embody at times simply to survive, though it contradicts our fundamental notion of what is right. Force people to do this enough AND give them the bare minimum (if that) and you have a recipe for depression and impotent rage in the form of mass shootings and violent outbursts. The lack of connecting these dots openly is extremely revealing and simultaneously pretty disturbing but the pushback I occasionally see against the mainstream narratives in spite of this all does inspire hope for possible revolutionary change.
Check out this video; if you want, “ATHIEST WHO SAW HELL”. Keep watching, it even depicts HITLERS-PUNISHMENT.
How can I talk to you please over the same pleas
Stay strong I’ve lost my son in November I Dad hi my son best friends business partners my one and only god I miss him my heart is destroyed.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Gerry. Please be gentle with yourself as you grieve.
<3 Sarah
Blessings to you Gerry ??, my only daughter went home just last year. Her home going was on her 30th birthday. I wake up with that reality EVERY SINGLE DAY ?. There’s days when I feel like that deep abyss of pain and sorrow almost pull me under… ☝? But God, hallelujah ?? ‼️ I Cling to Him, I call on Him as if on my last breath! My heart ? is minced into bits as I lay at His feet and I recall all His promises ✨.
God hugs, soothes and comforts my brokenness and I am comforted again.
My soul hurts badly. In addition to my daughter’s absemce, Satan constantly taunts me with all my failures.
I survive by pressing each day getting to know God and learning to depend on Him for everything. That did not come easy for me by a long shot!
I guess what I’m saying is, through faith in God’s Grace, we will survive ?? ⚔️ ?. Let’s band together in ferverent prayer always keeping each other lifted ??. May we trust God and abound steadfast on the path of righteousness, knowing our journey is not in vain. God is sovereign and He let all these things be because the outcome is already set…amd we’re almost there day by day ??.
Peace be with you and all others here. May God annoint us as we sleep & as we wake to keep our hearts ? mended, dreams pure and minds secure.
THANK YOU Sarah ♥ for allowing God to use you in this very special and unique way ??.
Hey Andrew! The church fails in many ways because we are weak and broken people, but in Jesus is where we restored and healed. He says in Matthew 11, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” What precious words of life, hope & redemption! I encourage you not to allow wounds from the church/christians to taint how you see our loving Father. He IS love, and loves you with such tender love. Look at Jesus- he went to those who were hurting and broken. He sought them out, went out of his way to find them, heal them and restore him, and I know he will do the same for you if you allow him to. His tender love has washed and healed me from offense, bitterness and a life without hope! His blood speaks a better word over our lives. Bless you, Andrew – you are seen & known.
Hey Andrew! The church fails in many ways because we are weak and broken people, but in Jesus is where we restored and healed. He says in Matthew 11, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” What precious words of life, hope & redemption! I encourage you not to allow wounds from the church/christians to taint how you see our loving Father. He IS love, and loves you with such tender love. Look at Jesus- he went to those who were hurting and broken. He sought them out, went out of his way to find them, heal them and restore him, and I know he will do the same for you if you allow him to. His tender love has washed and healed me from offense, bitterness and a life without hope! His blood speaks a better word over our lives. Bless you, Andrew – you are seen & known.
Please God help me write. Im a woman who suffers with brain damage from the age of 17 yrs old. I suffer from diasarthia. Confussed speaking. I cant seem to get the words out. Even my thoughts are confused. Ive gone years with only speaking one worded answers. Mostly Cool or Good . I have 3 beautiful kids and they have fallen victum to a preditor because he capitalized on my disability. He knows i barely talk and he targeted my youngest daughter because i failed to talk to her about everyday mom daughter stuff. He is her grandfather i would have never thought in a million years he would molest my baby girl. I have 3 kids. I havent yet been able to ask my older daughter if she was a victum too. He has set out to ruin our lives and he controls everything we do. were we live, food, money,. Hes pure evil. Again this year there wont be a christmas. . I had to quit my job to stay at home because i dont trust him around my daughter. At the same time im stuck living with a monster because i cant work and i have no money to rent an apartmwnt of our own. Please pray for us as we transition from this horrendous experience and enter into a life filled with god. Gods in control now. Jesus took the wheel. And today i have hopefully 2 jobs starting next week. God is answering my prayers as we speak. In jesus name i pray amen.
I believe the only way to solve suicide is with a compassionate euthanasia program.
Amen. But try the usual mind numbing meds that leave you a shell of your former person first. Until then, we get to live in despair.
Please Lord, take me. I beg you. I did meds too, and I can relate to what deny says. I am so sad. I have a loving wife and family, and I just want to go without leaving them harmed by suicide. Please, show us some mercy, and let me go. Please help my family recover from my absence. I am so exhausted from feeling like this 24×7 for the last 4 years.
God half always
I can honestly say in one fashion that you are right that the church has failed not knowing the original texts; let’s take “pharmakeia”, which is completely forbidden in numerous parts of The Bible. In The Revelation of Jesus Christ in Chapter 18 there’s a passage that refers to “The Magic spell that deceives all nations.” The original term for this “magic spell is “pharmakeia”. Galations 5:20 also speaks of “pharmakeia” as well, but our NIV’s and plenty of other heretical texts replaced this term with…. witchcraft. So what is “pharmakeia”? You see… Ancient Greek is a fascinating language where a single word could have 2 or more meanings, but unlike the English language these meanings INTERTWINE and are INTERWOVEN, if you will…. as the same word of the different meanings because in almost all instances you couldn’t have one “meaning” in the terminology without the other. They always compound each other. The most basic example of this would be sin…. which means to miss the mark…. of perfection. Pharmakeia is expressly forbidden in The Bible…. Here’s what it means…. 1: The administration of and the use of drugs. 2: Poisoning; which when something foreign enters the body like drugs or…. POISON… 3: The idolatry of witchcraft and idols. 4: As a metaphor to be used for the seductive nature of idolatry and witchcraft. I hate to break this to everyone here, but your worldly doctors and their worldy educations almost always completely contradict the scriptures. While some will argue that Luke was a physician, there is nothing to indicate ANYWHERE that he administered drugs to anyone. If God wants us to suffer, then we’re going to suffer. My mother worked in a Mental Hospital for 10 years as her Atheist counterparts attacked her daily for being a Christian, and mind you after working there for ten years before a demonically possessed individual attacked her and she never went back there since. JESUS HIMSELF spoke of The Devil causing diseases, mental infirmities, and even physical distress. Jesus himself healed these people as well, by the way. My point is though… yeah the church failed, but not for the way that you think….. And by the way I’ve been under attack by The Devil himself since I was 7 years old. DRUGS DRUGS throughout my entire life and they always made it worse, either mind, body, or both. You might be feeling good now as drugs often do, but as your “tolerance” goes up, so does your “need” for a higher dose of dope, either prescribed or on the street. Either way Doctor Pagan isn’t going to be able to help you if you’re demonically attacked, and most mental cases are exactly that….. DEMONIC. This whole thing here stating that “prayer isn’t enough” (yeah it sure as hell feels that way sometimes, don’t it?), and that reading our Bibles isn’t enough (that too)…. Keep in mind according to The Bible it’s GOD who allows these things to attack us in the first place. Either he’s in complete control of everything as he says he is, or he’s in control of nothing making him a liar, and thus the Bible being false. This is where the rubber hits the road…. “To the lukewarm I will spit you out of my mouth….” Jesus said that. Take your punishment for existing in sinful flesh from birth like a champ. Finish the race. You’re not meant to be “happy” when you come to Christ. Your suffering is God’s glory, and that’s all throughout scripture by the way…. As hypocritical as it is for me especially to say this…. Stop fighting God’s will in your life. He made you this way to suffer for his glory. Start dealing with it Biblically and not worldly. Good luck to you all.
Really?? So, people with illnesses like diabetes should just die? Is that God’s will since medications are forbidden? Or is it just drugs for mental illness? If so, please provide proof of distinction biblically. I guess someone who has a C section would go to hell too since you need drugs to have surgery or would God has us suffer through surgery unmedicated as well? What kind of sadistic god do you worship?
tf no
Without the darkness, or light has no volume. Without the bad, good has no stage. If we do not hit the bottom, how can one really know if they are heading upward?.. Likewise, how can we be Christian, which is to be Christ-like, if we do not follow his example. Did He not go to where the sinners were? Also, He left the flock of 99 to save the 1 that had went astray so in fairness and relativity would it be safe to add that He made the comment of ..I die daily, which I gathered from that and other text that even God’s only son was so grieved right before His crucifixion that he was sweating blood! Literally the weight of the world baring down on His reality! From His moment of weakness he overcome in power! To live everyday, to be ‘present’ is the least we can offer as gratitude for the gift of life He gave us and to be more like Jesus, facing the world knowing that nothing would be more comforting than to just simply DIE—OHH!!! how great the victory is to SURVIVE that dark pit of despair Out of pure spite to any that only thought of you as a failure or a joke or as nothing or just Little or small HAHAA!!!God many times will bless us with another day to endure that pain again!!Just to be able to at best have a small taste of what His magnitude is by allowing us to imitate the ways of Jesus, His own Son and to be a child of God!! Glory!!!!! I’m grateful to be stressed, I’m blessed to have nothing, I praise God for my hard times and trials because I feel like I am on the threshold of dying and nothing more at the end of my day just to be able to defeat the devil EVERY damn time! He’s the God of the valley and He thought of me enough to allow me to feel as though Jesus did just to be redeemed and taken in please give me all odds, throw me in the dumps, let my heart bleed out every day so I can renew that feeling of what it’s like to be child of God, the Great I Am, nothing tops the joy of knowing He took that one swift breath of thought to create me but in His likeness… ….Im sorry, didn’t mean to write an essay, hey hey I’m bipolar too and last thing, the church didnt fail you, perhaps yall just failed to relate……I never did much fit in but one thing I have taken partial to believing is all to do with a GREAT BALANCE. Now being bipolar is more of a gift rather than a setback…….hmmmmm….how bad does that dark horizon seem now?…..??️??❤️??
Ditto
I’m currently looking into Maid here in Canada I can do this any longer. I’m afraid of my feelings. At least with maid I’ll die within 3 minutes and I can have my grown boy’s with me and say goodbye to my 2 beautiful grandchildren!!! There’s no pill that can fix clinical depression!!! I’ve tried them all.
I just want peace!!!!
Hi Gin (and anyone else reading this considering suicide)! The Bible says in Revelation that murderers will not enter the kingdom of heaven. Suicide is self murder. Someone else did not kill the person but in suicide they killed themself and that means they’ve murdered their own body/self. The Bible says that you are not your own that you were bought with a price and to honor God with your body. So by murdering yourself and by permanently stopping your body you are doing two things that you have no business doing to yourself. You are called to run the race set before you. The Bible says that you only win the race IF YOU DON’T GIVE UP. Will say that again, YOU ONLY WIN THE RACE OF YOUR LIFE IF YOU DO NOT GIVE UP. Suicide is giving up. God’s grace is sufficient and His power is made perfect in weakness. People who claim to be Christians, who have called Jesus Christ the Lord of their life, who commit suicide have decided that they 1) own something that they do not and 2) are Lord of their own lives which they are not. Jesus himself said that in this world you will have trouble. So if He said that then guess what? You WILL have TROUBLE. No one gets to skip that part. No one. Jesus then said after saying that we would have trouble that we should take heart because He has overcome the world. That He would help us. He didn’t leave us alone to stumble around on our own. But remember that if Jesus said that in this world we will have trouble then that means you will have trouble. That trials and tribulations come and some last for years, decades and some never resolve. That may be your lot in life, the trial never resolving, but Jesus said He’d help you. So ask Him for help. And then ask again and again. We’re told to pray without ceasing and to pray about everything. Your answers might not come as fast as you want or how you want but God will help you. Please consider this too that hell is a real place and the pain and torment of that place will never end. As someone that got to experience a little bit of it once many years ago, God let me feel it, I can say that you do not want to go there. It is a terror and torment that can’t be described completely accurately I don’t think and I’ve not been able to explain it to others very well because it’s a spiritual thing and my finite mind can’t grasp all of it. BUT hell is very real and it is pure pain, agony and torment and you will know that you put yourself there. Forever. You’ll be reminded of that repeatedly forever and it will not end. And some of you will go there because you’ve not given your life to the Lord and some of you are directing your life according to your own wills and desires not God’s. So when you think you can’t go another day and think that suicide is the answer, I tell you it’s not. There is no relief on the other side if you’ve not submitted yourself to Christ. As someone who struggles with feelings of suicide, and has for years, I don’t say this lightly. But I was scared enough after that experience of hell to not want to go there and to warn others about it, even people who claim to be Christian. Will keep everyone on this page in my prayers. Yes, life is hard but the alternative will make all this seem like a cakewalk. God loves all of you, and those reading anonymously, and offers His help daily. God bless all of you.
The church needs to be educated. If you don’t know, you don’t know
way to put the attention on yourself Andrew.
Catherine
I know exactly how you feel as well. I pray often for the Lord to take me. I work out a lot ( as well as power walk. I have thought of stepping out in front of a car and letting them hit me, but then i think of how they would feel if they did, and I move more to the side of the road. Not only that, I think of my daughters and what they would do without me ( they struggle too as well).
I will just be glad when this crappy world ends and Jesus comes back for his children.
I know he has got me, and a glorious reward waiting for me one day.
Jesus also cried being here too.
But he willingly died for our sins so we could be happy and free.
Thank you Lord for loving ALL OF US .
Praying for all that hurt 😢 🙏♥️
Yes the church generally may have failed A drew but mine name is Chris and I am a Christian Psychologist who ha s a healing ministry of generational trauma. Mental health as n memories and emotions. I’ve had to go through many traumas in my Christian walk so many can understand people like yourself go through but please get in touch with me for Christian healing and therapy if you live in the UK
But please don’t stop taking your medication as there’s no shame in taking antidepressants or antipsychotics medication
Frank Maratano
Me too. Both..bi-polar and suicidal. I’ll be 60 on March 22, 2026. I don’t want to be here anymore. My sister told me that if I commit suicide, it will probably kill our mother, and for meto think about how it will effect her son (my nephew).
All I think about is how crappy i feel being alive. I’ve attempted a few times in my life already, but I’m still here, unfortunately.
I just want to die already. Please take me God. I’m worthless.
The worst part of my depression is that it’s stripped away my memories of when I believed in Jesus.25 years gone and I can’t get them back.If this is how god treats his friends what’s the point.
I WAS HEALED FROM HSV,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
-GENITAL HSV
-HPV
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-WEAK ERECTION
-VIRGINAL PROBLEM
-WHOOPING COUGH
– HEPATITIS A,B…
Jesus thank you Lord,we 💕 Happy 😁, To Be Here, Thank U for,this Good Medical Knowledge if I’m right about it,in Jesus Christ Holy Name Hallelujah Hallelujah 🦜🥺, Bless All in Jesus Christ Holy Name God, Please Lord Amen 😇.
Same here. Doesn’t matter how many bible verses I read, how much I pray, and how many people try to cheer me up.
I still want to die. December 2026 will be a year since it started, and if it doesn’t go away, I might just follow through with another attempt, without calling 911 like I did then. I just feel like a burden on my family and am tired of faking happiness.
The voices are winning. Guess I’m going to hell, like that wolf image told me 7 months ago.
Thank you for your inspiration. I am in a depressed state and attempted suicide only to be stopped by the lord above . Not my time he said ..
The church is getting better when it comes to addressing mental health issues BUT often still says all the wrong things or says nothing at all. I struggle with Biopolar 2. Still those well intentioned people who say we just need more faith or we need to listen to more worship music… they’re clueless.
The church has not failed to help people with mental illness’s. People are also not clueless about saying Listen to worship music, having more faith, or even reading your bible those things can help!! You believe what you wanna believe but these things are soo true!
I do not think suicide sends you to hell. The Bible is clear it is rejecting Christ that separates us from God.
I for one will not take that chance. Cause once you’re on the other side, there’s no changing that decision.
Think about all of the pain the family members and friends experience when a loved one takes their life.
The best thing to do is to tell someone you’re suffering, and to seek help. Suicide is never the answer.
Do you really think so? I really hope that is right
Amen!!!
If God really loves us and we accept Christ why would he send us to hell?-he knows we’ve been pushed past the point where we can’t bear this hell any longer;and our mind is going.
If God send people to hell simply for taking their lives,he wouldn’t be the essence of love,he’d be cruel and sadistic.
your illness has nothing to do with god , . he is a creator in creating to what he feels is the most perfect world possible. if you want all to be perfect and to live in the story of eden you will no longer be human but a puppet of god. god gave us a choice. heaven. the messiah are parables of hope. i study the old testament know, the new to me got to much super stition, jesus in my opinion never healed the blind, he chewed herbs and with some water let it flow into people who looked blind from severe conjunctivitis, or he healed people who refused to see truth as trump needs as our rain forest in brazil is burning down in the biggest rain forest fire ever, we have no way to put it out, we did it and we will. pat and the scum, pres sighned out of lowering co2 gasses, he is a madman, Hiler was just a killer of a people he hated , trump just ordained himself chosen by god as king david himself, all who vote for him will go to hell, and i dont give a heck of rep or dem, i dont want a sicl sob as a pres.
For me and my struggles since I’ve accepted Christ over ten years ago, I have taken “Thou shalt not kill” as “Its a sin to kill (yourself)”. With that, if one kills and is not able to repent for the sin then that person will not be able to go to heaven. Perhaps my interpretation is incorrect, but it’s what I hold on to. I do desperately wish I am wrong though.
Amen
Karmen, The Bible says that you are saved if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead then you will be saved. It also says that we are not our own and that we were bought with a price and to honor God with our bodies. We don’t own our bodies, God does. So if we say that Jesus is our Lord and then go and murder our bodies then that means that we’ve not submitted all of ourselves to God. Revelation says that murderers will not inherit the kingdom of God. We only get one chance in this life to live for God. Part of that is not ending our life by our own decision and hand. It’s not our place to make that call, only God does. God bless you.
God told me many years ago “Christine No sin is unforgivable “ I am a Christian Psychologist who worked in the NHS and now work in my own private practice working for Jesus and he knew I was very anxious about losing my clients to suicide so even though a lot of churches teach that if you commit suicide you’ll go to hell. This is not true
I have been there and you have expressed so eloquently the deep feelings that reign in this disease. Thank you and I hope many people, especially those in ministry, will read your story. Thank you.
Wow, you just nailed it , in so many ways word for word . I think hurting people dealing with this really don’t think others are dealing the same as you. Every word you Dr robed I can relate to and do many times wanted to say to people. By the grace of God i too have people snd able to talk with Hod but still have dark days . Thank you , thank you , thank you Sarah I pray this helps do msnybno All because I believe we all have dealt with darkness and depression of some sort .
Bernice
That is exactly how I feel now.I feel as if all the people who loved me have died,and I have nobody left. My parents died in their late 80s in 2014& 2015 respectively.A very dear friend,a retired bishop who had brought me to faith and helped me to integrate my faith and sexuality,died in 2011.He had been my spiritual mentor-he was my voice when I couldn’t speak,my rock.Not ‘s partner more like a grandfather.I found out that in January 2018,an ex I really lover, Simon Kaye,had taken his own life.I’ve also lost several much loved chinchillas.
I really want to go home.I’ve no career.I can’t hold a job or a career in politics due to borderline personality disorder.I’ve lost most of my inheritance through a bad investment -or rather dishonest execs in ‘s company.
I remember the fictitious words of Aaron Jastrow in Hermann Wouk”s ‘War and Remembrance’:-
“I’ve not become any braver,but I just realise there are things worse than pain, worse than dying”.
This world isn’t my home.I don’t know who I am since my parents died.
I pray and fast,over my finances,my love life (just been dumped by a partner in an 18 month long distance relationship).,over myentail health.Nothing changes and my life still feels like a curse where everything I touch just falls to pieces,not the life and life abundant Jesus promised.
If nothing changes circumstantially I don’t think it will be much longer before I go home.
Keith, grief counselors are there for a reason. I can feel your pain and desperation in your writing. Find a grief counselor and ask your doctor for help as well. That’s how I have improved. I’m not cured. But I am so much better. Grief over several family deaths in one year, worsened the mild depression I already had. If I had seen a grief counselor, I would not be where I am today. I never would have become suicidal like you are now. PLEASE, make an appointment to see someone. You know your parents and your friend the bishop would not want you to die before your time. Fight to stay alive and live a better life.
Lourdes
Thanks for commenting.I’ve already had two sessions of grief counselling-the maximum you get is 7 sessions here in the UK-not sure about the USA.
I’ve been on anti depressants for years,and my psychiatrist doesn’t think there is any point changing them again-having tried most of them.I’ve also had XBT, Psychoanalytic therapy,etc ..none of which really helped.
It’s not just the grief,it’s the depression/anxiety/anger,and the default position of everything I try failing,or going wrong.
5 years after the death of my mother though, I miss them both much more niw-and the pain is much worse than it was for the first 2 years after their death.
Please don’t give up Keith!!!! I feel the exact same way. I do. My eyes are swollen from all the crying. I want to quit bad this year. Tonight was bad…how I ended up here reading this article, by a wonderful woman who shared her story and her hope, and I commend her greatly. This was so well written and with such heart…I have hope now in this moment, when I couldn’t find any just moments ago. Don’t give up!!!!!!! It doesn’t last!!!!! ?????
If God really loves us and we accept Christ why would he send us to hell?-he knows we’ve been pushed past the point where we can’t bear this hell any longer;and our mind is going.
If God send people to hell simply for taking their lives,he wouldn’t be the essence of love,he’d be cruel and sadistic.
Keith,
The answer is holylove.org. All people interactions no matter what their life experiences or bouts of clinical depression ( all variations) must be based on holy love of God and neighbor. The 10 commandments strive for all people to love oneself and one another and to live & love God on our journey Home. I am 73 now and have learned that what was once thought by me to be idealistic is really true, namely that wars, and individual challenges must be met at the individual level first before we can be whole. Good luck to you and the good news there is a way but use all the good advice given to you here as well.
Sarah, it seems like comments are closed, so I am posting here: Thank you for a courageous post that is so important. May the Lord give you great grace.
I lost my husband to suicide 15 years ago. It never goes away. My daughter was 11 at the time. We are both forever altered. I worry about her and myself. It is like he had a torch that he passed on to us and now we carry it. I feel many of those things described in this article but would never intentionally do anything about it because I know what happens to those left behind. If you survive it, it is truly a life sentence. Anyone who is considering suicide…please don’t ever think your loved ones will be better off. It is a lie.
I empathize for you but there are people like me who have no family or support system and only a child, who is almost an adult who for years now has only made worse and worse decisions and become someone he has never seen you be or raise him to be while you invested everything to give him opportunities, love, etc so i feel truly i have no one and the only hope left i have is to die. I am afraid to kill myself because i am afraid God wont forgive me but after years of this stuff with my son i cant even barely take care of myself anymore and all the help ive tried to find — people dont care, the church isnt there, if they are not stakeholders they dont seem to be willing so if you dont have that family in our society no one cares enough to stick around or try to help a single mother broken under years of carrying all on her own then watching the last bit of herself be zapped seeing her child decline so severely.
I am in the same boat as you??? I couldn’t have written it better. I’m giving up on my son though bc I’ve done everything and have absolutely no support. After he leaves I’ll leave this world.
i REALLY UNDERSTAND WHERE YOU ARE COMING FROM BECAUSE MY SON HAS DISOWNED ME. I HAVE NOT DONE ANYTHING TO DESERVE THIS. circumstances beyond my control have caused this. when you do everything you can to love and support someone and they have done nothing but hurt you, life becomes unbearable. and then they disown you. I can’t begin to tell you what he has put me through. I raised him in church and did everything for him. I lost myself trying to be everything to him. I really don’t know what to do because this just happened today
I know this personally. Those left behind do not recover. At best it keeps them from causing their loved ones and others from making the same mistake
I am suicidal now. I’ve been suicidal for a while now and I think it’s time as I can’t anymore betrayal and I’m exhausted from all the bad people in the world.
ur stupid
I wonder! Why would someone come to a Christian site, just to insult other people, or because they are looking for answers, but too scared to admit it?
I would like to think it was the latter reason because that means it’s not too late for you. You are just the type of person that Jesus gave His life to redeem. If you have questions this, along with many others, site has loads of caring people that will try to answer your questions. Most people here won’t judge you because we all fall short of God’s expectations of us. It’s by God’s grace that any of us will be saved. We are all sinners. Only through Jesus can God’s grace save us.
Now if you only came here to belittle and insult others, then you should go elsewhere as this behavior is not wanted. If this is your stance, I would suggest some soul searching is needed.
God bless you, in Jesus name, Amen.
I was 11 when I tried to hang my self because my cousin passed away and that the only thing ever on my mind
Thanks for writing this. Always helps to know I’m not alone. Going through it bad right now. Lost, depressed, the thoughts I shouldn’t be having over and over again.
hi sarah just seen your post on cfs christians with chronic fatigue page im on,, ive had this from 1990 ,n mostly housboundn my dr thought it was all came out in my body due to my family history long story, but i,ll tell you the suicide stuff there were 9of us ,bro alex age 32 shot himself through the head in front of wife n baby ,1973 , my hubby john out shoplifting n got caught taken up in a lift so jumped out the window 40feet up cause of death, fall from a height ,no mention of suicide ,, age 30, my mother took overdose of heart tablets digoxin ,age 63 ,, my oldest bro murdered by his wife ,,,age 76 she wasnt charged as he had beat her up,, so i wonder how my mood isnt great at times ,but thank god he loves me xxxx
Hi Jean,
I’m so sorry you’ve been through so much heartbreak in your family and life. It’s such a tough place to be, especially experiencing chronic illness on top of all of that. Please take good care of yourself. If that means counseling or therapy or medication, you are worth it.
You penned my thoughts. Mine is due to loneliness, it is deadly!!!
Thanks for that Sarah,it resonates so much with how I very often feel inside-I often pleaded with God to just end my life rather than go through the trauma and agony of this earthly hell we endure.My life seems pointless and meaningless.I feel dead and empty inside most of the time.I can’t feel anything but anger (which has got worse),and a desire to die.
I’ve tried every anti depressant and mood stabiliser in the book,to no avail.I’ve also tried CBT and other therapies,again with no success.The anti depressant, Sertraline stops the deadness inside turning into black painful despair. I guess it numbs me.One Christian said he thought I had a “spirit of pharmacia”,which wasn’t helpful.
I’ve has nothing but unceasing bad luck,failing at everything I’ve tried,and been sacked from job’s within 8 weeks.My parents died in 2014 and 2015,left me a house which I sold and invested the proceeds,which now show a 70% paper loss.This is utterly destroying me;but I’m trusting in God to restore it,a process which is slowly occurring.
God is the only thing I cling on to.My parents are dead,no family,only 3 good friends.That’s why I yearn to be dead and in heaven with my parents, dearly loved deceased friends,and my dearly loved chinchillas which passed away.
To be honest, it’s only the love of my beautiful chinchillas, that stops me from doing it.
Keith, you & a few others here sound the way I feel, but I can’t even take care of a pet rat.
She died from eating nasal spray off the floor I was too depressed to clean up!
(‘One more effing piece of sh*t to deal wit!’)
Well, I paid for that.
There is one Christian friend in my life that makes me realize God still loves me.
But due to chronic pain, I’m housebound, want to die every day, and honestly feel like I failed God after trying so hard, even doing missionary work, I’m now useless, in pain,
& “sin” every day by taking pain medication I can’t live without.
I couldn’t talk a person out of suicide again to save my life.
I know too many painless ways to do it right.
I also have sensitivity to most food, so I’m starving and malnourished.
One day, I promise you, I heard God say He was not going to heal me,
Or at least that’s what I believe I heard. and all of my dr apts havef failed, natural or pharmaceutical.
Family and friend’s suicide, so many that I stay off social media so I don’t lead some poor innocent person who doesn’t know better astray.
Fear of hell is the main reason I’m alive, & when I read the Bible, I’m constantly reminded that people who don’t bear fruit are just going there anyway, so why was I born?
I was stupid enough to ask my mother that, who is also sick;
20 yrs older, but not on meds, still believes, & starving as well.
Wow, that’s what I have to look forward to?
I still thank God I’m not homeless!
I don’t know how much longer I can deal either, or where all the people who killed themselves, that I loved are, EITHER.
I have to believe that somehow, God is more merciful than the Bible says, or nobody’s going to make it.
I’ve now reached what I call the endgame in my life,where I really feel the temptation to kill myself is becoming too much to resist.
Despite all my prayers and entreaties to God,and the prayers of others,things have become unbelievably and intolerably worse.Money is running out all the time, (only £18 left in the bank niw),and I’ve been defrauded out of £100,000 by an oil company that told lies and conned investors.This is agonisingly painful.It’s the inheritance my parents left for me and I can’t bear the guilt,humiliation and feeling of failure that plagues me All my plans for the future have been destroyed.I cant now go smf see my boyfriend in the Philippines,who has nothing.
They tell me that getting it sorted by lawyers could take years.Directors of companies can get away with things that any ordinary person would be jailed for.
It’s very hard for me to pray and medirate now as I’ve had so so many prayers gone unanswered .A month ago I actually stood up and walked out of a service in a pentecostal church because I simply couldn’t feel or recognise all the songs about God being “glorious and praise him”.I felt like a hypocrite and couldn’t stay, because I just couldn’t see the goodness of God in my life.
I honestly can’t take any more.
For years I have often felt sad. I am blessed with three beautiful daughters. It’s really sad when many of us have been actively involved in church because some of the things that come out of peoples mouths in church. After Being and Assistant Pastor for over 15 years I left a church because the pastor and his family constantly brought their drama in The church which normally involveD their two sons miss treating young ladies and their sons being involved in crime and heavy drug use. After trying to help turn things around I realized that it was draining my battery as well as the church was not able to grow because even the pastor had been accused of having multiple affairs. I would never hurt myself but I would sure love to wake up tomorrow and the sweet arms of Jesus because to be truthful with all of you the biggest problems I’ve ever had in my life have been from church folks. My former wife who was a pastors daughter a few years ago ran off with a man who was fully married and who stole money from her own father and family
And the church she grew up in. I’m sure one day I’ll go back to church again But in the meantime I’ll just reach out to the Lord and hopefully when I wake up Tomorrow will be a better day. I know that Jesus is real which is comfort to my soul and I hope that he will use me as a vessel and place me around other people who are kind and caring.
i too am one of gods broken adults,i was a bad person younger in life,treated everyone i came in contact with like crap, i quit alcohol 15 years ago ,a hint of the depression but not as bad as these last 6 months have been,the bandaids off and the bad feelings escape,i hate myself,job,certain people,i am 59 years old and just wish i could die,or not wake up tomarow , i have been to my doctor,the veterans admin.,another pain doctors ,seminars ,you name it ,the thoughts and feelings do not subside,i am lost,sad,ashamed,want to die thanks
I can relate to this situation. I had a hard time forgiving myself for ever thinking of taking my life. I tried reading verses that would uplift me but after a few hours the darkness would start to shatter again my new found peace. Its really hard. Thank you that i read your story. I hope by God’s grace ill be totally free of my depression
Laura, are you seeking treatment for your depression? Being suicidal is not a sin, it’s part of an illness. You need to seek treatment to get better.
I was crying while reading your post. I got attacked by a stomach problem over a night since early April this year. Doctor told me it’s incurable. My cell group members have been praying for me, I’m reading bible, reciting verses, watching sermons, doing my prayers everyday and hoping to be healed by Lord Jesus. I too have been feeling God has turned away from me. I’m living hopelessly. I wish I could stay strong till the day I finish reading the Holy Bible. May God bless everyone.
Please pray for me
What’s wrong, Margaret? Please go to the nearest Emergency Room if you’re not well.
All these texts are quite disturbing!!And I guess and fear that one day all is ok then your suddenly drowning in situations like I have read. These are the not talked about reality risks all humans can develop. No one ever said life is a picnic
Sarah I need help my boyfriend constantly tells me he doesn’t wanna see past 23 nothing I say is good enough I’m starting to feel really worried and scared he will do it and I will only feel helpless and blame myself what do I do ? after reading your article I’ve noticed a lot relates to him
Hey J.W.,
First off, I love your heart to help your boyfriend. It’s obvious you care very deeply for him <3 It's hard to watch those we love hurting and know we can't just fix it for them.
I know it seems scary, but one of the best things to do is to be direct. My guide to talking to loved ones struggling with depression has a lot of specific phrases that can be helpful, so you might check that out. But you could say something like, "Hey, I've noticed you say you don't want to live past 23 and I'm concerned that means you're thinking about hurting or killing yourself. Are you planning anything like that?" Make sure he knows you care about him and you want to walk with him. Tell him there is really good help available and that you can help him find it.
I actually know somebody who is alive today and is a therapist helping others because a friend said, "I'm going to help you make an appointment for a counselor and I'm going to take you." That opened the door to my friend getting the help he needed, just because somebody helped him get the support from a therapist. You could also help your boyfriend make a doctor's appointment to talk about the option of trying some meds. If money is an issue, google "sliding scale clinic" and the name of your city. You can also search "sliding scale counselor" and the name of your city. A lot of times you can find really affordable community mental healthcare options that way. Also, if he's a college student, there could be free resources on campus. There are also affordable online counseling options through Better Help and Talk Space - I haven't tried either, but I have friends who love them.
Finally, be sure to take care of yourself during the process. It would be helpful for you to have somebody to talk to as well because it's so hard on you to have somebody you love struggling with suicidal thoughts. Don't hesitate to find a counselor for yourself if you're even a little bit interested.
I want to die , I don’t know why I haven’t done it yet .maybe for fear I might go to hell ,
John.is living that hard but dying is easy.what do you know of dying that you want it? Jesus said to him.I am the way the truth and the life.No one comes to the father except through me.john 14:6.Do you know the principal of reaping and sowing ? Sow then reap.plant then reap what you planted.your living on planet earth,planet birth.plant live.There is a God,who gave his blood through his Son to offer you eternal life Jesus Christ the righteous .read any Bible and his words are there for all time.you either sound like your giving your one chance away by being negative about your possibilities to live from God’s point of view,you can do it and do it well.think on these things.philippians.4verse 8.finally brethren,whatever things are true,whatever things are noble,whatever things are just,whatever things are pure,whatever things are lovely,whatever things are of good report,if there is any virtue,and if there is anything praiseworthy,meditate on these things.believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and be saved.I hope you do .jeff
Sarah please help me . I have questions. Please?
Faith, r u ok?
I c Sarah has not replied to ur post and I don’t know if she keeps up with this website anymore. I only found it last night and saw ur post just now. If u want to talk u can contact me at godcatchers81@gmail.com.
I understand suicidal feelings as i struggle with them myself but at the same time i know God has a purpose for each of us to b here or he would go ahead and let us die and get relief from this world of pain.
Thanks for writing this. I’ve literally been asking God to kill me all day and this is the first time your blog has popped up. I believe in Jesus. I know God is real. He keeps telling me not to give up. I’ve researched the best way to commit suicide and I finally found one that’s painless and non traumatizing( like no knives, vomiting, or accelerated heartrate). And I just want to be in heaven. I don’t want to be here anymore. it’s like for what? I keep asking. Why did you decide to keep going?
I also just found this website last night. I have begged God for years many times every day to take me home to heaven where my physical pain will finally end. I have been living with chronic (nearly constant) pain and have been unable to work or have much of a life for the last 10 years and every day and every year gets worse than the year before. I just do my best to hang on knowing that if God still hasn’t taken me home in spite of my begging him to do so he must have a reason for me to be here… Even if I don’t know what it is. So I pray for strength and pain relief and that God will show me why I’m here over and over and tho I struggle I can say that so far God has given me what I need to hang on and I trust that he’ll show me his plan and my purpose. I don’t know yet if the author of this website still checks the comments or replies to them but I wanted you to know that I have read your statement and understand your feeling. All I can tell you is that if God hasn’t taken you home there’s a reason for it. You have a purpose and only he knows what it is so I hope u will seek God and let Him hold you and speak his love into your heart tonight and every time u struggle. I would b happy to correspond with u farther if ud like. Feel free to send me msgs either here or n my email at godcatchers81@gmail.com
My daughter did end up death by suicide at 14yrs old. She was bullied. I believe she’s in heaven.
I’m so sorry for your loss Marie. I can’t even begin to understand how hard that must be to endure.
I am so glad for your story. People have told me how selfish I am for this. Doctors here don’t listen and if you have a physical disability they never consider the physical side. I hear the demonic voices often and I am constantly fighting them. The only time they’re happy is if I plan an attempt. I too feel I am an embarrassment to my family and all they would feel is shame because of reputation if I went. I have been told how lazy and immature I am for not getting over it, doing well enough in life like being successful. There is so much pressure to help others and I work but get laid off and it is constant to meet others needs even at times putting my life on hold to care give. Plus they are pushing for euthanasia for people with mental health in Canada. The church often says you go to hell for suicide and I should just accept my healing for all my conditions. Thank you for sharing your journey.
Hi Sara, this is my first time seeing this beautiful between message. And I’m grateful you shared your feeling’s, story and testimony. It’s as if you we’re living inside each other’s thoughts and life’s. I to I’m a Christian and pastor and being undereducated of my condition I have tried to let my belief of spiritual healing do all the healing but no change therefore I beat myself up more thinking I wasn’t as much of a man or pastor of God. If my faith is to little to heal myself how could I help others. I have felt like I’m a hypocrite. You have certainly been used by God in my life. I believe He allows certain people to go through special situations to educate and help others. Good bless you and your family. Truly your brother in Christ Robert Davis.
I have no more purpose in life. Id rather sleep than be awake. My dreams are much more pleasant than my reality
I hope you are doing better.. I know these may sound like empty words (I know because I truly have often felt the same, and still do at times) but God has not forsaken you.. He loves you so much more than you can imagine and if you cannot go on, rest in His arms.. He does not expect you to save yourself or to even understand.. you don’t need to figure this out alone.. Would it be possible for you to reach out? Maybe to friends or family or to a mental health professional? Do people know you are feeling this way? It may be good (even if you would reach out to professional help 🙏🏻🙏🏻) to also have a ‘network’ of safe friends around you. People who could pray for you or call you or just be your friend. Thank you for sharing.. it is very brave to share these harsh things, and it can often feel like the only thing we can still do.. May God answer this ccry for help.. and may He give you help, right people around you, and (hopefully) the grace to reach out to those who are able to help… Thank you again for commenting.. May He be with you in everything… You are not alone!
I’m 12 years old and I feel like my family doesn’t love me my brother gets everything he wants I ask a question they ignore me soo this is how it all started I was at school when I was about 11 and my friend told me they had depression I didn’t know what it was then I looked it up saw it was where like this sadness takes I’ve u and this mean evil voice inside says u should die or stuff I’ve been trying to ignore that voice and a few months back my family got a new house it was 6 story’s tall and their was a big balcony for some reason my mind kept telling jump off and stuff I got to thee room climbed over the railing and I was scared I was scared to die like what would happen because idk what’s gonna happen next idk if I should tell somebody I haven’t been my self lately idk how long it’s going to ache at me I can’t stand getting close to any knifes it makes me wanna cut myself won day I saw a knife and I was home alone so I took the knife and idk what happens I couldn’t remember anything my family said I stabbed a knife in my leg for some reason but I couldn’t remember why
Kayla, you are loved. Maybe people don’t show you the way you need to be shown, but your are loved. You have so much more life to live. If you don’t feel safe around knives, you are doing the right thing by staying away. Ask for help. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to your parents, ask to talk to a school counselor. I am praying for you.
I understand this all too well. The first time I thought of suicide I was 14. I’m 46 now and have continued to struggle ever since. Though now it’s not just thought. I’ve decrided to do it. It’s not just selfish it’s selfless too. Selfish in the sense that I want relief. Selfless in the sense I’m no longer a burden and disgrace on my family. Emptiness has been with me for more than 20 years. I’ve never experienced physical pain from it. Just the emptiness guilt shame & anger. Life has no meaning anymore. Tasteless bland and dread of every day. I am a believer and I have prayed for death a long time. A death that never comes. So I’m gonna have to get it done myself I guess. Just got to get over the fear. That’s the hardest part. Your heart and mind want to die and your body don’t. Yet the more time goes by the less I fear it. So I think it’ll be soon. Thanks for the place to speak my feelings. – J. Reed
J. Reed, I have experienced and am experiencing the same thing in my life. The difference is that you have only endured 20 years of this hollow empty state. I have been in this state for over 40 years. You said that you are a believer, have you given your life to God through Jesus. If the answer is No, then I suggest that you speak to your pastor right away. If the answer is Yes then I would ask you to think about this. One of the 10 Commandments is ” Thou shall not kill”, that applies to you also. So if you kill yourself, are you ready for an eternity of suffering in Hell. That is where people end up who take their own life. Do you think that God would be happy about that? I don’t. Plus you have an amazing blessing that I don’t have, Family. Embrace them,tell them how you feel, how much you hurt. Then do as I have, turn to God. You may not get any help from God now. But you also might. I struggle daily with the same things you are feeling, useless, worthless, hopeless, unloved, you feel like you are a waste of time, effort, air. You are not alone like me. Seek help immediately. Do you have any skills or talents? If Yes, then you have a leg up on alot of people like me. Keep clinging to your mustard seed of faith. I know from experience that it is difficult. Please hang in there. God Bless You, in Jesus name, Amen.
J., I hope you change your mind. I am close to your age. I have been struggling for many years, too, although I can’t know exactly how you feel. One of my classmates recently took his life. So many people from HS were instant messaging all of the good things about him. I guarantee he had no clue so many people, or possibly any of us, felt this way about him. I try to remember this when I don’t want to go on. I’m sure you have people in your life that see much more in you than you see in yourself. I also try to remember that God has a plan for each of us. The bigger the plan, the more Satan attacks. I hope this might help you, too. I just realized how many people feel some of the same things I do. Yet, my heart goes out to all of you. We’ve hurt long enough. I don’t think suicide is the answer, no matter how tempting it is. God has kept you here for a reason. I am praying for you!
J., I hope you change your mind. I am close to your age. I have been struggling for many years, too, although I can’t know exactly how you feel. One of my classmates recently took his life. So many people from HS were instant messaging all of the good things about him. I guarantee he had no clue so many people, or possibly any of us, felt this way about him. I try to remember this when I don’t want to go on. I’m sure you have people in your life that see much more in you than you see in yourself. I also try to remember that God has a plan for each of us. The bigger the plan, the more Satan attacks. I hope this might help you, too. I just realized how many people feel some of the same things I do. Yet, my heart goes out to all of you. We’ve hurt long enough. I don’t think suicide is the answer, no matter how tempting it is. God has kept you here for a reason. I am praying for you!
There is no god or Jesus. Its made up . How dare you create such lies you selfish selfish people . Disgusting.
Hmmmm… yet here you are on this site. Interesting.
Why did you come to this site? If as you say, then what interest or longing brought you to a Christian site? If it was just to be malicious please think of why you felt that need. If it is because you are looking for something to give you comfort, love, kindness, hope then by all means join us. Please don’t spout your disbelief or hateful lies here. Thank you and may God Bless You, in Jesus name, Amen
You are an Idiot to think like that when we all know that Jesus is our creator and has done everything for us.
Respectfully Yours Always Again,
Mark A The Italian Rock
I hope you may find Him! 🙏🏻 Those who are wrestling with God, rarely miss meeting Him eventually.. If it makes you this angry, I am sure a part of you thinks there is truth to this.. (I know, because I felt the same way before I was saved ❤ God saved me from anorexia) you cannot be angry with someone you think does not exist 🙏🏻 I truly hope you will find Him (or rather, He will meet you)
I’m broken. I’m hurting and wishing God takes me in sleep every night.
Riza, the Bible teaches that God’s Grace is sufficient. His strength is made perfect in our weakness. Cry out to Him… He’s waiting.
Thank you!?
I have lost all hope and the physical pain is consuming me by the hour!
Have no energy left at all!
I do know and feel that God has lead me to have found you!
Thank you!
I now have a glimmer of light to see cause of you!
God bless you ?
God bless to all who battle this horrible feeling and darkness ?✝️?
Sarah thanks for the uplifting hit in the heart, a friend of mine basically dumped me right on Christmas day, I was mad and wanted or thought of suicide. Till January I pined over this lost friendship and….I wanted to sue him for calling the police and accusing me of wanting to harm and the officer plainly said to me; “stay far away from him!, he is a Pandora’s box. Now I see God’s lighted path.
Very well written, and spoken, from someone that has those experiences It’s nice to hear about the light at the end of the tunnel GREAT JOB
Hello my name is angel an 9 year old girl i really like to follow the words of the lord but yet a lot is going on in life and i think im depressed but you have showed me that depression is not something that you think you have maybe its just stress or something but im scared to tell ANYONE but im telling you (: thank you very much but i do need help to tell my family how i feel thank you again for everything.
Hi Angel. Please tell your family how you are feeling. You are not alone. ❤️
HI angel, you need to tell your family. Trust me. They would want to know and want to help you. If you’re back in school you can talk to your school counselor or a teacher you trust. There is help. You want to get that help fast before it gets worse. You have nothing to be scared of or afraid of. I will be praying for you.
Hi Angel,
I know that it is difficult to open up about your feelings. That said, I would suggest that you take a few deep breaths, get determined, then speak to your family about how you feel. I am sure that they want the best for you and will still love you no matter what. God bless you, in Jesus name, Amen.
God, Father in Heaven, I ask that you give Angel the strength to talk to her family. Give her the unconditional love that can only come from you. Please take all of her problems and make them disappear. Give her the opportunity to live a life of peace and tranquility. Bless her in Jesus name, Amen.
Hi Angel! What an honest comment of you. We are so glad you are here ❤ Sorry you are going through this!! But it is very brave of you to talk about it 💗🙏🏻 Can you maybe talk to your parents, or someone in your family , and tell them how you feel? Can you tell a kind teacher at school? We hope you are feeling okay! 🙏🏻❤ God loves you super much, sweet Angel! You may always remember that!
I simply fight succide everyday and I cry a lot because I’m fragile I have no friends or girlfriend and I’m feel withdrawn from my family a lot I cape and cry to get rid of depression and stress and I went to mental hospital lots of times and it never seems to help me I feel completely destroyed but I still show smiles fake smiles I made everyone hate me but I respect women more than men I get touched by angel I get sent signals from angels and I’m spiritual I feel as if I’m fighting demons sometimes to and that god and Jesus will never leave me no matter what I did bad things and repented for them I feel as if I’m a angel but not knowing if I’m human or not but looking in mirror I am I question reality and study a lot I feel telekentic and don’t know why I also believe hell isn’t real and only believe in a fictional world and heaven and pergatory I don’t know what’s to come of me.
I reallly empathise and feel your pain.I long to go home,I hate my life here.The loneliness is honestly killing me.
I trust in my lord Jesus and trust him to get me through this life of tribulation and heartache.
God bless you and be with you Evan,to hold you and carry you through this valley of tears.
May he comfort you and saturate you with his life.
God bless.
Hi, I am Cheyenne, and 19-year old that has tried to take my life many times. I am right now dealing with a lot of letdowns so I was trying to sit back and read through stuff. I feel like I am doing better for the most part.
That’s wonderful Cheyenne! Life gets difficult for us and we struggle sometimes. Keep pushing, keep praying, keep the faith!
I find it hard to pray though nothing seems to work anymore and I find it harder to talk to him while I blame him for all the bad things happening to me.
Hi Sarah I’m at a low right now
Praying for you Paul. You’re relevant and loved.
I love you Paul, but most importantly, Jesus Christ loves you, and He loves me too. It’s hard for us to believe, but our very existence is proof.
Please say a prayer for me. I’ve been severely depressed and anxious for 3 years. I don’t think I can go on. Tried meds, I’m in therapy. I feel like the meds have destroyed my mind, soul, and body. My love for my family is the only reason I have been able to hold on this long. I am worried. Each day I grow weaker, mentally and physically. Please, I beg y’all, please say a prayer for me. Thank you.
I love u!
I Love you and I have always Loved you and I will Love you Forever and Ever Amen.
Love Always,
Mark The Italian Rock Who Works In The Dark, Love Always
I know how to fix people. It seems that everyone has a broken bio-computer. You can fix yourself. Once you are fixed, your life will work again. Most people know what is wrong with themselves, and know what they have to do to correct their problems. The Bible is eerily silent about ending your own life. I have read the Bible twice. Once for content, and another time for context. There is a passage about a leader who lost a battle, turned to his second in command, gave his sword to him, and asked him to kill this leader. As far as I can tell, this was okay by God. If you think about it. Jesus committed suicide. Not death by cop. Rather, death by Roman. Jesus knew that He would be killed, if He rode into town on a donkey. Cheer up. You won the lottery. Of all the sperms and eggs, you made a connection. You become a person. What are the odds of that? Besides, if you wait long enough, everything will be alright. Fears go away at dawn. Ask for help from someone, and get the help you need. Use unconventional ways. Mental Institutions, and Churches can be a trap. I was a custom darkroom technician for over twenty-five years until digital photography took over and photography labs evaporated. I have printed many photographs that showed people who had committed suicide. Most people fail, and are disabled for life. Please don’t kill yourself. I can’t take it. Live your life on your own terms. I am severely mentally ill.
The Key to the Universe;
Revelation One Nineteen
Write down a brief account of your day, your problems that day, and a list of tasks to do the next day.
©1985 Paul Noblin
Read Rev.1:19 (KJV).
“Write the things which thou hast seen, and the things which are, and the things which shall be hereafter;”
Write down the past, present, and future.
Align your inside mind with the outside world (reality including Christ), and you will be one with All.
Telepath Love & Perfection.
The past is not fixed. The past is in flux and is constantly changing.
You can bend reality.
You are the center of your own Universe.
Reprogram yourself.
It takes only 15 or 20 minutes of your evening.
You must join our organization. The S. P. C. P. – The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to People.
Just bury $40.00 in a jar in your backyard. We will contact you. Presto. You’re in!
Warmest Regards… paul.
Hi Sarah, I just found you blog. I have Akathesia from medications for side effects from Immunotheraphy. I can’t have Electric shock or whatever the correct term. I was diagnosed with Stage 4 Melanoma five years ago. I feel such guilt about this as I attribute it to vanity and also being age 63 growing up in a generation that didn’t wear sunscreen. I was off treatment for a year due to Akathesia. I restarted treatment 6 weeks ago. I thought the Akathesia was due to Cymbalta and every other kind of medication for depression and anxiety the doctors gave me trying to help me. I quit all drugs including the Immunotheraphy. After jaw a year I felt better. Has scans and restarted treatment. Now the Akathesia and deep deep depression is back. Nothing has been able to help. I have horrible fear of the 3 different psych wards I have experienced. I feel great guilt because I can’t quit smoking my vape pen and I have credit card debt, 500. My husband doesn’t know. God knows. That is my habitual sin. That and nicotine. I love Jesus but the fact that I can’t stop my stupid habits makes me feel I am not really saved. Knowing I am going to die from this cancer and Akathesia leaves me terrified. I feel like I am in hell now. I don’t want to spend eternity there. I guess I will go back on hospice and stay home alone and be afraid. I don’t know how to stop this depression and Akathesia and cancer. I am so sorry for my sins, the bad habits that have led me to this. I pray Jesus has mercy on me. I had 2 abortions when I was young. I didn’t want to do that. I now see I have felt worthless since then. I did get married and have 4 grown very nice children. They don’t know Jesus as their Lord and Saviour. I have prayed for years and also for my husband. All I know is I don’t want to be a sinner. I didn’t see I was so lost until it was to late. I repent daily. I’m feel such shame and guilt. I just want to go home to Jesus. I am so sorry for my sins. I am so sorry for struggling with the same sinful behaviors over and over. Will Jesus forgive me? I am ashamed to be so weak and not ever able to overcome.
To Everyone, As believers we are trained to see a world that others ignore, We see pain and hurt that people ignore, Do you remeber when you first believed when you realised how truley wicked the world is, this is our tribulation. This is why we are depressed alot of the time, I feel this to everyday we need God every step of the way,,
My pastor just preached from the pulpit last week and said that if we’re struggling it’s our fault for not using our authority
How heartbreaking.. This is anything but Biblical teaching.. (but I am guessing you already noticed that ❤ because you commented here🙏🏻) It is very painful when our pastors, who are supposed to be safe shepherds and watch over the flock with grace and truth , twist Scripture into “a heavy burden” like the Pharisees did. They might not mean to, but that doesn’t mean that their false teaching and words don’t do great damage to vulnerable sheep… 🙏🏻 It is anything but Biblical to imply that suffering is somehow a sort of ‘glitch’ that has to do with our own ‘failing to use autority” I myself am not so sure about this whole idea of us having any ‘authority’ (but I am not sure if I see it the right way) , the Bible doesn’t really mention this, as far as I can find. The only One in authority is God, and yes, in Christ we are more than conquerers, but this is ONLY in Him, and it does not mean that we shall not suffer in our lives, unfortunately, but God will be with us in all, and will use all things for His purpose❤: unfortunately this will not make our lives free of suffering.. ❤ Preachers who claim this, have a false view of God, Who Himself became a Man of Sorrows by dying on the cross.. He Himself made Himself subject to suffering by choice, instead of using His authority (which is only His and not ours🙏🏻) to save Himself 🙏🏻 If this is the way of Christ, we as His followers know that it is not due to any lack of faith, or lack of anything, when we experience suffering.. (although of course it is very painful ❤ please don’t think I am making light of suffering 🙏🏻) You are right to say this here, and I hope you may know that this truly is a false teaching by this preacher (though he may not have meant to decieve anyone) I hope he will be made to see this 🙏🏻🙏🏻
I don’t get it. Why does everybody assume picking life is the right path? Maybe some of us are supposed to self inflict death. Shopenhauer and others tried to advocate on side of the other option. Jobs are either enslavement or prostitution. Is that what “god” would want us to feel? Families that pursue only empty paths causing empty wakes on their way? Perhaps a case needs to be made as to when it’s “reasonable” to check out. If Sweeden can advocate for that “suicide pod” company name “Dignitas” maybe we need take “theologian” talks and instead see “the logic” talk for us.
There is no case in the Bible for reasonableness to check out. A theologian would not have a case to support this type of “murder”.
Kenton, This is a Christian blog with a Christian message. Your mention of “Shopenhauer and others” and “god” means that you’re viewing this from a non Christian perspective. That is the reason you “don’t get it”.
A big part of my depression actually is g-d and the bible I love to dance but it is sinful because it may involve wiggling my hips or shoulders. I am sad that many of Mt family members are going to hell because they are jewish. I actually miss being part of the jewish community. I believe that I will go to hell if I don’t continue in christianity. If I am right with g-d andwould go to heaven I just wish I could die tonite because I don’t know how much longer I can continue being a christian.
The 1st paragraph left me with chills. Daily,i feel it.
Especially when someone is on a path they never chose to be on. Most times,i feel left behind. While watching others continue on. It’s extremely hard when in your mind you want to do so much and your body says no.
I Love you Sara and I want to take you out to Dinner when you have time without causing you any discomfort. Respectfully Yours Always,
I am sorry you suffer this. I am sorry I pray for death. I am sorry Sara
Sarah I don’t know how I found your post but it has touched me in so many ways the last 4 years I’ve been absolutely horrible for me my whole life hasn’t been easy but the last four I’ve been divorced but I can tell you that every single time I fell down and nobody was around somebody came out of nowhere and helped me.. I believe ..I truly believe Jesus sent those people to me ..I have severe Depression anxiety PTSD I suffered a lot of trauma I have a hard time sometimes believing that God still loves me and he has forgiven me for the mistakes that I have made all the way I’m truly sorry and have gone to confession and I pray all the time. I think he’s not answering me because of some of the mistakes i made don’t get me wrong I’m not aa horrible person I just have made some mistakes I just don’t know if I’m good enough for God.. you have given me New Hope and I just want to thank you for that !!any little bit helps anything helps I just truly want to be forgiven and for this pain to go away and I’m so scared of dying I’m afraid I’m going to go to hell and I don’t want to go I’ve always stuck by Jesus side but I’m still worried some may not believe me but I had a dream about him it was too real he was walking in the clouds and he was next to me he walked a little ahead of me turned his head and looked at me and turned back around as if to say follow me that was before all this madness started and all I have been doing is praying constantly I just hope that he hasn’t forgotten me I thank you so much for being open and honest and sharing your story it has really really helped a lot and like I said I don’t know how I found this post I was googling something completely different and this popped up thank you so much I hope you realize how many lives you have touched
If you are a “christian” and you are depressed, perhaps you have come to the realization that there really is no god or Jesus who actually listen to some random human’s prayers, and actually bother to answer them. The fact that millions upon millions of adults still believe in this fairy tale absolutely astounds me! If it is going good or someone recovers, “Thank God”, not the doctors and nurses who did the miracle work in saving a person’s life, they had nothing to do with it, and if they did, it was all because of the hands of GOD or JESUS! But when things go bad, lets blame another being that doesn’t exist, like Satan, or put the blame on other humans, or even ourselves, because hey, we can’t blame that omnipotent, loving, all powerful, god now, can we? I mean, he would never mean us any harm would he? Wake up.
O hate feeling like this all my life I’m 51…I separated with my church because of this and just felt abandoned again loke when my mom.left..my church and the family who took me in could never understand my bipolar wasn’t me not loving God with all my heart. My 4 brothers have never been able to understand I’m sick. All I had was my dad and I lost him. I just feel so lost. I beg God to be with me somenights in my room and I ask God to bring my dad..he’s the only person who didn’t abandon me. 51 years this never stopped 20 years of therapy never tool these feelings away. I never got married and I wouldn’t have kids because I didn’t want to pass my disfunction down. I’m hurting so bad.
Don’t do it life is buietiful you only get one chance and suisides go to a special place in HELL I HAVE SEEN A SMALL PART DEMONS STREACHING THERE NASTY SKIN OVER YOUR FACE . I HOPE YOU’RE FEELING SCARED, CHANGE YOUR MIND SHARPISH SERIOUSLY NO JOKE. PUT YOUR FAITH IN GOD HE IS EXCELLENT. LOVE FROM AN EX SUISIDE.
Just die already lol
Wow… is this really a nessecary reply?
This is an extremely damaging and painful thing to say to anyone.. May God help you in whatever it is that makes you feel like you needed to say this..
Suicide is Murder of Self.. It’s rough and hard to deal with depression.But we have to remember that if we take our own lives It will be no different than spitting in God’s face.. Remember to yolk yourself To Jesus…. Its more than reading scripture.It’s all about a relationship with Jesus who is a God. Now you say suicide is not selfish well I say it is selfish. Laying down your life for someone else is Selfless.. But Taking in your own life Just by going by your own feelings is not selfless. I’m not going to disregard The feelings of others. We all Go through depression… Always remember that God’s love and Mercy is greater There are own Negative perception of ourselves.
Remember let’s be like peter and not like judas.
Judas Committed suicide because he never had any faith in Jesus who Is GOD… Despite Is every miracle jesus..Judas Had no faith in God’s mercy.
Peter and Judas Both Betrayed Jesus.. But the key difference is that Peter repented(To Change One’s Mind)..
Noone has ever expressed how I ACTUALLY feel !! Thankyou.
Platitudes don’t help 🙄 being acknowledged for the realness of it really does.
💗
Yes , my daughter was twenty six , my grandsons was four and five in the father of the boys broke in their house , shot all in the head and killed them. And I get mad at god because he keeps me here , and I don’t want to be here.
This is beautifully said and shared. Especially suggestions on what to do… spending time with them. Just sitting with them. Thank you 🙏🏼
I second that response. Well said on both your parts. Thank you.
My response was to Deborah’s comment above but it posted elsewhere. Just to be clear.
Wow. Honestly, I stopped reading after it said that suicide is not a selfish choice, that is is the most selfless thing you can do.
Someone that is in that place is a victim going through a horrible time (I’ve been there), so I’m not trying to downplay that, but our choices affect others. Suicide affects others around them and cannot be called self-less by any reasonable definition.
What I got from that section was that the person thinks what they are doing is better for those around them, not that it is. A person in the despair of depression are in such pain they are not thinking clearly.
Precisely! Thank you Terry. That is the misguided thought process on both sides; on one side it’s self-less and we’re doing our loved ones a favor because we are unlovable, or angry, or for whatever reason, feel they would be better off without us.
On the other side of that is the condemnation for being selfish, inadequate in our faith, or not intentional with our thoughts.
I kept reading because it was spot on. I have personally been told all of these things by wife (the one person in my life who should be safe) which just shows that just doesn’t care. I say doesn’t care as opposed to doesn’t understand because she used to work in an inpatient psychiatric facility so she has seen even crazier than I.
Wow, Ryan, that is exactly what my wife said to me some years ago after I returned from overseas operations, “That’s selfish!” My wife is a nurse and told me that, and since that time I’ve never shared another thought with her on the subject.
I’m writing because I happened to be online and am in another deep spiraling major depression. I’ve held the pistol to me head before, and know how close it’s been to doing it. For people who don’t know what it’s like, it’s hard to explain the gigantic mental maelstrom in which one “exists” when life is so bleak. It’s not sadness… it’s so much much blacker than that. And the thoughts of suicide are constant. I am so tired of the continual everyday nightmares of combat, the physical pains and just the fatigue of age (over 65). Life isn’t what it once was and it’s passed me by.
What’s really tough, is that for all the “Christian compassion” supposedly in the body of Christ, there seems to be so little in some marriages, and in some churches. Most of my closer friends are dead and gone. I ask myself, “what’s the point”…just git ‘er done, and move on to the next stage. But…I can only hope that this terrible feeling will once again pass. Every time though, it seems as if it gets nearer and more likely.
Agree! I think the people that believe it is selfish may have never considered suicide. They do not understand so of course it feels like a selfish choice.
D, you say you stopped reading, but your response indicates you weren’t really reading to begin with. She did not say suicide is the most selfless thing you can do. What she said was “for many battling the darkness, dying seems like the most selfless thing to do”. This is from the perspective of the suicidal person, not the opinion of the author. And yes, suicide does affect others, but if you’re suffering so immensely, that the only solution left is to do something as awful as end your own life, if your pain is that terrible, but “others” expect you to endure that pain cause of how it will affect them, who is the one who is actually being selfish?
Thank you. That’s why I don’t blame the ones I love who left; I know what it’s like to feel “guilted” to stay in this “fallen world” that we’re supposed to believe we’re going through all this “to become better!”
Well guess what, at this point, as wrong as I may be, I admit I wish I didn’t “become” at all!
Your key word being “reasonable.” Nobody said anything about reasonable definitions. In the mind’s torture chamber that is depression, with all the brain’s “optical illusion” that come with this diabolical condition there is often no light to see by and frequently “reason” is completely shut out. In fact, a preachy comment about how selfish an act it is can tighten the noose even harder (hopefully only figuratively). Sarah was talking about what it SEEMS like from inside the torture chamber. It seems like I would be releasing my loved ones from my own cursed, toxic, dead-weight existence. I wish you had finished this excellent article before rushing to post the same, old worn, preachy, stereotypical party line that we’ve all heard our entire lives, just the type of rigid and almost willful lack of understanding this article was trying to dispel — or at least soften a bit. Please go back and read more carefully — you sound like one of the exact churchy people Sarah was hoping to reach to kindle a wee bit of compassion for those who suffer.
If you have no one who does it effect? Everyone doesnt have family or friends who care about them? Surely many would say if they knew youd succeed in killing yourself theyd be there but most of those are the same people who wont be bothered with you when you desperately need help.
I believe that Satan would love it when one commits suicide. We were born to love others and show Christ in everything we do and say.i myself can never live up to being like our Lord Jesus.i tell our Lord Jesus this all the time.what would have happened if Jesus had committed suicide???think about that!
Thank you for writing this!! I’m a licensed professional counselor working at a Christian counseling company…. and I’ve also struggled with depression (and suicidal ideation) since I was 19. So this topic is doubly important to me— for my clients AND myself!!
The only response I get from my christian counselor about being so depressed due to loneliness that I want to check out is if “I believed how much the Lord loves me, He would be enough” I then feel guilty that I am not walking in Christ very well.
I hate when they put the onus on the believer. Telling us our faith is too weak. They can come with me. I have plenty of open space for my trip. Assholes are most welcome to precede me.
You need a new therapist. Or quit therapy like I did because of this type of abuse.
Hi Karmen,
If this is what your Christian counselor is telling you, it’s time to find a new therapist. I am very serious about this – it sounds like this person is not adequately equipped to deal with mental health issues. In fact, it is actually legal for anybody to call themselves a “Biblical Counselor” or “Pastoral Counselor” without having any formal licensure or oversight. I went to a similar counselor before I realized that she was not a true mental health professional.
It is far more important to see a well-trained therapist who understands mental illness than it is to go to somebody with the Christian label. I had to go to 4 therapists and counselors before I found a good one, but working with well-trained therapists changed everything for me. Check out psychologytoday.com/us/therapists to find real professionals in your area.
Therapy is such a confusing issue for Christians. On the one hand, I can absolutely see the benefit that training in mental health offers, but on the other hand, a mature and wise believer who has the Holy Spirit of God residing in them would have the benefit of the Creator of the person coming to them for help giving them insight into that person and their situation.
I hear you! My ideal is to work with licensed and trained professionals who are also followers of Christ.
However, all of us, even mature and wise believers filter everything we hear from God through our experiences, prejudices, and limited perspectives. And someone can be very mature and wise in their faith, but still harbor stigma and false ideas about mental health.
One of the first “counselors” I saw was a lovely woman who loved the Lord deeply. She wasn’t a licensed therapist, but was well-respected, co-pastored a church with her husband, and prayed with me for the Holy Spirit’s insight every time we met. It was a terribly damaging experience for me because she didn’t know anything about treating depression, anxiety, or PTSD.
It’s important to recognize that mental health issues, especially suicidal thoughts, have medical and psychological components that laypeople simply cannot treat. When I’m sick, it is far more important that my doctors be well-trained and determined to take good care of me than that they are Christians.
If I reduce mental illness to a spiritual or character issue, sticking with wise Christian counsel seems to make a lot of sense. But if I recognize the medical and psychological issues, it’s clear God has blessed us with professionals who are much better equipped to help us get well <3
Sarah, I do see your point. My history with counselors has been interesting…the secular counselor I saw first was very sympathetic to my situation, which was extremely validating, but she wasn’t really able to help me much. The second one was a believer with great insight and she was very helpful. The third was also a believer with great insight but she was so unsympathetic that it was hurtful…all she wanted to do was tell me what I should be doing. I know sympathy is not ultimately what I need, but I think a good balance is helpful, because it’s kindness to come alongside someone who is suffering and feel that with them for a little while at least, and it means the world to me.
Thank you, wonderful Sarah, so much, and God bless you!! ♡
LoL, OMG. She shouldn’t be a counselor at all! WTF.
Karmen
That is not a Christlike response from your counselor and it is a LIE. God expressly made Eve for Adam because God said it is not good for man to be alone. God also knows how we need community. The people who say things like this are selfish and have people and cant walk in the shoes of others. Im sorry you were told this. Its a LIE!
You’re a beautiful soul Sarah. God bless you.
For me killing myself is God’s option and mine
Anonymous, Killing yourself is your option and not God’s. Jesus said that He came to give life and life abundantly. Scripture says that Satan comes to kill, steal and destroy. That life in God’s Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness and so on. Please pray and ask God for His help and to give you the desire to live. God bless you.
You are amazing. Thank you so much, friend 🙂
Thank you Sarah!
Yes I agree with your coments. It is horrible to have to a cheerful countinense when you are seriously depresseda person has to continue hiding what is wrong or you will lose that friend.
You cannot put on the smile always. The cloud can live with you through out your life.
I am alone. I told my mother that i called the sucide hotline and she yelled that i would go to hell and ignored it like nothing has happened. So, i go on alone… I don’t what i will do try to move forward.
Mitch, I am so sorry to hear you’re going through this alone. My mother can be just as difficult. The first thing you’re going to do is get yourself the the ER. That’s what saved my life. You’re going to listen to the doctors and follow through on your treatment. You’re going to live because we love you and need you here. Your story isn’t finished yet. There is no shame in seeking treatment or asking for help. In the contrary. Let the doctors speak to her. Maybe that’ll help. I beg you to please go to the ER. ???❤️
Hi Mitch, I am so sorry that happened to you! When a parent says something that hurtful, (at least for me), regardless of the cause/state s/he’s in,
I shut down completely, vowing to never speak to them again.
It can make telling anyone else anything impossibly harder, which sucks, because isolation is “death drawn-out.”
(“If my own mother doesn’t give a rip/is that judgmental, what are the odds any1 else will!?’-my head reasons.
I moved forward 1 mm at a time, in tears, fear, rage & prayed. It took a LONG TIME and 2much pain to disclose here, but we’re actually speaking, & she’s trying to help.
Who knew?
I pray your mom comes around, your relationship is restored, and you don’t let what she said be a nail in your coffin.
Please pray for me….I fight not wanting to live everyday
Hi Mitch, I am so sorry that happened to you! When a parent says something that hurtful, (at least to me), regardless of their mental state,
I shut down completely, vowing to never speak to them or anyone again.
It can make telling anyone else anything impossibly harder, which sucks, because isolation is “death drawn-out.”
(“If my own mother doesn’t give a rip/is that judgmental, what are the odds any1 else will!?’-my head reasons.
I moved forward 1 mm at a time, in tears, fear, rage & prayed. It took a LONG TIME and 2much pain to disclose here, but we’re actually speaking, & my parents are trying to help.
Who knew?
I pray your mother sees your light, your relationships are restored, and you don’t let what she said be a nail in your coffin.
I have lived alone in Texas for years for work. My wife visits, but can’t stay! I have found women that comfort me, but still feel alone.
I don’t care that you say I am unfaithful to my wife, this is about preserving my own life. I WANT to die!! I am tired!! Went BACK to work at 67 because I could not handle all the bitching about MONEY. I don’t care about money!
I want LOVE, and money does not give me love. It is all I want!!! God loves me , and I Him, but I need to feel skin against mine. A voice that says you are a good man. I don’t need people to tell me to FIND Jesus. I found Jesus and GOD years ago!! Both give me their peace. I hear and speak with GOD.
I want to BE with Him and not be here with Y’all
Ron, It sounds like you’re confessing to committing adultery? If you are a Christian who is following Christ then you should know that you’re actively sinning and need to stop. The love you seek is in Christ. Jesus died for you because He loved you and God is love. SEEK HIM. People, including your wife, will fail you over and over. You are called to pick up your cross DAILY and follow Christ. You are called to die to self daily and that includes your fleshly desire to commit adultery under the excuse of “I need to feel skin against mine”. The Bible says that we are to walk in the Spirit and not the flesh because walking in the flesh is death, in this life and afterwards. The Bible says that you can do ALL THINGS through Christ who strengthens you. So that means you can resist the desire to commit adultery when you walk in Gods Holy Sprit and not indulge in what your body wants. Submit yourself and your body to God and He will help you to resist. IF not then you have chosen an idol which is yourself and your flesh. Your god is yourself if you give into what your flesh wants. There are many other Christians out there with spouses that are driving them nuts but God can bring answers. Ask God for help and ask specifically to bring Christians into your life that are going though, or went through, the same things and then learn from them and PRAY for them and with them. Christians are called to pray for one another and help one another. Will pray for you. God bless you with His peace and some help and answers.
Weakness is your culture. Ask a cop for help, you and all your sheep culture
I am ready! I failed last week no clue how not this time peace love but I cant deal with this good bye
Fuck God. The idiot is a figment of your imagination anyway. Prolonged extreme suffering will enlighten you on that score. Until you have been completely maddened by pain you will never see through this God illusion.
So ur in pain then……
I really feel bad for you that you feel this way I really do I feel bad for your soul good luck to you
Yeah, i want to die too rn. It’s true, it’s like i’m living in an internal torture chamber. Unseen, unheard, people doesn’t know i need help. I need help. I want someone in my life who I can ask for help. I need someone i can talk to, but i can’t tell my friends. I can’t tell my parents.. they all will leave me and make me alone more. I can hear my parents getting mad at me, yelling “stop your nonsense!” And my friends think i’m weirder than i already am. Please..what good is it if i continue to live? It will all just ends up the same, either i’m alive or not.
Humming,
Hang in there…God has a purpose for you. Satan wants to make sure you don’t fulfill it …Keep your eyes fixed on Jesus…read His Word daily…He is the only One who will give you strength to “run the race set before you.”. Stay focused…I recommend that you watch the movie, “Overcomer”…don’t give up.
Hey Humming,
I’m so sorry you’re struggling. Have you tried reaching out to the crisis text line? You can just text 741741 and they are available to talk 24 hours a day.
If you are under 18 and genuinely don’t think your family would be supportive of you getting help, I strongly suggest reaching out to a teacher or a school counselor and explaining what’s going on. There is help available and some schools have resources for when you’re struggling. If you’re in college, most colleges have resources available as well.
Please don’t give up. You are worth getting help and getting better. Please stay.
We Christians can cause the most pain to those already hurting deeply. Here is a portion of a sermon from a well known pastor. It only leaves me feeling more worthless and unlovable.
“It’s not only important how we spend our time, but with whom we spend it. The only thing that’s keeping some people from a new level of their destiny is wrong friendships. You may have to prune off some relationships that are not adding value to your life. Don’t hang around people who are not going anywhere, who have no goals or dreams, who compromise and take the easy way out. If you tolerate mediocrity, it will rub off on you. If you hang out with jealous, critical, unhappy people, you will end up jealous, critical, and unhappy. You cannot become who God created you to be hanging out with them.
Take a look at your friends. If your friends are winners, leaders, givers, and successful, if they have integrity and a spirit of excellence and are positive and motivated, those good qualities are going to rub off on you. Invest your time with them. They’re making you better.”
Lynn, Then perhaps you need to find a new church and pastor? Perhaps take a look at a Baptist church that teaches plain Bible based teaching without the extra stuff? God bless you with His peace. Will pray for you.
You really get it. And I
Suffering right now. And I’m tired. So tired. ?
I understand and I’m sorry to hear that bro this can’t possibly be the first time in your life that you’ve not wanted to be alive and if this is the first time how freaking perfect is your life or how screwed up is mine I thought not wanting to exist was natural that many many many points in life for everyone am I missing something
This message is to Frank I feel exactly how u feel I too had my kids stolen from me grew up in pain everything u said was so perfect to my feelings I wish I knew u and were your friend I never thought I would get older and still think like this as of 2020 but this year really added that extra needed pressure to bust my pipes. I feel like so many people don’t really care about me they just wanna be known to me so many lies on top of lies why did this shit chose me I constantly ask myself daily like why can’t I hit the lottery so something good or even just be able to be the great father I always wanted to be to my kids. I’ve fell in love with women and the last one deeply which ultimately caused me to break all the way down now I’m here everything stripped away from me I’m all alone no thoughts of tomorrow just pain pain pain rain and more pain never any gain lord I’ve had talks with u and idk I’m so lost I want help but don’t wanna be treated like and animal I just want someone or something to make me feel alive again. If I die today I wonder if anyone would find me or even miss me other than my close family but how long would they grieve I don’t wanna put anymore pain into the world by leaving but I also can’t endure anymore pain inside of this body anymore either. I know no one understands no ones pain so I never underestimate actions of anyone pain is addictive I just wanna find the strength to see better days especially for my kids I pray and hope they forever love me no matter the lies and betrayal people told them about me. I’m not a pussy or a coward I’m just human like any other person. I’m asking for guidance in this dark time. I’ll try to hold my head high for a lil longer but I need help real honest help please
Fuck you and your Christian ideology
Nobody gets out
All your church wants is your money bastards
Save your self from all religion. Try and get on with your life.
Be the best person you can be. There are better things than God and the devil as the story of Job tells us.
Dear Deborah Please get help call 911 you are a good person please don’t go through with this 8 love you sister ❤️ we all need help sometimes I have been through so much in my life and I thought things would never get better I suffer from depression and anxiety one time I was going to end my own life,I got help please get help your not crazy life at times can be unfair and unbearable but in time things will work out for you it can take some for them to work out I know I’ve been through a lot my family hurt me so bad thy betrayed me in court for money ? this broke my heart I felt that no one loved me only money Sister you can call me if you want to but please hey someone or a person that will help you get over thy pain of sorrow you can do it please do this for me I made It so can you but I couldn’t have without help don’t be afraid or ashamed your only human ❤️ ? please get a professional to help you through this process we all need help sometimes my daughter is bipolar and she is a sicolagest Only God is perfect you have a kind heart ❤️ don’t give up love you sister in Jesus.
I can relate
After being raped in 2008 I attempted suicide by swallowing 8oz, yes I said, 8 oz of antifreeze. I’m a walking MIRACLE.
NOW IM A SELF PROCLAIMED JESUS FREAK AND PROUD OF IT!
❤️
This is so true and it is so me
Hello, not sure if ill ever get a reply but….I have a very heavy childhood with lots of abuse mentally and physcially but for some reason I never deeply thought about how much it hurt me until recently. I am 21 years old and I cant afford to keep going to college & well we all know how expensive and uneasy life is. But its not even that I truly just hate being here I have nothing going for me everyone is passing me up, I do have a aunt and uncle who are pastors, they are aware and truly talk and pray with me. But I feel as if I failed them (I am a youth leader at the church) they are so kind but I truly hate myself and want to die. I love my cousins and my dogs so much but that doesnt stop me from wanting to kill myself. Lately its gotten worse and I am just observing the beauty of life because I can feel myself coming to a end.
Hi LC, i just found this article today, and read your post. I read it to try to understand more so I could help a friend of mine who has battled depression and suicidal thoughts for years. It’s really helped me to see just how isolating this can be for a Christian, there’s so much expectation to be completely ‘put together’. It seems to me that while we may have a lot of encouragement for people with a visible disability, we don’t extend the same understanding to people bravely battling these horrendous internal wars.
I just want to say that although I don’t know you, I’m weeping for your grief and pain, I am in awe of your strength to get up and keep going, I am so sorry that you are feeling this way.
I am praying for you today, and everyone else on here, that help comes. That your life contains peace , calm and sweetness . That attitudes around you change and people offer love and acceptance instead of condemnation and isolation.
I am so sorry for your pain, but I thank you for sharing it here and helping me to understand it and hopefully be a help to those around me who fight this same darkness.
I love you
AR
Ditto: I’ve walked many miles in these words Ditto may seem trite because I love the written word. Yet this darkness that I call going down “The Rabbit Hole”, was beautifully written about a dark place I never wanted to share.
Yet, this past year I learned my 25 year old neice had attempted suicide 2 times. The first time I spoke openly was to her. Not realizing until now being honest and telling her 24/7 I was there. No matter how bad. No Judgement here. Just my love was so needed in our Society. It’s something to hide. Shame. Yet we must have open conversation and love.
It would be wonderful if we had more open forums, blogs, saying what you just said. Thank you so very much.
GOD BLess you Deborah you are an amazing person for what you are doing to help others and educate them. We as a church are unware of the spiritual component that is responsible mental problems. Evil spirits bible calls them demons and devils are the cause of many people suicides depressions bi polar multiple personality and other mental isuses. Also with drug abuse physical abuse and witchcraft abuse will be the door for spirits to cause mental issues. Or the spirits that are in the bloodline attacking the next gen. In family. Pastors like Lovy elias Daniel Adams aLex pagani mike signorelli. Are great men of God that are vessels use by God to deliver people from evil spirits.
suicide is nothing but Satan this life to us is so simple to wht truly lies ahead a battle of souls for we have free will but understand there is a permissive will and a willing will. when we turn away from God he will allow the enemy to get a hold of for if u deny my father I will not acknowledge u but in the end it’s still God’s ways of not leaving u because in the end when u realize ur helpless again the enemy who else u gone call on. SATAN COMES IN MANY FORMS JAMES 1:14-15 SAY TEMPTATIONS IS MANA OWN DESIRES AND WISHES RHE RHINGS WE COVER AND DESIRE SATAN GIVESS IT TO U UNTIL U FIND UR LOST IN A MAZE OF UR CHOOSING.IF U THINKING BOUT SUICIDE CALL ON LORD. HE IS LOYAL OUT GOING RESPECTFUL AND DIVINE I HAVE THIS ON MY HAND ALOTTA PEOPLE THINK ITS GANG RELATED . ACTUALLY ITS THUG LORD. THNKFUL HUMBLE UNDERSTANDING GIFTED . LOYAL OUTGOING RESPECTFUL AND DIVINE EVERYTHING THR JESUS CHRIS IS THE GOAL IS TO BE CHRIST LIKE JUST PRAY IT WILL GET BETTER .WHEN UR DOWN TO NOTHING GOD IS DEFINITELY UP TO SOMETHING.THWY FROGS ARE A SIGN OF SATAN
. NOT WHEN UR FOREVER.RELYING.ON.God
Sarah, this is excruciating for a parent to read. My heart is breaking and rejoicing at the same time. I praise Jesus that he has given you those special people to be there for you. I am so proud of your courage, not only to share your personal pain, but to be bold enough to tell the Church and all who will hear, of this horror you and so many have and are suffering. (I think I need you to edit that sentence).
I love you beyond measure and will share in hopes that it will be taken as serious as it is.
Your shaken and grateful Madre.
I adore you, Madre ❤️ thank you so much
Yes thank you this article is so on point for the people me included who suffer from depression.as a Christian for over thirty years now.I struggle to understand these dark thoughts myself.for me I just want God to rescue me take me from this world so I don’t have to deal with this mental pain.but I know he lets me go on in my affliction for a reason.even so my hope is in God amen.
Please pray for me….I fight to stay alive everyday
Absolutely Margaret. God is with you. You are not alone
I’m praying for you hope to see you on the other side
GOD LOVES YOU SO MUCH AND HE HAS A WONDERFUL PLAN FOR YOUR LIFE. GODS GOT YOU!
With you, Madre!
I’m also very proud of you’re absolutely ? about your problem you stronger than you know dear, we all need help sometimes my dear don’t be ashamed life is not always easy the Bible even says a wise man or woman seeks counsel for a counselor and there’s nothing wrong with that I had a therapist who was seeing a therapist himself and taking low doses of anxiety medicine when you feel comfortable enough to tell me because he noticed I had a complex and was down on myself because of feeling like I was awake because I needed to freshen medicine and anxiety so he showed me his and said you’re not alone this isn’t hurting world and sometimes as people we need help without that help we’re not going to be in good shape so never be ashamed to get help and sometimes those that help us have been in need of help themselves you know why because we’re only human God bless you and please get health care and that doesn’t mean you’re weak it means that you are taking courage ? ❤️ I love you and want you sister to get through this AmenGod bless you and send your angels charge over you ❤️ don’t give up
This is an amazing post, Sarah. I get it, too. I’m so sharing this on FaceBook. This is probably the most important post people will read all year, and you articulated it the best I’ve ever read.
Thank you so much, Dave. I’m so grateful to know you!
Agree!!!
Thank you for your beautiful article. It has the power to help many. I wish every church leader would read this.
Thank you, Stephanie. I agree: I wish I could share these realities with every church leader. I think that’s why it’s so important for us to share our stories ❤️
I don’t know you but thank you.
I want every church leader; every Christian to read this too. It has helped me to understand what a friend is going through.
It’s encouraging to think maybe kindness and love is enough. It’s easy to feel so helpless…thanks for reminding us that love really can make a difference.
I haven’t been through what you have been through but I’ve had a share of tough times and I feel like I’ve been approached in a similar manner (by some people, others are amazing, gracious, kind and understanding)…I hope they read this; to understand you sometimes can just snap yourself out of sadness.
People can be ignorant…but your honesty and powerful testimony is the start of understanding.
You are a wonderful, articulate person Sarah….
Thank you for your honesty. I think it will save and help many.
Thankyou for being so transparent!!! I too struggle everyday with those thoughts due to loneliness.
I read and shared on FB. I can not tell you how many conversations that this has brought up in friends lives who are sharing their stories now because of your well-written thoughts. You have literally put into words what so many people in my life have been feeling and didn’t have the strength to say. Thank you for this.
I’m so grateful to to hear this, Shelly. Thank you for sharing and for having those important conversations ❤️
It is harder to admit depression than people know. God does stop my immediate problems I know I can be depressed but mine comes and goes. I usually reach out to others who have it bad and I pray to find something to do to help me cope.
Sarah – I echo all the comments above. Shared on both blogs and I hope any comments also come here. One already has – and here is another:
“Absolutely. We don’t tell someone who was shot in the foot to simply pray about it, but we do for mental health. Great post. Thank you.”
And another: “Wow, I love this post. I’m sharing it with my wife. Thank you!”
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Perfect!
Not a Christian anymore, but so much of what you wrote rings so true. Particularly the line about suicide being selfish. I’ve attempted suicide twice (unsuccesfully, obviously) and while there was a sense of anticipation for me for the impending freedom from suffering, the much larger consideration in my mind was that I would be doing my parents, my kids, my ex-wife, my animals – the whole world basically – a huge favor by removing myself from existence. I would recommend people who want to help others who struggle with depression and suicide learn about a little-known clinical diagnosis known as suicide addiction. Many people who are long time sufferers of depression have it. It is not full time obsession with wanting to die, but it is looked at by those who suffer from it as a card to play whenever they need to. Just like someone who brings an umbrella in case it rains, a suicide addict views suicide in the same way. It is a comforting thought to them to know they have an ‘out’ if and when the time comes that they can no longer cope. I have been diagnosed with this – it’s always in the back of my mind. ALWAYS.
I’ll be praying for you, John, and your post saddens me so!! Please don’t blame God for what Christians may handle wrongly; we are NEVER perfect, only sinners saved by grace!! But GOD is perfect, He does understand, and He loves you more than any human can come close to doing!!! If you were the only person on this earth, He would have sent Jesus to die & shed His perfect blood for your sin and Jesus would have gladly done it!!! Jesus promises to never leave nor forsake all those that put their trust in Him, & ONLY Him, no works, for forgiveness & salvation; what a deal: don’t pass it up!!!
Great answer Chris, thank you!
John, I have just added a comment above and seen yours and then Chris’ reply.
Your comment explained something I have never understood, thank you. Of those who return to “suicide” (and some very odd and botched attempts) repeatedly. They were people very close to me. And with never understanding why (until reading your words) I did get frustrated at “all my time an energy” seemingly a waste of time.
As an addiction – that makes perfect sense! And addictions are something I know and understand! I think we all do. And you have added something very precious, for me, to Sarah’s post. WOW!
As for being a Christian or not – I am not so sure God Jesus intended for us to achieve perfection of being “Christian”. Seems to me the story of Jesus is mainly about showing the perfect “Chosen People” it is not about perfection, it is about love without any conditions at all. And that means for all and from all – without reason or objective.
I hope you have those around you to nudge you out of addiction – as we all need to do that ((hugs))
Thanks for sharing the term: suicide addict. It helps in understanding.
Sarah, What would happen in your sessions with the therapist that was so uniquely helpful?
Yes. What was helpful in the sessions, digging painful past, that worked?
Great question. There are several things that are incredibly helpful. Normalizing my struggles helped to destigmatize depression and suicidal thoughts. It made me feel not crazy. Listening without judgment and helping me see things from different angles is incredible. I know I can be completely unfiltered without any negative repercussions. And, finally, there are certain therapeutic techniques and processes that have been really helpful for me. In particular, EMDR led to several breakthroughs for me, although YMMV
Sarah, can you please explain “EMDR” and “YMMV”? I’m not familiar with them. Thank you.
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, a technique to deal with painful thoughts and memories. And Your Mileage May Vary.
Yes me too I have been dealing with ptsd since I was 4 and then 6-12 I was sexually abused
Not family
I blocked it out until I was 44 happy engaged but this time he was too goid to be true and it triggered my self sabotaging ptsd
He is not my fiancé now
I list sleep for fear of nightmares that were memories
My sisters exclude me
I teach for 24 yrs special education and gas to go on fmla sick leave ran out of sick days and lost half my salary last year
Sold my home when I moved in with fiancé and gs e my full y furnished home away oractiscau
I’ve trued inpatient outpatient t but I don’t do drigs or alcohol I stil found what I found from it
Then I go to what I think is a healing place for ptsd survivors is childhood sexual abuse and it’s a rehab and I was never so scared cockroaches no phone strip searched barely ate s d with criminals drug addicts
Returned to work homeless lol
Found place finally and I’m scraping by I can’t sfford to take time off and I can’t osy all my bills so I teach and once agIn block out my life
Beautifully written. Great suggestions for those around us. ♥
My 28 year old daughter committed suicide 18 months ago leaving behind an 8 month old daughter and loving husband. She loved God. She could not beat the depression even with counseling and medication. She felt her family would be better off without her. She was a good person. She made bags for the homeless and kept them in her car. She donated her hair to cancer patients. She took care of stray animals. She was looking in to foster care. She attended church regularly. Again- she loved God
But now all I hear is “people who commit suicide go straight to hell”. People dont realize how painful this can be. My mind is in constant turmoil over this. After all, only God can judge.
That’s heartbreaking, Pamela. I’m so sorry. Here’s what I know about God: he doesn’t abandon his children when they’re most broken. He doesn’t withdraw grace from those who love him. He is faithful to his word, and it says he is near to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. I do not believe your daughter is in hell.
That teaching is not based in any scriptural truth, but in fear-driven tradition. Your daughter did not commit a crime. She died of a terrible disease, and I believe anyone who says differently is not speaking from the heart of God. ❤️
♥️
Life is tough too short to end ourselves but I think may get selfish and suicide it.
I agree. I do not believe that those who commit suicide goes to hell. If you confess with your mouth and believe that Jesus Christ died for your sins you shall live. I believe Christ looks at the heart and he knows that person that commits suicide is not thinking clear when they commit suicide
Thank you so much for this interesting and touching read!! I’m sure you have helped many!!
Thank you Sarah! Pamela, I lost my 20yr old son by suicide 5yrs ago. Immediately God showed me through varies situations that my son was with Him. I know without a shadow of doubt he is with Jesus! I have a deep personal relationship with Jesus… and have had many “religious church, salvation earning people” say to me and my other children that our loved one is in hell. I looked up scripture, and in the whole Big light of who God is… I know that i know that when we accept Jesus as our savior there is nothing that can take that away. We are always & forever His! We don’t have to earn or prove anything to earn our salvation or be loved by Him. We are saved because He loves us and demonstrated it through His son on the cross & His resurrection. Thats the proof that our loved ones were accepted with open arms by their Creator!!! My son loved Jesus, however the world & depression distorted his view of who he was in Christ. When a person is struggling they are not in their right minds, no clarity. I refuse to let the enemy get any credit for what happened! God will restore what the enemy thinks he took. God promised to make beauty out of ashes. His word is the light & truth, and nothing can take its place. Truth always wins! Im a forever all the time warrior XO
Thank you Sarah for an answer that so many people agonize over!
Amen!!! The Bible teaches that rejecting Christ is what separates us from Him. If suicide sent a Christian to hell then so would all other sins. he died for our sins. Not condoning sin but we all sin as believers.
I think it’s important that this be an encouragement for those who have lost loved ones to suicide, not a reason or permission to end our lives.
Frankly, not being willing to take the chance of being separated from the God I love kept me holding on long enough to get the help I needed and to make some big changes that transformed my mental health. I’m grateful for that, because now, even though I have dark days and still struggle, I always know how to connect with hope and peace. And that IS possible for everyone.
How dare you condone suicide!
People who practice lawlessness will never see the kingdom of God!! Only those who do the will of the Father and persevere till the end will enter into Heaven!
The Bible is clear! Thou shall not Kill
That includes ourselves! You cannot Repent of your Sin after you kill yourself!
Repent means to turn away from sin! Thoughts of suicide is Sin! Bipolar is our fallen nature and is Sin!
The devil and those who belong to the devil will be lead down this path to suicide! He steals our joy and his job is to send many to hell! He hates God and all created in His image!
Those truly surrendered to Christ have the joy and peace of Christ and do Not dwell on self as an idol! No idolators will enter the kingdoms of Heaven, but those that do the will of God!
God will have mercy on whom He chooses, but search the scriptures! He continues to warn us not to be deceived and you are deceiving many to think you can take your own life & still go to Heaven.
That is gambling with your eternity and you are not God to give anyone approval. You are being used by the devil!
Repent of your sins people for God’s word is clear! You will be judged for every word you speak, every bad thought you think and every bad deed you’ve committed unless you Repent and don’t do it again.
Those who get abortions are murderers! So is taking our own lives! So to all those who focus on selfishness pleasing self instead of Jesus Christ of the Bible will face God on judgment day!
He purchased all humans when He bore our sins and died on the cross! He owns us we do not belong to ourselves!
His word is clear to do the will of God not our will, but His will be done on earth as it is in Heaven!
Matthew Chapter 7
13 “Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it.
14 For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it. A Tree and Its Fruit
15 “Beware of the false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly are ravenous wolves.
16 You will know them by their fruits. Grapes are not gathered from thorn bushes nor figs from thistles, are they?
17 So every good tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears bad fruit.
18 A good tree cannot produce bad fruit, nor can a bad tree produce good fruit.
19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.
20 So then, you will know them by their fruits.
21 “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter.
22 Many will say to Me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?’
23 And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; DEPART FROM ME, YOU WHO PRACTICE LAWLESSNESS.’ The Two Foundations
24 “Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine and acts on them, may be compared to a wise man who built his house on the rock.
25 And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded on the rock.
26 Everyone who hears these words of Mine and does not act on them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand.
27 The rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and it fell–and great was its fall.”
28 When Jesus had finished these words, the crowds were amazed at His teaching;
29 for He was teaching them as one having authority, and not as their scribes. (Matthew 7:13-27)
The fear of the Lord is the begining of Wisdom!
All needGOD.com
No loving parent should ever imagine their depression tortured child would not be welcomed into the arms of our loving God with total mercy and loving care. Pamela, we hold you with that care as you join the growing community of parents who have lost a child….
Pamela so sorry for your immense earthly heartbreak! As Sarah so beautifully and lovingly shares, there is clearly not scriptural truth for a Child of God who received Jesus free gift of salvation, to later be separated from the love of Jesus. Not for any reason ever. Romans 8:32-39 Praise the Lord! Hugs and prayers for Jesus sweet peace and comfort for you that’s far surpassing our worldly understanding.
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“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation can separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord” Romans 8:38-39 Hang on to this God given word, may His peace settle over your heart.
Amen!! I believe those who have never thought about suicide easily claim as a Christian you would go to hell. No one has ever shown me a scripture.
After my nephew and friend committed suicide, I heard this all to often as well. People have no idea just how hurtful those words are and how much I had to struggle with that concept. Thankfully, therapy and our local minister have helped me better understand that, that is simply not true. There’s no where in the bible that it says that.
I love the words already shared here, but definitely talking with people that have gone through what you have or speaking with a caring and understanding minister can help, too.
Oops, I should have put this in it’s own thread. Feel free to delete – I’ll repost in its own thread.
After my nephew and friend committed suicide, I heard this all to often as well. People have no idea just how hurtful those words are and how much I had to struggle with that concept. Thankfully, therapy and our local minister have helped me better understand that, that is simply not true. There’s no where in the bible that it says that.
I love the words already shared here, but definitely talking with people that have gone through what you have or speaking with a caring and understanding minister can help, too.
Heart breaking Pamela! I pray you can find peace and I do believe your daughter is resting in her Fathers arms.
I am so sorry you have lost your daughter. No matter how you lost her, if she was a Christian, she is with God. God does not kick us out of His family because we are sick or injured … because we broke our arm, or had a heart attack, etc. Neither does He kick someone “out” because of depression and/or suicide, also a sickness. A person who commits suicide, for whatever reason, is injured. He/she is not in a normal, healthy state. God understands that, loving us still. And I believe He is heartbroken when a suicide succeeds, shedding tears along with us. I pray for comfort for you and your family, pray that you truly feel God’s arms around you as you walk through your grief.
Thank you for sharing this. My 24 yr old grandson committed suicide 13 months ago. We didn’t know he was suffering. He didn’t tell anyone. We suffer now just knowing he suffered then.
One of the most comforting truths I have read was from Billy Graham. He believed those hurting so badly as to kill themselves DO NOT go to hell. I believe that also! Jesus took her hand when she had to let go. Your daughter is in heaven.
God forgave all our sins before we were born. All of them, first and last.
God is love… He does not doom people to hell by category… He sees the suffering of those in depression and loves them… not condemning… we need to be the same… your daughter was and is loved by Him!
This article is as if I wrote it myself. Hits everything I am feeling and going through. Thank you for sharing this so I can relate.
Dianne, I pray that Sarahs story brings you comfort in knowing that you are not alone! I also hope that like Sarah you have a special friend or safe place you can turn to when your suicidal thoughts arise! Remember you are loved and God does have a purpose for your life!
Thank you. I lost a brother to suicide 22 months ago. We had no idea of any issues beforehand. No explanation, no reason, no knowledge he was struggling. Lots of trying to make sense of it all, searching scripture to understand whether a Christian can go to heaven after an act of Suicide (I rest assured on Romans 8:38-39!!!)
Thank you for helping me to understand more of what someone might be struggling with.
Praying for you as you share so much with others. You are a blessing to many.
Sarah, you’ve put exactly how I’ve felt into words. I too suffer from depression and realize now after going through treatment that there are instances that it reared it head when I was younger. I was in my thirties when it hit me full blown! I also felt that everyone would be better without me. I knew I needed help and by the Grace of God found it. Thank you so much for sharing.
I’m in tears. Very relatable. Thank you for your words Sarah
Sarah, thank you for this courageous act of love to yourself and others. It gives a clear pathway to demonstrate empathy, compassion, and love to others and ourselves, when experiencing depression. You are in my prayers.
My beautiful 18 yr. old daughter ended her life in 2010. I did not see the signs of depression. She did have frequent headaches, sleep late & miss school; then she didn’t want to go out & see her friends. I know she pushed herself and hid her depression from family & friends. She did mention suicide to a few friends, but they didn’t think she was serious. She left behind a 2 yr. diary, which told of her ups & downs. She hoped God would take her to heaven. She though she was bipolar. I am still devastated & heart broken. Thank you for sharing what it is like to live with depression. May God continue to reveal His love for you & give you the words to help others live with afflictions like depression. I realize now Christians suffer and life is not an easy journey. God is my strength, peace, shelter, deliverer, & hope. I understand the battle we fight in our minds to hold onto the truth & cast down lies from Satan. May He strengthen you and give you peace.
Thanks for writing & sharing this. Most of us who struggle with wanting to kill ourselves hide if from all. I’m among the worst. I’m pretty open with my therapist, but no one else. Your courage is inspiring.
Thank you so much Sarah. Thank you for speaking words that I wish I could speak, but just can’t ever find. I actually just sent this article to my Pastor. He’s a wonderful Godly man who wants to love and support anyone who is hurting in any way. My best friend committed suicide just less than two months ago. He had struggled for years. He had shared. We had helped. He was receiving many types of help willingly. Medication, therapies, etc. He promised he would never do it….and he did it. I understand how he felt. I understand why he did it. I’ve been there many times in my life. And I’m broken by it. What has always stopped me is my children. I couldn’t bear them thinking I abandoned them. I will keep moving forward, even though it is so hard. I believe that we have to believe the truth of God, even when we don’t feel it. I just pray that someday I will finally feel it too.
As I read your comment, I have a glimpse of your great courage and love! You may not realize it but it’s evident. You are giving and loving and selfless in choosing life for your children, where your desire, at times, is completely opposite. Your family is blessed!
I am also a mother and have struggled with depression, anxiety and PTSD for decades. I had one suicide attempt years ago. It’s my children that keep me alive because I can’t bear the thought of them suffering the loss of their mom. I recently started Neurofeedback as a promising therapy. I take my meds as prescribed too.
Thank you for the post. I have suffered with depression since I was 19 when my youngest brother who was 7 yrs older then myself committed suicide in the front yard. That was the hardest thing to that day I ever had to deal with. Then some 20 something years later my oldest brother took his life 20 days after my mother had past away. Then if all that wasn’t hard enough my nephew also committed suicide he was the son of my oldest brother. Now I have nobody left to talk to or confide in or even just call when things are to much as they have been I can’t handle life anymore and I get hard fand I have also tried it and unfortunately someone came over and found me. I will try again I’m positive about that it is something I think about everyday. I got two fur babies and they alone are the reason why I’m still here due to I worry about them and what will happen to them if I’m not here. I cant bear them going to a pound but they are big dogs and people are afraid of the breed so my babies keep me here for now but it is getting harder everyday staying for them.
I’m sorry for taking up ur time and space but I lost faith when my first brother killed himself in the front yard.
I don’t have anything positive or inspiring to add but I know oh to well how everyone on here feels and how hard it is to fight back from this darkness
None: I’m so sorry that you have had so many family members commit suicide. I can’t imagine the pain you have to live with each day. Having said that, I want you to know that I am glad someone found you and prevented you from dying. You may feel lonely and insignificant, but I am commenting from Austria currently after finding this article on Facebook shared by a friend who lives in Mississippi. Your comment about your dogs put a smile on my face and lifted my spirits. So you are having an impact on someone on the other side of the world who also struggles with depression. I want you to know that there is a God who loves you and wants you to come back to him. He wants you to cast your burdens unto Him. I know that you have no one to confide in, so I encourage you to seek out a counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist who would be glad to listen to you. Thank you for sharing your story with us. Keep fighting.
Praying for you. I pray the Lord will send someone to show you just how special and important you are. He loves you so much.
I am so sorry for all the loss you have experienced! My son died 7 1/2 years ago because he had Duchenne muscular dystrophy. He was 23 years old. That void has made living hard. He had a service dog named Hampton that became my comfort dog after Josh died. He lived 5 more years and then died almost 2 years ago. It was like losing part of Josh all over again. That being said the important thing is have you asked Jesus to forgive your sins and be your Savior. If not you need to do that immediately. If you die without a relationship with Him you will go to Hell. Once you accept Him you will find Him a source of comfort and peace. One thing that keeps me going is that Jesus offers a crown for keeping the faith and living for Him until He decides it is time for us to go Home. I can then lay it at His feet in thanks for all he has done. It is God’s decision when we die, not ours! I also want more than anything to hear “Well done, My good and faithful servant. Enter into your rest.” I pray that you will choose not to take your own life. God and Jesus love you. Ask them to guide you to find ways to help others. Having a purpose will help you find reasons to keep living. I say this as a person who is very “Homesick!” Know there are others who want you to live and know that dogs grieve when they lose a loved one. Hampton grieved a long time after Josh died. Read the book of John about 3/4 of the way through the Bible. It will help you better understand how loved you are by Jesus Himself!
Hi, Your story is heartbreaking! But if you ever want to contact me you can write me on my side email I made thisissocoolyeet@gmail.com
A weird email made it for a new account. But contact me on there, maybe we can help each other out? 🙂
1 to 2 weeks before I’m about to start my period I feel a dark cloud of all kinds of emotions come over me. I feel like I’m a failure, I don’t amount to anything, I wish I was never born, want to die etc etc etc. Is that just a normal PMS thing?
Yes, it can be part of PMS – our hormones definitely affect our mental state (male or female). If yours are causing this level of distress though, you may want to talk to a naturopath or someone who knows alternate medicines. There are some things that can help. *I’m NOT selling here, but I personally use doterra’s Clary Calm oil blend, put on the skin over the ovaries every day, for female problems – endometriosis in my case, but I’ve had wicked PMS like you’re describing as well.* So there are some things out there that can help – each person is different and finding what works for you may take some experimenting. Guaranteed though, you don’t need to suffer with it like that.
This doesn’t sound like a part of normal PMS. It could be something like PMDD (a more severe and crippling form of PMS) or even depression that worsens around your period. Please talk to your doctor about this! There is help available and you shouldn’t have to deal with this every month!
I struggled with awful mood swings every month for a very long time. I thought it was some kind of hormonal imbalance. I tried everything; herbal supplements, antidepressants for the last week of my cycle, diet changes, yoga…. nothing worked. Until I began to realise that my hormones weren’t CAUSING this… they were SHOWING me my pain. The hormones bring into focus any wounds we still carry and give us a chance to heal our pain. It is not easy – I spent so long feeling so angry at myself for being so “weak”, “sad” and “emotionally incontinent”. But then I did something radical and quite counter-intuitive. I decided to love myself *because* I was sad – not despite…because. I welcomed it all. Not one part of me was unacceptable. All of me is lovable – even the parts I thought were completely unlovable. And one day, my period just arrived… I wasn’t expecting it at all because there had been no negative feelings at all preceding it – and it happened again the next month, and the next and the next and I can now say confidently that PMDD is no longer part of my life. I trained further (on top of my psychology degree) as a Rapid Transformational Therapist and now I help women free themselves from these wounds using a blend of hypnotherapy and psychology that is incredibly effective. If you are suffering, please feel free to contact me – I have helped many to free themselves from emotional pain and it is my life’s work and my purpose to free many more, one heart at a time. The pain you feel isn’t because of what happened to you – that is in the past now – it is what belief you developed (likely as a child) that you still carry in your subconscious mind that is hurting you to this very day – and in my experience, that belief is always along the lines of “I am not good enough”. http://www.facebook.com/rttcopenhagen
I was searching for different ways for suicide and this article came up. I’ve been a Christian my whole life and your article resonated with me. I really struggle with depression, PTSD and anxiety. Unfortunately, I have always worked in Christian ministry so I have experienced first hand how Christians can be. I was mistreated terribly by priests. Nobody could fathom how bad that experience affected me. ? I was told I was in bad standing with the Church and would go to purgatory basically for stating my feelings. Its a total blow to your whole being when your not wanted or good enough to be in a Church. On a separate experience my other church had therapists on the same grounds. A Christian therapist that I trusted was unethical to say the least. They proclaimed how much they love Jesus but told me I was unwelcome there. It’s a well known big California church where people donate thousands. Nobody would ever believe the treatments. I have no job, no friends, and have stopped taking care of myself. The days seem dark, endless and there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. I feel like I’m in everybody’s way. Nothing seems to get any better or change. I wish instead of people quoting scripture they would act it out by loving everyone even when no one is looking or the person is not the most lovable. God will bless you the most when you help those people. I’ve been told how selfish I am and how it’s all about me if I try to talk to someone about my feelings. Anyone can attest I’m so quiet about it that I can’t imagine how others must be treated when they try to talk to someone. Yes, I see it all over Facebook where people say I’m here to talk if anyone ever needs to just talk. Um, sure, yeah right. We need people who can really take the time to talk and way more mental services that are attainable and affordable. Also, I’d be leary of any Church associated with counseling or any priests offering personal counseling .
Hi there
I’m so very sorry that you’ve experienced this odious and inexcusable treatment from a priest/pastor.These people do NOT represent God,and the lord is indignant at such false prophets and Pharisees,for they haven’t got love in their hearts,and as St Paul says:-
“If I can prophecy and speak in tongues,but I have not love in my heart,Iam just a noisy gong”
1 Corinthians 13
Human churches are corrupted by the sinfulness of human nature.No church truly of Christ would turn you away like that.
Jesus Christ DOES love you and accepts you unconditionally.
Try not to confuse corrupted and toxic human churches with God-his love for you is pure and everlasting.
Please try to find a loving,affirming and inclusive church where you will be loved and accepted for who you are.Try to avoid fundamentalist churches like southern baptists,Redding church,Presbyterian Church of America(PCA) and Assemblies of God.
Perhaps try an episcopal church.
Please do not take your life because of an unkind,unchrist-like priest or pastor.Please try to find a church that proclaims the love of God,that salvation is a free gift.
Hormones really can effect our emotions and desires. I would talk to your doctor about medicine to stabilize your emotions.
Yes, definitely. Right after ovulation (generally about 14 days after your period started), women have a hormone shift, as the estrogen slows down and the progesterone increases. Then, a similar shift occurs a few days before our period starts. Higher progesterone makes me irritable, overwhelmed, sad, and have migraines. Every month. Please talk to a doctor–an OBGYN or a hormone specialist. The two things that helped me the most were charting my symptoms so I knew what was happening (using the method from the book: Taking Charge of Your Fertility) and now using an estrogen patch for 1 week of the month. It is changing my life.
I had the same thing. Extreme mood swings before my period. My Dr gave me a extreme strong dose of vitamin B6 and Vit B 12. Over time it made a huge difference, in that I no longer had such a mood swing. The vitamins I took were Shiff PMS. It also had a balance of other vitamins in it but the B6 or B12 was a really high amount.
So I have had these issues off and on as well, if this is every month please go to the doctor. It sounds like PMDD from what you are describing. There is a lady in who had a hysterectomy https://www.bbc.com/news/stories-43242003 and reported that all of it went away (hopefully the doctor can help you find a solution that won’t require that). What I have done personally is as follows:
+ From notes I have kept, I can trace that what I eat has an impact on my moods as well. Working on eating better and have noticed a change.
+ About a year ago, I read one women’s blog who said she had switched to cloth pads instead of disposable and she claimed a lot of the issues she faced during her PMS went away. So I switched to cloth (which are really gross to clean), but I feel better during my period.
+ Recently I have read that there are a lot of studies pointing to a lack of magnesium in our diets that can end up impacting our emotional states. So I have started taking magnesium.
+ Sometimes I can’t sleep during my period and the end result is that my emotions get harder to control. I hate sleep aids as they make me feel groggy, but I took melatonin during one of my periods recently and even though I felt groggy the next morning I was a lot nicer person.
+ I don’t know if you are a Christian. If you are, I have found that worshiping (even though I don’t feel like it) is really, really, really good. I have had points where if feels hard to praise and for the first 30 mins (or so) even feels like I am lying, but pushing through has resulted in really sweet times with God.
This is what I have found helps me. It might not be the same for you, I want you to know you aren’t alone .
Nicole, Thank you for sharing that info. Second the need for magnesium. God bless you!
I have struggled with depression my entire life. It worsened three years so when my husband o forty years passed away. I am on meds, go to counseling, have great friends and am active in my church . I am presently weighted down by health issues. Each day is a struggle. I know l will never act because l love my grandkids too much to hurt them this way, but it is hard to go on.
I understand how you feel. I also struggle with health issues and depression. Some days are a true struggle. I have also thought about suicide, but my love for my grandchildren has been stronger. So I’m like you, I can’t do it. Jan, I will pray for you. I’m sorry for the loss of your husband. I can’t imagine that kind of pain.
I recently lost a nephew and close friend to suicide, within 6 months of each other. I have never understood more closely in my life the words you share here. Those words are exactly what have helped me in therapy and trying to heal through this. I so wish people understood this more, because it makes it so hard and difficult to talk about with people that don’t understand, but I don’t blame them, just 6 months ago, I was unknowing too.
Thank goodness for good counselors, listening ears, and shoulders to lean on.
After my nephew and friend committed suicide, I heard this all to often as well. People have no idea just how hurtful those words are and how much I had to struggle with that concept. Thankfully, therapy and our local minister have helped me better understand that, that is simply not true. There’s no where in the bible that it says that.
I love the words already shared here, but definitely talking with people that have gone through what you have or speaking with a caring and understanding minister can help, too.
Thank you Sarah for posting this ! I have been going thru self loathing an misery lately , long story short, my life changed in just a few months for the better health wise but not mentally I miss my coworkers an being a work from home mom now has it’s great points but bad for other reasons, most days I cannot make myself get out of bed an I just go thru the motions I keep telling my family I’m miserable but all they say is you should be happy ! Hello no I’m not I have gained 60+pounds an can’t wear none of my clothes just simply existing in this hell! I know first hand about suicide my dad killed him self when I was 12 I know how bad it hurts the kids left behind but there are times I have a terrible times staying safe and sound ! I just want to feel better an normal again
Have you had your thyroid checked? It can cause most of the symptoms you are having.
This is how i have explained it and it’s hard for many to understand. I didn’t just hit rock bottom after my wife decided to break Gods covenant of staying married untill death and being there during the hard times. I went below rock bottom. Im just now digging up to the top and actually have had a solid month. We have been apart four years niw and have 4 kids, one i adopted as she was already pregnant when we met. I had a breakdown of some kind as she might have been cheating. Anyway, i asked her and the church she attended (long story) and asked her to ask her church group to help as i was lost. Well, neither one supported me. This was about 2 years before she divorced me. She treated me like i was not a man and started to distance herself from me. That only got me angry and bitter. I still carry that but thank God it’s not near as bad as it was. My parents took me in. I pray a lot. Only when i have my kids do i feel like doing anything. If i dont have them and im not working my pt job, im in bed, depressed, weak, ect. I am very open to my family and doctors. No since of lying if you want help ?. Your article here is right on. I wish there were groups for us. The hospitals and their groups van only take you so far. When i got back in the world, i let it slowly break me down again. Hospitals are more of a safe zone to calm down, but the problems are still there once you leave. At least this has been my experience. Anyway, my story is way too deep to add here, but you worded it beautifully. I suffered yhe ultimate betrayal. My daughter is estranged from me thanks to the lies my ex and her parents have been feedinh her. I pray God will turn her around. Thanks for this. I will share. God be with us all !!!!
I am sorry you have experienced betrayal. Depression can start at anytime, not just with a life changing event. Stay in counseling and Church. It is a battle that we just have to keep winning.
My husband and I have made it thru more than 50 years of problems and depressions by forgiving, forgiving, and forgiving! It doesn’t mean you were not done wrong. It means you lay it down by God’s throne and say, “Here you deal with them. It is too heavy for me.” And He will. He spoke to me almost audibly while I had a plastic bag over my head. I was in my 30’s and I am now in mid 70’s.
I have watched my dad suffered from depression my whole life. I have watched my husband and others close go through seasons of depression for years. For the first time in my life after reading this article, I finally have compassion and understanding reguardjng depression. Thank you for helping me understand.
This is so beautifully done. Your words are SO IMPORTANT and so valuable. Thank you for taking the time to share your experience and perspective. I’m definitely sharing this with everyone I know.
Sarah, you are so loved and you matter!!! Thank you for sharing your heart and story. I truly believe that Satan is constantly at work and to those who are close to Jesus he wants the most. You are amazing and you are worth every ounce of happiness. I believe it is God’s plan for you to live out a life of goodness and even in the struggles he is with you. Be well my friend….hugs
amen! when i was feeling low after my son passed, a friend had said something that i will always remember…. “God gives His biggest battles to His mightiest warriors”. He is equipping us for something greater. He loves me so much that He wants me to be prepared. Choosing to know Jesus more & more changes everything XO
Sarah, your courage to be honest about these feelings is so powerful. I have lost friends to suicide and others who have talked about it. We have erase the stigma of mental illness and treat it just like we do heart attacks and cancers. Keep up the good work.
you guys that are followers of Christ (or whomever but yah is the breath of life along with his equal counterpart i believe a woman but i believe in the tablets or elum enish (sp?)should read the bible or truly research all possibilities spritual law states u can hold your god, prophet, etc to their or his\hers god (monotesitic vs polytheistic & religious vs spiritualism, etc and obvs therefore said religious text that coincides with ur beliefs. So Yeshua followers thou shalt checketh out Jeremiah30:17. He paid the price for sickness for His believers.power of life and death is in our tounges . read acts 11:14. you ‘& your household will be saved (simplified). prophesy over yourselves, Yeshua did not die for u to be relious prophets of self doom_ real shit tho.
Thanks for sharing your story. By talking about it, you are helping to end the stigma. I lost my 20-year old son to suicide 8 years ago. Hopefully your story will help prevent other deaths to suicide.
Thank you for writing this. It is exactly what I feel most of the time. It is always there. It is a struggle some days to breathe.
So tried on trying, when I will die anyway!
Wow, thank you Sarah, I understand so much more now. This post is a blessing.
Sitting here…. going through withdrawal of psych meds….. reading this articulated things in a way my muddled brain would never be able to do. After my second suicide attempt my shame was so overpowering I could not begin to talk to God. My God, who loves me so gently, I could not face.
Trying to explain to people how I felt physically was impossible.
As I sit here. Feeling positively dreadful, trying to overcome the effects that these strong medications cause…. there is a glimmer of relief and hope that I am not alone. That there is a whole group out there who sadly “get it”…. and whom I don’t need to explain. I fight this as hard as I can…. the journey is so long.
Your article took my breath! I have suffered for 15 years with depression and suicidal thoughts. The ladies in my bible study will pray over me when I get too low, but no one has ever just sat down and loved on me. For the most part I keep quiet about my feelings at church. Like you said, many do see depression as sin. Your article gives me a lot of hope !! I am currently in treatment and on medication. But your article opens my heart. Thank you for writing it. I truly needed to hear your words!
The suicide that hit me hard was Robin Williams……shocked. His quote; “I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anyone else to feel like that.” That really gave me a perspective on depression I had never realized. And how it obviously led to his demise. Miss him so. ;o(
Such a powerful message! I posted it on my FB page because I am blessed to reach almost 5000. Think how many lives you might be saving with your sharing your personal story. I wish every religious leader everywhere could read your article. Thank you!
I, along with so many others above greatly appreciate you sharing you experiences with depression and thoughts of suicide. You have an important testimony for the Christian community that needs to be heard. I had a blog that I just closed about this same subject. I couldn’t afford to keep the site up. My audience was targeted toward Christians and Christian leadership. There is still a stigma regarding mental illness and even in the church, but the church needs to be educated by people like you and address it in their churches, provide help by possible professionals in their congregations that could shed light on these issues. Keep knocking at that door for those of us who are Christians who deal with depression, who take the meds everyday and know what it’s like to feel suicidal. But we also know we have a BIG GOD that loves us and will NEVER leave us, nor forsake us and in whom we can take refuge under his wings (Psalm 91). I will share this on Facebook also. God bless you, Sarah (my daughter’s name too :-))
Just wrote my obituary, but I don’t think I’m going to carry through with it even though I really want to. Thank you for this post.
V, know that you are not alone! As hard as it is to believe God has a purpose for you!! I pray Sarahs story helps you to understand the importance of your life to others! Please call one of the hotlines listed above and seek the help that you deserve!! I wish there was a way I could speak with you in person just to let you know how much your life means!! I’m praying for you right now! I’m praying you’re able to find a friend or family member you can trust to tell your feelings without fear of judgment, someone that can help you find the professional help you so need!! Please check back in and let me know you’re still here!! Sending prayer and hugs!!
Still here 🙂 thanks for the prayers – I need them
V. Please keep moving forward in a positive way… live for those who didn’t make it and be their voice! You can…
hello… this post is really for me.. know what? i am also holding on. of course the question of staying alive is daily… sometime by the hour. i’ve been through bad times. twice, thoughts popped into my mind.. there is bleach below the sink ready for me. well, i prayed, agonized, cried over it… laid it over jesus’ feet.. over and over and over and over again, until i was so exhausted from it all. slept over it, and woke up the next morning… at least i got over it. the next time it happened was two years later. now i resolve to stay close to people who care, not to be alone often times… difficult, but it carries me through. and prayers, prayers, prayers… tears often …
Thank you for this post. I cried through it all because its what I go through daily.
Thanks for the affirmation and direction.
Daily. 24/7. That’s tough. I’m praying you have a positive outlet or friend. As hard as it is daily and I know it’s hard, give yourself daily affirmations, daily self love, daily positive thoughts, daily encouragement. Keep moving in the direction of love. Your story can save a life.
Grief can leave such sadness, aloneness and emptiness inside. Hollow. You talk to people and the conversations are so surface layered. No one reaches down to those deep inner layers and asks you tough and uncomfortanle questions, pulls out the pain or physically sits with you in your darkness until you expel raw emotions. If you sound ok, then hey, you must be ok. People who commit suicide have found their release. What about those who do not chose that path and live daily in a perpetual state of grief, sadness, depression or emptiness. Im not sure which one is worse.
You just hit the bullseye for me. I lost my beautiful little girl 2 years and 9 months ago. She was only 25 and now I’m raising her 8-year-old son. It’s so hard to hold on, day in and day out. But the thought of my grandson losing me on top of his Mama is impossible to bear. So I just wake up in the morning after hitting the snooze button a half dozen times, put on my mask, and wade through the quicksand of another day. I feel like lead. Time does not heal all wounds. That’s a lie. It just seems to get worse and worse. I had already been struggling with severe depression for many years. I feel like I’m dying, but I’m not. I’ve wished for death more times than I can count and prayed for God to just take me home. Then, I think about my grandson and keep on going. I love God with all my heart, but I sometimes feel alone or that I’m not really saved or I wouldn’t feel like this. I’ve heard the usual comments from people at church who say I need to “pray through it” or “just have faith”. But that hasn’t worked. I have a very strong faith, but I believe not everyone who prays for healing is healed. I don’t understand why, but I accept it. I can’t really think too far in the future because it’s just too painful to wonder how many more days I’ll have to endure the pain, the darkness, the emptiness; it’s too overwhelming. Every once in a while I get a very brief glimpse of light, and I think that’s God telling me to just hold on a little while longer. It will be worth it.
Wading through the quicksand was such a powerful statement. People don’t realize that all stages of grief are “quicksand”. Today I may be waist deep, tomorrow ankle deep but it’s still all quicksand! Pray yes, seek God yes. But do not feel ashamed too seek professional help. God equipped those people for a reason .. He knew we would need an earthly and heavenly contact in those hard times. I’m sorry about the pain you are feeling about the loss of your daughter. Your grandchild sounds like the apple of your eye. You have been so internally strong . The mask sometimes keeps us from falling apart until we are in the company of those we can have good ole fashioned melt down with. I pray you access those people and allow them to love and support you.
I’m 63 now but in my early 30’s I went through something much like this. I was tortured with feelings of being afraid of dying and of living. If it wasn’t for a savy family doctor and his referral to a psychiatrist I’m not sure I would have ever lived to leave this reply. Those little pills I took for a little over a year and my weekly visits to a psychiatrist were indeed lifesavers. Thanks for the great article.
Oh Sarah, I almost took my life back in May because I reached out for help from a family member & was met with “Christian Criticism” instead of love & compassion. Oh how I’ve been hurting and the flood of pain is most unbearable. Then a true & caring friend sends me this. You are a life-saver. I’ve always suffered in silence because of my “Christian beliefs.” Telling someone they are loved & SHOWING someone they are loved are divided by a deep chasm. So very different indeed. My, my, my how the church, God’s true church needs to address this & learn how to be life-savers too.
I must say I agree in some areas and in others I don’t. As a person who used to have suicidal thoughts but no longer have them I’d say the healing process is with God alone. I cannot stress enough the fact that if you truly truly and I mean truly know God those thoughts are destroyed at the very root. Your relationship with God dictates how your life will be. Many people search for answers in the church but what some fail to realize is that they may have been in the wrong church with the wrong teachings. Not every church teaches solely off God’s word. Yes I said it and it’s true. Some people don’t realize that they could be listening to someone who knows just as much as themselves and wonder why they’re not victorious as they should be. As humans we are going to have emotions so yes I get sad sometimes , yes I cry and yes I get angry, but not for long. It won’t last and it can’t last because of who I allow myself to follow and that’s Christ. I have joy and I know anything is possible with God. I want others to experience that also. I know that doctors have facts but God is the truth. And if He is for you then who can stand against you? That includes sickness, pain, worry, fear, debt, etc. Sometimes we’re just listening to the wrong people and they’re making us weaker.
Asia, I’m so glad to hear you experienced healing through God. I agree, God is the ultimate source of all healing and joy. However, for many of us he chooses to use doctors, therapists, and medication. And sometimes he chooses to have us walk with him in the dark and learn to live with the ache. Either way, he is still good. ❤️
My grandmother was depressed/delusional/whatever. I found out after I poured my coffee onto the floor because I thought it was poisoned, that my grandmother had done the same thing before I was even born. After my 2nd divorce, I was so embarrassed to go back to church & face coworkers/friends/family/her family etc, that suicide was my ONLY solution. In a hospital, on suicide watch by 24 hr nurse, the only way to die was to drown myself in the commode. I drew water into my nose, strangled, made enough noise to alert the nurse so I sneaked back into my bed, went to sleep and 33years have passed and I’v never felt that everyone would be better off w/o me again. Thank God in Jesus’ name!!??
Amen on that, I have been struggling for almost 40 years .but when I received the Holy ghost acts 2:38 .not in the Altar at church ,even though seeking it started there and repenting of my sins.at the age of 16,growing up in a pentecostal church and belief,hearing about the HolyGhost throughout my life ,seeing people delivered from addiction and being healed of Cancer and many other things , At the age of 16.i was in depression .so bad that Panic attacks debilitated me from even walking outside afraid I would die from a heart attack .So all I knew was to call out to God.”Lord Save me.fill me with the Holy ghost like I’ve heard of a;l thru my life, I didn’t received the HG right away.it took a few months .I lived with my grandmother ,she was a prayer warrior .and seeked God faithfully every night . I needed delivered from this Panic ,fear.and depression all I knew was my help had to come from God. So on a day unexpected while my grandmother was cooking she said come on and eat you something make you feel better .I wasn’t eating I was so depressed and wanted this fear and all to go away. So I went to the bathroom to wash my hands ,Then all the sudden.I heard a voice say ;oft your hands.so I did real quietly started crying asking God ,to save me..and then I could hear others saying .just say Thank you Jesus,fill me with the Holy ghost .I have Testified to so many people everywhere about what happened that day in that bathroom.
My eyes were closed.my hands lifted praying to God fill me with the HG ,then all the sudden ,Wayyy.in the distance I could see a light.look like a star in the darkness .and it got closer to me,and the closer it got to me.thr more I wanted what I was feeling .then that light got so close .them all around the light as my eyes were closed .That Light Pierced thru the Darkness .and like it Bursted the Darkness and I could feel it in my chest admit got so close and the Light Shined on my from my head to my feet,I was Lost in that Light,I Did speak in tongues I was so lost in that Moment with God.in His Spirit and being filled with the Holy ghost .all the sudden my grandmother knocks on the door and says are you going to eat. I said ”mombell” I just received the Holy ghost . She started shouting.and I said I’m not scared anymore ,I ran out of the House .and around the house ,delivered ,healed set free by the Holy Ghost . I went back in to pray again .and He came and filled me again. I loved it so much ,that’s all I did was pray and being renewed daily,delivered. Amen.,To God Be the Glory , I started Living my life and walking with Him.Reading His Word ,praying everyday. Please don’t disbelieve this.Its the Promise Jesus said ” I will send my promise ,the comforter back to you.a gift ..it’s His word.
No one knew how to help my panic attacks /depression,anxiety in church ,It’s like a person in a desert for so long ,the only thing that will save them is Water . For me it was the Living water …The Holy ghost is Real. And Yes God/Jesus is His Name. Died on Cross .to deliver each and everyone of you from the moment in your mind. Depression is Real ,but Don’t glorify it.Rebuke it.and Receive yee the Holy ghost .Judis walked with Jesus thru His ministry .was he a christian .or a spectator . Jesus knew.and Jesus said ,’it was better that he was never born.he betrayed Jesus with a kiss and 30 pieces of silver,he seen how they beat our Lord with whips and fists ,that Judis went through the worst depression betraying Jesus, that he went and Hung himself . What a shame. Jesus would have forgiven him if he repented .maybe he did ,scripture doesn’t say he did.but it does say he hung himself . Peter denied Jesus too/3 times. But Peter was given the Keys .to whatsoever you binned on earth shall be bound in Heaven .
Peter also Was in the upper room and received the Holy ghost ,and Preached acts 2:38 ,
It’s not Gods will that any should Perish .but that All come to Repentance . It’s not God will that any commit Suicide .when you do it’s like being an Intruder to Eternity ,
God changed my life ,I’m a singer singer writer musician christian music. My life hasn’t been easy at all. I could write a book of depression and wanting to die.praying God take me home. Your life and mine should be a Testimony of a Risen God/Saviour that is Stronger that the Darkest thoughts we ever wrestle with. Seek God .He is Real and His Love for you is so so Great. God Bless You All.
Davy Sherrill.
Absolutely enjoyed reading your testimony Davy.i feel most inspired even more than when I started to read yours and others in this forum.This describes what I feel sometimes and I am happy to read everyone’s view as a most necessary action.What I take from your testimony is this,that bling everyone for getting it wrong is not the same as giving into God to get it right.I can blame the church ,but the church is ful of people also touched by the veil of humanity this side of heaven,and when the Spirit of God comes and abides in us and sets us free it is His sovereign kingly right to deliver you and forgive you all your sins and cleanse you and make you as a king in his kingdom.Advance the kingdom of God .I had a similar introduction to Jesus Christ one day a long time ago.I relate to what happened to you.yet I struggle a lot with my imperfection instead of trusting it to the Lord.Im hoping that Light will shine in the darkness in my hour to come.For me I had been praying and binding and loosing was my go to prayer.One day before I knelt to pray,His presence came upon me and inside my heart my God had come into my situation and wiped it all out of existence,but his personality was God.love.peace.long suffering.joy.quietness.He has incredible things to reveal to the world about himself but they are focussed on the wrong to things.He didn’t come to condemn the world but that the world through him might be saved.The devil is accusing but God is love and forgiveness.the devil has been judged already and condemned to hell.Jesus gave himself for each soul that believes in him ,if you believe ,you can trust in him to save you from what sins in your life and be born again .washed in his blood .sounds like a sermon.Once again thankyou for sharing the Lord’s work in your life.
God is good – thank you for this article. It is truly spot on. I’m now 58 I never dreamed I would live past 45. That is mainly due to my grandmother dying at 55 and my mom at 50 (kept ticking off 5 years). My mom died when I was 22 and I have been living much of this article ever since (Especially the 1st year or so after her death). I never wanted anything else around me that was living. No husband; kids, living plants. God had a different plan and brought my future husband in my life – he was a listener and obviously loved me for what/who I was – just what I needed. Fast forwarding – I always told people (I’m ok; feeling down or I am better than I deserve). All the time feeling like no words can describe. Again, this article fills my soul – I especially love the part “I’m so sorry you’re hurting” then just listen. I plan to share this article and I hope you are OK with that! God sees the big picture and we have to be still and listen. We are now are expecting our 1st granddaughter. Just as my mom took care of my kids before they were born – mom has been rocking my granddaughter. Thank you!
Thank you Sarah for emoting so well your struggle. I have shared this on Facebook twice already. You certainly are appreciated and highly valued by me and many others! Thank you for your transparency and precious heart!
So, I’m not the only one. I’ve been told a million times to CHOOSE happiness. I would if I could. I dont know how. I stay in a fog continuously. I have a very strong faith.. in my mind, even though I’m so broken, I know God is blessing me, but I’m so sad… angry.. feel worthless.. and get even more frustrated as there is an internal battle going on because i feel like i dont appreciate the little I have. Any how.. I apologize for babbling. Thank you for this. It really hit home.
Like you, Sarah, and many others here, I have struggled with depression since I was ten years old. Sometimes, I feel so much self-hatred that I really do think the world would be better off without me. In the last two years, I have gotten much better though. I have felt some of the joy that I have never felt since I was a young child. However, I do still struggle on some days. I would like to tell everyone here that they are not alone. I also like what you, Sarah, wrote about suicide not being always a selfish act. I think the church in general needs to do a better job of ministering to people who suffer from depression. Depression does lie, but it is an illness, not a character defect!
I struggle with depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder and ptsd (and more). This article hits it on the head prefectly.
Ppl think i shouldnt have problems because i have a wonderful supportive mother and a beautiful smart 18mo old that took 10yrs (after miscarriage) to conceive.
I struggle every day with these bad thoughts.
It always helps to see im not alone. I wish we more ppl could understand what we deal with.
Thank you for putting it into words so many of us have a hard time doing.
Thanks for sharing this, Sarah. A friend of mine took her life three years ago and I have struggled to understand what has happened since then. This has been so helpful. God bless you!
very well written Sarah. Just about 35 years ago this summer I attempted suicide and almost succeeded – the Dr said another 10 minutes and it could be a different story. I never knew God and had no relationship with religion of any kind. But when I survived that attempt it made me search for answers, I went to church and that was the start of my healing – the compassion of people, the learning and the work God had for me to do . It wasn’t where all of the healing came from and the healing was part of journey that will be ongoing but over these 35 years I have found ways to get through the tough days and have been able to help others as well. there are still days I remember how awful it felt to be at that point and it is a terrible feeling and not selfish . Sometimes we need to give ourselves credit for how strong we are when we can get through 1 minute, 1 hour, 1 day……and try to believe that God has a purpose for us. My life has changed so much and I have had tremendous challenges in 35 years but God has taken me places I would never have imagined as well. I pray for all people dealing with this disease that God will provide them with whatever/whoever they need to help them and that they have the strength to receive it.
Sara, Thank you for your honesty. Please familiarize yourself with this website and hopefully share with all faith leaders. This website is a wonderful tool to educate people from all faiths on how to be supportive to the people they serve. Developed by world leaders. faith.hope.life.org
Bless you, Sara, for sharing. Like many others who have replied, i have a chemical imbalance that reared it’s ugly head after my 2nd child was born. Postpartum depression just never went away. Being a Christian made it worse. I was so guilty that I could not pray my way out. My friends were saying “Just pull up by your boot straps”. It made me feel so weak. I wanted to turn it all over to Jesus but could not stop the thoughts in my head. All that said, my purpose is to assure anyone out there, that may be depressed, you don’t have to live that way. Don’t try to handle it alone. If it had not been that I had a newborn and a two year old, I would not be here. There is a doctor somewhere that can help. Don’t be ashamed of the fact that you are on medication. It is like a diabetic. They have to take insulin every day. So it is with mental disorder. You take your meds every day and you will never have to go to that terrible place again. Yes, I call it a place. It is a place that no one understands unless they have been there. Sara describes it so well. You can easily tell that she has been there too. Thank you Sara for helping so many.
Excellent job at putting words to it, Sarah! Thank you!
Excellent job at putting words to it, Sarah! Thank you!
Shared
This article was everything I needed to read tonight. I’m a Christian but I did want to die.
My close family & friends know of my battle with depression but it’s not something that has ever been easy for me to talk about. I’ve battled it since I was very young but when “bad” things started happening, it got worse.
There’s been so many days I couldn’t get out of bed but when I did, I lashed out on my mom, the one person who loved me most & understood what I was going through. The best thing that ever happened was a couple years ago when she called an ambulance to come get me. I was almost admitted to the psych ward but because I agreed to go to counseling, I was released..I hadn’t hurt myself but I wanted to. I wasn’t really sad, I was numb. I felt alone & powerless. I had prayed & begged God to take the burden away but he never did.
I didn’t want to do counseling because I really didn’t know how to express how I was feeling but it was everything I needed. It helped me understand myself. Then, I found a great doctor who has worked with me to find the best medication for my disease. After three changes in medication, I think we’ve finally found the right one.
Depression is something I’ll live with the rest of my life but I am so grateful that God will never leave me, my mom will love me through every “I hate you” or “this is your fault” and my brothers will always encourage & support me. I encourage anyone who struggles with this on a daily basis to seek help because your life matters.
Thank you so much for this. I have a friend who isn’t a Christian who has struggled with depression and would tell me every week that she wanted to die. I would feel broken because I felt like I couldn’t do anything and that she didn’t even have God to lean. But to know that it was so important for you to have that family that made you feel loved and safe makes me feel like maybe God used me to help her just by letting me be her friend and sit next to her while she would tell me everything that was going through her mind when she felt like death was the only option! I pray all the time that God would touch her heart and I can’t do anything on my own but I’m thankful for people like you that speak out on something that is so real and hurtful to many and such a blind spot in our churches! Thank you and may god bless you and keep making you grow in a deep love for him 🙂
You are a good friend
Coffee, pancakes and street tacos sounds wonderful!
Sarah, as a counselor who has worked with Christian clients your words about depression and suicide and the church are spot on. And as a woman who loves Jesus and has fought depression and suicidal thoughts, I couldn’t have said it more accurately. Thank you for your willingness to be transparent and honest.
Sarah,
Its been somewhat disappointing to read only affirming comments on this thread. Perhaps I missed a few or perhaps you only approve positive comments. I shared this about your article in another place and I hope it is helpful here.
The more recent brain research, far more advanced than mainstream clinical psychology, deals with a brain phenomena called neurogenesis and neuroplasticity. This science focuses on the ability of the brain to change. Many prescription drugs block the brains ability to do this.
Neurogenesis is the brain ability to regenerate cells. The chemical imbalances that result in depression are low amounts of seratonin, oxytocin, and dopamine along with low levels of vitamin D among a variety of other factors.
Depression can absolutely be caused by negative influences in a person’s life and by a person’s inability to process negative emotions. Phrases like “be joyful” may have more truth to them than this article gives credit. The brain does have the ability to create positive pathways and can even through practice learn to be “happy” or “sad”.
Unfortunately modern medicine has failed most patients by telling them that there is nothing they can do. They are victims who must cling to a prescription and a therapist.
Proper nutrition and exercise can boost these levels dramatically and teaching the depressed to live in the moment, utilize mindfulness, encourage them to change an occupation that facilitates depression and yes removing themselves from large amounts of blue light which agitates the mid-brain can all be effective measures of success. (Basically spending time on social media can cause depression regardless of the content the person is consuming)
Articles like these are good, in the sense that they point out that people need more help. However the prescriptions and therapist I think are chaining these people to chronic life-long bouts of depression. Depressed people can change and I often find that therapist and their pills do little to facilitate these changes.
Furthermore it needs to be pointed out that some depressed people and suicidal people do not have hope and do not have worldview that gives them a reason to live. Not all suicidal people are suicidal because of their life choices or their worldview. However some are and it would be terribly unloving to give them a pill when what they need is their thinking to be redeemed.
Hi Ben,
Thanks so much for adding to the conversation! I don’t take this as a negative comment at all ? You raise some great points that I really appreciate. I hope everyone who reads these comments takes it into consideration as they talk to their doctors, psychiatrists, and counselors/therapists.
Diet and exercise are huge parts of mental health and should hopefully be addressed by good doctors and therapists (in my experience, they have been).
My main concern in this article is that stigma, especially in the church, prevents countless people from receiving the help they need. If memory serves me, only about half of those who die by suicide have a diagnosed mental health issue.
Neuroplasticity is an amazing frontier in science, though most areas of neuroscience are still relatively new. Effective therapy should harness the benefits of neuroplasticity as the brain builds new habits and ways of thinking. Ideally, medication and therapy are used to stabilize moods enough to establish new pathways in the brain. From my understanding of the science and my experience, it’s not either/or but both/and.
Ultimately, my hope is that people who read this article and the comments realize they can and should seek professional support because they are worth whatever it takes to heal and keep living. The simple truth is that we are not equipped to fix these problems on our own, or even solely with the help of the church. We need professionals who understand the science and psychology to help us get better.
Some people just need to feel a part of a community and that they mean something to anyone. Our society doesnt seem to value people many times, especially when they dont have and existing support system. Just treating people as human and worthwhile can save many many many people
What you say is so profoundly true.Social isolation and lack of community are soul destroying.
I have a few friends, but I feel very alone in the world and like an alien who doesn’t belong.
Since losing my parents and the one that I loved in 2014,2015 and 2018 respectively I honestly don’t know who I am anymore.
Most people don’t flourish alone-that’s why I pray to God to give me a partner in life.
I realize her article is not specifically (although mentioned) physical/chronic pain, but I think we should note that the majority of the time “mental health” and “struggles” are brought up without realizing MANY Christians (like myself) contemplate suicide due (as she mentions) chronic pain that GOD has chosen not to heal. Life long, young diagnosis, CHRONIC pain is very serious–and yes, can lead to depression of course, completely changing our mental state. But the reality is, GOD knows all, including our pains, and our hearts–and while it is true our ways are not HIS ways, I am sure I am not alone as a Christian, in thinking that GOD is completely aware of my situation, and has chosen for me to make my own decisions–including ending my life.
And yes, I believe if you are saved and GOD knows your heart, Jesus will bring you into the Kingdom. After all, as many have noted, there are many who die “in sin” (having not repented of their last act), and as well, there are many people who commit “soft” suicide by engaging in acts that lead to death (drug addition), or volunteering for dangerous jobs that may ultimately take their lives, and a host of other acts and choices. This includes those who are terminally ill deciding to forgo further medical treatment, even food and water, to speed the dying process. Is GOD “mad” or willing to deny them their rightful place in the Kingdom because they COULD have lived a few months, weeks, days, or minutes longer?
I am not writing this to justify suicide, but as someone who is currently dealing with this, and struggling each day to deal with GOD’s ultimate, Divine Will, to not heal me–I sometimes think He is ok with me doing it. This isn’t to challenge the LORD, or to be snarky, nor agnostic/deist (GOD created the world then walked away). It it to formally, intellectually realize and appreciate, GOD’s Will is that I engage in Free Will, when healing, even INSTANT healing was an option all along, but He in His Sovereign position opted not to do that. Again, proposed respectfully to Jehovah, the Great I AM.
This article is my voice. It says what I wish I could say. Depression has been a part of my life since I was 15 and I am now 46. Sadly, the church isn’t the only institution that needs this information. I am a teacher and I nearly lost my job this year due to my chronic illnesses and absences. The school system didn’t know how to help and I couldn’t tell them because our insurance doesn’t recognize mental health as something to be protected or helped. I have often wished that my sickness was an addiction instead. At least if I was an alcoholic or a drug addict I could go to rehab and get help. But where do you go when your heart is sick? There is no rehab for that. I had to just suck it up and keep working to support my children. Those 3 children are the reason i have seen each new day. I cannot bear to think of them without their mom and the pain I could cause them by leaving. They don’t deserve that. Ive tried to fight this for so long with journaling and prayer and music and counseling and medication and essential oils and natural supplements but it is still there as big and as painful as ever. I am so ashamed to admit that the past two days I have even gone live on Facebook giving people ideas for ways to “stay out of a pit” when they are facing hard times like I have been lately. I had all these silly things to try to occupy the mind like playing with play doh, painting your toenails lots of colors, eating a pint of Halo Top ice cream, spraying a fragrance you like, and choosing to be positive moment by moment. I read your thoughts about how you really can’t tell someone to choose to be okay and I withered. You are so right. I am exhausted from trying these past two days to choose to be positive. I don’t sleep anymore and haven’t slept more than an hour or so daily for the past 5 days. I have a counselor and medication but I don’t have a person physically here to talk to. It’s getting harder every day
That’s so hard 🙁 I’m sorry your work couldn’t really help or understand. It also sounds exhausting. It can be so hard when you try so many things and nothing seems to take away the darkness deep inside. A lack of sleep really doesn’t help. (Have you seen a doctor about this?)
In my work, I listen and care for people who struggle, and while I teach resilience and other life skills, I sometimes feel like a hypocrite, knowing my personal lifelong struggle with depression and suicidal ideation. I think it’s really admirable that you are still here, focusing on your love for your children and what matters to you. I hope you can spend some time just resting in God, knowing that you are loved, letting Him be your strength. Sometimes we get caught up in all the things we need or feel we should do, and it can be helpful to just stop and “be”. I’m speaking as a perfectionist who’s always busy and never feels that she’s doing enough. God reminds me that His grace is sufficient, and my salvation rests in His great love for me, not in what I can do.
(I’m assuming you’re a Christian as you mentioned church. My apologies if I’ve misunderstood.)
Thank you so much for having the bravery to share what depression/suicidal thinking is like but also the hope and potential we all have! You’ve done a great job explaining how we can fully believe in the gospel but still struggle with mental health. I’m just now getting to the point in recovery where I don’t constantly feel like what you describe. It’s definitely an illness that the church and our society needs to respond with kindness!
SORRY but I was raised Catholic. FUCK the church of perverts people. Do NOT PRACTICE CATHOLIC CHURCH ANYMORE OR EVER AGAIN. IN FACT FUCK ALL CHURCH’S. IF YOU BELIEVE IN GOD THAN YOU DON’T NEED TO GIVE YOUR HARD EARNED MONEY TO ANY ORGANIZATION. ALL ANY IF THEM Just WANT YOUR MONEY …. THIS IS A FACT NOT A BUNCH OF LIE’S. SO ILL PRAY FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND THAT BUT YOU WON’T WHICH MAKES YOU JUST AS MUCH OF A HIPOCRIT. I DO HOPE THAT YOU GET THE HELP YOU NEED CAUSE YOU SURLEY NEED IT?????????ALL CHURCH’S ARE FUCKING EVIL
Completely unnecessary… but you know that already.
Sarah, this article was shared by a friend! God Bless You! It came to me at the perfect time! My grandkids had a friend who committed suicide last Friday night. He went to a party, seemed happy, talked to lots of people and came home, wrote a message on his Instagram and shot himself. A smart, sweet teenager with a life to look forward to… He was a popular kid with lots of friends, a loving mother, and not someone who fit what people think of someone who would commit suicide. You explained this so well and as a Christian I struggled on how to help my devastated grandkids and the others when I couldn’t make any sense at all. I suffer from depression and I understand the darkness well but how could I tell them what they needed to hear! Then this article is posted!! Thank you!!
I don’t deal with depression, but I live with a continual internal terror. It is so bad my body, especially my arms just ache, and ache telling my emotions that I am terrified. I have begged and begged and begged God to take me home. I am almost 75 years old and the terror isn’t 24/7 now, but it still comes almost every day. It is exhausting.
On top of the terror and other struggles my husband is dying from a slow insidious disease called Multiple Systems Atrophy. His autonomic systems throughout his body are slowly atrophying.
I wish I had learned long ago what the Bible has to say about the importance of suffering in our walk with the Almighty God.
Thank you for mentioning joy. I get so tired being told I should have joy, or that true love casts out fear. Again we need a better understanding of what these passages are really saying.
Friends suggested I write a book. I decided to write a blog. A song by Steve Green kept me moving forward – “Refiners Fire.” So I called the blog The Refiner’s Fire http://www.myrefinersfire.com/
It is my prayer that the Blog will minister to others who are walking through suffering – what ever it is.
Sarah! You are amazing! Look at all the people you have touched, dear Angel.
Omgosh!! My son is 20. My story is long. We have a family history for mental illness and thyroid disfunction.
Hubby(Dad) died 6 yrs ago. He stopped taking the large doses of steroids he needed for his autoimmune disease. He chose to go Home.
Like I said long sad story… so my son is 20 now. He has been depressed since before Dad died. I didn’t see it. I was absorbed in my own torture. When my son told me he thought he needed help, I immediately sought counsel for him. First thing was pills then talk therapy. We went to many docs. One said he had asbergers. My son would say I’m done and stop everything. Went through this 3 times. I knew he was broken, just couldn’t find a way to fix him. Now I know. He needs more of me. Thank you, Sarah. I will hold my child closer. He does believe in God, actually has a firm belief in it. I’ve always tried to instill the FEAR that he would go to hell if he did it, because I needed anything to keep him here. Obviously wrong.
I have learned so much from all of the people on here. Thank you people! Sorry so long… just gotta say… you will feel better if you force yourself to smile while you are crying or need to. Your brain WILL trick your heart. Try it. I had to. When you cry for years you realize the toll it is taking on your heart and body. I have 2 children I need to raise. And I want to see my grandbabies! Yes, life is lonesome without my husband of 26 years and had I not had children, I assure u, I wouldn’t be here.
These people who say prayer can fix anything, your wrong. God does not interfere. I have been on antidepressants for many years, I probably always will be. And it’s OK! ? It’s my cast for my broken heart. And by the way…. to all of you have have lost a loved one, wether suicide or not, it’s going to hurt forever. That was my best piece of advice through all of my grief. I needed to know how long the pain would last, so I could prepare and deal with it. Lots of people said 2 years, time will heal you. NOT!
IT HURTS FOREVER.
Just like depression.
I love you all ❤️ and GOD bless all of us!
Sarah, seriously, I think you may have opened my eyes to what my son needs. I have dealt with my own depression since I was a child, but it makes it that much harder to see when someone else is broken.
aspies are not broken … try embracing who he is, not what he’s not
THIS! I’ve lived this for years. I’m so thankful for your encouraging, honest post! A loved one developed cancer, and I remember seeing how the Church talked about it openly, helped with daily tasks, and prayed for healing and strength to get through chemo. Going for chemo was never frowned upon. On the other hand, the cancer that is major depression is stigmatized, medication is frowned upon, and the loneliness and shame add heaping coals onto the already fragile state of mind. Why is chemical imbalance in the brain looked at any differently than other diseases in our bodies? It is a malfunction just like the apopstasis of a cell that causes cancer, or a malfunction in the endocrine system that causes diabetes.
I am a mother to a child with depression. While I do not know how depression feels for her, I know what her depression feels like for me. It truly is something that affects everyone. I first noticed it when she was 7 and thought it was just “a phase” she was going through. I nearly lost her to suicide when she was 13. I took her to a councilor who told me to start preparing for her death because there would be nothing I could do to stop her, that was unacceptable. I cannot tell you how many nights I went without sleep because it was in the night when she would try to harm herself. The most terrifying moment of every day was going into her room to wake her for school in the morning, I was so afraid of what I might find, after waking her I would go to my room and cry with relief that I had my baby for another day. We finally found a good doctor and she is doing well now, I no longer have to keep all sharp objects locked in a cabinet and I have not slept with a baby monitor next to me in over a year. I believe she has the tools to cope and above all, she knows that I am walking beside her in this battle, that she can come to me even if I can’t make it better, I can be there with her until it gets better.
My personal opinion:
I hope you’ll build up a relationship of trust, friendship, and love with her!
There will come a time, when she’ll have a relationship, and if it doesn’t work out, she might fall back into that hole.
Letting her know you trust her, love her, and care for her, and that you’re there for her, to help her, is a very large burden off of any teenager’s chest.
It might feel strange at first, but I think getting to know your child in more deeper levels, and praying together, and hoping together, and do everything to create deeper and stronger bonds with your girl, for her sake, is something that certainly would benefit you both!
Thanks for bringing some of these truths to light.
1- Yes, suicidal people are often believing they’re where they’re at, because they don’t pray enough, or aren’t spiritual enough.
2- Yes, suicidal people are shunned as if they’ve contracted a venereal disease that’s also contagious through conversation; and that attitude only strengthens the depression, and weakens the person.
3- Yes a suicidal or depressed person needs love; even more than those with a physical ailment!
initially I thought I would read yet another ‘know it all’ lecture from someone who’s got a theological degree in depressions and demonic possessions; or from someone who’s acting on hearsay.
I’m glad I read through this, and changed my mind.
You’re pretty. A lot of women aren’t as pretty as you. A beautiful woman is able to achieve almost anything she likes in life, because she’ll attract wealth, and a wise man.
Something a lot of less beautiful people have to struggle with, and we didn’t.
not to say that therefor we can’t be depressed.
There are still goals unmet.
in my own life, I was seriously lacking friendships. Couldn’t connect to anyone. And the more I was seeking, the more I was rejected.
That for me, was horrible.
While I do believe that God heals, I do also think that quite often, people aren’t seeking hard enough. It takes more faith than that to pray and have it disappear.
Perhaps as I get older, my depressive emotions go down a bit.
Or, perhaps, just like I prayed fervently for a spouse, and God providing, I also prayed fervently for healing.
And just like the spouse, God didn’t just ‘give me one’ like that.
He gave me the knowledge to change myself where I should, so my current spouse would love me for those character traits.
And in a similar manner, it could have been Jesus’ consistent love that got me through time after time, and stabilized me. I don’t know.
I did it without drugs. And with only One Doctor!
But I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone, who’s not willing to give up his life for God, and go beyond the call of duty.
And I’m not saying to pray and fast until you are so exhausted you can’t anymore.
The hard part is to persist, to last through the years. To, every day go through depression, until you’ve become accustomed to it, and until you understand it’s really not all that important. You’ll still survive without whatever it is you’re missing.
In my case, I had to give my jewel to God, and find peace with it. My jewel meaning, my earthly desires, to give up the desire of friendship, to enter loneliness, because in this harsh environment, God is preparing me for something greater.
Now that I’m married, I can’t say I won’t be depressed anymore.
But there’ve been milestones. Milestones where I look back, and can say:”Never again will I go there!”.
And I remember, how God saved me in the knick of time, or 2 minutes later I wouldn’t have been here anymore. And the memory, stands as a testimony that:
1- If you’re at your worst, it means tomorrow can only get better.
and
2- If you end your life now, you won’t see where it could go from here.
and
3- My (family member that I love most) will miss me dearly. I can’t do this to him/her! For myself, yes, but not for them!
and
4- Not to mention the fear of ‘what happens if I fail in my attempt? Will I be willing to go through life as an invalid for the choices I make today?’
All these are solid answers and questions, that really help prevent a lot of people commit the one sin, they can’t repent from….
Yeah.. It’s death that can’t be repented from. once you go in, there’s no way back.
Not blasphemy.
One can blaspheme the Holy spirit, and later truly regret, and turn back. The Lord will not leave such person behind.
But only one sin can’t be forgiven (here on earth). The one you can’t ask for forgiveness for.
Does that mean suicidals go to hell if they succeed?
No. I’m not saying that.
It just means here on earth, there’s no redemption.
But our life isn’t permanently here anyway.
Our life here, is like a savings account in which we can either deposit, or cash it all out. Every day we live, we deposit something in there. Something good I hope.
But the day we cash it out, is the day we will cash out the amount we’ve build up. And making the decision to shorten the time to save up, certainly affects that final savings balance.
I have to disagree with you and your comment. #1 because you claim that “While I do believe that God heals, I do also believe people aren’t seeking hard enough. For someone who has Clinical Recurring Major Depression it’s hard for them to even get out of bed or eat, and at the point that depression is leading to suicidal thoughts and actions, the last thing on their mind is to push harder, and “seek” harder. #2 “If you’re at your worst, tomorrow can only get better.” You have no proof of that, Do you?? I am glad that you had only one doctor and no medicine, not everyone can do that. #3 According to the Scriptures, The unpardonable sin is blasphemy of the Holy Spirit ie: Total rejection of Christ and the Gospel. It is NOT death, unless you do not trust Christ and trust and have faith in what he did when he died on that cross and rose again. I am just clearing this up now because Scripture is twisted by so many, and one needs to know what Scripture truly says. satan is still alive and well in this world, Depression and Suicide are tools in his arsenal to get us to give up on God.
I’d also like to share my story. I was 14 yrs. old when I was diagnosed with severe major recurring depression. I also went through very severe child abuse at the hands of my parents, mostly my father. So, between the two, I was messed up at an early age. My family was Catholic, (my Father was going to become a priest, and was asked to leave the seminary). When I was 7 yrs. old, we had just moved to our house, and my mother decided to take me to a Lutheran church for Sunday, It didn’t take me long to figure out that if I also went to church, that I wouldn’t be beaten on Sunday morning, so I went to church as well. My parents enrolled me in Lutheran Day School, and I also went to a Lutheran College. That’s what I really wanted. I first went to therapy during High School, and my pediatrician prescribed Valium and a sleeping pill. (In the early 70’s there wasn’t really any medication for Depression. I was first hospitalized when I was 16 yrs. old for 5 months. I was put on various meds, and finished high school, and was accepted to Concordia College right after HS. I was put on a nasty anti-psychotic medication– Haldol, and that slowed me down and kept me in bed and non functional, I flunked out of college, the thing I wanted the most. I’ve been in and out of hospitals, in and out of day treatment programs, I’ve been on almost all medications that there is for depression, I’ve had over 150 Electro Shock treatments, I’ve had therapists and psychiatrists tell me that I was beyond their expertise, and they quit seeing me. (That just happened yet again about 6 month’s ago, and so far, I have not sought help again. I have only attempted suicide once, and came almost close to succeeding. I had a very serious problem with self abuse (burning and cutting, and I have done some serious damage, but that helped me control painful emotions, I could feel inside relief when I burned myself, even though I could not feel the physical pain. My father ripped me apart verbally by calling me worthless, useless, hopeless and good for nothing, I believed him, and that just doesn’t go away. I do believe in God, but, I also believe that he hates me as much as my parents and the rest of my family. I’m more of a friend than I have friends, and People are surprised when I have had struggles, and go the other way, because now, I need help. Recently, I have gone through Breast cancer again, and chemo and a double mastectomy, I also have diabetes and other physical issues too. Sometimes I just get so tired and death seems more welcoming than life is. I am a very strong resilliant person, and I have survived. I was able to finally go back to college and get a degree in Early Education, I have taught pre-school and kindergarten, I have been a Nanny, and have mothered so many children, I’ve taken care of babies and others since I was 6 yrs. old. But sometimes I cry because I have no family, and no friends, and it gets hard going through this life all by yourself. I am so thankful Sarah that you are a survivor, and that you have found healing in therapy and friends and medication, I have never found that healing, in fact, I was told 6 months ago that my depression is treatment resistant. I am so very sorry for dumping my sad story on you, but this is the truth. Some day, I hope and pray that I will also have real peace with God. God Bless you all.
My 17 year old daughter recently came to us and said she needed help, she had been having thoughts of suicide. We immediately called a mental health worker and they determined she would be better off in a hospital setting. She spent five days in a mental hospital. She is doing pretty good now, she knows she will have bad days and I asked her to let me know when she was and we would deal with them together. Thank you for you article. It gave some insights I hadn’t thought about.
Sarah
This is a wonderful insight. My husband took his life 10 years ago. HE loved Jeusus served in our church and loved his children dearly. Our children were 3, 11 and 12 1/2. They are now 13, 21, & 23. I will be sharing this with all of them. ♥️
Didnt mean to leave my name off
This afternoon I went to the memorial service for a friend committed suicide last week. He was a believer. I feel as if I let him down, and the church was not there for him. So reading this, was incredible and timely. Thank you for being a voice for those who struggle and perhaps it will save us from having to sit in a church because someone like my friend just wanted to pain to end.
Thank you for this article – captures the pain and hopelessness so many of us have felt – my song HOME wrote itself after one of my music students took his life the summer of his junior year. I think I really wrote it for me. (Video) https://youtu.be/iWrt9JeqKm4
Thank you so much for this article. I am living this right now and reading this has helped me to reach out to a therapist. I think it’s time for me to get some help. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you Sarah for sharing your story. My beautiful and wonderful cousin posted this to my timeline in Facebook and I am so greateful she did. I never realized someone did care about how I am feeling or saw the pain I am In. All I want to do these days is sleep away life. I wake up every morning because I have to go to work but all day long I am tired and can’t wait to get home to go to sleep. Though I am on medication it doesn’t seem to help.
Yeah I don’t feel suicidal any longer but I have given up on life. I am married but it’s like living with a roommate because I no longer feel the need for love. My granddaughters live with me and I struggle to do anything with them I am always in my empty world but I feel so bad about it but can’t seem to do anything about it. I feel like god punished me for not being a better mother or daughter so he took my mom and daughter to cancer and now my aunt that I so dearly love has breast cancer. I stop believing there is a god even though I find myself talking to him at times but I ask myself all the time is there truly a god are these just stories. I never read a bible because I didn’t understand it all I know about god is what I heard as a child from my mom and aunts but I was always frightened by there stories as well.
I don’t know what to believe any longer so lost in this horrible world.
Thanks, I learned so much.
Thanks for this article. Although I’ve never gotten so depression that I’ve attempted suicide, I have prayed to God to just let me die. He didn’t answer that prayer with a yes. Thank you, Jesus. I still struggle with depression but after a long time of being lethargic and crying a lot, I feel like I’m finally “moving” toward joy again.
I can do relate to what you’ve posted. Positive, happy, out going me has suffered from depression for approximately 20+ years. I know firsthand about this subject & for some reason I’m feeling brave enough or crazy enough to share some of my insights. Granted everyone’s journey with depression is as individual as the person is but IMHO there are some universal similarities. I feel there are some “truths” only those who have been there know. I will attempt to articulate a few of them. Some will relate some will not.
I’ve not researched what I post here. I’m not wanting to argue or tit-for-tat facts. This post is merely from personal experiences of my own & like all of you, with family members & friends who have attempted or been successful with suicide.
I’ve been to the “other side” more than once. I have a Pinterest board called “The Other Side” that is a collection of art from all over the world that depicts some of what I think it feels like to be depressed and in anguish.
It is not my intent to offend anyone reading this but people frequently refer to suicide as cowardly, selfish & thoughtless on behalf of the victim. I disagree. As a matter of fact I find it cowardly, selfish and thoughtless for a person’s loved ones to want to keep someone so broken & who is in so much pain for their own personal reasons & needs alone. It is the person left behind who is afraid to be left; who wants that person regardless of the costs; who is putting their needs ahead of their loved one IMO. It’s not all their fault though. Unless you have been there I do not think the average person spiritual or not can fathom the depth of the despair whether it’s mental despair, physical pain or both.
The thought process for planning a suicide is itself intense, thoughtful and overwhelming but also freeing. IMO this “freeing” or “restful” sensation is intoxicating & far out weighs the negatives at the time.
I also believe for most it’s not this frantic, impulsive act. I believe from experience it is quite the contrary. Anguished people are secretly thinking of it & planning it for some time.
I believe women’s typical inability to compartmentalize makes suicide more likely for us. That said man or woman, I believe suicide is never over a single issue. I believe those who are left behind want to simplify it and believe there maybe a single dominating reason but in reality I think that is rare. As Shrek said we are like an onion-many layers. When suicide is considered or attempted there are so many variables the majority of people couldn’t begin to comprehend the complexities in your life & head at the time.
Once you have suffered so long & are so exhausted the idea of death is such a relief you can hardly wait for that peace to come. For some spiritual people the feeling is so exhilarating it supersedes God’s grace which again seems unfathomable to most people. For me I felt I would have God’s grace despite because regardless of what many scriptures say, I believe God is an all loving God who would never ever turn his back on the most broken of his likeness. At the moment my life was to end I planned to beg forgiveness & to ask him to take my broken heart & spirit and make me whole again or at the very least relieve my insurmountable suffering & to lead my loved ones to peace.
The feeling of release from your emotional and or physical burdens is so enticing it makes any possible pain during the actual act bearable & conceivable. I had suffered silently with a smile on my face and “looking normal” for so long that a moment of physical pain seemed an insanely small price to pay for peace. In my experience emotional pain is much worse than any physical pain although I’ve experienced a great deal of both.
One thing I find ironic is we hear all the time the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over & over & expecting a different outcome. What people who do not suffer from depression don’t understand is most of us go through a host of different meds, different counseling, different alternative treatments such as acupuncture hopeful each time & then if or when these options fail we are back at square one…..over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over again. So who’s insane?
And as for the logic & cowherdness behind suicide, when I was on the other side I believed what I wanted to do was in the best interest of my family. I felt strongly that I would be doing them a favor. I felt I was dragging them down, a burden, a hopeless embarrassment of doom & gloom. There’s no doubt IMO it’s an escape from self but it is also sparing those who love your broken person & preventing them from having the heartache your depression creates for them. And to take the greatest gift God gives us and destroy it-that is yellow bellied?
And the final point I’d like to make about my experience is this: those left behind say they wish they’d known or they wish they could have been there to talk the person out of suicide or to somehow prevent it. To get the person into counseling or some other recognized form of treatment. But the reality is there is nothing that will stop a person intent. Nothing. No one. No one thing. Carrying guilt for a lost loved one is useless & misguided IMHO. No matter how many interventions, treatments etc if a person is intent on ending their life they will eventually do so.
I feel one positive that can come from Robin William’s suicide is an open honest discussion about what it means to be depressed, to consider suicide and our failing mental healthcare in this country. In his case we can add mania and addiction to the discussion. While I do see his suicide as a choice I do not see it as selfish or insane or cowardly. Quite the contrary. He finally took control of the demons that haunted him, the ones who he couldn’t overcome, the ones he no doubt felt were in someway destroying his self thus his family. Despite the publics’ loss and certainly his family’s I respect his choice. I won’t glorify it or promote it as an alternative but neither will I condemn his right to take control of his life the only way he thought he had left.
—————————–
Leslie,
I am so moved by what you’ve shared, and it explains what it is like on the other side, which I have resided at for many years now, so aptly.
Your comment(s) regarding the definition of insanity and the never-ending attempts at finding healing are so precise. I have actually wondered more than once over the last few years if I am already in hell — if somehow I was mistaken that Jesus had accepted my invitation to be my Savior so many years ago. Had I actually fooled myself into believing that I had a personal relationship with Jesus and with my Abba…. was it delusional that I believed He was my best friend??? Is the feeling of now being separated from Him as I am unable to feel His presence proof that either I was never His nor He mine??? Is this what a cursed and damned life looks or feels like???
I’ve given up on antidepressants as they’ve never worked for me. I’ve lost hope in our broken health care system and in the body of Christ as a collective. I am here only because I don’t want to further damage those whom I love who have already been so affected by my despair and fear. I am barely functioning. I am a walking shell of the person I used to be. I know that I will eventually one day die by my own hand as I have no one and cannot bear the thought of growing old alone. I find comfort in knowing that this life is only temporary and that if my Father God is as good as I have been told all my life, that He will accept me with open & loving arms. ??
I find comfort in knowing this is not our home. I do not stay in a state of depression but head south when the enemy starts. He reminds me my prayers are not answered or rather the answer is no. Pray & pray for loved ones who do not want Jesus. It is heart breaking-year after year. Broken relationship. I start believing the Lord doesn’t care & it is a lonely place where you just want to check out!
thanks!
Thank you for writing your article. I’ve struggled with depression and PTSD since 2007. After struggling with my depression and anger issues for four years, I went to the VA and asked my primary care person for meds. I had tried everything else. I had prayed and begged God for healing. I had believed time would heal my brokenness. I was active in my church. I’ve come to realize there will only be healing when I see the ultimate healer. Until then, I will continue to take my antidepressants and go into the group when things get too bad. My church has been wonderful. I remember when I started taking the pills. The pastor of the church I was attending at the time told me, “Better living through chemistry.” I didn’t care what he thought. I felt better than I had in years. I understand attitudes within the church have to change. My depression started when my first wife cheated on me while I was deployed on the southern border with the Border Patrol. She decided to leave me for the other man. Sixty days after she tells me she’s leaving, I am dragging my gear into my armory. We have Iraq orders. I did the only thing I knew to do at the time. I packed my gear and went. There were days when I was doing good to put one boot in front of the other. The struggle continues to this day.
This is where I broke down and sobbed: “You can wholeheartedly love Jesus and be depressed.” Thank you. <3
Love this post! I love Jesus and struggle like you. Thank you for your openness and honesty. We too often find this subject taboo in church.
I wrote about this on my blog…but it’s anonymous…I’m a scaredy cat, which is why I admire your bravery❤️. Here’s the link if you’ve got a minute.
https://squarepegsdrumsandbuttholes.com/depressed-super-christian-lol/
This is a very good article, thanks so much for your insight. My son died by suicide nine months ago. He was fourteen years old. I saw him and I will never be able to get that image out of my head. I wish I could share this article on FB, but this phrase: “my body, swinging from the rafters” prevents me from doing so.
<3
What a great read! I felt like I was the one writing this by how much it relates to me. So encouraging and powerful
“The lie that those walking closely with God don’t ever have suicidal thoughts or other mental health issues is dangerous because it wrongly casts these issues as sin.” And this lie also proves that they have ignored or missed large swaths of the Bible. Spent some time reading the Psalms, Job, and the prophets.I find so much encouragement in reading their words, because they too have had moments where they wished they had never been born and yet found hope in God.
I’m currently going thru all of this, I’m speechless but I’m seeking help m. It’s still so hard
Christina,
There are many of us who have to deal with depression and the dark thoughts that accompany it. Learning about the disorder and how to combat it is one of the best things we can do. Do not hesitate to reach out to those who know what you are going through and are familiar with ways to disrupt the symptoms of the depression. We are a unique group of people, and we do not have to submit to the beast. God bless and keeping you in my prayers.
Thank you for sharing this. You put into words what many people feel and do not know how to express. I suffer from depression, and although I know many of my friends are trying to help, sometimes the things they say only makes the situation worse. I have been fortunate enough to avoid suicidal thoughts for the most part, but when they come they are heavy and dark. Knowing what we face with depression and confiding in people we can trust helps beyond the darkness. Thank you again for sharing this. Well said and worth the read. Sharing.
My son is a worship pastor. He has his suicide all planned out. He has told us about it. He is seeing a counselor and is taking meds (we think, so he says). We don’t know what to do. We tell him we love him and that we know he is hurting but he has pretty much shut us out of his life. Won’t answer phone or texts. He is out of town a lot so popping in the see him is hit or miss. We feel helpless and are just waiting for that phone call…
I wish people would read this and believe it! I’m 48 and have been fighting the battle for decades. I also deal with anxiety & agoraphobia, and within the past year it’s come to light that I am contending with PTSD. Fortunately I have a fantastic psychiatrist and even better therapist, a Christian counselor who specializes in acute mental illness. My psychiatrist had me take a genetic test, and I have a long-short pair of the MTHFR (methyl folate receptor) genes which regulate the body’s ability to process dopamine and other important chemicals for mental health. In other words, I finally saw that I had a physical, genetic impairment. So many years, and it finally felt somehow legitimate.
I’ve studied the story of Elijah a lot, and something you shared revealed new truth in that passage. Suicidal ideation is not sinful. Elijah told God that he wanted to die, and God did not rebuke him for sin. He fed him, let him rest, and was present for him with compassion. Eventually when Elijah was more clear-headed, God challenged his perspective that Elijah wasn’t truly alone. Knowing that it’s not sin helps to deal with the sense of shame.
Thank you. It’s time for the Church to have genuine dialog about mental illness. Blessings to you.
Jake, wow….. I have the same dxs as you, but c -ptsd rather than ptsd. I am also the same age as you (when you posted this comment). I have often wondered about the MTHFR mutation and whether I had it. My understanding is that it (mainly) affects the metabolism of folate. So I started taking an active B complex but can’t say it’s made much of an impact for me, although my life is basically in ruins which certainly does not help. May I ask how you and your doctor approached and utilized this information? I’ve tried everything and yet continue to worsen with suicidal ideation. What has worked for you, if you feel comfortable sharing?
Thank you for sharing that Jake. Most Christians dont see that. But also they are the ones who have family and support systems.
Dear Sarah and others who have commented here. I know that all you’ve said is true and from a human perspective the physical and emotional help is very important. What makes me sad is that no one seems to address the spiritual side of the suicide problem. Depression is a lie from Satan and his solution is death. It always has been. Remember the demons that Jesus cast out? The young man who kept throwing himself into the fire? I’m not saying that anyone is going to hell or not a Christian if they have these feelings, but I am saying that the feelings are not able to be overcome just by physical and mental treatment. The Bible says to take every thought captive and to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. I certainly can’t speak for others but I saw God heal my Dad from schizophrenia. He had suicidal thoughts. God created us to have fellowship with Him so we can and should take everything to Him in prayer and leave our struggle with Him instead of trying to work it out on our own. I truly believe God can and does heal both physical and mental illnesses. But even if He doesn’t take away the pain He PROMISES to be with us through it. He is a God of LIFE and wants us to live in His abundant life. Please know that my heart goes out to those who are suffering and I pray that the Lord will meet you where you are and give you the strength to resist the devil and his lies about killing yourself.
Anita,
I can feel that your heart is in the right place from what you’ve written above. Having said that, what you seem to be assuming is that those of us who suffer with depression or anxiety or suicidal ideation have not already plead with the Lord for healing, for forgiveness, for strength… that depression is simply negative thinking or lack of faith. Because you see ongoing suffering, you seem to be questioning our relationship with Jesus, whether you meant to or not. This is a blanket assumption and sadly reinforces exactly what this article is attempting to challenge. Yet, it seems to continue to elude so many within the church….
I speak for myself when I say that many times my relationship with Jesus was the only thing keeping me afloat. He has been my best friend for most of my life, and for many years, despite my failing mental health and eventual inability to feel His presence. For over 30 years, I believed that His will was to heal me, and I juggled back & forth between the ongoing argument of whether the source of my depression was spiritual or physical. I have been invalidated and rejected…not by God, but by those claiming to be His hands and feet. But, I have learned, just as Paul asked, more than once, to be freed of what tormented him, our Father does not always heal His children in this physical plain. I’ve had to surrender the question of “Why?” because that alone hurts too much to continue pursuing. He is God, and I am not. I do not understand His ways.
Please never assume that you know the spiritual life of a fellow brother or sister by the challenges they are facing. One only needs to look within the scriptures to the books of Job and the Psalms, among others, for scriptural insight into despair felt by men of God. Grief, abuse, trauma, physical defect…these can all be contributors to depression, as well as to other mental illnesses. Please remember this.
Anita, people like you are the problem that she addresses here. Clinical depression is an illness like diabetes or cancer. It is a chemical imbalance in the brain. God gave each of us a mind so we could learn. I believe that not doing so and hurting sick people is a sin. I would suggest you get help and then go to a library and educate yourself on what clinical depression is. Also, talk to professionals who can explain it to you and maybe help you as well.
-Depressed and suicidal people just need you to enter the dark and sit there with us, your love unchanged.
–
All I want is sleep, not just because depression is exhausting, but because sleep is an escape.
-Sometimes people say suicide is the most selfish act you can commit. But for many battling the darkness, dying seems like the most selfless thing to do.
??? I’ve searched almost my whole lifetime for this. I never could really explain what I was really feeling, so nobody ever really understood. Thank you so much, Sarah! Such a beautiful artical!
Alex
I feel for you ,and I’ve experienced the same sense of exhaustion with depression.Sleep often feels like the only escape, usually the tiredness hits me in the afternoon.I also experience a debilitating emptiness, and deadness inside,that makes it hard for me to motivate myself.
The trick is to regard getting through small daily jobs as an accomplishment, and not judge yourself by others’ targets and expectations, just know it’s fine to be still where you are.
God bless.
Hello Sarah, A very good article… I saw it shared by a friend on Facebook. It is very good to see an explanation of these thoughts, and the struggles. I have a family member that struggles with bi-polar, and suicidal thoughts. I have had to seek medical attention and help a for times for them. It can be hard, truly hard to understand what is going on in someone’s else’s mind.. And it is often very hard to know the right courses of action to help. It’s like you love and care about the person, but always a concern your not healing or helping the right way. The mindset that plagues me… If a friend breaks all their legs… Knows they are not going to be an Olympic Sprinter in the future.. so they don’t want to do the rehabilitation.. At one point do I keep pushing them to move.. and what point do I say… I don’t know if you willing to do the things you can to be better… It’s hard.. you love them.. but you don’t always feel attention itself is in itself the right thing…
This is such a good explanation and adds clarity to a very difficult subject. Lauren Daigle has a new song coming out called “You Say” which affirms much of what you’ve said here. https://youtu.be/sIaT8Jl2zpI
I have thought about this everyday for 40 years. As I age I realize it could be easier to let go. The only thing that keeps me here is the knowledge of the hurt I would leave behind. Years of counseling and medication has helped, but I always wonder….. always.
Hi Sarah, A very good article, I can fully understand and share your view.
I need support and other opinion, as I have struggled with depression for the past 15 years. It worsened those days, I want to die, but my love to my wife and my 19 years old only son stop from doing that in addition to my religion believe. If I die, I will not suffer any more but my wife and my son will do, I cannot be selfish, I cannot be selfish
Thank you Sarah for this description of what the heaviness is, how it feels, and what it means to be a Christ-follower in the midst of the shadows. It is the “valley of the shadow of death” in Psalm 23 not because it is literal death, but because it is so dark it feels like the real thing. We all need to keep enduring these bitter realities, reminding ourselves that our good God has plans bigger than we understand here and now, important purposes for us in this life. And then, one day Jesus will call us home – not by our premature choice, but by his faithful timing. Let’s all keep holding on when we just want to escape. Bless you!
Sarah,
This is a very insightful and heartfelt article. I think you can Speak Life into the lifeless through a desire to truly understand so that you can show Compassion and Love that leads to healing.
There’s one thing in there that I 100% disagree with… the idea that suicide isn’t Selfish, and, it’s definitely not selfless… I get the lies rattling around in the heads of the suffering, “They’ll be better off without me…” but that’s a lie. It’s a lie that anyone who has been left behind by suicide would refute – anyone who had to deal with the wreckage left behind (of which I am one) would cry out against. I would pose a challenge to anyone considering suicide and justifying it with this lie – go explain your suicide case and get permission to kill yourself from everyone in your life, and see what Truth looks like – see what desperate Love looks like.
I Pray that all would endure, cry out for help – not suffering in silence, and accept the love that they both need and deserve.
Thank you, thank you for sharing this. It was authentic and insightful, putting to words things I have experienced myself and through my partner, who suffers at a much deeper level than I. When a friend shared this article, our church worker community was grieving the loss of a friend and colleague that took his life. This article created the opportunity for more conversation. Thank you.
Very well written although for me may not be enough to help me understand why life all of the sudden is just so meaningless. I lost my husband 14 months ago. I have been trying to get from one day to another. Fighting different battles every day, taken advantage of more times than I can count. Tired emotionally, mentally, and physically.
Thank you for your transparency. The spectrum of why people are suicidal or depressed is wide. My depression often rears its ugly head in the form of anxiety and being totally overwhelmed with life’s responsibilities. Thankfully, I have a few people in my life that do exactly what you suggest:
“Depressed and suicidal people just need you to enter the dark and sit there with us, your love unchanged. You could be his arms to hold us, his hands to feed us, his voice to tell us we’re not alone. Your love and kindness are more powerful than you know.”
Your post is well written and heartfelt.
Thank you so much for sharing this Sarah! I have Depression and PTSD and have been told so-o-o many times that my faith isn’t strong enough, that I need to keep my eyes on Jesus, etc. etc. I think one of the sayings people used with me the most is because of my name, “Joy” – you have to live up to your name!!! Ugh! How do you live up to your name when you can’t even begin to think that there is such a thing as happiness…let alone Joy! I am doing so much better now, I take all kinds of meds and thankfully I have a Christian Phsychiatrist , he’s not preachy or anything like that – sometimes he will remind me of a scripture, but not preach to me about it. I have committed suicide (attempted many times – succeeded once), I watched from above as they worked on me and brought me back – I didn’t cry or have any reaction when I came back…they took me to a lock up room and on the way a nurse calmly told me, “You must not have wanted to really die, because you’re not upset that you are still alive!” I did not comment, but in my head I was saying, “You have no idea how much screaming is going on inside of me right now!” I am still alive…duh obviously and most days now I am glad to be alive! God has given me GREAT friends, counsellors and pyschiatrists!
Someday, I would like to write a book about my journey, I have the title already, “My Search For Joy” it has a duel meaning! Finding joy in life and finding myself! I have kept journals through my depression, when I first started seeing a counsellor I could not talk at all about the abuse from my past (that is what brought on all of my mental issues)! I could write it, but I couldn’t talk about it! I would write and then the next visit give them the writing and we would talk about it – or should I say, they would talk about it and sometimes I would listen and sometimes I would totally disassociate because I could not !handle it! Just want to share a bit and let you know that I enjoyed your writing – wish you hadn’t had to go through the stuff you did to understand depression! I think sometimes that the only way you can understand it is if you have lived it – living with someone with depression doesn’t always bring the understanding
Crystal, have you ever experienced trauma so severe, you don’t even remember the event? I saw the aftermath of my dad’s suicide. I don’t remember. I saw my mother waste away from cancer, and was left an orphan. And the list of childhood traumas goes on. Am I a victim? No, I’m a victim of myself and poor choices in adulthood which leads me to my next point. While it wasn’t addressed in this article, guilt and remorse are exaggerated in many people who have Major Depressive Disorder. They can torture the mind. Even the smallest past transgressions are magnified 100-fold. While I agree with this author in theory, most Christians…in fact, most people…are dismissive of depression. Comments such as this are why people are very reluctant to discuss what’s wrong with them. That’s when isolation sets in. There is a trend to label any negadivity “toxic.” While it is awesome that you recovered, remember that there are degrees of depression. Also, trauma and PTSD can play a huge role. Synapses in the brain literally atrophy and die. Brain regions can become broken. This happens due to exposure to long-term stress and trauma. Additionally, antidepressants don’t work for many, many people. I encourage you to research this topic and rethink your stance.
Thank you Erika. I appreciate the consideration you shared. Your compassion is nice.
Sarah, your words are an inspiration to us all; they are so applicable it feels like I wrote it myself. While I don’t wish this upon anyone, it is reassuring to know that I am not alone.
I’m 41 years old. Just celebrated my ten year anniversary (second marriage) last month. We have seven children all together. I really struggled as a teenager but eventually that passed at approximately the age of 16; leaving me with 25 years of a relatively good life and the thought that it was nothing more than teenage hormones and angst.
Over the last year, we’ve been going to marriage counselling and uncovering a lot issues in our lives. Particular, I’ve had to confront my upbringing in a house with two alcoholic parents, and have had to cut my mother our of my life due to that. On top of that, I’ve also discovered past sexual abuse that I wasn’t aware of and the fact that I’ve been neglected my entire life. And here I thought being able to get myself out of bed, to school, and cooking breakfast, lunch, and dinner, at six years old, was a sign of independence. I’m learning now that it was a sign of neglect.
Throughout all of this, I discovered about 6 months ago that my wife was having an affair with a 20 year old and that destroyed me. In comparison, my first wife also cheated on me, but I took my twin 5-year old daughters and left, never looked back. But this time, something was different; I couldn’t be the strong independent man that wasn’t going to tolerate unfaithfulness. No, this time it rocked me to the core.
My life as a teenager came flooding back; severe depression, attempted suicide, self-hatred, anorexia. “What…what was wrong with me?” I thought. I began researching my state of mind; am I bi-polar? Am I depressed? Am I just selfish and attention seeking? Am I an addict? I was able to make a self-diagnosis; all of the symptoms fit like a puzzle. I’ve concluded that I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder. BPD has traditionally been reported as a female disorder, but I know now that this is mainly due to the stigma of showing emotions as men. My father grew up during the Great Depression, so I was reared with a very traditional, or old fashioned, set of beliefs. As such, I learned to stuff; and stuff I have done with great frequency and abandon. I stopped talking because every time I shared my mind or my heart with other people I was basically punished for doing so. This caused me to retreat inward, to seek refuge within that which I hated the most; myself.
Back to today, and my wife and I are working on our marriage. I love her and I hate her, but we’re still together. Everything that you’ve written is almost verbatim some of the things that I’ve been told: I need to be more intentional with my thoughts, I need to spend more time in God’s word, I need friends, and, most importantly, I’m being selfish and I better not even think about killing myself. Shame. Heaps and heaps of shame piled on top of my mental state in an effort to bury it rather than understand it. Its all in my head, basically, and if I was a better husband/father/Christian I wouldn’t be having these issues. I also have some pretty significant sexual baggage which she discussed with numerous people (including the two major families) in our church. She claimed it was to seek wisdom; but of was wisdom about me and not wisdom for me. I was mortified and felt like I couldn’t look anybody in the eyes again; our pastors, our counsellor, her friends. Since then I’ve been actively ignored by others in the church; numerous times I’ve been around our pastor’s wife and she won’t even acknowledge my presence. So, all of those emotions that I’ve been pulling out for the past year have been going right back in. Stuff it down, shut up, and put a smile on my face. She wants to be part of the “in” crowd at church, and if I was a better person, more outgoing, and more open then she would be. It’s all my fault; I am inadequate.
Within the past year I’ve sworn off alcohol completely, after seeing what its done to my mother. I don’t smoke tobacco or do any hard drugs, although I have smoked cannabis pretty much since I was 16. That, along with, leaving home at 16, I feel is what has really made a positive impact in my life. Cannabis also helps with a laundry list of other problems that I have as well, including anorexia, nausea, seizures (they run in my dads side of the family), sleep apnea, arthritis, depression, anxiety, and Crohn’s, just to name a few. However, even though my wife says she knows it helps me, she hates to see me do it because she says that I addicted and she feels that I’m just “doing whatever I want to do” and that makes her want to do whatever she wants to do and sleep with random guys. I’ve always been supportive of and non-condemning of her pack-a-day cigarette habit, even though, in financially difficult times, she has chosen to buy cigarettes instead of spending that money on food for our family (feeding 7 kids is one heck of a grocery bill). I have only been supportive and loving and have allowed her to stay home, raising and homeschooling our children, and this is how I’m treated? With disdain and contempt. I work 10 hours a day, and the primary cook in the family, and get on average 2 hours of sleep a night. But, according to her I’m not a good father because I’m not doing enough. I don’t feel like a husband, I feel like an ATM.
So here I am today. I’ve been free from cannabis for 2 weeks now, and have also quit drinking coffee, because, much like my wife’s reasons for hating cannabis, I am addicted and I enjoy coffee. Since those two criteria apply to coffee and caffeine as well, then that must mean I need to give up coffee as well. It’s the last thing that I’ve given up that I feel gave me identity as she seems to hate everything that I am, love, and identify with. I work in IT, but she hates when I’m on the computer; if I dona quick google search then, according to her, I’m on my computer “all the time.” She’s recently told me that she hates me having my own laptop that “nobody else has access to.” I run Linux and use it for programming and development mostly and I don’t let anybody else use it because, well, seven kids.
On top of that, I’ve recently taken an ethnicity DNA test and found out that almost everything that I thought I was, I’m not, and everything that I’ve been born to despise, I am. I’ve always been told that I was Native American, Italian, and French. Come to find out, I’m mostly British. I have nothing left that I love, no hobbies, no interests, and no way to escape the fact that I have no idea who or what I am.
“Well, you’re a child of the one true King….”
Shut up with your generic canned responses. I’m a mess, a disaster. I truly believe that God doesn’t make mistakes, so then what am I?
I haven’t really eaten anything in the past two weeks. Anorexia is my self-harm. I’ve lost almost 20 pounds and have had to tighten my belt two notches. I work out like crazy, and have been getting a load of compliments. I don’t smoke (anything) and I don’t drink coffee anymore. I am just kind of waiting to die and looking good while I do it. I can’t take the pain and anguish anymore and every day just brings me one step closer to being an active participant in my demise. I can’t do this; I cant be expected to do all of this “emotional heavy lifting” without any support and without it affecting those around me. I’ll just go back to stuffing so that maybe suicide isn’t my most prevalent thought 24/7. I think I’m going to call off my therapy as well; I get so excited that I’m going to be making progress only to be disappointed when the focus of a session has to do with my favorite colors or some such. Life was so much easier when I wasn’t trying to be a better Christian, husband, father, and person.
I just can’t help but think how much better my life will be with a shotgun shell to the head. Will I finally be at peace? Will I be free of the living Hell that is my every waking moment? I know my wife will be much happier with a fat life insurance payment and the freedom to go out and be as promiscuous as she wants to be. It’s almost selfish to make her have to continue to endure a life with me, when I think about it.
Thank you, Sarah, for your compassionate and caring heart. You’re truly a light for Christ on this dark world.
Ryan,
I’ve spent some time in the comments section today and have found it very comforting and therapeutic.
Having said that, I want you to know that I read your post — the whole thing, and I found myself tearing up, laughing, but mostly admiring your honesty and transparency.
You sound like a good man. I hope that you are well and that you are still here. I just felt led to reach out to you to tell you that I see you — that I hear you and that I hope you have found some relief from your stressors. Your sister in Christ. ??
Thank you for sharing this! This is probably the best article I’ve read about Christians with depression who are suicidal!! I dealt with my depression from age 15 until I was 62. At age 60 I fell apart and hit rock bottom, even with 10 years of psychiatric care, taking multiple antidepressants and anti anxiety drugs. Group Therapy was most helpful but not a cure. Christmas Eve, 5 years ago, a young lady I did not know, who had just graduated from college with a degree in music wanted to pray for me. I was changed that night. I may be a rare but highly blessed Christian who was instantly healed. No more depression, anti-depressants or psych doctors. I started a small study group for people going through what I had experienced for so long, called Restored Hope. I have seen people changed. I started a Facebook page for the group which now has 244 followers and some posts get 500-700 views. You can find it here: https://www.facebook.com/restoredhopes
I’m a psychiatric professional. I’ve also dealt with the Devil of depression and anxiety. Growing up, I never felt any love from my parents, only rejection. I will tell you that when I talk to people long enough, many, many times deep seated rejection is the reason for their issues. It’s pain that is buried deep. It comes out as bullying, drug abuse, alcoholism, hate, depression, anxiety, anger issues. I’m a sprit-filled, tongues-speaking Christian. I, like Sarah, know all the verses. I speak them daily over my life. But, like for those with high blood pressure and diabetes, the medication I take, the same type I prescribe to my patients, helps me more than anything.
Having a disease in the brain is no different than having a disease of the colon or of the heart. The brain is an organ. It can be sick, acutely or chronically. The problem in my line of business is that I cannot take your brain out, examine it, and put it back in. If you go to the doctor with a sore throat, she can look at it, swab it, grow a culture plate and make a more objective diagnosis. The majority of data for a mental illness diagnosis comes from subjective information. This leads to misdiagnosis a lot of the time in the beginning stages. Someone with Borderline Personality disorder looks a lot like a bipolar person. But there is no medication for a personality disorder. It’s trial and error a lot and the medications don’t work overnight. There is a new DNA test that will help to find the right medication but it is expensive and most private insurance will not cover it. And it is not 100% accurate. The best advice I can give to my patients is to take your medication as ordered and go to therapy- often. And stick with it for at least 6 mos. We want a quick fix to everything. It’s just not that way with the brain.
Please try to talk nicely if to those who are not sharing your opinion
This isn’t not about a matter of opinion. This is about life and death. Millions die each year needlessly in part thanks to ignorance like that. You may be okay with the death of innocents . I’m not.
I’m very alone and confuse. Constantly I’m thinking in kill my cell and look for ways how to kill myself. Please I need help and somebody with I can talk
My name is wilfred im a Indian small Financial problems is affecting me no one can help me suffering to much I’m a helpless father ……..
I don’t want live here definitely I want to go father God hand amen.
Does it matter if you’re not a Christian or catholic and just believe in a higher power?
Does it matter if you’re not a Christian or catholic and just believe in a higher power?
I found this blog post when I googled “I want to die but I don’t want to commit suicide” and the headline caught my eye because I am also a Christ-follower. Thank you for this. Right now, life feels too difficult. Healing, and all the other things I want in my life, feel too impossible or far away. Despite Jesus’ words about abundant life, I seemed to be destined for nothing but continual failure and confusion. Everything inside of me hurts and nothing feels worthwhile anymore. But after reading this I feel slightly less alone.
Oh, you are not alone at all. I am a Christ follower, have 4 amazing kids, and a grandkid, just found a job that pays decent, attend an awesome church but still struggle mightily with wanting to die. Like you I don’t want to commit suicide just don’t want to be here anymore. The mental torment I endure is excruciating. I just don’t have time, money, or strength to seek out professional help but reading this I know I really need to! I hope you and I both will. Prayers and love!
Dear E.M., I empathize. That’s how I feel as well. I’m having a bad night. I was fine all day, and then this wave of fear, sadness, panic and failure hit me out of nowhere. If you’re not seeing a doctor and/or therapist, I suggest you do so promptly. The fact that you Googled that shows you’re depressed but want to get better. Benjamin Franklin once said, “God helps those who help themselves.” If God has given us doctors and therapists, let’s use them to get better. Depression is not all in your head. Please, seek help. Fight back so you can live your best life! Lourdes
hi
I’m a Christian. I want to die.
I sat alone in my room last night, suffering the worst panic attack I’ve had in almost a year. And no one came to check on me. They could hear me, but no one cared. None of my friends responded to my texts asking to talk. I’ve never felt so alone in all my life.
I’m so sorry you’ve been struggling 🙁 It’s so tough when you don’t have the support around you. But there are other ways to get the support you need, and you are so worth doing whatever it takes to get better <3 Here are a couple of resources that could be helpful right now.
You can search for local therapists at Psychology Today
You can text CONNECT to 741741 to talk to somebody anytime you're feeling desperate or overwhelmed, day or night. This is a free service.
You can get unlimited access to a counselor via text, plus calls and video chats at http://www.faithfulcounseling.com
You can also get unlimited video counseling/therapy at http://www.betterhelp.com or http://www.talkspace.com. You can also text/message with counselors whenever it’s convenient, so you don’t even have to leave the house for it.
Take good care of yourself <3
Are you named rochelle
I just lost my fiance ..my soulmate..11 days ago ..i have prayed to God to find me someone who wouldnt hurt me..love me make me laugh.. it took me 51 years to find him to be happy..we just started a business..he was a perfect gift.why does God hate me. My whole life has been painful and miserable ..i met michael and my darkness felt whole..why cant god leave people alone if there hurt ..fix them…let them go on with there lives allow them to live .i really want to go be with him..this is one pain i cannot handle..i have to start over..i have no money ..no job..there was no will..whats the use..people say oh itll be hard… youll get over it …with time..you know what..i dont want to get over it bc i dont want to go through this..how am i suppose to cope on a new job..it would be easier to die without it being suicide so i can go be with him..
I’m in high school and I constantly feel the need to die. My life is pretty good but I just don’t want to live anymore. I know I don’t really want to die but I see no other option. I’ve started physically hurting myself recently because I’ve never told anyone this and I find it frustrating to keep all of my feelings to myself. I don’t know what to do.
I’m in middle school and I feel the same. I know I’m young and as people say probably have time to heal but I just can’t admit I’ve been hurt cuz I don’t even know if I am. I don’t cut but I know a person who used to. I know people who have depression in our school but I don’t know if it makes anything better. I hoped you can find someone to talk to… It took me almost three years to find someone who understands me and my depression. Who knows it’s not a sickness and you can’t really do anything to fix it? I don’t think anyone does unless they are depressed too.
I don’t know if it’s helpful but I’ve been not depressed for a week now and it might be because I try avoid giving myself time to be depresssed.
Praying for you
-What and What SL
Thank you for your honesty as what I read is keeping me here yet another night. I don’t want to be here anymore, but I googled & read your pain & totally related. I know I made the right choice over the 45. Thank you, thank GOD & I pray I have the strength 2 get more help, because Sr., counselor, certainly not hubby of 25 painfuly toxic yrs dont seem 2 get it . Just thanks again Sarah.
My best Term for Life is LIFE SUCKS! Why it started at about 4 years old. I was at the beach with my family my parents sitting on the end of the peer as I was contemplating jumping in to end it! Any way My parents found me there when it was time to go home and asked me what I was doing and I said I was thinking about jumping in as they didnt love me.. think they denied it and shrugged it off so I got up and went home. Kind of irrelevant but at about 5 an interesting thing happened long story made short I was electrocuted by playing with a lamp in a swimming pool almost to death my brother unplugged the lamp as I could not let go of it, as we were taught to if ever we were in that situation. Any way I believe God was the only reason I lived on. Although my thoughts lately are to shamefully tell God regularly I wish He Would have allowed me to die than and there. You may ask Why as I said before Life Sucks. I joined the US Marines at just weeks after my 18th Birthday. As I lived a life of cybil combat with my older Bro. all my life as He was My Parents Dads Mostly, Favorite and I was there worse nightmare. literally I had issues with sleep and was tormented by being made to sleep on the floor…. The worse thing still was I lived a life of never being good enough for my dad… nothing i did i got punished for things my brother did… and could never get my dads approval… if I did even a little bit. My older Bro would make sure it didn’t last because he always made sure he did everything better than me and FIRST even if i had started first and he never had the same interest on his own he was first and better than me. . Kinda now reminds me of an eagles nest with two eaglets and one will kill the other off the youngest by not allowing it to eat and pecking it every time it tries until it dies. Also now later in life I found out why I was a failure in Catholic school. I was a C and D student and struggled thru school. My Bro was c And B student. In the 50’s they knew nothing about ADD but it does seem I was one of them freaks too. Struggling with that not knowing all my life till being put back in third grade twice
recently being diagnosed in my late 60’s. So going on I dropped out of school at 10th grade I failed as I no longer cared. yet I did get straight a’s in my favorite two classes Wood and Metal shop and gym also. I liked working with my hands out with weights. . But I was unable to handle high school basic classes. I only liked one thing Playing Drums! so it took precedence in my last years of school. my mom got a loan and I worked after school job to make payments to pay for them as mom said i could.. I played in bands as a teen and taught myself to play. the only Christmas Gift i remember was a Snare Drum and sticks to play on it. at around 14 years old. and my Bro didn’t do music instruments. sorry getting to lengthy here! any way a long story short I have had two marriages my first one was one sided she took my daughter and ran when my daughter found me in 1997 at 27 it too tuned out a waist she should not have bothered. in 1994 I had a back surgery and a second worthless one that put me in a wheelchair .. I did ok for a year and depression hit… than i was sent locked up to a psyco dr who made me his experiment and I ended up even worse on his drugs. moving along as i could write a book. I been treated like garbage by caregivers and there companies had hippa laws broken and gone thru morphine with drawls twice so i now enjoy living in pain mocked by doctors. been ill now seriously am dying a slow death of what i believe is either bone or lung cancer. drs avoid me like the plague… and now I dont and wont go seek one ever again… I converted to true Christianity in 1983 this is the only reason i remain on earth as I don’t fear man but I fear God and try to keep my faith in tact. I worry if i ever screwed up and took my life I would go to Hell.. so I live day to day praying and begging God to take me out. and so i get to live in the shame of living a life where i feel hes left me a long time ago and is punishing me. sorry for the rant! but you Bi polar depression article that I have lived made me remember all my great life. see so now I feel sin again as I murmur and live in self pity….
Thank you so much for writing this.
I have used this to help my friends and loved ones understand what Im battling through. I was recently hospitalized for my depression and suicidal thoughts and This blog post has helped those around me see what I can’t put to words myself. I can’t thank you enough!
I am a doctor and have read this article from both point of views -medical and spiritual. And I am completely disagree with the author. As more our society rushing in to a progress as more we keep moving into a bigger problems. Studies saying that third world countries has less percentages of depression. Even in the near past, people didn’t have antidepressants and the rates of suicides was dramatically less from what we have.
All we have here to help us and that is worse following- it’s Bible. Bible it’s our Manual of life. All the answers are there.
Here just couple of them:
“A merry heart does good, like medicine, But a broken spirit dries the bones.”
Proverbs 17:22 NKJV
God said “ for the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and PEACE and JOY in the Holy Spirit.”
Romans 14:17 NKJV
“…For indeed, the kingdom of God is within you.””
Luke 17:21 NKJV
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, JOY, PEACE, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,”
Galatians 5:22 NKJV
From that we can clearly see, IF the Kingdom of God is within us- those are the fruits we will bare. There is no other way. So the the answer we found in the Bible is to look for that Kingdom of God and we WILL have JOY and PEACE!!!
“But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.”
Matthew 6:33 NKJV
This is spiritual problem not so much physical and the presents of it is an indication of the Kingdom of God is still far away. Pills will not heal it, they might help temporary, without digging the root out.
Everybody seek God differently and there is NO protocol how to find Him. BUT, there is a promise from the only One we can trust
“And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me WITH ALL YOU HEART.”
Jeremiah 29:13 NKJV
http://bible.com/
God bless you!
With all due respect, you don’t get to cherry pick the Scriptures. David, Job, Elijah, and many others — men of God suffered through bouts of despair, anguish…even desire for death.
You are wrong. You are ignorant. I pray you educate yourself before continuing to spread such damaging ignorance.
Hi Sarah
I just read this and couldn’t stop crying. I relate to every single word. Thank you so much.
I’ve had a life time of pain so far, I’m 52 I’ve never had a good thing happen to me, really and it’s not a choice or a life style. My days of waiting one more day, for a better day are growing short. Because there not coming I know it sounds like I’m depressed I’m not, but my life has been depressing. I had no father, I’ve been set on fire my skin not my clothes, I’ve had a finger ripped off my body,
my brother died, I don’t have a good mother, And had no love life I’m ugly. I don’t know why I’m still here any more, there isn’t much reason to stay. It’s not that I’ve had a a bad day or a bad week or a bad year. I’ve had a bad life it’s like a bad dream that you don’t wake up from. Why would GOD let me suffer so much for such a long time, it’s not right or fair. If I know my life would of been like this as a kid I would of killed myself …
Hi Sarah. Thanks for your story. This is where I am right now.
My best friend died and I moved into stress-cardiomyopathy.
I was very healthy prior. I raised him since he was 12.
I have no reason to continue. My cash flow is finished and I’m stuck in a 3rd world country.
So I’m outta here.
Reason, I need 300$ a month to live and that was just cut off 30 days after my friend died.
As for any help, everyone is your brother until the rent comes due, no?
-flek
I am a young(ish) husband and father living in South Africa. I have only very recently been positively screened for Bipolar and Severe Depression. To be dead honest, I don’t think I have made peace with the fact that I am mentally ill yet. It is especially tough though, because I am currently living in so many of the aspects of Sarah’s story, waiting to see the Psyciatrist so that I can get meds. I am very much in Love with Jesus and He is the only thing I can hold on to right now, but like you said, unfortunately it does not take the pain away. I am extremely blessed with amazing people in our church community and a friend and business partner that also climbed into the darkness with me. He really saved me when there was no hope left, and he made a plan so that we, not just me, can manage this untill I get medication. I felt so alone and unique in my situation, but reading this has really meant so much to me. The article and comments of so many people that live victoriously is amazing, comforting and give me a lot of confidence! Thank you so much for sharing! I cannot wait to also stand one day and show what my God can do for me, so that He can help others as well. God bless you all, and God bless you Sarah!
Dearest Sarah, thanks once again for being there! For the second night in a row I can’t find sleep though I’m extremely exhausted and desperately need to sleep. I am a deeply devoted Christian who has struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts since I was 17. I will be 48 this month. Everything you described is right on point. I find friendship on a deep level is difficult. When people see the smallest glimpse of the inside me they draw away or offer empty cliches which only deepen the guilt. That extreme level of exhaustion keeps my house in a mess which in turn adds to the depression but I can’t find the strength to get it conquered. I’m embarrassed to let anyone come over because I don’t want them to see the boxes still unpacked from when I moved in 6 months ago. I’ve downloaded the apps read the books and taken the classes on finances but my bank account continues to be overdrawn because that sluggishness keeps me from taking control; another source of shame. As a single mom of a teen and a tween, who just went through divorce, I have a new very demanding job, and finding time to seek help for my mental condition looks vastly overwhelming. I pray every day that a friend like you mentioned will come into my life because right now I feel very alone. I have turned to your writing as a source of inspiration. Thank you!
The church is the last place you will find help for anything. This medical issue stems from our medical system as well as our food system. Roundup along with thousands of other farm chemicals, are the real issue. However$$$ will not allow this secret to be revealed. Physicians have zero clue because they are simply pharmacists. They literally scoff at patients who know the facts.
I’ve been mentally ill and suffered from severe auto immune issues for over 30 years. I have yet to get any answers. My thyroid went south in 2008, I have yet to find a physician who will even treat me. Lol. Medicine is a disgrace from my experience. I met 1 honest doctor who explained the truth to me, he helped me stay alive to this day.
Autoimmune disease stems from the human gut, but medical
Schools resist this truth, as it is not a profitable venture to heal.
I’m a building contractor and am held to a hundred times higher standard than any physician. They can run you out of the office and still get paid. Lol.
It’s a business folks, they’re not like Marcus Welby MD of the 70’s.
Jesus showed me the truth, however I was neglected and ignored for so many years that my illness graduated beyond help.
As a Christian I am ready to just die and let my wife and children/grandchildren have some peace. I welcome death to escape this hell I’ve lived in most of my life.
Fellow believers were the first to condemn and abandon me when I relapsed several years ago, as was my entire family.
By the way, I have type 1 bipolar, and all the meds make me hyper manic. I finally figured out why. When we get autoimmune or mental disease, we all develop food allergies. Milk is in every psych drug, which is a prime trigger for my mania and psychosis. Psychiatrists shunned me when I reacted to the meds. Wouldn’t even call me back!!!
The medical system is a huge joke!!!
This article was a great read! I do not battle depression or anxiety issues but one my very best friends does….she is a beautiful wife, she is funny and a caring mother of 6 amazing kids and she is battling RA….she sometimes “jokingly” makes comments in our conversations about “being done”, “they’ll be better off without me around”, “I just don’t want to be here anymore”, etc. I am grateful for the insites that your article and your story has to offer me so I can better direct and support her. Her family does love her and absolutely needs her….and I love her friendship so having her healthy and happy is important!! Thank you!!
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Thank you Sarah, I’m glad that I’ve stumbled upon this article. I’ve struggled with anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts/plans for many years now. I’m 24 years old and looking back I can see that my depression started when I was 11. I was raised in a Christian family and I have a love for God. I spent 5 years on a worship team, so I know exactly what you mean when intrusive thoughts occur during those times when you’re serving God.
I’ve been seeking help for a few years now, I haven’t found meds that work for me yet, but I go to therapy once a week. During my last session, the theme of loneliness came up when I was reflecting on my life. And despite my love and faith in God, I’ve had moments where I felt like he abandoned me. I know it’s not true, but praying and begging God to help me out of the darkness and still not feeling relief has left me feeling hopeless.
I’ve questioned myself many times about how much I trust God. That maybe if I trusted him a little more then I’ll have a breakthrough. So then my prayers led to me asking for more faith and to help me really trust God. Still silence.
I also understand that this is all for a purpose so that I can help others, and I get that, but how close to suicide do I have to be before God intervenes? What else am I supposed to learn from this? I’m not asking for a complete healing, I know that this is something I will always live with, but when will I be able to breathe? I’m still here so I know I still trust God. I’m feeling hopeless and I’m desparate.
I’m just believing that one day things will change. It has to.
Hey Christina,
I so relate to your struggles. When you talk about wondering how close to suicide and how hard it has to get before God intervenes, I remember that feeling well. It’s a scary, hard, and dark place to be.
I’m proud of you for going to therapy, still working on finding meds that help (that can be a really tough process!), and doing what you need to do to take care of yourself.
Aside from those things, there were a lot of things God did in my heart in the darkness and the silence that I couldn’t understand. I wrote about some of that here: Dear God, thanks for not forcing wholeness on me. I experienced a lot of trauma as a child that played into my depression and beliefs about God abandoning me, not really loving me, and being cruel. It was a long, hard road of healing because God was so gentle and patient and moved at my pace, even though I wanted him to move faster.
In the meantime, take very, very good care of yourself. Learn to fight for yourself, to speak kindly to yourself, and to fill your soul with good and life-giving things. Learn to have boundaries, to take time for yourself, to eat well and get good sleep and move your body in a way that feels good to you. You are worth absolutely everything it takes to get well, Christina.
I also talked a bit about finding hope in the darkness – maybe it will be helpful and encouraging for you <3 How to find hope in the darkness of depression
Hi Sarah, I enjoyed reading what you wrote. Going through some rough times myself and was just wondering if you could email me so I could get some advice on how to get through certain things. Thanks
I have no friends to turn to, I attend church but I can’t feel God’s presence. I have no energy or strength to live the day. Nobody knows that I’m struggling, nobody cares. The person I loved most is hurting as well because of me. I want to die and I prayed to die.
thank you for this i pray it helps me as i have been planning to exit this life. i am in drug treatment and feel so numb i am tired of mental health hospitals, but i am afraid to die thatss why i am still here. i am in a big community with other addicts with mental health issues but still feel alone. i feel like a burden on everyone even God. i cut but it nolonger helps. i fear they will find me dead here i continue to pray. i feel so alone inside and out. im just tired. i feel like im in a fog like im moving in slow motion.
pray that God wins
I’m so sorry, Brandy, to hear you’re struggling and hurting so much. I know the feeling of being a burden so well, but I promise that is not true. You are not a burden, least of all to God, and you are so deeply loved. Please tell your doctors how you are feeling. You are worth whatever it takes to get better.
The hotline hung up on me.
How useless is that?
Totally isolated. There are no lights in my life. The woman who was supposed to be my help was my murderer. She slayed my very soul through abuse and stole my five year old daughter.
I hate! I want to see painful death.
And I don’t care anymore if it is my own.
Benjamin, I’ve been in your shoes. They also hung up on me several times. Please go to the ER. Please! For yourself and your daughter. She needs a healthy, happy dad in her life. They will help you. Your mental health has to be in good shape if you are to see her and continue fighting. Going to the ER saved my life. It also shows maturity and a true wish to get better. Please! Tell them you’re suicidal and the hotline hung up on you. If you go on your own it’s easier. I hope you heed my advice. I will also be praying for you.
I felt the depths of true hopelessness. I cried out to Jesus for a reason to live. I needed a goal. “Keep Breathing. Your goal…just take one breath.” He gave me a song. Keep Breathing by Ingrid Michaelson. I listened to it to help me take one more breath. My life has been one torment after another. I been on all the drugs, seen all the therapists, and spoke on my knees, yet still there is no joy due to what I am surrounded with on a daily bases. So I just focus on Jesus as He said, just hang on. “I know the plans I have for you…” Sometimes, in the mist of yet another person in my life telling me I am worthless, I just take a breath… and hopefully one day, all the words of Jesus telling me what I mean to Him…will one day sink in. It’s nice to know, that I am not alone and it is alright to love and accept my sad self, depressed self, as who I am. That spoke volume to me from the comments. Jesus loves this sad, depressed, miserable person, why couldn’t I?
Mostly everyone who responded is correct. Mental health treatment is only for the rich. there are no clinics, or meds that are affordable. When they say NO ONE CARES, that could not be closer to the truth. People who could afford help out there on the web make us or least me feel like just press the red button and everything will be okay. It does not work that way. And if you think it does you are sadly mistaken. Suicidal hotline rep fell asleep while I was talking. So everyone who talks about all there help out there needs to shut up and move on.
It for the rich or for people who come from that type social class.
Hi Sue,
I’m sorry to hear you’ve had such negative experiences. I’ve had my fair share, as well (I didn’t find a good therapist until the 5th one I met with).
I don’t have insurance and am not rich by any means. I see a therapist on a sliding scale, I go to a low-cost clinic that’s also on a sliding scale, and I pay out of pocket for my meds. For those of us who are struggling financially, many communities have low-cost options for mental health treatment. And I use the GoodRX card to get discounts on my meds to save money. I wind up paying about $30/month for 2 medications.
There is no magic button to push and fix everything. It is hard work and it can be difficult to find people to help. But it is possible and it is so worth it ❤️
Wrong. Through the patient assistance program many pharmaceutical companies give away for free their meds to people who qualify. Walmart also currently has several mental health meds available for $4/month. There are clinics that charge on a sliding scale up to and including $0 for treatment for those who qualify. There are many programs out there. Contact NAMI and find out what is available in your state.
I became a Christian 41 years ago, and am thankful to be made a member of God’s family, but I have suffered for years with major depression. Served in the military twice, attended a vet support group after returning home. Sometimes life seems to hold purpose, but I am going to trust God to help me when I go thru the rough times, and feel my life is over.
thank you for the help i’m going to think more about this
I am so desperately praying that He takes me home. I am so f-ing done with my pain! Loss of my five year old daughter through parental alienation is way too much to handle.
I pray for him to take me every day
I f you are a domestic abuse victim from a well known extended family, you can get continually victimized because no therapy in the world can help get over distrust and I pray a lot and have a spiritual director. Therapists do not get it, they do not want me in their life. What these messages on this page call love?, I know people that use this a s a buzz word, they show no love, to include the people in my church group. I am ignored and devalued so I am now on a website of chronic people who hook up with chronic people.
why do you want to know my name? I am a well educated teacher and have 3 degrees, and I console others, no one cares about me
I found your article at the right time. God is good. Thank you for opening your heart and sharing your wisdom. Bless you
I googled “if to die is gain, why can’t I commit suicide?” and there under the prevention hotlines was your article. Crying but still processing it. I know I’m saved but I feel like a complex case. I’m a 50 yr old bachelor never been loved or in a relationship I’ve been celibate almost 10 yrs as I used to be gay until I had a divine experience where God asked me so lovingly to stop & I did. Almost 15 yrs since I asked Jesus info my heart & the depression I had in my teens is worse, I have suicidal thoughts & fantasize about dying. The loneliness has been worse than cancer which I’ve had a couple times and it’s so much easier to be in solitude than sit with all the couples in church or be part of the world where love is always on display. People that love me either tell me to find a man to date or tell me it’s basically my fault I’m still gay; that I’m blocking my own healing. I don’t want to stop running the race I want to please God I want to follow Jesus but I’m so fundamentally discouraged. I take my meds. I just want to say thank you. Your article you get it. Sometimes you just want someone to understand what it’s like and I know you do. Thank you for sharing your experience with us. God bless you & keep you.
OH, Jason, honey, are you in therapy? You need to be and you should really go to a local hospital ER and seek urgent treatment. Depression is a real illness and needs real help. Google Rachel Helen Evans. God would NEVER ask you to be someone other than the person He created. Please, promise you’ll seek help tonight. Or tomorrow at the latest. Your not living your true life or the person He created. That’s one of the reasons you’re so miserable. Remember to Google her and I’ll be praying for you.
Thank you Lourdes for your prayers and thank you for replying to my post. Your kindness is appreciated more than you know
Jason, you’re the man and I love you. Be encouraged
I have been encouraged by reading these posts, thank you
Jason,
I completely agree with Sarah.You should accept that God created you as gay,and self-loathing a key part of who you are is causing much of the depression.You need to love and accept who you are.You’ll never have any peace or self-confidence until you do.
I’m gay too,Jason,and also a devout Christian. I’m in your age group also.Please PM me if you’d like someone to talk to.I also had a powerful experience with the holy spirit.On new year”s day 2012, I had a baptism in the spirit that lasted all day.I was crying unceasingly with joy all day,because I just felt drowned in God’s love.I felt so unconditionally loved and accepted, and I heard God say,more than once, say “love is NOT sin,sin is not love” and then “I created you as you are,gay, to love in this way.I will NEVER let you go”.
After believing gay love wasn’t sin,I finally KNEW that loving someone of the sane sex is not a sin,in fact it is a gift from God.
Thinking logically,how can loving a member if the same sex,and expressing that love in mind,body and spirit be a sin?
Trust me,the biblical passages used to condemn gay people are about abusive sex or pagan idolatry,and many good theologians accept this.
Ignore so called “friends” who tell you to “try harder” not to be gay.They are cruelly misinformed.Sexual orientation is a given.Most of the ‘ex gay ministries” failed to change anyone from gay to straight.
Please accept yourself.God loves you so so much,and created you as a gay man,with the same need for love and companionship as everyone else.
Please hang on,and PM me if you’d like to talk.Plenty of people here care about you and are here for you.
Thank you Keith. After studying apologetics & just really trying to understand what God wants of me (holiness) I arrived at the conclusion that God’s Will would never contradict God’s Word. He reminds me He is no respecter of persons and if one breaks part of the Law, he has broken all of it. Meaning homosexuality is no worse than gossiping or lying to God; there’s no hierarchy of sin other than what man creates. I don’t know if I can ignore what I truly believe is a calling personally given to me by God. I’d certainly enjoy more conversation with you. Thank you so much for responding. I can feel the concern in your words
Thanks Jason
I’m sure God’s will for you wouldn’t be the kind of soul-destroying loneliness you describe.When God’s will is done our lives we have “prace, love and joy”-“life and life abundant”.In all honesty, that doesn’t sound like where you are.
Also God’s word needs to be understood in context,it sounds like you come from a literalistic church perspective. The word ‘abomination’ for example, refers to idolatrous worship,and in Levitivus it’s the homoerotic idolatrous practices of neighbouring tribes..This is also the case with Romans 1:24-28.It doesn’t describe my sexualitu-I didn’t “give up desire for women” or ” worship made made images’
“.Did you?
As far as the law goes,wr’re under the new covenant of grace,where “all of the law is love”.
All I can do is to share my experience of God’s love and acceptance that I received in that epithany with he holy spirit.
Please get in touch if you’d like to continue this, as it’s not really the forum for an independent discussion on this issue.I am concerned you may have received toxic and unhealthy teaching from some church or other,which has hurt you.
Please take care.
Thank you for your prayers. That means a lot to me. I’m going to read some of Mrs Evans’ work too.
Jason T, I appreciate so much your desire to stand by the Word of God, and infinitely more importantly, so does the author of that Word. I commend you for that because remaining faithful to God’s precepts is difficult for all of us, and it’s especially not easy in a day when so many are encouraging us to fashion gods of our own making, with “rules” we like.
I agree with you wholeheartedly that all sin is horrific in God’s estimation, and it’s also true that heterosexuals grapple with the same temptations to sin, whether it be fornication if they’re single or adultery if they’re married. I’ve failed in this area myself; to this day I deeply regret my sin, though I know it has been forgiven. I am so proud of you for not giving in to temptation when so many do! How I wish I had that testimony…it is worth more than gold.
I also want to encourage you that other believers go through the same difficulties you’ve experienced and are still experiencing, no matter what their sexual orientation. I’m a little older than you and I’ve struggled with depression off and on my whole adult life, and so many others that have commented on this article have as well. I’m married and I’m more lonely than I’ve ever been in my life.
One thing that has helped me tremendously is doing what I know I should be doing, whether I feel like it or not. I Samuel 2:30 says, “Them that honor me, I will honor,” and I can’t think of a better way to show honor to the LORD than to obey Him when everything in me is resisting that. I feel certain that He honors it by drawing me into closer fellowship with Himself, which is ultimately the only thing that truly satisfies our souls.
“‘Thou hast made us for thyself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it finds its rest in thee.’ I’m already praying for you, dear brother, that you will find your rest in Christ.
People who are homosexual are born that way. It’s not a choice. If God created them as such, you are no one to tell God He made a mistake. Also, if you’re a Christian, it is the New Testament you should focus on. A book written 1000s of years ago by by flawed human beings shouldn’t be what you base your life on.
Read Rachel Held Evans who wrote, “I thought God wanted me to teach gays how to be straight. Instead gay people taught me how to be a Christian!”
Jason, embrace and love the way God made you.
Lourdes I totally understand what you’re saying. God showed me over time that ‘why do you believe Me here but not over here? Is not every word of My Word God-breathed? Do you not see My Son never contradicted My Word or My Will in His time on earth? He repeated & affirmed My Word & My Will.’ So for me it was a deeply soul digging question…do I believe all of His Word? Not just the parts I like. I’ve told my friends yes you were born that way whether it was straight, gay, whatever you were born with a sinful nature. We all need Jesus because sin is also an ontological condition meaning it’s who we are not just what we do. Jesus & the Father are very clear on what constitutes as sin. The good news is when we accept Jesus & have that heart transformation, we don’t just get a new nature. We get the Holy Spirit which empowers us to follow Jesus and live as He did. So sitting & waiting on the Holy Spirit, I had to ask if I believe all of His Word is God-breathed and I do then who am
I to think I can pick and choose which parts of His Word I’m going to obey. Thank God that understanding has followed obedience. His Word is timely & timeless. It’s not outdated or antiquated. It’s not my word to change so I don’t & I won’t. Though I may be tempted to.
You are amazing, brother, and I have the utmost respect for you. I will pray for you earnestly that the LORD will meet your needs as only He can.
Benjamin Franklin said, “God helps those who help themselves.” It’s obvious you’re ready to help yourself. God gave each of us a brain and allowed that magnificent organ to study and discover the wonders of this world. Why then deny this? Science is part of God’s wonderful creation. Taking the entire bible literally is a fool’s errand. Only in American Evangelism does this happen today. This folly is causing great pain to good people like you. You accept God’s word as told to you by men, but then deny the science that we’ve learned thanks to Him? Doesn’t make sense. If your faith is strong then you should be able to question it. Challenge it. Mine is intact and it’s been tested many times. But I embrace all gifts God gave us.
See a therapist. God wants His children to be happy and be the people He wants them to be. Wasting your life by being miserable and not getting treatment, is a sin. Seek help. Then break free from these self-imposed chains and question your faith. Remember to read the brilliant Rachel Held Evans.
APPLY NOW FOR INSTANT FINANCE!!,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Elizabeth that meant more to me than you’ll ever know. God bless you.
If there is some way we can connect without splashing our email addresses over the internet, I would be honored to be your friend.
You are so encouraging jason
I’ve struggled with depression all my life , but I also had a traumatic childhood. As an adult I’ve been depressed , but I never felt like I really wanted to die , to not wake up to another day , until I lost my Mom in Jan 2018 Nothing prepares you to lose a loved one , and the pain rips through my soul . We were very close and I watched her die.
Two months later my daughter moved 3500 miles away , and the bottom just fell out of my world. Both shocked me even if my Mom has been sick and weak. I lost any ability to function. Eating was sparse and sleeping an escape from the pain. I’d call my sisters everyday and tell them I didn’t want to live anymore. I told many people. I couldn’t function .., I missed two months of work . When I went back to work my grief was still with me of course and it became a problem (?) so I lost a job I’d loved for 5 years ., I quickly found another job and lost that one too after 7 months. It was an unsafe situation there. After the second job loss , I went to a river with rapids going over the rocks. I stood on the embankment wondering how long it would take me to drown if I jumped in , how cold the water would be , if it would be painful. I was so done. What’s the point anymore ? The pain of losing my Mom and having two kids very far away is all consuming and I don’t feel any joy. It’s hard to endure more of this , day after day , after day. It’s never ending . I totally lost my identity. I still think about it often .. my kids are grown and gone and don’t need me anymore. Neither does my Mom. Life hurts too much. I can’t find a reason to continue I just don’t see any. The pain is surreal . The ER will medicate but nothing can make me feel like life is worth living.
Karen, your post breaks my heart. I know what it’s like to be where you are…I’ve been lonely most of my adult life, and a big part of that is I’ve lived away from my family most of my adult life. It’s hard. But one thing I’ve found that has helped me tremendously for years is looking for people who need help. This hasn’t always created friendships, but it has given me a great deal of satisfaction to be useful and helpful to someone. I’d rather be useful and helpful to my family, but there are so many lonely people in this world, everywhere I’ve lived, and they are usually very appreciative of any kindness done for them. I will pray for you, that you find someone who needs you – I promise you, they’re out there, all around you, and you could be a lifesaver for them. You have a purpose for being here!
I can understand how you feel Karen. But you still have a lot – compared to myself. You have family. Mine are dead. You have children. Do they hate you & chomping at the bit for you to die? My only child was kidnapped by her non custodian mother and raised to hate me. I blew $40k of my retirement contributions to try to get her back. You mentioned that you had jobs. So did I until I was seriously injured in a car accident, which ended two careers forever. I don’t remember what it was like to not be in pain – and left to suffer it because of a trumped up “opiate crisis”. I live on less than $1,000 a month, so I have no discretionary funds left over for anything. Forget about social encounters. I’m not trying to belittle you or what you are feeling. But you do have more than some of us. If you died in your sleep tonight, would anyone notice? Would anyone care? In my case, the answer is No to both questions. And trying to get decent pastoral care from the church – harder than finding the proverbial needle.
Frank, I’m sorry for your losses. I can’t imagine how difficult even just one of the things you mentioned would be. But I have to tell you, you may be wrong about thinking no one would notice or care if you died if your sleep tonight. Thirty years ago I moved to a rental house beside an elderly man who had just lost his wife. We hadn’t lived there long when he died…I didn’t even have a chance to get to know him. I have always had a terrible memory, but to this day I have never forgotten him; I still think about him and how sorry I am that he died alone. I’d be willing to bet there’s someone near you that could benefit from knowing you.
Hi, do you think someone Goes to Hell if they commit suicide? I want to do it the right way. Not hide, but explain my situation to loved ones before I go. Explain to them what’s going to happen and explain why. I have a rare chronic illness. It causes an excessive collagen build up which leads to fibrosis in my throat. It is horrible. It burns and aches and I’m losing hearing. Then end game is I won’t be able to even open my mouth. I have to escape this torture, but I do love God and my family. I just can’t continue to suffer. There is no cure in medical terms. I need to escape this but am afraid of hell.
Oh my friend. I am so sorry. I can not conceive of the pain you suffer through. So I’ll come with it straight. If you’re saved and I mean the whole nine; prayed to God, acknowledged you’re a sinner & all that being a sinner means, you’ve acknowledged who Jesus Christ is, what He did on the Cross, accepted Jesus into your heart, made Jesus the Lord of your life & had that heart transformation then God promises you will share in Christ’s inheritance and have eternal life with the Son & The Father. God keeps His promises. We can come just as we are to Jesus for salvation but we can not go just as we are to Heaven unless covered in the blood of Jesus; i.e. saved. I will ask that you try praying to God as if He is listening; He is and ask God to help you with this pain, with this condition. Let us pray for you as well. If you will trust God to save you from hell, trust in Him a bit a deeper a bit longer to guide you through this my friend. Reading many of the posts here, I see many wounded healers. People whose pain allows them to minister to others in pain in profound ways. God may have that calling in mind for you. Call out to Him and it doesn’t have to be fancy; just ask God for help. Don’t surrender. For many of us it’s day to day relying on His strength to get through each day. Please don’t give up. For me, the reality of the pain I’d cause my family, my friends has been enough to give me pause when I consider ending things. Your situation is beyond my comprehension but I believe in a God that creates miracles every day who loved us all so much He sent His only Son to heal the sick and gather the lost. He will hear you. I cry for you and I’ll pray for you.
Thank you for the reply. It was straight forward, informative, and compassionate. Thanks you so much. I will be honest. When I was young I truly believed in Christ and what he did for me. I committed my life to him. When I got older I did back slide. I felt I was missing out on fun and could dabble in the pleasures of the world while still keeping the core of who I knew I was. This was a fatal mistake and a lie I was deceived to believe. I had “big plans” to return to God and do all kinds of good things for Him. I know, that’s pretty screwed up theology, but that is how I felt. As I returned to my senses, and desperately wanted to return to who I was in Christ, I have not felt his hand on my life since. I have felt doomed by passages of Hebrews 6:4-10 and Hebrews 10:26-27. They seem exactly like what happened to my life. I was blessed with ability from God to use for his good, I fell into sin, I lost my health, and I never got the redemption story I expected I would receive. (Not that I am owed that, just how I felt at the time). Those verses in hebrews terrify me. I wish I was never born bc of them, like the Bible says some people will feel like. I do recall the redemption stories of the prodigal son, and pray I can be him. So I do not know where those chips are going to fall. I know this: 1) God made me and I will believe he loves me bc he says he does. 2) I am a broken sinful man who has made a mess of things. 3) I am suffering physically for reasons I do not understand. (I feel punished, but it’s completely possible God is my ally in this) 4) I know Jesus Christ and what he did on the cross is my ONLY shot at redemption. 5) I am thankful for that and I call on him to save me and know he is my only hope. 6) I don’t feel “blessed assurance”, but other than those things that I believe to be true, at this point I can’t do anything else to save myself. Jesus Christ is my only Hope.
I pray that is enough. I do want to escape this physical torment. And I do want to do it with honor and not hide from family and friends. I do not know if I’m just sitting here in such pain I have become unable to think clearly, but that’s how I feel. I love my parents and sister and friends more than anything. I have so much shame towards these thoughts. But they are real. Thank you again for responding to me and speaking truth. God bless.
I am heartbroken for you brother. But you have family. You have friends.
My ex wife isolated me over 13 years. She, my family, and all my friends (especially so called Christians) betrayed me, devalued me, tossed me aside like dog shit, lied under oath and in court, stole my five year old daughter, and I have lost my job and everything that I knew as my life.
All because I want to live in obedience to Jesus Christ. Fully.
I have literally lost everything. Everyone.
I could commit suicide and nobody would miss me. Nobody. Anywhere.
Not one fucking soul will even know I was dead. There will be nothing to find because I can get away with it.
But I will not be the one to off me.
But I would welcome anyone to try it to me.
You have people who love you. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and just be there as I was for the ones you love.
I could possibly get my daughter back this summer but I am terrified of trying to raise her now. I can never go back to work my engineer job or career. That is over.
All I have is God, and my faith in Jesus. I am essentially homeless living in a new RV trailer and fucking hate it.
I hate my life intensely.
I have gained it through righteousness holy suffering for eternity.
I don’t know what that means anymore. I hear these words as a curse. My life of sixty years most definitely was cursed. All of it.
I am having a hard time getting through each intensely emotionally painful day fighting the lies those evil butches put on me.
I will not let the bitches win. I am and always have been a tenacious son of a bitch. I will keep my tenacity if it kills me.
Hang in there brother.
Ben, I have no issue with your comment. And recognize I truly am blessed on this earth with the people that do love me! I just think you are underestimating the physical side of my issues. Mine is not just mental. As I type this inside my neck I feel an intense burning as my body battles with scar tissue due to excessive collagen which destroys the elasticity of cells. You are not wrong brother, I am blessed in many ways. I am just wagering that I’m at the end of my rope as far as dealing with this incurable suffering that month after month gets worse. I will pray for you brother, please pray for me. God bless.
You. Are. The. Prodigal. Son!
The Father has been waiting for you arms wide open. It is never too late. Your story is much like mine. I was the lamb that kept running away; distracted by the world yet God found me and welcomed me. Do not let your fear miss the joy God wants to let spring up in your heart through the power of the Holy Spirit. Know beyond doubt know beyond the voices in your head that God loves you & He has been wanting you to return to the fold. Not to punish you but to restore you. Sometimes it’s like I’m fighting to keep a grip on my faith because I forget God has me in His perfect embrace. God’s waiting for you to call out to Him. I love love this quote I heard in a sermon once and I’ll finish with that. You’re loved my friend. “Lord I crawled across the barrenness to You with my empty cup uncertain in asking any small drop of refreshment. If only I had known You better I’d have come running with a bucket.” -Nancy Spiegelberg
Thank you Jason. You’re comments have blessed me immensely.
I am not underestimating your pain brother. I have not disclosed my physical issues which are quite unbearable. I only want to set out that you are loved by people who don’t reject you.
Living in pain is so much more bearable in your present situation. When everyone who you’ve loved and provided for over decades betray you and tosses you aside, then suicide just becomes a more clear option.
If someone actually loved me I would not consider offing myself. Because of His love, though I rarely actually feel it, I am motivated to hang out and see what great blessings he has.
I do not mean at all to minimize your physical pain. Trust me I know what physical pain is. I have endured the worst pain known to exist medically speaking hundreds of times and have been near death because of it.
Please- if God has something for me, he has something for you, too. I will pray for you some more. Such as my prayer is at the moment.
I understand what you’re saying now and I agree. Thank you for the perspective. I suppose I actually agree. Sometimes I get so caught up in escaping my hell that I feel that way. Sometimes I am close to acting on it, but I have never crossed that line to this point. I believe your perspective will carry me a little further down the road. Thank you. It is true I have not face rejection, just lack of understanding. Which has crippled me, but it is true I do have ally’s. Thank you.
It is an odd feeling when the moment you need something most in your life, you get the opposite. Confusion and hatred only increase as I come closer to God. My troubles have only increased. What promise do we have to lean on that has been truly fulfilled to the modern Christian?
Read Mark 10:17-31. The more we give up the more persecution along with blessings.
This is what keeps me going.
We are never promised easy. In fact we are to take up our crosses, and carry his burden. Take his light yoke.
I am not experiencing the real peace through my own pain but I am convinced he will give it. He will restore one hundred times.
He did for me in 2004. He will again soon enough. Though I am intensely in pain both physical and emotional, I know he has not left me though if feels like he has.
I wrote about it on my website in 2004. Follow the menu under features at the bottom Amazing Grace.
I am living a crucible again even worse than 2002-2004. And yet I have been provided so much more than last time. Yet technically I am a homeless unemployable software engineer going through horrible divorce as target of parental alienation and spuusal and maternal and sibling abuse. I suffer severe CPTSD and am terrified of getting close to anyone.
My entire life and circle before a year ago betrayed me beyond human reason. My so called Christian friends led the attacks with the greatest ferocity believing the lies.
I am utterly isolated and not at all comfortable in town unless singing karaoke. Which I cannot bring myself out to do often enough.
I pray daily to go home. Yet here I am waiting for whatever YHWH has around the corner. I only know it is there, and it is better than I just lost.
So I stay my hand.
I have been provided*
When I’m at the bottom looking up (like now), I turn to the Psalms of David; journal; call a caring family member; or meet up with a caring friend. When I’m afraid of wearing them out, I make an appt with a therapist.
Currently, I’m going through EMDR, which is helpful for those who’ve got PTSD…. from serving in the military or from encountering some form of abuse.
I’ve had very little luck with antidepressants; have tried about 7-8. Good thing is, there are a lot of options. If one doesn’t work, try the other. If one is making you feel horrible, call the doctor. If they won’t help you find another medication, try to ask for another doctor or a psychiatrist. THAT’S THEIR JOB; REMIND THEM.
1. God does love you, whether you sense it or not. Many people, loved and called by God, have gone through severe depression and hopelessness. So, don’t discount your life! It’s NOT a sign that you’re abandoned by God.
2. King David was brutally honest with God about his feelings. He got it out! Read through the Book of Psalms. Make his words YOUR words. Don’t rush. Take your time. Tell God how you feel.
Is this a magic pill that will erase every care? No. But, I can guarantee you, as you chrew on God’s word, you will find strength to carry on.
3. Get out in the sun. That’s so important. If you’re lacking sunshine, find a good D vitamin, and take it daily with food. A good multi-vitamin is also helpful.
4. Folic acid helped alieviate some of my depression, but I ended up with heightened anxiety, so it works for some, but may not work as well for anxious people.
5. Journal. Does it sound too feminine? Get over it! Write down your pain, your sorrow. If you wake up at night with a nightmare, write it down. Worried? Write it down.
6. Find a therapist or someone to talk to. There may be a men’s or women’s support group you can attend, where others know what you’re going through. Celebrate Recovery is around the globe, as well as AA. Both are places where people are facing their demons. Whether that be an addiction to people, substances, material things, internal pain, whatever. It’s for humans.
7. If you have PTSD, talk to the VA or your insurance company and find a therapist who has treated people with this, and knows EMDR.
If you’re unsure if you have PTSD, take a free online screening (like this one: https://adaa.org/screening-posttraumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd).
PTSD can really mess with a person’s head and emotions. You may feel dead inside, but it may be linked to how your brain has processed (or not processed) some bad events/trauma. It may help?
I’ve been trying this route for about two months. I expect I’ll be at this for another 6 months, working through my own mistakes, pain, guilt, anger, and resentment; rebuilding my dignity; healing my psyche which is very confused right now; and dealing with the negative feelings I have toward all of the sick, pathetic people who have invaded my life.
8. Study the life of Joseph and Job. Then study the life of Jesus. Rejected by his own people. Spit on. Mocked. What did they say about Jesus? “He’s got a demon!” “He’s illegitimate!” “He’s INSANE!”
NO – He was the SON OF GOD…PERFECT in every way…SINLESS…yet that’s how the world treated him? That’s how the world VALUED him? They were mere pawns in the hands of the devil. The devil questioned his identity; his position; and his mission.
That’s exactly what the devil does to each of us. And I think he’s harder on those who have a unique mission.
Time is short, the devil (the fallen angel) is pulling out all the stops, trying to destroy us. Just say, “Jesus, help me!”
Pray, “God, Creator, please deliver me from the devil. Show me who you are. Lift me out of this ash heap. Help me fix my eyes on you. Give me strength and courage to resist the devil and his lies. Help me replace the lies with truth. Please fill me with hope, for you are the God of all hope and comfort. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
Don’t give in. Don’t give up. Don’t walk away.
YES! “Don’t give in. Don’t give up. Don’t walk away.”
It’s REALLY hard work. But every single person here is worth WHATEVER it takes to get better. I know it sucks, it’s exhausting, and it feels a lot easier to give up.
But dark days don’t last forever. And there are simple things that have made a huge difference for me. I’m sharing those in the free Refresh + Reset Mental Health Challenge to help people find real hope and an anchor for the dark days.
Yes! : )
About 22 yrs ago, I was in despair. I thought of driving off the road. That night i went to church and an afterglow…. where people pray, worship God, and at times are used by God to encourage others through insight that only God could provide.
That night, after worship, it was quiet. Then, one at a time, three or four people described my feelings and thoughts that day. They described it better than i could have. None of them knew me. I hadn’t shared a word with a soul. I didn’t talk to them afterward.
It conveyed to me that God was in the car with me that day. That’s how much he loves us… how divine and everywhere present he is.
Knowing he was there gave me courage and hope. I still battled with depression, loneliness and isolation, but I knew i was NOT alone.
If he was there for me, a Christian whose made every mistake possible, he will be there for you, too. Ask. Get to church. Sit in back, close your eyes during worship, and let God love you.
I wouldn’t mind not waking up tomorrow. I couldn’t careless to be honest I’m done with life & I’m only 40
Leo, I know what you mean. May God give us the strength and courage to look up to Him, and out to others.
Refixing my mindset one day this week really lifted my heart. Rather than looking to others to reach out to me, accept or validate me, I told myself, “Who can I accept or encourage?”
I think some of us feel pain deeper, or we lack a support system? I know that’s my situation.
We need to tell the devil to “bite it!” and fight through.
I was so harassed by some people that it colored my view of everyone. I’m in counseling, getting emdr, and slowly seeing some changes in me.
I’m not going to blame any of you. I don’t know why you haven’t been healed yet of your afflictions or freed from tremendously painful circumstances or lifted up after you were brought so low. I know it has nothing to do with how devout you are or aren’t or “you’re not praying hard enough” or “you’re not trusting God enough.” The knowledge that our best days are yet to come sometimes isn’t enough or the intensity of our aches scream over the quiet whispers of the Holy Spirit. Reading through these posts & my heart breaks for everyone. Really wanted to give some encouragement, shine a light on some hope. I know Scripture talks of those who didn’t see God’s promises in their earthly lives; their rewards have not been bestowed upon them yet and that could refer to some of us or all of us. I don’t know. I know God can use pain in incredible ways so all I can think to do is pray for all of you for all of us. Merciful Father, You are our Rock, our High Tower our Infinite Creator. Forgive me for wanting to take my life back out of Your hands and the fear that often keeps me frozen in place. Lord Almighty I lift everyone on this site’s threads up to You. You know who we are. Every thought, word & deed. You know how we suffer; every pain ache and circumstance that torments us. Father God if it’s Your Will, please bring radical healing & restoration to the sick, reassemble the broken, rescue those in unbearable situations & let Your power touch every hurt in our bodies & in our lives. Gracious Lord please bring understanding to our obedience. Show us what You are doing in our pain & what You are doing with our pain Mighty God and keep us in Your tender mercies, Your amazing grace & Your perfect peace while we wait on You. Thank You for allowing me to know Your Son. Thank You for the miracles & blessings, past and present. Thank You Heavenly Father for all that You are about to do. In Jesus Christ’s most holy name…AMEN.
Amen
This is a lovely prayer, Jason. Thanks for sharing your heart and some encouragement here.
Listen to this a few times. So true:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0KmlbcCtGDc
You Say // Lauren Daigle Lyrics
Please pray for me…..I’ve been severely depressed for 8 months.
Hi Margaret,
I found this site a few days ago. I’ll be praying for you.
Thank you
Please pray for me…..I’m so depressed and I don’t want to fight anymore…..I just want to go to sleep and never wake up
Oh Margaret. I feel your pain. You’re not alone. Not ever. You’re so loved; that’s forever. I’m lifting you up in prayer.
Thank you
To all of those wanting to “end your life”: DON’T DO IT! I am 70 years young. In my late teens and early twenties, I wanted to die. At 17,I had thoughts of driving my car off the river bridge. (I didn’t know how to swim). I would lie on my bed at night and pray to God to NOT let me wake up. Although I accepted JESUS CHRIST at the tender age of 14, I was missing something. I wanted to have a husband and a family! BTW, God is all powerful. Think of it this way: If God was the only need that Adam had, then why did He create Eve? Answer: because Adam needed her. You might look at it this way. God wasn’t enough. That man needed a woman! God is NOT opposed to us seeking help, sometimes even outside the church. I never attempted suicide. My Knight in Shining Armor found me – no more need to be depressed. We were happily married for 35 years and have a son together. GOD IS GOOD! My husband passed away (not by suicide) over 7 years ago. That awful depression came back to haunt me! My pastor and his wife almost camped on my doorstep, because they knew I had suicidal thoughts. You may not find your help in the church, but again you might! Try to find help! IT IS OUT THERE! You may have to use trial and error, but keep trying! See, I’m still alive! My husband had a son and a daughter by a previous marriage. They and their children and grandchildren are all very much apart of my life, as well as my own son, his wife, and their lovely daughter (my precious granddaughter). I also have met a very precious man that I call my boyfriend. SO, KEEP ON LIVING!
Very beautiful! Love it!
I
Am
So
Done.
Please
Lord.
Writing and poetry always helps me.
At least a little bit.
Benjamin! Please! Go to the ER! God is talking to you through me. Please listen!!! I got better and so can you!!! Please go to the ER now!
Hi Sarah. I am kindly asking that you pray for me. My heart is breaking what I feel I can’t control and feel death is only way out
You’re in serious need of mental health treatment. You all should ask someone to read this to you because you completely misunderstood what she said. Also, no one knows of God exists that’s why it’s called faith. The rest of your rant just proves again you need treatment. I suggest you seek it out soon.
Why is this the best you can do with your summer vacation?? If you don’t have friends go outside & play. Talk to people like your parents are in the room & you’re sure to make friends offline real fast. God bless you kiddo.
Your comments are certainly more suited for Twitter. That’s where all the incoherent rants reside. You can’t hurt any of us here. However I am glad you are here. The world is the way it is not because of believers of Jesus Christ but because of those who’ve rebelled against God which is you, me, all of us at one time or another. But God so loved the world, He sent His Beloved Son to pay the price for the product of our rebellious natures (sin) so that we may be saved from God’s wrath (justice) & be restored with Our Creator and have life eternal. You just received the Gospel. You can be mad at God (you must believe in Him you can’t be mad at nothing), you can be mad at believers who have embraced the truth but that ain’t it. Deep down many will see we’re mad & disappointed with ourselves because the world lied. The pleasures of the world didn’t fill us & the promises of the culture are fleeting. Hedonism always leads to despair. The world will prove that to you but Christ is returning. My hope & prayer is you & more people seek the truth before it’s too late. If you seek the truth, you will find Christ. God bless you.
Hey Jason and Lourdes, I just wanted to let you know I removed the comment you both responded to here. I’m not a big fan of censoring people, but it’s also important to me that this community be safe and kind, and I felt that individual stepped over the line.
It’s tough to keep up with all the comments and I’m not able to respond to everyone, so I’m grateful there are wonderful people here supporting each other. Thanks so much for being part of this community
<3 Sarah
I want to die everyday ive been struggling for too long. Ive allowed this whatever it is to ruin my life. Im so alone and messed up in my head and now my kids have to suffer because im not strong enough to fight this. I dont want to try anymore. I honestly want to die more than anything ive ever wanted.
I hope you’re doing better. Your comment about your children resonated with me. I have had those thoughts. Uncontrollable thoughts. I am betting that your children adore you and respect you regardless. And I’m betting that they are more resilient than you think. You are NOT harming your children. You obviously love them, and obviously put their welfare ahead of your own. Your brain is not telling you the truth about your children’s welfare. Don’t believe the lie.
I want to die! I am a 65 year old man with chronic migraines. I wake up every morning after about 5-6 hours of sleep with anxiety and a wish to be dead. I lost my wife to cancer 7 years ago. We had 7 children together and now have 21 grandchildren and 1 great grandchild, so I am blessed! I have almost pulled the trigger 3 or 4 times in the last 10 years but I do believe what we do in this life echoes in the eternities (great line from the movie Gladiator) so why? I miss my wife, depression, anxiety and most of all unrelenting pain. I have had many miracles in my life and have had answers to prayers, I know God lives. Lately though I feel abandoned, my prayers are hardly coherent any more, said in snatches. Is God just letting me just sort it out? My day usually ends in a migraine (2 hours to sometimes 2 days) I usually can wake up pain free but then anxiety and depression have at me. I was on antidepressants for 5 years during my wife’s battle with cancer and felt robbed off my grief when she passed. They made me flat so i got off them, grieved hard and now wish to join her. I also know what it will do to my family if I do this thing…..so pain spiritual, physical and mental, can I find surcease?
Hey Kenneth – I read this and hope you are still around/able to see this. My mother and older brother have severe migraines, and I have started to have them in the last couple years. They are very hard to deal with. I use Excedrin Migraine and my mom does too – she was taking expensive prescription migraine medicine for years that were like $200 for 8 or 10 pills, so she had to use them sparingly. She said those started working in about 20 min. …where as these Exedrin migraine pills take about 25-30 min. And the difference? Excedrin pills are at the dollar store and Walmart. No prescription needed. So maybe that can help. I can’t imagine the migraines are a faith issue…we have bodies, and our bodies are of this world, and are slowly falling apart. But hopefully this can help you get some relief.
Thanks Scott for your reply. Excedrin doesn’t work for me. I was taking Maxalt for 10 years so I was able to keep working, but it stopped working couple of years ago so I retired about 4 years ago. I believe in God and dont want to hurt my family but just dont know how long I can take it.
Hi Kenneth my name is Jack. I had a fiance years ago who suffered as well from migraines.She took the extra strength Excedrin but it had to be a certain kind. They were the extra strength 500 milligrams but they were a red oblong pill. if they were white or round they did not work i know it makes no sense but i seen it not once but twice. Now these two people were both female so i dont know if the difference in male and female chemistry makes a difference She had to take four of them and she would be fine in about four minutes. Dont ask me why the other Excedrin did not work but they didn’t. I had a co worker whos wife had the same problem recommended them to her and it worked for her like a miracle. with out the pills my ex would curl up in a ball and cry non stop and want to die. She had been taking them for fifteen years and they worked as good as they did on day one. i am going to try and find out the exact description for you. Found it! it says AFE (Excedrin aspirin free acetaminophen 500 miligram/caffeine 65 mg. AFE is printed on each pill and each pill is a chalky red color and oblong. I hope you get this and try them. I will pray my brother for you. box does not say specifically for migraines but it was the only thing she found that worked.
I don’t agree with that: “sleep is an escape.”. Sleeping is face to face that you have real desires.
Sarah, Thank you — you just helped me understand what has been going on with my husband for the past 2 and a half years that culminated on May1, 2019. My husband didn’t think he was worth anything, he thought that because he wasn’t the “provider” for our family. He started trying to control everything about everyone in our family — and panicked when our daughter moved 12 hours away to college (I had encouraged her from birth to got to the college I went to). The last few months before then, I was hearing from him what you were talking about. Feeling like he was a burden. I begged him to get help. While his faith was not as strong as mine, I knew that he needed counseling. He had gone to a dr. office and gotten anti-depressants, but was upset because they didn’t work instantly. He came off them without dr. permission about a month before we went to pick up our daughter from school. That whole time he kept on saying that I didn’t love him and I would never stick by him, the whole time I was telling him that I loved him unconditionally. What happened that day destroyed our family. I believe now that he was trying to do everything he could to prove that I would never still love him. He physically attacked our daughter — she is fine and by the grace of God only had a few stitches. After he did that — he was convinced that he had killed her — and went into the powder room and slashed both wrists. He honestly wanted to die because he didn’t believe that anyone would love him anymore — and he thought that everyone’s life would be better without him. He is in prison now, getting counseling. Even though he suffered from depression, we believe that he has to pay for his crime to our daughter. He even agreed that he needed punishment for that — and that he needed to use the time to get himself together. I have not had contact with him since that day — however this Friday I am going to attempt talking to him again. Because he needs to know that I love him still unconditionally. I don’t hold him responsible for being sick, I do hold him responsible for his actions. While his relationship with our daughter is forever changed (he and her were very close before this incident), he needs to understand that our relationship has changed, but that I still love him. Thank you for this.
Be strong, all of you. I went through years of this increasing depression with wanting to go home constantly, because of being a victim of spousal abuse of the narcissistic variety, not to mention malignant mom and psychopathic DID sister. The story is a true horror account of the most vicious satanic attack against not only me as a man, but as a man of faith! I will spare details.
Glory be to God, for he does honor us when we are at our weakest, and we cling to him for life to the point you realize yourself, HE is carrying YOU already! Bravely admitting what you (and I as Ben and mj – i was and still am confused – I am going by Benji); what we all admit to, our weakness to hang on, just tell God in all your angry glory.
He can take it! He will honor it! Just don’t quit on HIM, because HE will not quit on YOU! He kept me, brought me to the very brink that I was hospitalized for 17 days. But two days prior I was rewarded for my faithfulness to not let go and the rewards keep coming, too many to list!
Most are small and insignificant in and of themselves, but any victory for me after at least two years of humiliating defeats is huge.
I know God is carrying all of you along with me. I know you all are like moths flitting about looking for the comforting light. YOU can BE the light! Read his word. Watch the Gospel movies on Prime. Stay immersed in HIM! Learn who he really is, what he really means to us, His truly amazing capacity for loving us.
I pray Lord Father please touch all these crying and broken souls, heal their hearts, mend their minds as only you can, and grant them all peace, and the ability to choose peace over the darkness in each individual valley.
Listen to “The Valley Song” by Jars of Clay. I heard it yesterday for the first time in months, and it really hit home.
Peace be with you,
In Jesus Love, Peace, and his name.
I don’t know how to be truthful about this to anyone. My 2 friends I’ve told don’t seem to believe me. And when I talked to a therapist it just seemed like I couldn’t tell her. So I don’t know what to do.
And I deeply believe in Jesus. He is everything and I just wanna he with Him
Thank you for this and the link to the Quick Inventory of Depressive Symptomatology questionnaire……I had been feeling very off recently after being fired w/o cause, am waiting for unemployment to kick in, job searching, being tight on $, etc. and yeah…that questionnaire ( at mdcalc[dot] com/quick-inventory-depressive-symptomatology-qids ) told me that I apparently have ‘Severe Depression’…..and that explains the recent suicidal thoughts. I’ve never acted on suicidal thoughts before, but I have had them before….and looking back now, with the questionnaire in mind, it’s likely because I was ‘Severely Depressed’ back then as well. So what I’m trying to say is that this is NOT a faith question/issue….this is a simple textbook body chemistry/mental/stress/etc. issue. If one works on eating, sleeping, finding hobbies, exercise, etc. they can very likely reduce the symptoms and snap out of severe depression (w/o needing to see a doctor or take medicine). I just wonder now how many times [I] and others I know have been severely depressed and we weren’t even aware of it.
I imagine a lot of people may be depressed and unaware of it, because their symptoms aren’t typical or they’re not used to checking in with themselves.
I’ve battled with this “demon” for 40 yrs. Being a HSP likely makes me more susceptible. Medication barely touched it. (I tried about 7.)
For my depression, I feel a little better when I get enough sleep, have 1.1 time with caring friends, and when I get outside, into nature. I also think the following helps:
D3, B6, B12, *folic acid (*it really helped, but ramped up my anxiety to an alarming level, not good for people with OCD), counseling, a small dose of thyroid, journaling, taking classes, and making future plans (like planning a trip).
I would likely also benefit from dropping all wheat, sugar and dairy, and limiting stressful situations, like driving on the hwy.
As bad as it may seem, losing your job, I was in a similar position and it turned out to be a blessing. I went from working with a pack of “wolves” to working with “princes”. I pray the same for you.
Thanks for your reply Ann (up late tonight I see..both of us! Ha!). I will consider what you said regarding diet and I certainly would love to reduce driving in general (when is it NOT stressful?! Sadly, most Americans like myself must commute to work via car, so that’s a necessary evil).
And regarding my job, I’m okay with that, overall. It bothers me more the way it ended, as I’m fine with things ending, if people just don’t gel. A heads up of even a few weeks or saying “we’re laying you off on X date” would have been more helpful, for nearly 5 years of employment. The stress comes from paying bills between then and a new job, and that is what has been the weaklink.
But yes, I’m sure losing [that] job is not a bad thing, in the grand scheme of things. Everything happens as it is supposed to, so that God can ultimately be glorified more, if we think on how He has helped us, no matter the situation.
I appreciate the prayer and I have done the same for you.
Thank you Scott,
Lay offs are never pretty. No-notice seems unjust, and long notices can feel like a slow torture.
Between jobs, in CA, I was able to sign up for free computer and accounting classes. This helped extend my UI. In my case, I needed my self esteem rebuilt, and this venue helped. It kept my mind busy and put me around some healthy people and instructors.
I did go to a local food bank. It was difficult getting there, but I knew it would help my stretch my money. I walked away with a bag of beans, rice, some ham, a few fresh items, and could have loaded up on bananas and bread, but declined.
There was plenty of food to go around, so I didn’t feel guilty (i.e., not poor taking from the poor). Overall, there was one homeless man, and a dozen families represented. Most seemed to be in my shoes or a little less advantaged. I only needed to go once, because within a week or two, I had found a job.
I signed up with a few temp agencies. Posted my resume on Monster.com, Indeed, and Linkedin. Even looked on craigslist for work. And crazy as it may sound, I found my job thru them. It was a blind ad.
I had prayed for a decade to return to a former employer, because they had a good work culture. This blind ad led me back and I was eventually hired. I’m still pinching myself.
Praying God brings in other sources of income, and a job that pays the bills and meets all of your family’s needs.
Hi Sarah,
Your article was refreshing and informative, especially when you spoke of feeling others would be better off without you. I completely know that feeling. But here is the thing… I’ve been saved since I was 15 and have lived for the Lord all my life. I’ve had a great life! I’ve been married to the same man now for 28 years. He’s a great supportive husband. I have two children who love Jesus…I couldn’t ask for better kids, especially this day and time. I have always lived with fear in some degree but it has gotten worse since I’ve gotten older. I am now 50 and my anxiety, worry, fear, and depression is at its peak! Now keep in mind that I would struggle with this all my life really, and it’s only by the grace of God that I’ve come this far. I taught high school for many years, I write for magazines, I homeschool, I’ve had Bible studies, and I taught classes at the local library… Somehow I managed to cope, by God’s grace. I’ve learned to just live with the torment, but here lately it’s beginning to grow bigger and stronger and I don’t know how much longer I can deal with it. Now everything I’ve said to this point is probably something that you can relate to and doesn’t surprise you as a Christian who was depressed. What may surprise you is that I don’t necessarily fit into a neat box of being depressed and keeping it to myself and not getting help. To the contrary, I tell my close friends, my Pastor, my family members, and even my children how I feel and how I can’t wait to be with Jesus. I don’t tell them to get attention… In fact I hate the attention… The looks of sorrow on their faces breaks my heart. I’m not sure why I tell them, other than I just want them to be prepared in case something happens to
me. And here’s the thing…wait for it… I would never commit suicide no matter what!! Way too scared!! My fear of what would happen if I commit suicide is bigger than the torment that I face daily on Earth…if that makes sense? But… I also know that my body can’t take much more of the physical anxiety that I feel day in and day out. I’m 50 today but at this rate I will have a heart attack or stroke before I’m 55! And I’m completely fine with that. So maybe it’s an indirect suicide…who knows. Have I been to the doctor? Or a therapist? OF COURSE!! I’ve been going to therapists and psychiatrists and doctors and have been on little pills for at least a decade! and I’ve come to realize that what may work for some doesn’t work for everybody. Counseling with my pastor did not work. Going to a therapist faithfully did not work. Taking pills that the doctor gives me to cope did not work. In fact I feel worse today than I ever have. Am I saying that there’s no hope? Absolutely not. The key is not getting the right treatment… Although that is a necessary start. The key is just knowing who you are in Christ. What satan didn’t bargain far is that I’m very stubborn. I completely understand the scriptures about “just passing through” this world…of “fighting the good fight of faith”…”running the race before us” and “not getting weary in well-doing…we shall reap if we faint not”. Were those scriptures just there for tidbits of encouragement? NO… They were written to sustain those like us who literally can’t seem to make it on a day by day basis due severe oppression of the enemy! It really is up to us (and God in us, of course) to “fight” until the end. I wish that I could end this by saying that I went to a therapist and took a pill and I’m happy today. But I would be lying. Like I said, I’m actually worse today than ever before. But my hope is not in anything but Jesus. So therefore I know that I’ve made it this far, and God will carry me through to the end… whenever that will be. I just hope and pray that I can continue to do God’s perfect will until He takes me Home.
Wendi,
I can relate to what you’ve shared regarding your depression.
After being harassed by a number of people, I ended up with PTSD and a pretty severe anxiety disorder. If you’re searching for advice, this is what I’d recommend:
Get off of folic acid. For me, it quadrupled my anxiety
Get off of sugar. From my experience, it can ramp up anxiety and aggitation.
Get off caffiene. It can create OCD symptoms or at the least make them much worse.
Take Magensium Citrate, possibly also Mag Oxide. Both have benefits for health and anxiety.
Try D3. It can help provide more energy, and may help improve mood.
For sleep, try 1 Magesium capsule, and 1 Cal/Mag/Zinc capsule an hour before bedtime.
Try getting off wheat. It may help?
Check Dr Broda Barnes list of hypothyroid symptoms. A tiny dose of thyroid has helped with energy and mood. (I had about 12 of the 24 possible symptoms, and also was hypothyroid as a child). Take the list to your doctor, in case your blood test looks normal. (The TSH range is so wide, to some experts, it’s too wide. So many people go untreated.)
Check online for info about Highly Sensitive Persons. It gives tips on how to take care of ourselves.
Get outdoors. Enjoy nature. Learn to say No.
Praying God sees you through this, to a more joyful life…. and praying the same for everyone who suffers from depression and/or anxiety.
Anonymous…thank you for your response. You seem to have a heart of wanting to genuinely help others. I appreciate that so much. I will definitely look into everything you recommended. I am an herbalist, so I love how God gives us natural help, so to speak….seems you have recognized this too. I do take D3 and magnesium citrate, and I find where it helps me tremendously. Yes I agree that caffeine and sugar tend to make one more anxious, but I do allow myself to have one cup of coffee in the morning. I do try to cut back on sugar as best I can, but I’m sure I need improvement. I check my blood often because I am anemic… In fact I’ve had to have several blood infusions… I often wonder if anemia and anxiety go hand-in-hand… My THS is normal, thank goodness (yes I am very aware of the wide range and it is suspect, so you are right). But I have been taking folic acid because my B is low… I would have never thought of that being linked to anxiety…so thank you for letting me know. Yes…I agree about getting outdoors…it really helps lessen my anxiety… And I do tend to sleep well for most of the time… I take melatonin, valerian root, and passion fruit every night… It really helps me to get a good night sleep without feeling groggy in the morning. Thanks again for all your advice and God bless you.
Don’t ever start or stop any supplement regiment without your doctor’s approval. Just because something is allegedly natural doesn’t mean it’s good for you. If you haven’t seen a psychiatrist for medication, do that as soon as possible.
” Just because something is allegedly natural doesn’t mean it’s good for you.”
No, but it seems that many people have the opposite idea: If something has been Created by Science, it’s automatically good.
I’ve been to hell and back (figuratively), scanned the internet for at least dozens of hours, I need to pass on what I personally have found beneficial, just it case it helps someone else.
I stumbled upon a post by a counselor who said people he’s met with who have OCD are likely to experience more anxiety when taking folic acid. I had been taking it to help with depression. It seemed to help, but my anxiety had gone off the charts. When I stopped taking it, my anxiety dropped down to it’s “normal” level. When I now take folic acid even in a Bcomplex capsule, the anxiety an OCD symptoms increase.
Maybe I’d have less anxiety if I traded that for the natural form – folate(?) Or eating more natural foods that include folate? Probably the latter would be the best option.
Praying God directs you to relief.
Anonymous,
Yes, I will get off of the folic acid and try foods with folate instead. Thank you again for your knowledge on this…and I do believe God is using you. I will pray for you.
Just curious…do you happen to know your blood type? I am Rh negative (O negative)…I’ve been wondering lately if bdtypes could also be linked to anxiety, although I’m not sure why that would be.
Lourdes,
(Very pretty name)… Thank you for your concern… I’ve been an herbalist now for 32 years. And yes I have been to a psychiatrist and I have a primary care physician..they know what supplements I take, and in fact they are beginning to ask me for advice, if you can believe that. Nothing interferes with my prescriptions, and as long as they see me doing better physically, they tell me to keep doing what I’ve been doing. I have seen a shift in the medical profession through the years of incorporating supplements/herbs/minerals as a legitimate regimen. But yes, one should always check with a doctor to make sure there is no interference with regular prescriptions.
I think I’m that 1 illness.. I cant get things outta mein head
Perhaps someone else has already asked this, I don’t know because i didn’t read all 427 replies but what if I have gotten to the point where I don’t even want anyone’s help or love or them being present with me in my pain as you and the Bible put it? I guess my family loves me but I don’t really think I love them like I am supposed to I guess. I mean I want good things for them but they are not enough to make me want to live. There was 1 person that made me want to live but she wants nothing to do with me now and for good reasons….biggest one being she is married to someone else. I want to move on to the next stage but I don’t want to go to Hell an I am very much afraid that is where I will end up….but even that fear isn’t holding me back from suicide as much as it probably should. I just don’t want to be here anymore.
Hey Nathanael,
I know this is a few months late, but I can relate to the sort of apathy/numbness that it sounds like you’re dealing with. There are times when severe depression, suicidal thoughts, and unresolved trauma can make us feel so numb and disconnected that it can be hard to feel love even for the most important people in our lives. It’s tough when you feel like you don’t want help anymore because that’s a sign of really needing some support.
I hope you have a good therapist and are talking to your doctor, Nathanael. I know it sounds cliche, but getting that professional support really helped me turn a corner and find hope again. There is still good to be had in this life, my friend. I’m thinking of Psalm 27:13: “I remain confident of this, that I (you) will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.”
Hold on, my friend. There is too much beauty to be experienced in this world.
Sarah
Finally found someone who can understand me.
I am a Muslim not a Christian but I have the same thing going on with me, I simply can’t see anything ahead of me, time runs really slow, and no Matter how much I try nothing works out. People tell me to be regular in my prayers but I don’t want be. I want to enjoy life but all I keep getting is sadnesses, bad luck, useless things to worry about, and the emotional blackmail from my parents whenever I don’t do something they want me to do.
I’m so sorry Bari. I’m glad you found these posts because they have helped me feel immensely better as well. You are not alone. It doesn’t matter what faith we are, all people suffer. Many blessings and favor upon you. This too shall pass.
This is very helpful. I’m a street preacher and whole heartedly love Jesus. I serve as best as I can. I became disabled about 4 years ago and my 2 dogs and I have been living in my car ever since my funds ran out. I am on Social security finally! It’s not really enough for a fresh start. Even though I love Jesus and serve the best I can, I still fight very brutal depression. People have treated me horribly because of my situation. They say things like “you’re a Christian, why are you having this problem” or “you dont have enough faith” and many other things. I’m doing my best to find help but it’s so hard. Thank you for writing this. I’m going to share it with my family and hope they can see things a bit differently.
I have been dealing with my own depression and crawling through hell for a long time now. Ive always felt alone, now im turning my life over to God. Look at these comments and see we are not alone. I live in indianapolis, if you need a friend or simply an ear id love to be there for you.
My adult children do not understnd and avoid me. I’m 70 and alone.
You are not alone. I read your comment and I feel for you. You have been heard. God is with you (right now and always), He will never leave or forsake you. He loves you unconditionally and He understands you and your side. Many blessings and favor upon you.
God has “chosen” to never help me. My “life” is completely miserable, a total failure. I seek answers in God and Jesus, no help. I am told that I’m not performing up to God’s standards or, this is worse, that God is teaching me ( teaching what?? ) by ignoring me. Unless God tells me the problem, I can’t fix it. I’m told to give and help others ( people in need) before God will help me. I can’t afford to feed myself everyday, how can I give and help others, when I can’t help myself. So yes God/Jesus, Church, Religion have failed me. As it turns out, people can’t or won’t help me either, Canadian Government is useless also. “Living in poverty my whole “life” has left me as a 52 year old man with no skills, talents, abilities ( other than suffering), etc.. I’m trying to find a way out of this mess but can’t get anywhere as everything costs money I don’t have. Now you know why I’m depressed. The only reason I haven’t committed suicide is my fear of a Hell worse than the one I’m already in. The Bible calls this misery a test, how long must it take. The Bible says the thoughts of suicide aren’t wrong, the actual act would be a sin. Basically the Bible says suck it up, be thankful and grateful for your misery and suffering as this is God’s plan and timetable. Thanks
I’m sorry Kenneth. I wish I had something to say that would help you feel better. I have felt some of what you described although our back grounds might not be identical. I do know that you are in pain, and that what you’re feeling and what you’re going through is real, and it hurts in a way language can’t describe well. I’m praying for you. Truly.
Thanks Flint, God Bless You
I’m terminally ill and have decided to leave at my chosen time for the best advantage to my family. I’m dying young (age 49), leaving a wife and teenage son. I am facing financial pressures which will be best resolved by my immediate death. I now find myself wondering if by holding on just a short time longer and deliberately causing these financial issues to become intrusive, that I may impress a sense of urgency in my survivors to avoid accumulating debt as sudden disability and rapid decline can strike anyone at any time. On the other hand, I wouldn’t want my loved ones to use insurance proceeds to pay any of this debt, as I am dying with no estate and only insurance payments direct to my beneficiaries. Tax free here in the US. This debt is also a result of maintaining my family’s standard of living as my income declined over 3 years due to my limited ability to work. My wife blames the financial collapse on my “carousing” claiming I spent many thousands purchasing drugs (I did) to get high(Not so-all prescribed and in dosages low enough to still leave me in moderate to severe pain). She is fundamental Christian and believes Jesus will restore my ruined lungs if I only believe enough. I am born again and Jesus is real to me- but he’s a man. My Jesus doesn’t want you to go to church, he expects you to be the Church. You live Christianity. If you can help, you do. No rationalizing. He has big hard knuckles and if you step in front of him with Pride he’ll knock you on your ass. He died for us and all he expects is for us to give over the sin we earn every day. (I know this was my hardest part- Every bit of tgat was mine and I did it because I wanted to!) I’m OK with Jesus, I’m at peace with all. I want to go with dignity, before I drown on my gooey snot or burst a heart aneurysm. And of course free them to enjoy their lives, to travel and study and do all we planned for my retirement. My son can marry his love who is my little angel too! ( After 4 years of free college for a low income household- life insurance is the only thing you don’t get penalized for. I’m going to legally kill my self in a manner which is not counted as suicide. Now Im questioning if I do it at once or in a few months, with each month being an increasing struggle. I’m so tired. I feel a duty to give my loved ones this experience but I don’t know if I can hold together for it. And I have to start prep for early death, it takes 3-5 weeks of incapacitation. Of course I could shoot my self but it’s ugly, hurtful, and not 100%.
William. Don’t know if you’re still here. I understand what you’re feeling. Our lives sound very similar except I’m not terminally ill and my wife divorced me several years ago. I still pay for her standard of living though. For four more years. I don’t know what you should do. But I definitely know where you are coming from. You’ve had a lot of responsibility and it sounds like you stepped up to it. I’m sorry you’re going through what you’re going through. I admire your hard work and your love for your family. I will pray for you (really).
It’s wonderful you have/had a friend like that. I don’t have a friend like that. That’s valuable. Precious. MOST people don’t have a friend like that.
If you are an atheist way are you going to religious sites to spout your hatred of God. This is a place to give comfort and spiritual support, not to belittle someone. So God bless you that you might learn to be sympathetic to others.
Hi Kenneth,
Thanks for your heart to give comfort and support here. I’m so sorry that cruel comment got through – it’s tough to keep up with it these days. I went ahead and removed it because it was abusive. I don’t mind people being hurt or even expressing anger toward God (Lord knows I’ve been there many times), but I’m not okay with personal attacks here.
Take care,
Sarah
Thanks Sarah, I just couldn’t keep quiet to that level of disrespect. I have my own reasons to be mad at God and am struggling to understand why God ignores me so. That level of hatred had to be commented on. God Bless You, I pray that God does for you everything to make your life better. He sure hasn’t done anything for me. HOPELESS! Thanks for listening.
Thanks for the kind words and the prayers, Kenneth. I really appreciate it.
I get what you mean about feeling ignored by God and like he hasn’t done anything to help me. When we struggle in the dark for so long, it gets really tough to see any hope at all. But I eventually learned that, cliche as it sounds, God had been trying to help me all along. I had just been too sick to really see it. I had to learn to reframe things and create some habits that allowed me to see the ways God was supporting and staying close to me, even when I felt ignored and abandoned.
I go into some of those habits and the research behind them in my free 7-day Refresh + Reset challenge. You can sign up at that link to get it in your email each day. I hope it helps!
Thanks Sarah, I don’t think that anything short of God can help me. I don’t know how to change the way my brain thinks. I don’t have a switch to change how I think. Like people saying that the Bible speaks. I have never heard the Bible say anything. Inanimate objects can’t speak. How can I hear a voice that isn’t in the Bible. Written words don’t make sounds.
What does the Bible sound like.
No matter how much I try to change, I can’t change the fact that the Bible is silent. I can’t trust the voice in my head as it sounds like me, or could be the Devil putting ideas in my head, only God knows. God Bless You.
Nobody loves others. It’s pretty simple. I beg for death each day, to end all of this pain and suffering. I can’t take it any longer. I would kill myself but can’t take the risk of being even more tormented in the afterlife.
I won’t even bother with my story, I don’t even care Manic depression is a terrible judgment that I’ve had to endure the last 40 or so years, I’ve ridden the roller coaster long enough, I’m so ready to leave. My 7 year old and my granddaughters are the only humans who care about me. I feel the lord keeps me here to complete this torturous trial.
This world and it’s occupants are cold hearted, selfish bastards. Church people are even worse!! I spit on the church.
Jesus has no representation in those cold buildings.
JC, I know how you feel, I to am manic depressive, bi polar. I have been suffering this way for decades, no end in sight. You mentioned family that cares for you. That is a blessing that I don’t have. All I have is a brother that tolerates me. Focus on your loving family and realize that you have a wonderful gift. God Bless You
Hi Sarah, I have started to fast, complete dry fast. I just passed the 48 hour mark and still no sign of God. I don’t really want to die but I have left it in God’s hands. So I might be dead in a day or two, it’s up to God. Thanks for the kind words ,the sympathy, the advice. I am turning everything over to God. So God Bless You, you are a blessing.
Help is available and you are being offered that help. God won’t come and help you kill yourself. Especially not when there is help. Go to the nearest ER NOW and get help. I promise you it’s the depression making you think that way. Don’t let it trick you!
To late, I need God to answer me or I die. Either way the misery must end. I have look into fasting, fasting even unto death isn’t considered suicide. If I die it will be God’s inaction that kills me.
Kenneth, I understand you want so desperately to hear from God in a way that gives you hope. I understand that it seems like if he loves you, he’ll show up in a way you can’t deny. I’ve been there. But isn’t it possible that the fact that strangers on the internet are begging you to not kill yourself IS God answering you? If there are people who will never meet you in person who care enough to remind you of the truth, like Lourdes has here, it’s because God has placed that love in their hearts for you. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that it’s harmful and dangerous to expect God to only speak in one way and to assume he’s not speaking because it doesn’t meet our ideas. That exact line of thinking nearly killed me, too, Kenneth.
Please stop believing the lies of depression. God is speaking to you through every voice telling you to choose life. God is speaking to you through every sunrise, every taste of good food, every good and perfect gift in this world. Please fight to believe the truth that you are loved desperately by a God whose heart breaks at the sickness in our world. God isn’t abandoning you. He is still with you, even if you can’t feel him. Please don’t kill yourself.
I am not dead yet, dam it. Hope requires something to hold on to. God’s silence leaves no hope. Faith can’t be sustained without a bit of proof. God isn’t taking care of me without meeting my needs. Just being alive isn’t enough. I can’t seem to make God, or anyone for that matter, understand that I need more than daily bread. I have nothing to make a life worthy of praise for God. How can being nothing be worthy of praise. Since God chose to give me nothing, no skills, no talents, no money, nothing, there is no hope. I am eternally grateful for Jesus and his sacrifice for our eternal souls, but that is after I die. When I say no hope, I mean in this existence. A life without hope is pointless. I also don’t understand how to just flip the switch and be joyous about this misery. I’ve tried asking God for understanding but as of now still unanswered, just like always. Simply put, I need God to answer me in some way, even with NO. I am at a point where I can’t move forward with my relationship with God, until God actually does something. I feel really bad about that ,but can’t change how my brain works. God made me like this, so only God can fix it. I pray and God pushes me away with silence. If there is something keeping God from answering my prayers, I need God to tell me straight out, don’t leave me guessing. I need a hands on approach from God. I believe that God’s silence will be His own undoing. God wants us to be faithful while God is unfaithful towards us. Is it wrong to expect God to keep His promises? GOD BLESS YOU Sarah.
I will never understand why people think prayer works. Also, separately, what good is love it He sees you like this and doesn’t do anything about it? I’d rather be unloved and unbeaten that loved and beaten.
Hey Janet, thanks so much for stopping by.
Many of us who believe prayer works believe that because we’ve experienced something powerful through prayer. But the bigger miracles don’t happen on the outside, when we get what we ask for. In my experience, the bigger miracles happen inside, as we gain the strength and perspective to walk through our struggles. I know that might seem crazy, and I get that.
To your second point, it’s complicated… It’s always hard to understand why somebody allows a loved one to suffer if it seems like they could help them. It doesn’t make sense when a parent doesn’t fix every circumstance for their child…at least not to the child. But the simple reality – and what is taught in the Bible – is that we live in a broken, imperfect world. One part of the Bible (Ecclesiastes) talks about how things don’t always turn out fair, with good things happening to good people and bad things to bad people, because “time and chance happen to us all.” In other words, sometimes we experience crappy life circumstances as a simple result of chance (genetics, accidents, random circumstances). Sometimes we experience crappy circumstances because of choices – ones we make or ones others have made that impacted us. Because we have free will, we have the freedom to make bad choices that harm ourselves and others – and that means living with consequences. But that doesn’t mean that God made the bad things happen or that he wants them to happen. It simply means that we live in a world that’s not perfect. And even though we will all face hard and horrible things at one point or another, we aren’t alone.
I get that this might not seem like enough to you, and I respect that. But for me, and for so many others, we’d rather walk through the dark holding onto a God who promises not to desert us than to curse that God for not taking the darkness away. I’d rather be loved and comforted in the midst of hardship than misapply blame and reject somebody who would stay by my side if I let him. I hope that makes a little bit of sense as to why many people believe this stuff.
Finally, most people wind up on this page because they or someone they know is struggling. If that’s you, I hope you take very good and gentle care of yourself. You are precious and your life matters immensely.
Take care,
Sarah
Hi Sarah
I don’t know if you’re still responding to comments on this blog.
Like so many here,I have a yearning to die and go home.I feel so unbearably lonely.I have no family left-my mum died in 2014,and dad died of a heart attack in front of me in 2015.I have no siblings.
I have friends but they aren’t reliable and I can go 5 days sometimes without seeing them.I feel this consuming emptiness and deadness inside,and I honestly don’t know who I am anymore.I feel disconnected and dissonant from others.A person I loved for over 30 years(sadly unrequited) took their own life in 2018,which only added to the caravan of losses.
I’ve had “therapy” of many different kinds,to no avail.I can’t afford to pay for long term therapy.
Worst of all,I was defrauded out of £100k($140,000 I think) by an oil company that blatantly lied.I have a good legal case but can’t get the funding.This was a large chunk of my inheritance from my parents.
Any help or prayers would be appreciated,
Keith
God answers all prayer … most of the time it’s NO!!
Hi Sarah,
I would like to know why people keep saying things that don’t make any sense to me. I’ll try to be honest here with how I view these comments.
God is most present when He is absent.
– this is an impossible statement as absence and presence are complete opposite of each other.
God’s silence leads to understanding.
– the silence only promotes confusion and despair, in me.
From God’s silence comes growth in faith.
– for me the silence only withers faith to nothing.
God’s silence is a fruitful method of procuring faith.
– to me the silence is the stifling faith. The silence breeds doubt, and doubt destroys faith.
If God answered your prayers as prayed you wouldn’t respect Him.
– I personally would respect God more. Perfect for praising God, see what God did. Glory to God.
God isn’t as a Genie that can do anything for you.
– I believe that God can do anything, all things are possible in God. Didn’t Jesus say, ask and you will receive, seek and you will find, knock and it shall be open to you. – whatever you ask in my name (Jesus) shall be given unto you.
You have to experience hate, fear, disdain, indifference, cowardice, injustice, guilt, falsehood and evil before you can understand love, courage, compassion, heroism, mercy, justice, forgiveness, truth and goodness.
– I don’t know about other people but I can recognize the differences without experiencing them. I haven’t experienced the good but know it is better than the bad.
Hardship draws you closer to God.
– the hardship makes me recoil against God because He could stop it but doesn’t.
God’s word seems to be the complete opposite of how I think. Do you have an answer to this????????
Hey Kenneth,
I can’t answer why people say those things. And I can’t tell you why you’ve been dealt a really hard hand, aside from what Scripture tells us: that in this world, we will have trouble and that we all experience the bad results of time and random circumstance.
Kenneth, my heart hurts with you because it seems that you’ve been aching so long you can’t imagine what it’s like to experience hope. I get that. I’ve been there. But the truth is that God HAS given you the ability to change the way your brain works, to seek the support you need, to start a gratitude practice, and to change your perspectives through things like mindfulness and contemplative prayer. You are not destined to live this way. You are empowered to make some big changes that can transform your whole life.
I would recommend checking out my free 7-day Refresh & Reset challenge. It gives a lot of the science and Scripture behind our God-given ability to work through these issues, including changing our mindset and finding some joy EVEN IF we don’t hear God answer our specific prayers. I think it would be so good to know that you’re not powerless, Kenneth. You DO have choices, even though I know you don’t feel like it.
Regardless, I really think you need to seek out a good therapist and doctor. I wish I could fix this for you, my friend, but all I can do is offer some encouragement and hope. Beyond that, you need real, professional support in your offline life. Good professionals can help you make the choices you need to find hope again. Please take care of yourself. It doesn’t have to be this way.
I am grateful to see you are still trying to help people like me. Keep up the good work. I am writing this on chance you or one of your readers may know how to help me with something. One of my problems is the need to help others but can’t afford to do so. I think I came up with an idea that benefits everyone, the needy, me, and glorifies God at the same time. I live in Hamilton Ontario Canada, so you may not have any information on the matter that can help, but here goes.
I would like to give Bibles to the poor and needy people in Hamilton, but I don’t have money to buy Bibles with. Do you, or your readers know where I might be able to get free Bibles, lots of them. Thanks and God Bless You, you are a blessing from God.
I have slowly found what I find to be the simplest, most understandable reasons for suicide, for those who ‘can’t imagine how anyone would do that”.
Suicide is what happens with the pain that one is experiencing is greater than the resources that person has for coping with it.
I think that’s exactly right, Dr. Nicholas – perhaps coupled with the belief that the pain won’t get better or that there is no life after hurting like this. That’s why it’s so important to me to talk about this stuff and to share the resources that help me get through the darkest moments. Knowing there is hope and that that dark days d
on'tlast forever made a world of difference for me.Take care! Sarah
HOPE :
Hope is an abstract distraction … derived from desperation when the probabilities of an outcome can’t be comprehended or the probable outcome is unwanted or mentally overwhelming . Thus people reach for hope to ease the mind .
Duncanisum 11-6-2020
Thank you for saying this. This is exactly what it is.
I see beautiful and encouraging words from the Bible but I have yet to see the deed and the truth in the words. I m really stuck in life and I don t know what to do. I am tired of this world and I cried to God to take me away, while I m worried for my family and how they survive when I m not here. I m really sorry to hear that. As for me, I think the day I die will be such a relief. Honestly, I can t get there quickly enough ?? But God loves us. There is meaning in all suffering?
Hey Medhyps, I’m so sorry you’re in such a tough place right now and struggling. I think it’s important to know that God provides us hope, encouragement, and assurance that he is always with us through the Bible. And he also provides us with medical and psychological help through doctors, therapists, and psychologists. I’ve found that God has helped me find a lot of meaning and hope through taking medication and going to therapy. Please take good care of yourself! You are worth whatever it takes to get better.
<3 Sarah
I want to go home.
Why do people have to suffer more than the Lord?
Girl. Where you been all my life? I’ve never heard anyone explain so clearly what has gone on in my mind in the past. I relate to everything you wrote, but the part about the horror movie made me cry. I cannot tell you how many times I sat through church and had exactly that experience, but I’ve never heard anyone else tell that story.
I have talked to mental health professionals about it, but the main reaction I remembered getting from them is one of dismissal. I think all they told me, essentially, is that, because it was just intrusive thoughts, and I didn’t actually want to die at that time (sometimes), all I had to do was learn to laugh at the thoughts or tell them off or realize that they happen to everyone, and it’s not a big deal.
I don’t know if I didn’t do a good enough job of describing to them what was happening… because I may have been trying to play it down in order to not, “get in trouble” with my therapist. I didn’t want to end up in the psych ward.
But as I’m thinking about it now, I realize that it is a big deal. Regardless of whether my life was in danger, which sometimes it was, I was receiving a death threat. Regardless of whether I was going to carry it out, that’s terrifying. If I had received the images that pop in my head from someone else, that person would be in trouble with the law; that person would not be trusted. It would be assumed that my life was in danger.
The funny thing about it was, even on the days when I didn’t want to die, when those thoughts would come to my head, I believed I was going to. It felt like it was nothing I could do to stop it. It felt like I had to do what these thoughts were telling me. It was like waking up from one of those very real dreams, except that the dream was about the future and not the past.
Thank you for writing about things that people somehow do not understand. Thank you for giving us a voice. Thank you for guiding the church to love those with mental illness better.
I want to die.
I suffer with Mental illness, I took up social work in school have my MSW. God doesn’t listen. People don’t understand. My father is a pastor,I am tired….prayer doesn’t work, my faith is gone. People use God, knowing full that’s just talk only.
I have written several times in the past two years on this article. I am writing again.
I WANT TO GO HOME!!!
I have been living with trauma in my life for 60 in the form of abuse by my parents (especially mother), and three wives. I have been separated from my third wife and my little girl now for over 18 months and it is just too damned much for me anymore.
I am diagnosed with CPTSD/PTSD, severe depression. I have been homeless and still am living in my RV though I have a permanent address.
This COVID thing is nothing for me – no difference whatsoever, except an annoyance when i go to the market and find socialistic empty shelves. Today was better in that respect. BUt…
…it doesn’t matter – because I have no desire to prepare food, much less eat it.
Sometimes I just want to lay in bed, shit and piss there, not even bothering to get up to use the toilet – I am that far lost.
All because I wanted to follow the teachings of Jesus, and she decided to disobey God rather than read the bible with me.
I’ve lost all – for the second time – but this time I lost my love – my little daughter. And FaceTime just doesn’t cut it – I cannot give her a freakin’ hug!!
I am the victim of vicious lies, destroyed to the point of complete and total isolation – to the point that IF I DID DIE – Nobody would notice. Fewer would care.
Please Lord – TakE me Home!
I have no fear of COVID – 19 – God wouldn’t so bless me. He wants me here. I cannot for life of me figure why.
I`ve tried that prayer many times before: “Lord, be merciful and take me.” But it seems that when we are not showing His light, He doesn’t take us.
Psalm 116:15 says “Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His Saints.” But if He still wants something out of our lives, it doesn’t matter how much we are suffering, He won’t give us the blessing of dying.
I was doing fine. I got off the “feel-well” medicine around a month ago. But for the past three days, I wish I weren’t alive in this world.
We need to remember that God cares, much more than we can imagine. No matter how our lives have turned into a failure, even spiritually. He knows better. Just believe it.
I also want to die. Started feeling it when I entered college because of my father and his constant controlling of my life. I should get good grades, I should study well, I should be grateful he provided for me. I have always been afraid of my father and his temper. I am now 31 years old and I still feel shackled. Like I don’t have a choice in what to do with my life. I am afraid of answering him because it says in the Bible for children to obey their parents. I hate confrontation and try to avoid it at all cost, so when he gets angry I just say sorry. When he wants us(me, my mom, and my sis) to spend time with him — because we currently don’t live together due to some cirumstances — I just go along even though i really don’t want to. I feel like I am such an ungrateful person for feeling this way. Sometimes, well most of the time these days, I just would rather be alone because I get annoyed at my family and that is not a good thing. I just want them to leave me alone. They would be better without me. But since they won’t leave me alone and I can’t tell them to leave me alone, I would rather just die. I don’t have much to look forward to in life these days. I have tried applying to jobs that will take me far from them, but haven’t been successful yet. I have suicidal thoughts and have never attempted suicide because I’m afraid of ending up in hell. I say sorry to God everytime I have these thoughts. I want to stop having these thoughts but oftentimes can’t help having them. Sometimes I feel like such a failure, trash, a waste of space.
God and Jesus both suck.
Hi Anonymous,
Your comment was ,well, short. I can certainly relate to your mindset. Without more information though, I don’t think anyone can give you an answer to your remark. I will assume that you came to this site as you are seeking some kind of argument/counciling that will help you find a relationship with God and Jesus. Why else would someone come to this site unless they really need to find a way to keep their faith.
I to am struggling through with my own relationship to God and Jesus at this point in this life. So what I can tell you is to look at it from this perspective. Reject God and Jesus and spend eternity in Hell being tortured, or accept God and Jesus and have peace, love, contentment, etc.
The choice is yours, and yours only, which eternal fate awaits you. Sorry, but I must include that even if you live a good, caring, compassionate life like God wants for you, you may still end up in the bad place. There is only one way to find your way to God, by accepting Jesus as your Lord and saviour. This isn’t an easy road to walk, but worth it in the end. I can’t say that you will have a decent mortal life even with God and Jesus. I have been stuck in poverty and depression for all my life, but that doesn’t stop me from trying to find my way with God and Jesus.
If you would just leave a more detailed comment on why you believe that God and Jesus suck, I am sure that some of the beautiful people here may be able to help you. Please be courteous in your communication. I don’t know why you hide behind “Anonymous” but that is another problem that the kind caring folks here may be able to help you with.
I know that I probably haven’t been much help but don’t give up, I’ve been trying for 40+ years to find my way.
The choice is yours. God Bless You.
God never gave me a wife and family that i would had really wanted, and i am a good looking man that keeps in shape as well. Then again unfortunately most women nowadays have very severe mental problems adding to the problem, especially the ones that will Curse at many of us single men for no reason at all when we will try to start a conversation with the one that we would really love to meet. It is a real shame how the women today have really changed from the old days when they were the very complete opposite of today, and a great majority of women back then were real ladies as well making love very easy to find as well. God really messed up creating very horrible women these days, which at least he was a lot smarter creating women back in the old days that were so much nicer and very easy to meet just like our family members had it. Today Feminism has taken over unfortunately, and really made these women very evil now more than ever as well. Really explains why many of us men are still single today, and i know other friends that very much agree with me as well since they’re single too. Well it was a good thing that God created most women in the past a lot better than today, otherwise this world would’ve never progressed the way that it did.
Hi Anonymous,
God hasn’t given me a wife and family either. But I don’t believe that today’s women are evil, just misguided. Sometimes I feel that I was born out of time. I believe in what the Bible says about how people are supposed to be. Men are to be the one to support the family in financial matters, in other words a job. Women are to be home makers, staying home to look after the home and to raise the children. The problem is that women have been lead astray by Satan’s lie, the feminist movement. The feminist movement has distorted the idea of equality between men and women. If you read the Bible you find out that God created men and women equal but different in purpose. Satan has distorted this difference of purpose into something that suppresses the truth of God’s will for women. Since not all people are Christian/Jewish the secular world jumped on Satan’s lie, thus was born the feminist movement. I don’t have a solution for you as to how to fix this problem but agree that today’s women are not what they should be. You might want to look for Bible believing women at church or prayer group or community center, wherever you might try to find a wife. Sorry that I can’t give you a solution but hope my suggestions are a little help. I am in the same predicament as you so wish you luck in your attempt to find love and family. May God Bless You, in Jesus name, Amen
Yes indeed. I agree with you in every word you say. Also, there are some of us women who have never had a job while married with or without children, and who recognize our role in life is directly orchestrated by God with a wonderful plan for our good and His glory. Then we find ourselves put down by female relatives and strangers and doctors’s office forms etc., that assume that all women must have a job outside the home. That’s ok, we belong the the Lord, and none of these people who believe something opposite of the Bible are the source of our salvation, isn’t that right? I praise God for your encouragement.
I know this personally. Those left behind do not recover. At best it keeps them from causing their loved ones and others from making the same mistake
Do u still read replies/keep up with this website?
I want to go home. I’m so tired of this world. I have a husband and 2 girls but I’ve never felt lonelier. I know Jesus is coming soon but I’m so tired of this world and wish he would just come and take me. I can’t relate to any friends and especially not my husband. I feel no connection to him. We have nothing to talk about. We don’t agree on anything. We fight a lot and he often yells at me. I’ve given up. I don’t feel like doing anything. I have no interests, no hobbies. I feel like I don’t have a purpose. I have nothing to live for. My life has no purpose. I end up taking my anger out on my oldest whose personality is similar to mine and I hate it. I feel like a horrible mom.
Being diagnosed with ALS in 2018 I watched my body slide down as I do everything I can as a Christian. I love Jesus. Don’t know what to do. Gotta take meds I don’t want to take . What’s my way out? None of the Christian stuff seems to work. Now what ? I’m stuck in this situation and want to be like I was before. Like a bad dream .
David, I just saw your post. Are you there? If so, I hope we can dialog. How are you now?
I struggled in 1997-2001 and now have been in treatment again since Jan 2012. Though I know it has been my lifetime with being raped by dad at 2-3 and remembering depression at 4 years old. Now dx’d with treatment-resistant depression MDD, anxiety, Complex-PTSD, PTSD. I’ve been believer since I was 8 and have as always been in Bible-preaching churches. But nothing helps. Therapy every week despite the outrageous cost, a top-level and caring psych doc, online mental health support group. My adult kids have pulled away and when they are home in the fall to help us (farm harvest) and at Christmas, they gravitate to dad, the fun parent. I don’t have close friends. Some have left bc of my depression but I’m not from here (not native, I say) so don’t have my whole lifetime of friends or large family network as all the others; rural area. On the in-law side, it is just his parents in their late 80s.
There really is no hope for me this side of heaven. I don’t want suicide bc I don’t want to leave that legacy to my great-nieces and -nephews. Life is terribly lonely.
I should leave my marriage but know I probably can’t hold a job or learn one bc of my depression. We don’t have money to pay for a place for me to live. I know if I left, he would pull the kids more to him. I’d have nothing. He refuses to fix some medical needs that make intimacy miserable for me. He refuses counseling.
If you have a wonderful idea to help me find hope on earth, I’d love to know. You are a good writer. I think I found you from a podcast in the last few months but I can’t remember. Just spent time reading here this morning bc I kept your tab open. Thanks.
Hello Jules. I just now saw your post. I am praying that God has kept you safe. I hope we can dialog. Are you there? How are you now?
Yes, I’m here. I’m about the same. I’ve finished what I plan is my last customer piece and am now able to work on gifts and things for me tho not much time w/ decreased energy. I’d like to dialog with you. Something I can’t post here. I think you can see my email and it is fine if you write there. Or I can write to you sometime. Thank you HEAPS for your reply. ♥
Hello Jules, I sent my reply by email. I hope you received it. If not, let me know and I will try again.
Dear David and Jules,
As I read ur posts just now my immediate thought was to remind u that our enemy, Satan, is a LIAR and he IS roaming this earth seeing whom he can devour. He loves to attack us with thoughts of hopelessness and pain and depression, lying to us and telling us we have no purpose, no reason for living, that all we have left to do is sit around longing for heaven and if I’m not careful I find myself in the same boat as u. (I have lived in a body of chronic pain and isolation for years.)
But deep in my spirit hear a voice of truth and the Holy Spirit reminds me that if I had no purpose God would have taken me home. There must be a purpose, a reason to hang on.
I encourage u to take a minute to listen to this song by Casting Crowns, https://youtu.be/9cKm_mYVPQE
and spend some time n a quiet place today with ur bible and journal. Maybe take a walk or sit on the porch or by a lake where the beauty of Gods creation surrounds u and just let Him speak to ur spirit. He knows each of u intimately and He knows the reason ur still here. U HAVE A PURPOSE. Ur not just here to endure a life of suffering. There is someone who needs to hear ur story, who needs to feel God’s love pouring thru u. But 1st u have to let Him wrap u n His arms and fill u with His love. Turn on some worship music, read His word, or if ur too tired to do anything else, if the pain is just too much just say “Jesus”. He loves u. He knows u.
I have been watching this thread since I found it a couple years ago, feeling this same way – and yes, I still do feel this way. I am suffering CPTSD and treatment resistant depression as well, and have been for two years of being disabled, and decades before without disability determined.
I have also been listening to and watching many different “pastors” on YouTube, from established “churches”, and over the past 16 years have found pretty much all established churches are apostate. Especially the TRUMP LOVING EVANGELICALS!
They preach incredible heresies, including the unbiblical pre-trib rapture, which they adamantly hold onto because the latin version contains the word “rapturo”.
They preach works to get saved (YOU must ACCEPT – this is an ACTION ONE MUST TAKE to believe).
They preach there is a limit to salvation opportunities.
Now lately comes the Torah believers, who tell us that if we do not follow torah we are unsaved.
Then the apostates who tell us our faith is too weak, and that is why we don’t find healing! As I mentioned before in this thread, I hate when they put the onus on the believer. Telling us our faith is too weak.
Then, when you do reach out to these apostates, they ask you to not come back because they are ill equipped to handle people in trouble. They have completely abandoned acting upon the teachings of Jesus!
I will tell you this one thing – IF YOU REALLY WANT TO BE SAVED, LEAVE THE ESTABLISHED CHURCHES and read your Bible on your own! Let God reveal truth to you in this way.
It is no wonder we, who are depressed, are also so messed up in our faith! No two churches can agree on anything!
We need to form up into local communities of believers in the truth of Jesus Christ, his resurrection, and his teachings. We need to abandon the apostate churches, which includes everything claiming to be Christian, from the Pope, to Calvary Chapel, to Evangelical Free Churches, to Baptist, to Lutheran. Except catholic, I’ve attended all forms.
Evidence I can provide is the commonly known differences of beliefs across the spectrum, and how one believe nullifies another.
The ONLY true way to saving grace is by reading the bible on one’s own. And pray that God will bring us together as like believers. Because this apostasy, which was prophesied about, is happening.
The hell we are living with COVID and now FLOYD is clear evidence of all of this as well. Time is short. Hang in there.
Hello Benjamin. My husband of 46 years and I believe exactly as you. We have had many of the same experiences as you, and we would agree with you, that Jesus and His Word are the only answer. Praise to God, we see the end of the story in Revelation, don’t we? I would be blessed by the opportunity to dialog if possible. The way it works for my husband and me – we have fellowship with brothers and sisters in Christ as we meet them, and sadly that has not been in any established churches. I am thankful for the opportunity to fellowship through this forum with those who are believers in Jesus and also willing to admit they are not perfect, but are trusting in Jesus, as He did promise, didn’t He, that He would be with us always and never leave us.
I would love to. How would we go about this?
I would suggest communicating by email, but I cannot figure out how to supply that here. I see some above have a profile picture that you hover with your mouse and in that way you can send them an email to which they can reply by email (I think), and in that way you are communicating with each other by email. Any suggestions?
P.S. Your response arrived in my inbox. But our responses are also here, and I would like to communicate by email if possible. Any suggestions would be great.
Oops! Got confused about how to fill this thing out.
P.S. Your response arrived in my inbox. But our responses are also here, and I would like to communicate by email if possible. I cannot figure out how to supply my email link here, like I see that some have done above. Any suggestions would be great.
I think I figured it out – click my avatar.
Hello everyone,
Still struggling with God’s silence/absence. Still nothing from God. I would love to have an intimate relationship with God, but God is silent. I believe that relationships can only be established by communication. The Bible is silent, God is silent, how do you form a relationship without communication? Back and forth, One to the other, communication is a two way street. Is it wrong to pray for even a single word from God?
Thanks for letting me say my piece, no matter how worthless that is. Keep up the good work here, people need someone to talk to, like the kind folks on this site. Well thanks again and God Bless You all, in Jesus name, Amen
Thank you for writing this. I have had suicidal thoughts for many years. The stress of being a single financial supporter of a large family and having dealt with numerous job changes has pushed me to the brink. I have prayed to God everyday for financial stability but it remains outside my grasp. I will never share my struggles with anyone but your outpouring of honest emotions was very helpful.
whoah this blog is wonderful i love studying your posts.
Stay up the good work! You know, a lot of people are looking round for this info, you could aid them greatly.
Christiane Samplawski/Dena Cruz – your post is completely inappropriate and offensive – this is a Jesus Christ believing forum. We have no need for your satanism here.
To the rest, do NOT – I repeat – DO NOT contact that satan worshipper/spell-caster. This is purely satanic.
Thank you, Benjamin! Your reply was exactly right to rebuke the lies of satan coming through that person. That post should be removed from this site, should it not?
Hi Sarah. How to reach out for help? How to ask and start a conversation about my depression to my family? What if they think that I just lack of bible reading and prayers? Thank you for your reply. I’ve been struggling for years til now and I can’t take it anymore.
Jesus sucks.
I hate when people say “because I got better so CAN you”. It doesn’t work that way.
I’m glad I found this before I made a permanent mistake. So much has happened I cant even type it all it would take days. I want the pain to end. Thank you God Bless you.
I was suicidal two times in my life once when my dad died I was 15. The other time was when I was 18 I was in a bad place. I have always found reasons for not doing it. Like when my nieces and nephew was young I did not want them to have to live with it. I guess you could say the guilt I felt stopped me. I am now in my 50’s and I take medication I have to admit sometimes I still wish I would never wake up and I have even prayed to God he would let me die. I think the only reason I don’t do it is I feel like it’s a sin and I might go to hell so that’s what stops me. My son has put allot of stress and pressure on us since he was 15. He is a drug addict and I sometimes tell God I can’t do it anymore. I am a happy person most of the time but I still go through times where I just wish I would fall asleep and never wake up. I can’t really talk to my wife about it because she gets mad and thinks that means she’s doing something wrong. She often thinks her and the kids should be enough to make me not want to die. When I do say something she says thanks allot. I also feel like just leaving some days and disappearing I wonder if that’s on the same level of wanting to die? Run away is what I mean hide from everyone. I have never had the fear of dying that I thought or think most people do? I have never really cared if it was all over tomorrow. I hate the guilt of feeling that way but it’s true.
Hello Earl,
I am so sorry. I responded to your post by email but used the wrong name of Eric. I apologize for not paying better attention to your real name. Did you receive my response? If not, I can try again, if you would like.
Hello Earl, I sent a reply by email, but got confused and mistakenly used the name of Eric. Did you receive that email? If not let me know and I will try sending it again.
I have never written on line about a Suicide ideation. My counselor thinks I should check out an intensive therapy unit, instead of the hospital. Lately I have thought that those feelings have subsided, or have I become complacent? I wish I had more friends. But God says I won’t give you more than you can handle. I want to find clear direction!
All that i ever wanted was to meet the right good woman for a good single man like me that really wanted a wife and family to settle down with, instead of still being single and all alone today which would have been normal to have.
I want to die, please help , Life is too harsh , cannot take the burden anymore, How do I pray to Lord Jesus for this request , will this be counted as sin.
Hello Suman. I am not sure Sarah is answering these comments these days. But I am so glad she got this blog started. So many of us badly need someone to communicate with. I am glad that you have submitted your question. I would be interested if you and I coukd dialog with one another. The Bible encourages us to know that Jesus desires us to go to with every burden. I also think He brings people together so they can worship Him together and strengthen each other in His love. I am available if you would like to share by email.
On Hinds Feet
Correction, I left out a word. I meant to say that Jesus desires that we go to Him with every burden. There is no sin in trusting every burden to Him. Praying to Him is just speaking to Him from our heart, knowing that He heard us, whether we speak out loud or silently. It is.good to ask such questions as you have.
Hi Suman, I c its been several days since u posted. R u still watching replies? If u respond (so i know ur still looking for answers on here) i will respond to ur original post in further detail.
I understand ur feelings and i don’t think Sarah responds to posts anymore as she never responded to my original post back n June
As far as the issue of God not speaking I would like to remind those on here that God speaks in many different ways.
For example, often if I will take a walk in nature I will feel His presence and I know His love for me just by the that He has made such a beautiful creation for me to enjoy.
I believe He speaks in a still small voice and it is often that we don’t hear it because we don’t take the time to listen.
I am not as close to God as I used to be (as I have pulled away to some extent because of the constant physical pain I live in) but I used to take time to journal and I would write down what I was saying to God and then listen in the stillness to hear His reply. Most of the time I would hear an answer and though it came back to me in similar form as my own thoughts I knew that the words were His because I wasn’t making them up.
For those of you who are struggling to hear His voice I would like to strongly recommend that you would spend some time in the quiet and simply listen. Do it as many times as it takes. Let Him know your frustration of not hearing His voice and ask Him to speak in a way that you can hear.
Sometimes He will speak through others, whether they be friends or family or even casual acquaintances. Thru His written word, His still small voice, His creation, and His people… And probably and many other ways that I don’t even realize, He is speaking
There is a book called The Five Love Languages of God that I highly recommend. There is a free love language questionnaire online where you can find out your love language and then that book helps you to see how God speaks your language and will communicate His love/His voice to you in a way that you can receive it best. At any rate, I can assure you that GOD DOES LOVE YOU and that He does long to speak to His creation, including you.
.
Is it a sin if you end your life to stop sinning? Too much sin is bad with our relationship with God so is it then justified?
Well I think there are some answers in the Bible that apply directly to your question. All of God’s word is true and the truth and we can trust it and apply it to our daily lives. The first part of the answer to your question is in the ten commandments where it says thou shalt not kill, and I believe that also applies to ourselves. The next important point comes from the book of First John chapter one verses 8 to 10. “If we say that we have no sin we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us.
May God bless you as you think on these words.
bullshit. Jesus doesn’t give a damn about anyone. It’s a freaking lie! He gave up on me first!!
Thank you for this article Sarah.
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Hi, I’ve been an alcoholic for 20 years, a Christian for 14 and lonely for nearly 40. I want to keep my eyes on Jesus. I want to stay sober and work with the Christian rehab I twice went through. I want to be involved in this ministry, helping set people trapped in addiction free through the powerful saving grace of Christ. But I can’t seem to cope in this world without alcohol and (thank God no longer drugs amen) but I can’t live in a world where every second person is female. I can’t explain why but I just cannot seem to want to live without a wife. I don’t want to turn back to alcohol and I don’t want to live in this world, but I do want to serve Jesus. This is too hard with all of the media, in your face, married friends at church, pornography. God made men to be attracted to woman, this is just too hard to deal with sober. But this article has helped me so thankyou, I will through Christ alone, carry on.
May I ask is there a chat group for Christians that no longer want to live? I keep searching for one but can’t find one. I need to find that I am not alone but I feel completely alone!
Not sure where a chat room is but you’re definitely not alone.
Not chat rooms but there are places online now that offer support for mental health. One that is not specifically Christian and that you may not agree with all of it is The Mighty. There are groups there for chronic illnesses, in general and specifically, mental health, also general groups and specific diagnosis, and I think there is a specific group for faith-based/Christian.
Because of this year, they have virtual groups 6 days a week. Some are private via Zoom meetings and some are public on their FB page. (Understand that if you comment or ask questions during a FB event it is public to those on your friend list… something I prefer to not announce. FYI.) Most of the events every week are not specifically Christian but I’m able to ground myself in God, breath in Him, etc during those times. The Mighty has a LOT of variety. In 2019, I worked well on the #52smallthings, a small goal each week vs the typical “new year’s goal” that is overwhelming and easily forgotten. There is a creatives group. And groups for various orientations. It is huge.
There is also an online Christian only support group called Fresh Hope. They have a website that you can read about their beliefs and background and the 6 tenets that they follow. It is just an hour once a week. But clearly Christian. It is Wednesdays; I’m not sure they have corrected the website from listing Tuesday previously.
I have posted several times in this forum. I have also read quite a few, but not nearly a tenth, of other posts in here.
Within the past two weeks, after suffering years of symptoms of and having been diagnosed with a variety of psychiatric issues including depression, bi-polar, borderline personality disorder, narcissistic ….. -, after having been off work since March 2018, and “treatment resistant” attached to all of the psychiatric diagnoses, and documented for disability payments, I was diagnosed with Frontotemporal Degeneration (FTD), an early onset form of dementia, and related to ALS. Below is a link to The Association For FTD site page with a 60 minutes segment on the disease.
https://www.theaftd.org/60-minutes-to-re-air-segment-on-ftd/
The “Behavioral Variant” (bvFTD) has the following symptomology. Not all have to happen to each diagnosed patient. There are other variants as well, you can find more information on this site.
Thus my advice, especially if you never seem to get better from the depression, etc.: Check into the possibility of FTD with your physician – get a CT of the head looking for cerebral atrophy. An MRI shows more. You will need to see a neurologist.
In Christ’s Love. Benjamin
What is Frontotemporal Degeneration (FTD)?
FTD is the most common form of dementia for people under age 60.
It represents a group of brain disorders caused by degeneration of the frontal and/or temporal lobes of the brain. FTD is also frequently referred to as frontotemporal dementia, frontotemporal lobar degeneration (FTLD), or Pick’s disease.
======= The following information can be found on the site of the link above
How does FTD differ from Alzheimer’s disease?
1) Different symptoms.
FTD brings a gradual, progressive decline in behavior, language or movement, with memory usually relatively preserved.
2) It typically strikes younger.
Although age of onset ranges from 21 to 80, the majority of FTD cases occur between 45 and 64. Therefore, FTD has a substantially greater impact on work, family, and the economic burden faced by families than Alzheimer’s.
3) It is less common and still far less known.
FTD’s estimated U.S. prevalence is around 60,000 cases (Knopman 2011, CurePSP), and many in the medical community remain unfamiliar with it. FTD is frequently misdiagnosed as Alzheimer’s, depression, Parkinson’s disease, or a psychiatric condition. On average, it currently takes 3.6 years to get an accurate diagnosis.
Know the Signs… Know the Symptoms
The following are possible symptoms of bvFTD:
Disinhibition
A loss or lack of restraint based on social norms, leading to inappropriate behavior and impulsivity. Behaviors may include:
Making uncharacteristic rude or offensive comments
Ignoring other people’s personal space
Shoplifting, reckless spending
Touching strangers or inappropriate sexual behavior
Aggressive outbursts
Apathy
Indifference or lack of interest in previously meaningful activities. Behaviors may include:
Loss of interest in work, hobbies, and personal relationships
Neglect of personal hygiene
Loss of initiative
Emotional Blunting
Loss of warmth, empathy, or concern for others. Behaviors may include:
Indifference to important events (e.g., death of a family member or friend);
Failure to recognize that loved ones are upset or unhappy
Compulsive or Ritualistic Behaviors
Single behaviors or routines that are performed over and over. These may include:
Repeating words or phrases
Hand rubbing, clapping
Re-reading the same book over and over again
Hoarding
Walking to the same place at the same time every day
Changes in Eating Habits or Diet
Excessive, compulsive or inappropriate eating & drinking, or other pronounced changes in dietary preferences.
Binge eating
Carbohydrate craving
Eating only specific foods
Increased or first-time use of tobacco products
Excessive water or alcohol consumption
Attempting to consume inedible objects
Deficits in Executive Function
Poor decision-making, judgment, problem-solving, and organizational skills. Examples include:
Difficulty planning the day’s activities
Questionable financial decisions
On-the-job mistakes
Other Symptoms
Agitation, emotional instability. These may be conveyed through:
Pacing
Frequent and abrupt mood changes
Lack of insight
As noted above, failure to recognize changes in behavior or exhibit awareness of effects of behavior on others. Behaviors may include:
Blaming others for consequences of socially unacceptable behavior; e.g., job loss
Anger at limitations on activities
Hi Sarah and everyone else,
I am still here, still struggling, still waiting for God to help, to no avail. I am writing this because I am constantly being told, change my mind, my perspective. To be mindful, to meditate, to use contemplative prayer. My problem is that I don’t know how to do any of these things. These abilities are absent from my make up. If I tell you that water is only wet because you think it is wet, you would say that is crazy. Well that is what I think people are trying to tell me when they say just change your mind. The only thing that I have found that can change my mind is proof that what I think is incorrect. I can’t change reality by just thinking differently, only God can do that. I need to be shown things or how to do something. Can someone show me how to change my mind, or can they only tell me? I have been to doctors and therapists with no results, just being medicated, no actual help. How do you get help when no one is listening. Finally I would answer something you (Sarah) said in a response to an earlier post. You suggested that God was talking to me through other people. I don’t believe that God would do that. God gave us free will, thus God doesn’t get involved in what people do. You and others are only stating what you think not being influenced by God in any way. It is your kind, compassionate demeanor that is shining through. Thank you for that. May God Bless You, in Jesus name, Amen
Kenneth, please check my post today regarding FTD. I also was not getting help from doctors and therapists to any real extent. Meds don’t work.
People kept telling me I have to change my perspective and all that mindfulness too.
Eventually I had a CT of my brain to look for evidence of stroke or something. They found cerebral atrophy. I was sent to neurologist who ordered MRI and it confirmed that my brain is shrinking.
Ask to be checked for FTP. It poses as treatment resist depression. Check out TheaFTD.org for more.
When I was diagnosed it was rather liberating to explain the last several years. In extreme detail.
I posted more details at the bottom an hour or so ago. Please check it out.
I opened my browser and the title of this forum was already typed out in the search box so I pressed enter and got here. I’m the only one that uses this computer and have no clue how it got there! ? Unfortunately, I am a Christian and I haven’t wanted to live for quite a while. It’s not really that I want to die, I’m just sooo tired of feeling so horrible mentally. I pray about it a lot. No clue what to do to start moving forward. So exhausted. Please pray for me if willing. ?
I will/am praying for you, Shawn. Can I also suggest that if you do not already have a KJV Bible that you aquire asap and proceed to read? Online are lots of ideas for meaningful ways to read the Bible for the health of your soul. If you already read the Bible, or not, and are looking for someone to dialog/interact with concerning growth in faith as a result of reading and contemplating what you read from the Bible and how it relates to real life, I for one would be available. If interested, just let me know and I would be blessed to dialog with you.
In Christ,
On Hind’s Feet
Oops! I meant to say … that you aquire one ….
Thank you so much for the prayers! I have a NKJV and NLT Bible but no KJV. I don’t read them very much though. I would love to dialog if you’re interested. Thank you again for prayers and your reply?
Hello Shawn. Sorry I have not seen your reply until now. Our grandson is living us now and he is a handful (but a blessing of a handful), and therefore I missed your message that I now see arrived in my email in-box twelve days ago or so. I inadvertently messed up my site name here and I can’t figure out how to fix it so that my email shows up. Do you know how I should go about fixing that so you can hover over that upside down G to contact me by email?
You people are idiots, gay people cannot change.
Keith Edward Rogers, I just read your reply to Linda Jo. It is a good thing to try and help someone who is hurting. God Bless You for that. Please be more thoughtful on what you say. Telling someone to hang in there is good, telling someone that things will get better isn’t good. When you wake each day, week, after week, month after month, year after year, decade after decade and nothing has gotten better you can’t see that statement as true. Telling someone who suffers life long depression that things will get better makes you sound like a liar to them. Which serves to deepen their depression, with higher chance of suicide. Please be careful. Thanks and God Bless You, in Jesus name, Amen
God and Jesus both suck the way i look at it, and they’re without a doubt two low life pieces of shit losers for keeping a good man like me single even though i never wanted to be. Then again, God should’ve made women just like the old days when they were the very complete opposite of today, and real ladies as well which made love very easy to find with no problem at all. Today most women are just so very rotten too meet unfortunately for so many of us single men that still can’t find love today. Very obvious why so many of us men are single.
Hi Sarah, I have read your article and I took this message to heart, but not happy due to Women breaking my heart. Right now my brothers and Sisters ignore me, single all my life and never one date with a lady, including selfless acts of helping others. Ive learned to deal with my depression through not caring anymore. 45 years of torture and pain is wearing me down. Im hurting inside and I need a miracle from Jesus Christ.
Hi Sarah, after reading your story I’m so glad to hear you are doing well.
You hit the nail on the head with your description of depression, a brain fog, a numbness, a bone-deep weariness where you just don’t feel right, you just don’t feel at all.
I’ve had this horrible disease for most of my life, and it’s really taking a toll on me.
What’s worse for me is I have no family for support, none.
I struggle as a Christian big time as I’m so ashamed because I am a committed Christ follower who has lost his will to live.
As Christian’s we are supposed to be joyous, happy people full of the Holy Spirit spreading the Good Word of the Gospel and Jesus Christ to others.
I have a hard time just getting out of bed.
If i didn’t have my 2 loving cats I’d probably be dead by now.
Please pray for me.
Peace and Love.
P.S. I hope and pray that everyone on here struggling with depression or anxiety will be healed by God, make a full recovery and go on to lead long, healthy, joyous, meaningful, purposeful lives.
Amen.
I still Love Jesus and on track again because now Ladies are chatting with me after 35 years of being single. I gave my pain to God and Wham! My oldest brother is forgiven and Im communicating like he never left. Oh Happy Day if we sincerely give our pain unconditionally to Jesus. All these hurt forced a carreer change from a dishwasher to an small finds ancient artifacts specialist and Bronze age to late Roman Historian. ;-)…
Valuable info. Fortunate me I found your web site by accident, and I’m stunned why
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I’m 58, and I have a loving family. I just want help ending my life peacefully. I’m in good physical health. I’ve tried meds and counselling. I’m not interested in getting better. Please, I beg you, help me go peacefully. Every day is hell.
Booker, I don’t know what problems you are facing, but you have blessings that some of us can only dream about. You said you are healthy, you said you have a loving family. Those are things that I don’t have. Take time to talk to your family, they may be of some help. Tell them how you feel. Do you own your house, do you have a job, do you have friends? If yes to any or all of these questions then you have a lot to live for. But like I said, I don’t know what you are going through but can only say take a moment or ten to look at what you have that others don’t. It could be worse, you could be like me with nothing, and no one to turn to. God, the Father, the beginning and end of everything, the father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the one and only God, look in on our brother Booker and bless him so that he may have relief from what is bothering him. in Jesus name I pray, Amen. Hang in there Booker. God Bless You, in Jesus name, Amen
Hello Sarah.
I feel that way now. I feel all hope is lost.
I have so much anxiety and depression.
Living is just to painful. But I know that suicide is a sin. It just makes having no escape so much harder. I truely don’t understand why wen I continuously reach out, doesn’t God help me.
I keep reaching out too. I am not living, just existing and it’s unbearable.
Hi Sue, just wanted to let you know that you are not the only one. I suffer with Bipolar, Anxiety, and Manic Depression. I also feel the same way (where is God). And yes I also have the sin factor you mentioned. God wouldn’t look favorably towards killing yourself. I don’t know what problems you are facing, but I know that they are tough. All I can say is hang in there, persevere. You are not alone in this. Oh Father in Heaven, reach out to Sue, comfort her with your love, with your grace and mercy, for Your name sake and in Jesus name I pray that You will rescue Sue from her problems and show her the glory that is You, please find a way in your will to respond to Sue and all those like her. Please hurry God before Sue ,and those like her, ends up like those that are destined for the pit. Your will be done always, in Jesus name, Amen
Jesus sucks.
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I’m millions of dollars in debt. I won’t even be able to make payroll this week. Everything has imploded on me and there is no way out. No one can help me. The only thing that will save my family is the life insurance money they are going to receive shortly. I’ve fought as long as I can. I’ve begged God to save me, to save my company. However, this morning I realized that this isn’t a fairy tale. There will be no happy ending for me. I only pray that my family will hate me so much for this that they will recover quickly and move on from the toxic person I am. God please forgive me for all the bad things I’ve done and protect my wife and kids from evil.
Eric, please stay. Don’t hurt yourself.
I have no choice.
Eric, Leaving your family behind to fend for themselves and broken-hearted besides will not change anything. I know it has to be beyond painful but sometimes our paths are confusing to us. God is still with you. And he loves you. Your family loves you. I know they’d choose you to be here with them rather than not.
God is nowhere to be found right now. Trust me, I’ve begged and pleaded for him to intervene. I’m just not one of the ones he will do that for I guess.
Eric, life insurance does not pay out for suicide. Don’t do it. At least y’all have your family. My wife threw me away like dog shit. I lost everything I spent my life working for – and am in desperate despair right now. Have been for years now.
Hang on.
The suicide clause in my policies has expired. My wife and kids will get $2.3M. I’m sitting here trying to gather the courage to do this. My gun is loaded and sitting in my lap. I’m scared. Terrified actually. I never thought things would end this way.
I’ve been crying out to God all morning. I hear nothing back.
I don’t want to die. But, I don’t want to live either.
It’s all over now. I just have to walk outside and do it.
Eric, you HAVE been hearing from God. He sent strangers to plead with you and let you know your life is precious to Him. Believing in God also means to expect to suffer sometimes while we walk with Him. The sum total of you is not your financial situation. What led me to this site was disparaging feelings as well based on my own circumstances for which I have no current means to get out of on my own. I have very hard on myself. But I stayed in constant prayer. 1 God is way bigger than my circumstances. 2 He is not a genie at our beck and call 3 Come to a place to trust Him despite circumstance 4 Keep calling out… never stop
I pray you find peace right where you are!
Eric,
I can see why you think that ending it is the answer, but have you stopped to think about what you do have. You have a family that love you. That is way more than some of us have. What a blessing to have people who love you, to hug you, to comfort you. I am sure that your family won’t be better off without you. The permanent scars your suicide would inflict on them would be worse than losing a business. You have skills. You have a business, thus you have the skills to start again. I personally would be happy to have your skills, as I don’t have any of my own. You have the blessing to know what it is like to own your own business. I don’t, and never will, know what that feels like. You said you have been crying out to God for help. That leads me to think that you believe in God and Jesus. Do you think that God wants you to end your life? Suicide is a sin, one that you can’t ask for forgiveness from as you are dead. I may be wrong but I think that suicide is a sure ticket to Hell. If you are a God fearing person then your choice is simple, DON’T DO IT ! I think that you came to this site looking for some reason to not go through with it. That is good. Does your family care more about money than you? I don’t think so. The first thing you need to do is throw the gun away, get rid of it. The second thing is to talk to your family about how you feel. Third, seek some professional help like doctors and therapists that can help you understand how and why you feel like you do. Fourth, seek God and Jesus. God never said that we would have a perfect life. On the contrary, God said that we would have trials and tribulations in this life. I myself am struggling with this as I have only known poverty and failure my whole life. I am still trying to trust God in my miserable lonely life as I don’t want to go to Hell. It is a difficult struggle to say the least. I don’t know if I have helped or not but I will plead that you seek help from family, doctors, and God. May God Bless You, in Jesus name, Amen
God please help Eric in his time of need, guide him to the best outcome. Turn Your Heavenly grace upon Eric so he can find the hope to go on. Please hurry God as I feel Eric is in desperate need of your loving embrace. Thank You for helping Eric, in Jesus name, Amen
See, Eric, there are so many people that genuinely care and want you to see how valuable you are, just as God sees you are valuable. We are all strangers, no doubt from different backgrounds yet there is still care. You may feel like you are in pieces, but God specializes in pieces! After all, He is the Creator!
I chickened out this morning. Can’t even get this right. That said, I’m not trying to compare miseries with anyone. My wife actually texted me and asked if I was ok. I broke down. Our anniversary is this weekend. Then my dogs came up and started staring at me. I’m just completely broken right now. Numb. And I can’t talk to anyone about it. I guess that’s why I’m posting here of all places.
Eric, try this, you said you chickened out, instead think you found the courage to go on. Posting on this site was difficult for sure. It took courage to open up to strangers about your feelings. Now take the next step, seek help both earthly and Heavenly. Focus on the good in your life. Pray to God for the strength to get through this. Please hang in there. May God Bless You, in Jesus name, Amen
Eric, give glory to God for making himself present to you in the compassions of your wife and puppies.
Get rid of the guns. You don’t need any. (Assumes one or more).
Share with your wife as doctor. Check yourself into a hospital for a while to help yourself learn to cope.
I should talk. I was in ER overnight thinking I was having a heart attack. I asked to be admitted to crisis stabilization unit after I was stabilized from what turned out to be severe potassium deficits. I was denied because I am not strictly suicidal.
But I tried. I will continue to try in spite of my devastating losses. I pray you will too.
I’ve decided to go ahead and do this today. I appreciate you guys trying to save me, but it’s over. I can’t do this anymore.
Eric, in the name of Jesus, I pray you do not do this to yourself nor to your family. You are more than the sum total of your financial issues. You have to see that first. The enemy has put this cloak over your eyes. The Bible teaches that ALLLL is God’s.
It’s so easy for the lot of us to say one thing over the other. We can empathize if not sympathize. But, we do know that your life is precious. God has another plan for you. He wants the glory out of this. His grace is sufficient, so hold on. His strength is made perfect in your weakness.
No, there is no other plan for me. I’m my greatest minute of need, God is silent. Thank you though.
Eric, please take a moment to think about this. All of us trying to talk you into living are doing this because you are loved by God. We are God’s conduit to show you that you are valued and loved in this life. Why would so many people care about you enough to try and talk you out of this action? Because God loves you, that is why. Yes, even if God doesn’t actually fix your problems, He still loves you. I wish I could prove that for you, but you have to come to that truth on your own. Please stay with us. May God Bless You, in Jesus name, Amen
I’m too late. My husband checked into a motel with liquor (he’d been sober 7 years) and shot himself. I just pray that he’s with Jesus. We’re 59. He was a heavy drinker from ages 12-52. He seemed to have an off and on relationship with The Lord.
My condolences for your loss, Carmen. I pray He’s with Jesus, too.
Good for him . The Buzzing stopped . You should be happy . His pain is gone .
No one knows what it’s like to have what ever till you’ve had it >
ANd let me tell you there are things in this life worse than death .
Good for him . The Buzzing stopped . You should be happy . His pain is gone .
No one knows what it’s like to have what ever till you’ve had it >
ANd let me tell you there are things in this life worse than death .
You’ve never died and went to hell. So what things are in life are worse? Most of your comments are derived from a place of inner self-turmoil. If you’re not here to be uplifting, ask yourself why are you really here and who or what compels you. Hope is bigger than your definition. Hope is Jesus personified.
I’ve always been a Christian but when I got out of jail I went to a ministry help program had a vehicle and everything I went there and once I got there an idea popped in my head I’ll stay here as long as I can and if I don’t make it I’ll end it instead of going back to jail. I never ever had a suicidal thought before in my life and after about 4 months I started getting ansy and tried to commit suicide twice and now I’m stuck with my ears ringing unable to make money and feels as if I’m antichrist. I can’t hardly sleep and have night terrors. I’m in a facility at the moment. Thank you
Woodrow, You’re under spiritual attack. keep Praying in the name of Jesus. Resist the devil and he WILL flee from you. You’re in my prayers as well.
Yes I am so very badly. From me having that attitude and not having any blessings and got to where I couldn’t work and now that I gave in to those thoughts I am stuck with that thought every morning if I don’t make it I’ll end it. I’m the loneliest soul on earth. I was spouting off stupid stuff unlike me the whole time I was there. And wasn’t happy except the first week or two and joy comes from God. Yes under very heavy attack. What do you suggest?
Eric
Please don’t do it. Think about what your family will go through. Do you want your family to suffer. They will if you go through with it. They will be devastated and left to think that you didn’t care enough about them to live. They are the important things, not a business or money. Do you love your family? The selfish act of suicide doesn’t show that you care about them. Suicide is all about yourself, not others. God doesn’t want you to do this. Neither do all the people who wrote to you.
I complain to God about the lack of money all the time. I do this because I really feel the need to help people, and that is expensive. Even though what I feel are prayers to do God’s command for us. God still hasn’t done anything to help. I keep turning to God through it all. Please turn to God and ask for Him to guide you through this. Just don’t expect God to say anything, He is always silent. Please don’t send yourself to Hell. That will be eternal torture compared to a temporary amount of suffering in this temporary life. I too am struggling with this concept. So please don’t give in to Satan’s attempt at destroying you. God Bless You, in Jesus name, Amen.
Hi God, my Heavenly Father,
Please help Eric get through this time of adversity. Comfort Eric in this miserable situation. Help him see his way through the problems. Hurry Father as Eric is in a desperate need of your help. Be there for Eric, and please make sure he knows that it is You, if you want to. Thanks God for helping Eric and his family, they need your grace, mercy and compassion in this season of trouble. Do as you will Father for Your name sake, to show Eric your love, in Jesus name, Amen
Eric is gone. He killed himself this morning.
That is a very sad thing.
I don’t know who the hell posted this, but I’m very much alive. Long story, but I got help. I’m trying to deal with all this.
Praise God! So happy to hear you are still with us. Life will get hard. I’m glad you chose to hold on to His hope! Blessings to you!
Oh thank God! I know this was a while ago but are you still around this site? How are you? I hope you’re still with us.
God will have to become your everything. You must decrease so that He will increase. It sounds cliche, but it’s very important. I think a lot of people were drawn to the site because of a struggle… I know I was. But by His Grace, I am still holding on. Keep praying. Keep holding on.
Fuck off nigger!
what vulgar, hateful language. you could have just ignored that foolishness like the rest of us.
what vulgar, hateful language. you could have just ignored that foolishness like the rest of us.
You are right. Sorry. I have intense triggers. This was one.
Why is it that suicide counselors commit suicide also?
They do?
Kill yourself N*****
I’m hurting I’m broken and I want to die. Helpppp….
Me2. I suffer from depression and no matter what good things happen I want to die. Just to get a way from this world and its people. Plz don’t kill yourself, you’ll regret it. I know you will. Plz don’t.
-What and What SL
Depression and Anxiety are ugly beasts. I live with them both, but I don’t let them control me. One thing that helps with suicidal thoughts is to focus on the reasons to live—there are many! Make them personal…sunrises, pizza, friends, family, worship, completing a project… just use it as a tool to battle those thoughts!!! May God Bless You!
Good advice. My mind and soul have been crushed by antidepressants. After 50 years of a clean lifestyle, I took them for 18 months. I pray each night for the Lord to repair the damage they have caused. Please say a prayer for me. Thank you.
We all have some degree of hurt and brokenness. It’s because we are separated from God right now in this flesh. But take a lot around……..He created this paradise just for us. Be intentional and look for beauty around you. One of my great escapes is listening to the ocean roar at the beach from my balcony (when I get to go). I’ve decided it reaches my soul— and it does!
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Hi Sarah I’m Gary 75yo male painfully ill disabled SSI welfare recipient facing terrifying homelessness abandonment & death in city streets of unaffordable greedy inhospitable Los Angeles, suffered 2 lifetime TBIs with relentless around the clock painful brain TBI dysphoria syndrome causing serious considerations of suicide from extremely dire hopeless life circumstances, but like you as a creative mess I too love coffee and yet do not see much of any evidence of “God’s or Jesus’s Love or Joy or Redemption” anywhere around at all except on TV amongst the very fortunate rich safe secure famous affluent and yet cannot consider my extremely depressing life threatening situation as anything like nebulous mental suicidal depression at all but as a real life tragic terrifying horror story of one of millions of “broken people” fallen helplessly into hopeless poverty by a super selfish ruthless inhospitable greedy price gouging extortion committing US population of very fortunate property owners landlords and CEOs who only care about their own ever soaring profits. So I can’t see how or why you want this “broken people” story living horrible terrifying hopeless but socalled “beautiful lives” for anyone really and also want to be friends!?!? And how does God and Religion and Redemption care and bear upon us “broken people” living painful hopeless terrifying unsurvivable but so-called “beautiful lives” I wonder??? Maybe I’m just too tired exhausted and worn out I guess to appreciate or understand that “God isn’t waiting to punish” me but it sure feels like it. Nevertheless Thankyou for your very interesting very complex views on suicide!!!
I probably don’t understand any of what you are saying and I’m not in a place to advise but I am a Christian…And I think God is up there watching over me, over us. I don’t have anything to say about your religion but there is always beauty in life don’t you think? Whether you are poor or whether you are rich there is beauty in life, even small things such as sweet candy or friendly talk. I probably don’t understand your perspectives but I have depression and I still don’t think I’m BROKEN. I’m a sinner but I’m not totally broken. I know what you mean but naming people “broken people” is offending in a way.
Praying for you,
Anonymous SL
P.S. Sorry for being a bit blunt.
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I have suffered from Depression for around 40 years and attempted suicide on many occasions. It is a horrendous condition. First of all, it is a physical depletion of Seratonin in the brain and requires physical medication to balance this depletion out. Think of it like Diabetes and Insulin, much the same thing. Secondly, how dare anyone from ANY church judge people using bits of scripture from their own pontificating judgements, just how dare they??? Lot’s of comments seem to be from poor souls who have had a terrible experience from Pastors/Priests etc……the answer is simple, leave their Church. That is no church of God. God is beyond our attempts at understanding him, we never will. What God states is that if you are born in Christ he wil NEVER leave you, even if you fail to be unaturally happy 24/7. In following Christ, no where does it state you will have a great, easy and abnormally joyus life, that is impossible. We are all emotional Human beings, not robots. In fact following Christ is not an easy path in this extremely fallen world, we feel emotions more than the average person in the street and can bring us more suffering. Christ himself condems those who judge, so any ‘christians’ who do this will have to face God ultimately. God knows our struggles and he feels them too but remember God will not give us more than we can handle. I personally use my depression as a gift from God because it makes me think very deeply about my Soul, the world around me and helps me see through the lies if this world. Having depression all my life also brings me strength, fortitude and an acceptance that we are only on this Earth for a short time, so we must use it wisely. Those of us who, through faith (even in the darkest of hours/depths of despair) will eventually reach God’s Kingdom……….but not today. Think of it like this………….in each of our God given Soul’s we have a Flame that burns with the Divine breath of God. Sometimes it burns brightly and shines like a sun when we feel right with God/world. Other times our Flame will be a tiny flicker (when we are in utter despair) but no matter how hellish this world is, it is not God abandoning you because the Flame has not gone out. At these points on my life, I retreat into myself and protect this precious Flame by using it to sit with God on my own (takes weeks/months btw), cry, shout tell God exactly how you feel, pray, read Bible verses that uplift your Soul. God/Christ are unconditional Love, nothing you do will change that ever. As humans we want instant gratification, that is not the way of God and people like us are made of stronger stuff!!!! We are all called by God for a reason, depression and all. Remember what Jesus said “be in this world but not of it”. The world is a cruel, hateful, evil place. It can hurt our bodies/minds/mental health………………….but Satan cannot touch our Souls. Focus on this each day and for the short time we live in this world, it will become bearable. xx
Sorry Michaela, depression is not simply a chemical imbalance of serotonin. I was a very strong, healthy individual for more than 45 years, until I hit a life crisis. I tried the SSRI and SNRI meds, and more, for 2 years. They left me a broken man. I have been off of them for 2 years now. I used to be a high functioning white collar worker. Now, I can barely think or focus on anything for a few minutes. I don’t feel like I am ‘all there’, if that makes any sense. I have PSSD. Google that one please. The manufacturers of these drugs say the serotonin theory is just that, a theory. The doctors have no way to test your serotonin levels, so who knows. I know this. The meds destroyed my mind and body. A very fine mind and body. Now the doctors want me to try ketamine. That’s an anesthetic, and club drug. Failing that, they want me to try ECT. They have no idea what they are doing IMO. That’s why suicide rates have gone up 30% over the last 20 years, along with the use of antidepressants. Pray for the Lord’s help. And try to live a good life. That is what will save you. I fear it is too late for me. My mind and body have been altered by these meds.
Who the hell is that scumbag Jesus anyway?
Someone you will never know, unless you take that raging arrogance/ignorance and unknowing chip off that’s breaking your shoulder. If you do not have the intellectual capacity and higher awareness, then you will never know. Instead of trolling a genuine site to upset peole with genuine issues, go elsewhere. Richard Dawking’s/ Dan Dennet or an Incel site may be a start for you.
Now why do you name the Lord a scumbag. What perverse pleasure do you get from coming to a religious page and disrespecting our Lord. If you read John 14: 6 then you will get a glimpse of what our Lord Jesus is.
John 14: 6
Jesus saith… “I am the way, the truth, and the life : no man cometh unto the Father, but by me”
Jesus was love personified. He was peace, everlasting. Always ready to help people. But don’t get your hopes too high. His (God) will be done, first, then us, if it serves God’s will. So as our Lord Jesus demonstrates, you are forgiven for the desecration of the Lord Jesus’ name. I would like to suggest that you find a Bible and read the New Testament first. Then if you find reason to base your opinion on, come back and leave a sensible argument for people to discuss. Straight up blasphemy, as your comment was. The people here don’t need your useless crap. You get respected by respecting others. God bless you, in Jesus name, Amen
He is ur true friend is who he is
Barely alive I mean…..I’m in so much pain here I spelled that wrong
i really liked what you have said and honestly I can relate to the thoughts, it has made my life hard but knowing that Jesus was there for me to help me. what you said really did help me so thank you so so sooo much.
I hope ur still in this site……I have been battling depression since u was a young child….now I’m 55, I’m exhausted just like jn ur article….I have been to doctors since I was 20, tried every medication on earth I think …sometimes trying to find the right pill or concoction makes u feel worse….then switching to another and another……..
I love Jesus, he lives jn my heart …..I worry sick, literally paralyzingly fear of dying and going to hell, why? I don’t know…..because I’m not good enough…..I self loathe, I’m broken, I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired…only thing that stopped me from killing myself in the past is my fear of hell,…..now it’s because I have 2 young boys…….
I try …….
Actually this week is bad, I can’t haul myself out of bed, now I’m so sore from laying and headaches etc……I had to come online and try to find help….
Why was I born ? Why why why…..I know god has a purpose for everything ….so what was his purpose in Hitler, why was he born if he was destined to do all that evil? I know some answers we won’t know till we die………..
Anyway ……I subscribed to ur emails………..
I am on about 4 diff meds now for mental stuff
Plus other meds for night blood pressure, stomach problems and other stuff
God won’t give us more than we can handle ….I know it says that …..and if I look at my life I am truly blessed beyond what I deserve . So why does it feel so dark inside
Hugs to you, Katie.
I think the most important thing about life after death is knowing that God loves us *and accepting that love and being worthy of I*. Owning our mistakes and harms we have done, and knowing that God loves us anyway. Hell is simply the absence of God and the resulting death of our soul, disconnected from the Source of Love.
Those internal voices you have of self loathing are perhaps the core of your misery. At the least, they amplify it. Just remember God’s Love and remember that you are the conduit of that love to your children and to people around you. The love or a parent for a child me be the closest thing to God’s unconditional love for us that exists on this earth. We are Gods arms and legs to others. We are expressions of Love, when we are able to let it flow through us.
Finally Katie, one more thing for you is this video. Watch it. It won’t relieve your misery, but it might stop you from choosing a permanent solution to a recurring but temporary problem.
I am so sorry you had these mental diseases….my story is so much different and it really is true in my case that no one cares. I have no idea how my life because this way. My life has been tragic because of tragedies that have just happened. My birth mother had me at age 19…she loved me very much and I was her world. At age 20…she said hello to the wrong person at her job and was stalked and traumatized by fear until he made good on his threats and she was stabbed to death at the age of 21. I was with her as she was a single parent and no one found us for 36 hours. That was the beginning of the hellish life I have had ever since. I am good and I am kind but things just happen that I have no control over. I have been alone for every surgery…became a mother alone. When good things happen…they are followed by more difficult blows. I had a wonderful husband for almost 20 years who passed in 2014…when he died…everyone abandoned me…only God knows why. Because of the stress of my husband…for very strange circumstances…the loss of our home that we owned shortly after he passed. No one answered my calls for help to move me. Because of all the other things that were happening at the same time…I started having seizures from the stress so I am no longer able to drive. Because of one of the seizures, I hit my mouth and lost my teeth….all before I turned 46. At 50…one surgery after another….crazy ones…2 brain aneurisms, pancreatitis caused from a lost stone from a gallbladder surgery and my appendix ruptured. My life has always been one step forward and then 10 backward. I raised our 3 children but they are on their own doing their own thing. My daughter and I were so close…inseperapble…but now could care less. I have no help moving to be close to my grand daughters….no help getting to a store for food or doctor’s appt. I have a regular doctor and 8 specialists….no one cares and that is the God’s honest truth. I have never felt “Poor Me” I have always dusted off and kept going…but now…I can barely walk…I need another back surgery….I have severe panic attacks and can find no help. I got a caseworker…but they can not do anything for me because of Covid…so what are they for. I take a quite of bit of medication for extremely high blood pressure…. a heart mitral valve…my panic attacks and the seizures. I almost always forget medication. AND…NO ONE Cares…. My problem with Suicide is….I ask God to please take me home all the time….but that I know it is up to Him. I will have to stay here on this earth as long as he needs me here….but I hate it here. I don’t belong…I have never fit in. I don’t understand how people can not care about others. People want to complain all the time about nothing. I understand why people hurt animals and I fight the best I can to help fight for animal rights. I have always help anyone who needed it. Feeding them, giving money, taking them into my home…running to them when they needed me….sitting through surgeries for everyone. Now that I am in these shoes….there is no one and I am so alone. My phone never rings….no one visits me. I have been here for a year and a month at this address…..I have had 1 visitor…..the elderly man from upstairs to borrow coffee. I have total Faith in God and I know He knows best. I just don’t understand and it is so, so hurtful. Everyone has always joked about me writing a book…but no one would ever believe it was the truth although all the situations, instances and facts can be checked. I live in the “Twilight Zone”
I don’t know if you will get this message or had any others but people do care, I care and you are in my prayers tonight, God bless you ?
#BeHereTomorrow
Katie,
Soundtrack to this one is a distraction, but listen to this man again.
Dear Katie, I am so sorry you feel this bad. One word of advice, there isn’t a right pill out there. Pray to the Lord, and detox from those medications. It will be incredibly difficult, and it will take 1 year or even 2. He will deliver you, trust me.
Brenda, I say this with kindness as I am sure that you mean well, but please, please don’t tell people to get off of their medications. Not only do we not know exactly what she’s even taking, as she vaguely listed “mental health meds, and meds for blood pressure/stomach issues”…but we also are not doctors and therefore aren’t qualified to give medical advice. This article is very much about this very topic- putting all faith in religious belief to the point of shunning medical treatment, which is dangerous to say the least. There are so many tragedies throughout history and even in modern times due to this..such as schizophrenics who died due to lack of medical intervention because the family believed they were possessed. A few years ago, a little girl who had juvenile diabetes passed away. Her death was the direct result of her parents refusal to get her medical treatment…they said they believed prayer would save her, and when it didn’t? They said it was gods will. That he decided to take her home. They were charged and convicted. And rightfully so…that little girl would have lived with treatment. My point is it’s a very dangerous thing to suggest people refuse to take their medication. Likewise, taking medication and accepting medical help does not equate to a lack of faith …in fact, God gave man free will, and the scientific advances that have been made such as in modern medicine, are absolute blessings that came from it.
Agreed 100%. I’m an RN. It probably comes from a good place, but it can be dangerous for the individivual.
I began fantasizing about my death at a very early age. The first I can pin to a date was around my 4th or 5th birthday party. Usually something like I was unhappy and I would fantasize about how upset everyone else would be if I was dead, and this would comfort me.
By 7th grade, these grew to concrete suicidal ideations, one memorable time being around feeling awful about school work I was not getting done. Suicidal ideations came and went all through adolescence then with less frequency in my 20s, less still in my 30s after my son was born and I feared what it would be like for him to be raised by his abusive mother without me to intervene and value him as a person.
I never thought suicidal thoughts were unusual until a conversation with my college freshman roommate. I mentioned it in a way that just assumed everyone gets these, because that I what I believed. (Probably something like “..or you know, like when things are so bad I think about killing yourself.” His shock made me realize that most people don’t! About 5-10 years later, I began sharing it with some people close to me, usually to similar reactions of horror or shock. One thing that never changed was I would never share it when I was currently in that state. My thinking is, if I really want to die, I don’t want anyone to stop me. It is the times when I am not suicidal that I can share that.
This has been a companion that has come and gone over the years and now in my 50’s are rare, perhaps completely absent for the last many years. One video that stops me, also speaks to an experience I had in grad school .
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WcSUs9iZv-g
I am convinced, that as death actually comes during a suicide attempt (before it is successful) when it is happening and we can no longer stop it, that is when we learn this not what we wanted after all.
I’m ready to go. I’ve had enough of the pain, anxiety and loneliness.
Your reaching out says that you’re not ready to go. Most that have come to this blog have experienced similar issues. You are not alone and you are not misunderstood. Praying for you.
I was a caregiver for my mom who was in the beginning stages of dementia. My sister removed our mom from her home in October 2019 and said I couldn’t talk to or visit her. Last week, she evicted me from the home I have lived in my whole life and I couldn’t even take my mother’s cats with me. The pain my sister has inflicted on my mother and me is unbearable. She has truly broken me.
I’m with you. Look at this world today. Why hasn’t God raptured all of us who believe Jesus died for us?
I am so angry that as a Christian since the age of 10 that I have begged Christ to kill me and He has on 3 different surgery occasions only to bring me back. I have been the person that everyone says “That could only happen to you” and it’s never good. I’m 60 years old, have cancer that is so rare and incurable that only whores get it even though I was a virgin when I married, have had 4 heart attacks and quadruple bypass surgery that has gone very wrong, 1st heart attack at 29, just seems like God gets a really good laugh at making my life as miserable as can be and continues to keep me alive so I can give Him more amusement at my misery. I still believe in Him, believe that Jesus dies for my sins, but honestly, I don’t see the point of this life……It’s getting very hard to keep my faith and as far as loving God, I just don’t because of all the hurt He allowed to happen in my life.
Years ago, when I heard of someone committing suicide, I didn’t understand.
Today, I do understand. The pain, guilt, loneliness and anxiety are too much.
And please don’t tell me about God’s plan for me.
I’m with you. Look at this world today. Why hasn’t God raptured all of us who believe Jesus died for us?
Was there a due date for the rapture?! Seriously. I’m Catholic and we never discussed that.
I was always too scared to kill myself , now the tables have turned and I’m too terrified to stay alive .. life istoo painful , out of control , I’m all alone and frightened of what each day brings , ivemessed up bad and hurt to many people unintentionally , death will stop me hurting them more , and its stops my pain too.
I hear you. I am with you in those feelings.
I dont have words of comfort or encouragement; you are not alone in them…
I hate when so called “friends” tell you to pull up your big girl/boy panties and get on with it. Stop living in the past. It’s the pain from the most recent past that brings on debilitating depression.
I feel like I am dying inside. I don’t want to commit suicide but I want God to take me. I really feel I can’t go on… but yet I am forced to because God wont take me… why? Many will say He has a plan and so on…. but why, why here, why now, why my life, why me… I am a puddle… and something so simple as my husband trying to be the listener( How We Love book) would mean so much.. as in life and death to me and choose to not want to be a listener because he doesn’t feel that he could… why is God with me and yet I am so alone in him in my marriage….I dont want to go on…I dont see how I can go to work in 36 hours… i wont commit suicide but I wish God would kill me or make my husband leave me; I can be ok alone..
Sara, you have said exactly what so many people are feeling. When the pain is unbeatable, I don’t want to hear about God’s plan for me and the beautiful life I “might” have later. People say you won’t get rid of the pain but learn to live with it. I hate it when people say that the person/persons who have hurt you will experience karma someday down the road. God knows what’s best for you. Really? Sorry, but I’m tired of my faith being tested and “hoping” God will take away the pain.
How does that help the debilitating pain you are experiencing now.
Sara, don’t think that things would be better if you were alone. I have been alone my entire life and can tell you that being alone is the worst. From what you wrote it would seem that not everything is going well for you and your husband. God isn’t going to break up your marriage. God doesn’t do anything that is against His word. What God has joined let no man separate. God is about the sanctity of marriage. Two made into one flesh. As someone that God hasn’t graced with partner, I would say to try and work things out with your husband but don’t forget to keep God in the mix. God isn’t going to take your life either. I know as I have prayed for that for many years. Look at it like this. Why would God rescue you from the trials and tribulations that He has placed in your path. The Bible, God’s Word, says that we are going to have trials and tribulations in this life. This is the, supposedly, process that God uses to change us to be more like Jesus. God believes that our hardships make us better people, builds character, and makes us depend more on Him. So why would God rescue us from what He believes in good for us?
All that said, I can relate to what you are going through. I have felt, and do feel, like God isn’t there for me. Now I would bring up two things that you mentioned that I would personally say are blessings. First is your husband. You may be having problems now, but there had to be love involved at some point. God saw fit to bless you with a partner, that’s more than He does for everyone. Second you mentioned that you have a job. That is a two-fold blessing. You have a job, that is more than millions of people have. Unemployment is a huge problem, especially during this pandemic. You go to work, thus you must be healthy, not disabled like a lot of people. There are three blessing that you have from God. How many more blessings do you have, family, friends, a place to live, food to eat, water to drink, etc.
God, our loving Father in Heaven, though it be your will be done first, I pray that you help Sara in her distress, and show her how to fix her life for the better. I thank you for this, as it is only right to do. May you bless Sara even more, in Jesus name, Amen.
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I believe SSRIs and SNRIs are more harmful than helpful. I tried them all, and feel they have damaged my brain. The evidence I put forward, is from PSSD. I have lost all functionality since taking these meds. I have been off of them for a year. Nobody told me about the risk of PSSD. Meds may help many, but you need to explain they can cause you harm too. Imagine what PSSD does to help overcome one’s suicidal thoughts.
I’m so sorry to hear this. The mechanism of action of these drugs is still imperfectly understood. I still believe these drugs can be a game-changer in depression and sometimes life-saving, but for some people the side-effects are intolerable. I don’t think many doctors ask nearly enough questions about sexual function. Also, faced with it, I’m not sure the alternative is always very clear.
I should never have been born.
I’m sorry for posting this comment.
Daniel I had the same thoughts months ago and the only way I beat this by giving surrendering my life to Jesus and and now thoughts of death suicide etc. As a child severely beaten by my sister and this made me afraid of women and dating, now I met a beautiful Lady after 45 years of singleness, Im 55 and dont care about age difference etc and strongly believe in helping others overcome their pains. John 3;16 For God so Loved the World that he gave his only son, whom so ever believeth in me has eternal life. Now Psalm 121 changed my attitude from being hammered all my life to all of a sudden perfect peace that ripped the sadness away and now the fire is lit within me to get on with my life. Now a bit after Christmas my supposed best friend whom is a complete Jackass called the police on me for threatening his life and that almost was too much to bear and at the moment the police asked me did you threaten him and I politely said no, they believed me because I truly believe in one Triune God that saved me from a prison sentence, yes indeed after that I was distraught and begged God to take my life or vice versa. the point is the police looked at me and said you are a good man, but stay away from this moron for your sake of peace. Now I am in the process of Hammering this jerk back because I saved the evidence from this lie and believe in divine intervention. I will take his house and money by suing him for the misdeed and slander caused from his snake forked tongue jerk. Now at this moment God did take my bad thoughts away and now Im free of heavy yoke around my neck. I kept a calm attitude and it freed me from extreme broken heart. Ask Jesus to remove this pain and be sincere about it and I’m not afraid of letting you know the peace passeth all understanding and Jesus loves all who call on him when we are weak. Please dont give up and if it takes me praying for all hurting people in this feed, I will do so in Jesus name. God is real 100% and names I used to call myself Garbage, no good, no Lady likes me, etc. Now peace is in my heart and it spreads like a wildfire and consumes all the pain I carried till now. I still have some regrets, but freedom of my heart reigns now because of Jesus only.
Lord god I beseech thee to help Daniel in his pain and misery as I have felt.
Hear this prayer for Daniel and others whom my heart is heavy for and help him arrive at a point of beautiful peace which you offer everyone.
Heal his heart and mind to overcome the evil one and I command you Satin in Jesus name and the will of the Most holy Triune Father, wipe this dross from Daniels heart and I pray peace cometh to Daniel’s heart and mind. I believe this is done in Jesus name and for the other people the same peace that you inscribed on heart and mind.
God all the Glory given, release these bound hurting ones.
Amen.
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Hi Sarah,
Just thought I’d say Happy Easter to you and yours, and everyone else on this site. Easter is a time of renewal, a time to contemplate what God and Jesus did for us. Have a great day and God bless you, in Jesus name, Amen.
Kenneth G.
To me people who commit suicide must have extreme courage to even go it .My depression has never went to the point of I wanted to kill myself . My life took a down ward spin in therapy. My wife always hijacked these session to make it about her an how bad I was and the therapist would always start yelling at me even though it was not true or half truth.The final straw came when I accidentally rolled over in bed and touched my wife breast and the therapist said I sexually abused her, even though it was an accident. Then he said it, My wife would be better off if I was not around. I said you mean it be better for her if I was not here. His reply was yes. My first thought was the Dr .so he must be right, but my attitude was if this was true he or my wife had to kill me because I would not do it.
You saved my life today. I’ve been battling so hard so today I finally searched for ways to commit suicide this article came up. The Lord saved me today. I thank you and him for such a blessing.
First Time I ever Saw such a straightforward statement of fact. Loving Jesus or knowing him or seeking to love him, even standing in complete Grace in his righteousness given as a gift, and still wanting to die because of your circumstances, and because of your own weaknesses to effectively manage in the difficulties of life.
As briefly as I can State it, I have had going on 21 years of suffering. God has been faithful all through it yes, I have crossed boundary after boundary in knowing who he is, just as he says in his word, yes.
I understand the concepts of dying to self, crucifying the flesh, and the perseverance of keeping faith in God over long periods of time.
I also understand having no clue what God’s plans are other than that they are good. I understand the internal mental warfare of thoughts, one minute thinking of god, the next thinking of hanging by a tree in the backyard. It is so sad and despairing. Utterly confusing. Yes, it certainly seeks to drive you away from God. I keep saying though he slay me, yet I will trust him. My simple goal being that no matter how I die, I want God to know, to know I truly believe in him and no he is real.
Dear Lord God, I pray for every single person who commented here. I thank you Lord Jesus that each one who is born again, you paid completely for their salvation. They will never lose it because nothing, no power, not even ourselves, can snatch our souls out of your hands. Yesterday I was learning again how much your thoughts and ways are far above ours. But no one has the eyes or ears, or even the slightest comprehension of the future that God is creating for those who love him.
I can only say thank you Jesus. There truly is no righteousness in the flesh. No way that I can prove myself as worthy to you. Please God in Jesus name help us to accept and understand more fully who we are, and our true value, our true meaning and purpose, please, who we are in christ, in spiritual relationship with you through the Holy Spirit.
My greatest prayer of course is that you save us here in this world, that you deliver Us from all of our fears, that you heal us through whatever ways you wish to use. Wash away, wash away all sense committed that are real, whether they be of unbelief, laziness, getting into lots of various kinds, all of the thoughts Lord that our lies, even forgive us for somehow being deceived.
Oh God in the midst of all of the suffering, when you’re in the deepest cycle of suicidal despair, I do wonder what are you doing, why are you allowing this, for all the years, and the continuous prayers day in and day out.
Perhaps it is some comfort to know that Lazarus really contributed nothing to life that we are aware of. He was sick and physically ill, and he had to beg all his life to survive. But he had faith in you in some way shape or form. He believed in you and you had granted him salvation as a gift. And you took him to heaven and he was comforted. Not judged, not condemned, but loved, given Mercy, released from all pain and suffering.
I’m actually tearful even as I write this. I feel so trapped in my unemployment, actually becoming a masters in social work, with $70,000 in debt. And yet once again no matter how hard I try I can’t get a job in the field that I thought you called me to. I’ve had nine interviews, not one job offer. I’m 60 years old. You have provided for me everything that I need during all is 21 years that is everything to live. And I cannot offer enough Thanksgiving that I have not yet experienced the greatest thing I have feared which is homelessness.
So back to my prayer, for all other Christians suffering with this horrible affliction. You alone God have the answers God and how we cry out because we know that you do. I once again proclaim your promise, that after we have suffered a while, you yourself will lift us up and put us on a firm foundation. That we will count it all joy no matter how we feel, in all kinds of troubles and suffering, because our faith is being refined to be more valuable than even silver and gold to you.
Thank you Jesus for eternal salvation, for the gift of citizenship in your new government, your new country that includes human beings and God together. Thank you there is no condemnation to me. Thank you that you truly understand how sad we feel about wanting to serve better, or contribute more to your kingdom here on Earth. Dear Lord God, how we long for you to wipe away our tears, to truly be our strength and salvation, manifested through our weaknesses. Amen.
I suffer from Depression, and after a failed relationship of 8 years, it’s currently very bad for me…every day a struggle. I recently started praying that God will release me of this life, and let me die. I suffer from an eating disorder, and decided that this time i am not stopping and trying to be healthy again. I do not want to carry on anymore.
Sarah, your story sound like mine. My Life feels like a huge mistake. I am 32 and feel I have failed at life. I am not making a lot of money or getting anywhere career wise. I feel life is not worth living. I am constantly praying, reading scriture, and seeking help. Nothing seems to work. Everyday feels like groundhog day. I am constantly thinking suicide is the way out, but having a hard time doing it. I feel, shameful, tired, depressed, anxious, sleepy, hartpounding, loser.
Hi ,
Just wanted to say . Have a lot of anxiety , more,due to a situation I’m in…and persecution..
I tried evening primrose oil for my joints and my head started clearing and felt lighter and could focus more . But lower amount to start and fish oil. Not for everyone but helped me.
I love Jesus and know he loves me in spite of everything. So hard on this earth and people can be so unkind..
Couldn’t be without Jesus that’s for sure. ???
“ He spent some time in a psych ward, got on meds, and found support he’d never found in the church.”
Oh…so there is “another” way besides Jesus. Sounds like something else Jesus can’t heal and you need to seek a different oath then.
That’s been my true experience anyway.
Stop reading at this point.
New it was pointless looking to Jesus online for an answer first a change.
God heals through medicines ..he uses it as a medium for restoring and healing people..
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What total bullshit….
“I know this firsthand. No matter how many times I recited verses, asked for healing, and did all the other things I was supposed to do, I still had an illness. I wasn’t miraculously healed.”
I stopped reading after this. Then obviously Jesus isn’t who he says he is, and there is “another” way.
The author sadly forgot to include that suicide is a tool that God uses against his own creation. I guess Judas suffered from “mental illness….” and God must of got his writing’s wrong, including making sure one of his torture methods for a simple thief in poverty is torturing them alive so badly until they have to go hang themselves.
Suicide was so important as a method of torture for God, that he wrote about it just like Jesus, for it to be recorded and told about for all of time.
Jesus couldn’t even save his mentally ill friend, who was desperately poor, and wanted some money to be like others in Rome, when Jesus knew ahead of time what his alleged friend was going to do, but had no problem sending talking donkeys to others, but not his mentally ill friend who Jesus knew would struggle with suicide?
It’s amazing how much people will justify and say things that are simply not true.
My personal experience is that Jesus doesn’t make it better, but worse for people like myself, with constant false promises of a better tomorrow, with no real relief.
“During those days people will seek death but will not find it; they will long to die, but death will elude them.”
Suicide is a common tool in God’s tool box to control, terrify, and torture his subjects and accomplish his will.
Judas was recorded just like Jesus for all history….if you aren’t willing to die a miserable death for God, then he can torture you and force you to hang yourself rather than give you free will and never to be created to begin with. If you aren’t willing to live and die for Jesus in some horrific way like beheadings, torture, crucified, etc… then you should be made mentally ill and tortured to the point of having to go hang yourself…and that is what is actually written.
Nice fluff article from someone that has never really walked the walk to the extent the bible writes about, and seeking true respite from it all. Glad they found another way besides God, especially in a secular world that Babylon is in charge of with the DSM.
I stopped reading after the author pointed out that there is another way besides Jesus, and that suicide is too big for Jesus too….That’s been my real experience anyway.
I was forced to seek Jesus for help, and my personal experience is that all I found out is that I am not allowed true free will (I am here), and forced to be here against my own will, even at the expense of being tortured alive for a decade for or by Christ, who really knows which one it is anymore, and who really cares.
My personal experience is that suicide is too big for Jesus, and it’s not something he would understand because he never walked in those shoes. The author said so themselves that there is another way.
My experience is you will be bait and switched to be made a slave, with promises of it being better tomorrow, just like all other slave owners….as long as you get your slave work done first, and talk about how great the masta’ is first, then maybe he will heal you another day…always hope, never delivering has been my real experience. I have never personally met a single person that struggles with suicide deeply, and that Jesus ever healed. In fact, there are 14 suicide attempts between my mother, brother, and myself, and I haven’t had an attempt in 10 years. Never seen Jesus heal anyone, even when asked.
Also never seen Jesus save a single person I knew struggling with suicide. I would tell you to ask them, but they are all dead. The only other person I know just told you the truth, and the other two (my mother and brother) would never be honest about it anyway. I have personally found that The Lord just makes it worse….not better. At least that has been my personal experience.
Actions – truth.
I desperately wish I wasn’t here, been begging Jesus for ten years for help…all he did was terrorize me, force me to be alive against my own will, and gas light me beyond anything you can imagine about all of it, with promises that it will be better “another” day, and apparently a lot of false hope. I wish I was dead from all the false hope alone, and that’s not even getting into the suicide stuff. My experience is that is a lie…he won’t heal someone struggling that badly with it.
My real experience is that he will make it worse, and only force you to be alive against your will, while terrorizing you, torturing you, and gas lighting you about all of it.
But my guess is, the author won’t like or accept honesty either, and will gloat in a sufferers face instead.
Just like Jesus.
For the record, before anyone hits panic buttons and tries to speak politically correct, I am not going to hurt myself and have no current plans. That’s all anyone cares about anyway…not actual relief or discussing what is real. Just for you and your problems to go away quietly, and don’t discuss what is real.
Oh yea…according to the author then…I guess Jesus needed a poor person to show his wrath off with and hate on like he did Judas, instead of one of the high priest or someone else with fame, money, or notoriety in the community. He took a disabled man suffering from mental illness (according to the author), in poverty, to get his funk wrath out on, instead of the people he stood in front of and made fun of like the high priest of the time. He didn’t even take one of his own lambs of the law to do it with, but a poor man…and he claims he cares so much about justice and poverty…LOL…except when he needs someone to torture and abuse, then its a poor and desperate man. Cute.
Hi michael I know how u feel, I really do, im at war with this thinking though because all I have left is God. Im sorry this is how ur feeling in life I truly am. I hope that in time things can work together for good in ur life, I know how hard it is. But I dont think God has forgotten about you. Just as your brothers and sisters in christ havent. I think that you are still here shows true strength. And I am proud of u! If u need to talk my email is tygreezytlb@Gmail.com, im just a lowly sinner as urself, struggling, and I hope I can offer some sort of hope. Hope is so important for these times. Hang on to what little u have and remember. No matter how it feels, no matter what u have been through and no matter how much we curse God and despise him he is still waiting with open arms for us, like a father for his son. I feel very similar to how u feel. And maybe as time goes on I wont change my mind but I really really want to be proved wrong by God.
Very good article and perspective. I am here again wanting to end my life and I have been very close to the Lord and in some ways still am. But I still feel like God abandon my heart, soul and mind but of course not my Spirit. Im suffering severe depression and on top of it a bad divorce from a Bipolar wife that went off the deep end again. I tried to reach her again and she just ran away again. I have been going thru the life of Hosea for the last 25 years with her so I am broken in many different ways now. I do take valium right now and it is a Godsend to me. Still I do not want to live anymore at all. I am done here. There really doesn’t seem to be much help anymore and I am at a loss why God just sits there and does nothing. I have been in this now constantly for 4 years straight this time. Ay longer than I have ever been thru this and I have grown very weary. I don’t know what to do anymore.
Deuteronomy 30:19-20 – “Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might live! You can make this choice by loving the Lord your God, obeying him, and committing yourself firmly to him. This is the key to your life.”
Watch life church in youtube , dont let the evil thought control our mind. God bless you guys.. love from Indonesia
Sarah, I feel like you crawled into my heart and mind and spoke the words I’ve been looking for for so long for me. I won’t bother with details but I was once successful and happy, with a family and career. I’ve been reduced to what I feel is like the used up part of a candle. I have no more wick to burn. I long to be with Jesus. I love him the same as I always have. My faith is rarely shaken through it all yet I cannot make sense of life and I feel like a burden and utterly worthless. I’m exhausted of gratitude lists and trying to be thankful for sunny days. The fog in my soul has crippled me for so long now I question if who I used to be was even real. The therapists and medication have made but just a small dent in the pain. I cannot understand why I’m left with no purpose. So much so that I often ask God to take me so my healthy organs can be harvested for someone who can give the world so much more. Thank you for this. I stumbled across it by accident. Insomnia makes you feel like you are losing it as much as any of the rest of it. I will continue to push forward but it’s so much work just to continue to exist. God bless you all who are struggling. One day I pray we all get our answers.
Wow you described what im feeling almost to a tee. What I have found is no one is going to have an answer for us but they will try as they may. People confuse losing their faith which is in Jesus and not in our circumstances. I have never lost my faith. I have only lost my will to live and would prefer now to be home with the Lord.
Exactly, Amen.
Who the hell is Jesus?
Jesus is the Son of God, Jesus is the only way into Heaven, Jesus is our Savior. Sent by God to die for our sins. I don’t care if you like this answer or not. I don’t care what you believe or don’t believe in. On the day of Judgment every knee shall bend down in God’s presence. Disbelief is irrelevant. Ignorance is not justification/excuse. Everyone will bow in worship, or fear, to God Almighty.
One can want to get out of this evil world, and not be depressed. It is simply logic, as the bible says the devil controls this world and we will suffer her, but in heaven it will be paradise…who in their right mind would want to stay here in this evil, disgraceful world if they do not have to? I did not ask to be here as far as I know. The bible says God is love and full of compassion and mercy… mercy and compassion would not force your children to be tortured and suffering if you ask me.
More and more as each day comes and goes, the tired cliches and the half hearted platitudes that get numbingly repeated all become less meaningful. Couple that with an almost extinct hope and purpose for my future as it pertains to my immediate family, I’m finding it extremely difficult to not see how my passing would be better for all parties concerned. A man unwanted, unneeded, undesired, unbeneficial, is a man with no motivation, no purpose, and is unworthy and is just taking up pointless space. Just waste. To continue to find fault with this belief and fool myself into believing otherwise is my daily struggle that I’m increasingly becoming very exhausted from.
I wish I didn’t understand what you are saying but I do. I see so much sadness and sorrow coupled with my own that this world doesn’t even seem to be a place I want to be in at all anymore. I do feel useless and for the most part I am useless. Where is God in all this pain, misery suffering and sorrow has been my question for a long time. I almost came real close recently through a chain of events to saying goodbye to this world and God did miraculously provided a way out. Great Lord now what. Why am I here is my biggest question and I still hope and pray God someday answers this prayer for both of us and many more. You are not alone in this brother.
Hi Jason
Two years on and I hope life has been kinder to you,and you are in a better place.
Soul destroying loneliness is a real thing for me too.I crave the companionship and affection of another(not just sex),and that’s why I personally could never commit to celibacy.
I hope life is better for you .
The problem is, there is lots of help out there, but for simplistic issues. Anything that is complicated their doesnt seem to be much hope for. I have been calling out to the Lord and things just keep getting worse. I love him but why is he doing this to me? He asks of me things I cant do, and yet he has done these things himself for others, its not like im asking for something amazing, just for him to take the direction out of my hands a little. I go to church but cant fully open up, because my past is dark, but make it known I am broken, and need healing and help. I am pretty much in despair. And we hear so many great things God does, but ive realised more and more that he doesnt always some people seem to live tragic lives, for no real apparent reason, I dont feel favoured by God at all at this point. I dont understand it either. Im holding on to the little tiny bit of faith i have left.
Josh, I understand as much as I possibly can. I have a recent “dark past” as well. Without giving all the details I’ll just say I was accused of something I did not do and I trusted it would work out and it did not. I lost everything. I still believed. I’m still looking for whatever message I’m supposed to learn and I’m asking for direction and simply a reveal to do whatever I need to do. I’ve asked to be used for whatever I should be used for and that I’m ok with it and I’m ready to go to heaven but I only ask for peace. I don’t know why things happen the way they do. I’ve spent countless hours watching testimony and sermons from people who I feel like had prayers almost immediately answered for much less. I know I could never know or compare my situation to the next but I have these days where I feel so far away from God. Like he’s never even listening. I do know that you don’t need much faith. Hang onto what you have left for now and try to trust it will be fully restored. Know that there are people like us who will love you and not even know you out there and since we were created by God in his image he must love us too. The fact you are seeking answers alone speaks to your heart in a world that’s so evil. Take care of yourself and hang in there.
Benjamin Franklin said God helps those who help themselves. In your case as in mine, that means seeking out treatment. I suggest you make an appointment with a therapist. They do have Christian therapists so you may want to look into that. Please don’t wait too long because it’ll only get worse.
“In your case as in mine, that means seeking out treatment.”
No offense, but how do you know what kind of “help” this presumable stranger needs? And how do you know that they haven’t already “sought out treatment”? Perhaps they have tried “treatment” on multiple occasions, or continuously for years upon years, and have never received any benefit from it. Countless people try “treatment” and find it entirely useless, or even detrimental. Then when they speak about their experiences, instead of it being commonly acknowledged that not everything works for everyone, or that they may in fact have been unfortunate enough to have repeatedly been treated with the wrong drugs or psychotherapy methods, or to have repeatedly been treated by incompatible or incompetent professionals, so many people blame them for “not doing their part” or “not wanting to get better.”
I mean, I think you mean well, but I am sick of this attitude.
Phew. I’m more depressed reading about so many others depression. I think I will just live my life without hurting others. Putting my trust and faith in Jesus to honor His words and promises to me. In the mean time. Does anyone know if your body will completely explode from all the pain. Sometimes I hurt so bad I feel like that is possible. But not before I go totally insane.
I have felt like I was going to have a literal heart attack and at my age its a very real possibility. If I do I will not go to the hospital. I will leave it in Gods hands at that point. I was in a marriage to a person with BPD/Bipolar for over 25 years and have ptsd from it. Now I have to watch my grown adult children suffer because of it and there lives are a mess so it just doesn’t seem like it will ever end for me. My ex wife is so sick now and has Cirrhosis of the liver that she herself isn’t too long for this world and she is also very suicidal and has been for many years due to her mental illness.
I Would like everything to be good right now my girlfriend Kimberly I would like her no longer sick she has a very bad illness and I would like the doctors to take it away right now and for her to respond to my Hotmail message I sent her and Duo message I sent her and for her to respond to my email messages I sent her and for her to come onto messaging.
Me? I walked into a church 10 years ago alone and I got on my knees and broke down in the sanctuary. I begged God to take me out of the situation I was in. I was a junior in high school miserably failing and surrounded by bad people and bad adults and coaches who didn’t watch out for our well being. And I had a saint of a girlfriend that broke apart. The night I was in the church crying I had got done walking 4 miles from my football coach who told me to go away when I asked him for help. So I walked to the church and when I walked out of the church I got a call immediately from a friend when we were younger asking if I want to join them drinking that night. We met up and I ended up in the hospital. A brain tumor, I had become possessed and started breaking everything in the house I was in. I hadn’t seen these people in years and this is how we reunited. I then had a seizure and collapsed and they thought I was dead. The emt came and rushed me to the hospital where I had brain surgery. This all happened the same night I got done in the church. 3 weeks later I woke up and my girlfriend was sitting in the room. We hadn’t talked in a couple of months. But she was there, due to my actions I drove her away over the next year and a half. We loved each other and she told me that she always would but she couldn’t commit to me. I have always wanted to go. She was the blessing in my life and I ruined that blessing. I feel like I am being punished everyday for it. Growing up I encountered almost dying many times. It leaves me with a sense that I am supposed to die but God keeps saving me to punish me. What for I don’t understand. I am totally gone as a human being I have lost all compassion for everyone and have withdrawn from the world. I have no family, no friends and everybody keeps a 50 ft distance from me. I don’t do anything but go about my life of getting high to forget everything. I know I will never know love again and I am only 25. This is not how I pictured life when I was 16 and frankly now I have a choice if I stop taking my medicine for a month I will surely die having a seizure. If anything was meant to be I feel like this is it. The Bible says that people are cursed with cancer due to their relatives and I can attest to this because my father absolutely hates God. He curses him at the steering wheel. I don’t hate God I know he is real and what our duty is but I am tired of being exhausted feeling like a loser and having nobody to love. Most of all the thought of not being able to fix the relationship with the only person who ever truly loved me destroys my heart. It drains me of all my energy and makes me want to die. I don’t know how I will ever live a life like this because I am at the seams already. The only reason I haven’t stopped my meds is because I need to get to the coffee shop to get coffee and that requires driving and I don’t want to hurt anyone because I have a seizure while driving. Which has already happened during my first ever seizure and God saved me by literally taking the wheel and guiding me off the road. I have nothing to live for and God keeps me here. At this point i don’t even care about heaven or hell just erase me. I’m so over it all. The world our society the truth of it all I’m just done with it. And I have plenty of faith. Faith that God is going to keep punishing me for whatever it is that I’ve done to piss him off. What did I do to deserve cancer at 17 years old? Why do I have to go to hell if don’t want to be here kindly? I am also to the point where I don’t think God actually loves us very much. I think he pleasures in watching us struggle and go to hell and he is like a typical human being who wants to play a game of popularity with everyone for the sake of his own enjoyment. This is how I have come to feel. This is why I want to die and end my life and frankly it doesn’t even bother me. If I was truly poor I would have been gone long ago but the food in this city is too good. But that’s a sin correct, enjoying too much food. You just can’t win.
Frank Maritano, I share your pain. I know what it is to be abandoned by God. I had an abusive father who beat my mother and us and this led to me attracting abusive people in my life . Which loving father would hate his children but I do feel that God the father hates human beings and did not create us out of love, otherwise why would he create a life of only suffering. I believe that God the father is incapable of love but is a dictatorial narcissistic tyrant who only wants glory . Like you I have never experienced love . I do not believe that taking care of a persons material needs alone is love. Love needs to be shown. What kind of God would give an innocent child abusive parents
I am Cheyenne, a 19-year old and I have tried to take my life many times before so I understand what these emotions are like
Great article, and a huge number of really powerful and courageous responses to it. I am a Christian, and a family doctor, so I see a lot of people with depression, chronic pain, chronic fatigue, insomnia, anorexia and the like. I am not specially qualified to offer counselling, or to deal with more severe mental illness, but I have often known my patients as people longer than have the specialists looking after them. I would recognise depression and its other manifestations as the illness that they are, and treat or refer accordingly, but I know how inadequate this response seems most of the time. I would try to engage with the person behind the illness, as the lovely woman in your article did when she invited a suicidal person to go blackberrying with her, and reassure them that, however abandoned they feel, there are people that love them If the conversation turns to God, and only then, I would say that, yes, there is a God that loves them too, enough to die for, and who has a plan for them.
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This article…. What a total load of horseshit
Has your symptoms been like your brain is experiencing an electric ring and your legs like razors edges on each nerve, or have had a slow moving kind of catatonic state in which you could not accelerate? Have you experienced dramatic personality changes of which you fear you may not return? Have you repeated cursing and blaspheme, such bitterness, where once there was bliss and such love for God that the intensity was so much for such a time that you had to ask it be lessened, but begged it not be taken away, and yet it has been, breaking the heart and all trust toward Him. Have you searched every reason, for God’s sake and His name you love, to answer for His abandonment in hope. Have you had ideations year upon year, sickly dread, waking with loathing and shaking morning after morning on and on, and one special night experienced a compulsion to suicide that was against your will so that you pleaded NO! Have many betrayed your innocence? Has friends and family and housemates knowingly tortured you without mercy, for which you groveled? Have you been tempted to other gods and the satan? Have you mourned such great losses and multiple repetitious suffering as these? The list continues on and on, relentlessly and excruciatingly painful.
Yes to all these and more. Im still begging God to take my life. This life is pure hell.
Im with ya, brother.
Jesus sucks.
I’m a Pentecostal pastor, have been since 1979. I thought I was was stronger than I am, but I’m not. My faith fails me on a regular basis. I try to remember even ONE prayer God has answered me, but there isn’t even one. I have been through 10 EXCEEDINGLY PAINFUL SPINAL FUSION SURGERIES IN THE PAST 8 YEARS. Two weeks ago I received the worst possible news…two of the fusion screws and two of the fusion rods (from August, 2020) were broken, and I also have a fractured pelvis, which causes me to walk at a 45-degree forward painful angle. I just can’t go through this again. I would rather die than go through this surgery and recovery again. But God hasn’t answered even one on my pre-surgery prayers (the situation only got worse after each one). And there is no reason to believe that God has changed at all this time. I want to die. I’m ready to die. I have very ample means to accomplish this suicide. The only thing holding me back is the fear of God…my own fear that taking my own life is murder, which would send me to hell. This thought is totally unacceptable to me, but, SO is the thought of going through the 11th spinal fusion surgery.
I don’t know what I’ll do. Time is drawing short. I only have 3 weeks to make my decision. My wife is just totally burned out with me and says to me, “whatever you’re going to do, just do.” Such a loving, compassionate thing to say, huh? I’m so lonely. Even God has forsaken me. Good friends respond as though they don’t believe I have it in me to take my own life. I guess they’ll be the most surprised of all.
Thanks for listening. There aren’t many “listeners” left out there. Soon it won’t matter.
You would choose hell for eternity over a short time of suffering? Maybe you need to get out of the church and false beliefs it has and focus on Jesus and the Bible. Ive been part of the Pentecostal church and the Holy spirit (the real one) exposed all the darkness within the Pentecostal movement. Come out from them and be clean and the Lord will receive you and He will comfort you. You seem to believe you can earn your salvation and its conditional. If you believe you are saved by the blood of the lamb and have received Him then that can’t be taken from you. Ending your life is wrong but it isn’t the unforgivable sin. I want to end my life much of the time because I suffer a lot of pain also but so far the Lord has sustained me although I wish He wouldn’t. I feel at times I have an unfair advantage in that I know where I am going (heaven) no matter how I get there. I want to die because I want to be with the Lord. I want God to explain to me why did I have to go through all the hell this world has to offer because much of what I have been through seems senseless and its just heartbreaking. At times I feel I am forsaken but I know the truth is He will never leave or forsake me. I also understand that feelings lie to you and they are not truth. I do hope and pray you find peace in the Lord and I also need that much of the time. I hope and pray God shows us the purpose in all our suffering because thats what gets to me the most.
That’s your opinion and your beliefs. Suicide is part of an illness. Being chronically ill and in pain changes a person’s brain. Physically and literally changes it. It is not a sin as people used to think. We’re better educated now. There are therapists and psychiatrists for people dealing with chronic pain. Try to help people like Ed and me. Don’t BS us with false and outdated beliefs.
I’m sorry Ed for the physical agony you must be enduring.I can’t even begin to imagine how unbearable the pain must be.
I feel for you and your frustration at unanswered prayers.This has been a huge challenge in my faith-as the bible seems to promise the fulfilling of righteous prayers asked in faith.Realising that the bible isnt infallible and doesn’t answer all the mystery of God is a starting point.
We all struggle with the problem of evil-why God allows so much unjust suffering,doesn’t answer prayers,and no theologian can really answer this.
I would encourage you to fight on and persevere.However,if you did take your life because the pain was intolerable, you wouldn’t go to hell,of that I’m certain.
Jesus tells us that those he has saved he will not let go,that those sealed by the Holy Spirit have eternal security,and will not lose their salvation.God is holding you in his hands,he will NEVER let you go.
Prayers and blessing to you Ed in Jesus name
I know this won’t help . If you are chronically ill with what ever it might be . People that are well and have been all their life . Save something like the flu for a couple weeks . They just can’t grasp that you want the misery to end . They are not bad people they depending on how they look at it are somewhere between dumb and stupid .
I hear you and totally understand.
If I had the guts, I’d be GONE !
Why does God want us to suffer so much ???
I am sorry you are suffering. I don’t claim to know exactly how you feel, but we are suffering together.
Spinal fusion at the L5S1 without the ability to sit, continual pain in the joints from always having to stand to the best of my ability, numbness in the extremities, or to lay almost curled in a ball on my side… I am not going through the exact same thing, but some aspects are similar. Mine was a birthday present of sorts, a school bus hit me on my birthday back in 2014.
I feel your bitterness. It’s familiar, and known to me.
I want you to know your post was read; It made a difference.
I want you to still be around, to know your suffering helped me stay alive this day. Reassurance that I do not suffer this alone. Perhaps it is selfish of me… I do thank you for staying strong for as long as you have. Jesus does love you. Words from another are perhaps easy to brush off because I do not know you. You will have my thanks, none the less.
Being very Cursed by God with singleness doesn’t really help at all either, especially for many of us single guys that never wanted to be.
I was married for 25 years to a Bipolar/Borderline woman. Now I want to die because I have PTSD from hell most people can’t imagine. I know its hard for you to see this right now but being single is a great blessing in this world today. However be careful of what you pray for because you may receive it.
I’m scared, I’m alone, he left me for someone else, I have no one. I’ve been so sad for 8 mos. I cry throughout the day and cry my self to sleep. My thoughts tell me to just give up. My heart hurts. I’ll be alone for Thanksgiving. I want to die
I’m also alone this holiday season, the courts took away fatherhood, protected the mom even though I never technically lost any parental rights. None where ever upheld either, I now have a grandchild I never met and have no idea what she even looks like, all this after my sons mom poisioned his mind against me. I wouldn’t come back 20 years later and let her do it to me and another child by having another kid with her again, so I guess this was her revenge who cares if I saved her life when she cut her self with a chainsaw because she was too drunk to mess with one, I had to beg ems to rescue her the whole time my father in my head hearing his voice tell me “idiot you could be done with her after all she’s done let her die” I thought no it’s my kids mom he needs her, I then stayed friends with her and spoke to her about god until she found sobriety the first time in 40 years I’ve known her Idk where my son and gkid are anymore or her I met one women who truly seemed to love me Insurance sent her home to die from a preexisting condition about 3 yrs later every other relationships been abusive from the female side or they just abandoned me when it was no longer convenient usually after sacrificing everything financially for their benefit with promises even from psychologist if I did they would later be the women they promised in the mean time raping abusing and belittling me to the point of even saying I can’t respect you because your too nice to me, to things too abusive and shameful to repeat here I’m close to 50 now and I have no hope of starting over or things working out I’m disabled by a Federal employee driver otw to work hitting my vehicle head on (100 their fault) my back has been broken since 26 my skull was crushed arm and leg shattered ribs shoved thru my lung if there is some Devine reward I surely missed it in this life I want to believe God cares but how can I ? I’m afraid as the days get darker and the outlook ever Bleeker I won’t be able to stay cowardly enough to not just end it all I almost died from just simply giving up on life and was talked out of it by family and friends with the same old platitudes we always tell one another They tell men reach out but I’ve received more ridiculer and silence for that than anything no one really cares I’ve even gotten brave enough to speak out on social and even though over 1k people love my meme posts not one touched that post, not one single person out of 5k at least the bravery of the folks in the comment sections in the last 2 articles was enough to help me talk about it and feel some relief for now God be with you all and my hopes and prayers as well We made it this far may as well carry on till the bitter end won’t be long now
Every one has problems. Some greater than others. Most of them seem unfixable. Then there is the adsent God. I am not
Saying you have to abandon God but you also have to be realistic. Some suffering never ends. However we have a duty
To reach some higher ground. Where the water won’t drown us. We we feel more secure there. We don’t have to climb higher for that would bring greater dangers perhaps. Once you arrive at safe ground you should be careful of your actions and to who you interact with. If God is not responding then so be it. Get your self to higher secure place anyway. It want be glamorous or even feel that you are out of it. This will give time to reflect. To be true to you.
You deserve this much. Time to heal, to look after yourself. Time pushes forward anyway. Let the past be just that. The past. Stay on this secure ground. Ask your self. Do I really need to leave?
No, we don’t have a “duty”. Bye.
god dosent exist
God does exist. He epitomizes existence your nothing else would exist.
How ironic you say God doesn’t exist and you call yourself God if that isn’t both the ultimate contradiction and the ultimate irony I don’t know what is
I wake up every morning to say thank you Lord Mutaba for bringing back my partner who left for me 3 years. If you need his help here’s his contact. Email: greatmutaba @ gmail. com
God is very evil and rotten altogether for letting these low life loser Democrats trying to destroy America and take over completely altogether, especially when they’re doing the very complete opposite of what Trump did. Even though Trump wasn’t like by many people, but he would’ve never ever let what is happening now by Biden and his administration destroying our America so very rapidly now. If God is so powerful like they say, then why is he letting this happen? We need a real God to stop this madness today before it gets much worse.
I understand why you are bitter towards God and I have been that way at times also so I will not judge you. I think God has had enough of America and His children turning their backs on Him here so He is finally judging America. I expected this 20 years ago so God has had great mercy on us. He has handed over this nation to the devil and his children because Gods children have failed to repent and strayed to far from Him and I am guilty also of doing this. Am I happy God is finally judging America? Not really because I am still stuck here when I longed and begged God to take me home. All I can say at this point is may God have mercy on those of us that are His children here and give us the strength to endure the hell this nation has become and will only grow worse. I would prefer to die and be gone from this place if you want the truth.
God has no power on earth at the moment, he gave authority of earth to the fallen. I do know that, which explains why things are the way they are. As far as why, well that is a mystery to me.
Understand one thing, do not count on a party or a person to represent God on earth, none are worthy…..Trump is not a moral man.
God has nothing to do with politics. God doesn’t care if you are Democrat or Republican. Stop putting God into politics and vice versa.
God bless you, in Jesus holy name, Amen.
Man is evil… not God. To see some type of sovereignty in Trump or Biden is human error and shows la know understanding. Politics only divides us… and the government knows this. If they keep us divided, they maintain control. And God remains bigger than all of it and let’s us live in our free will.
folks can talk all about how chronic illness can teach you or help you understand or bring you closer to God .. if it does for you cool ….
I submit this . You get beaten enough or raped , mistreated . After a time it’s just human nature to not like that guy that inflicts pain upon you ( acts of god . Illness created and distributed by God . ) It’s just common sense . Why would you want to go around your dad if he hit you in the mouth every time you see him. If … If God is using chronic illness to try to teach or get love or for you to get closer to Him …. I would suggest He goes back and rewrites or rereads lessons on basic human behavior . When you get Tortured . Most ofter you don’t like the guy doing it and you damn sure don’t want him spending the night with you in your house
If it’s such a great idea….why can’t I do it? Pain….I’m chicken shit because everytime I get to that point slitting my wrist it starts to hurt or sting tooo much. Also, my dealers started ignoring me and started calling me and my family snitches and shit. I literally hate society and can’t stand how it works. If your not genetically queened into your perfect partner your doomed to mental hell with some family members you can’t take care of. I don’t want to say life isn’t fair because that’s obvious but I really don’t want to type what I really feel because if there is heaven God for sure would’ve let my ass in but life is starting to feel like hell…so I guess it wouldn’t matter.
Wouldn’t let me in…I meant
Life is hard… and according to the Bible will get harder. Seek your peace m God only. Find your beauty and joy in this side of eternity. I know it sounds cliche but it’s really not. I intentionally look for His fingerprint daily, despite my loneliness. Be well.
I am having a truly difficult time. I am a pastor so I do not feel like I have anyone to go to out of fear of losing my job. A pastor can’t have a struggling marriage right? I come home and do not feel like I’m loved or wanted in my own home, but who can I tell. So I just sit in depression thinking about how to make the hurt go away……..
Nes. I came to this article seeking “answers for Christians who want to die” .I have tried to find a direct answer ,as to wether Christians who commit suicide wake up in Hell or not. Ive been surching for that answer for years as i have been suffering for years. Ive thought about reaching out to any one of my many pastor friends ,but if they don’t “get it” then I would only expect pat Christian answers .What REALLY blew me away is the COUNTLESS responses to this article ! I scrolled and scrolled and still have not come to the end! I landed on yours while scrolling. Perhaps we could help each other ?
Lonely amd neglectful relationships are horrible!! Stay prayed up, faithful, and seek Joy in the Lord. He will give you peace and show you what you need to see/do.
Would love to chat. My thoughts exactly! Thank you for this post!
As Someone that suffers and battle depression all the time, especially from pmdd and at that time becomes worst sometimes it feels like control is being lost and can act impulsively because is too much to deal with.
If someone took their life in the middle of a depression crisis is that person able to enter God’s kingdom or will be sent to hell?
Suicide and sadness are frequent among today’s adolescents. This is why Christian motivational podcasts for young people are so crucial in combating the negative impacts of social media’s dark side. Thank you for publishing things like this for my girls to read and learn from. Sermons on relationships from your channel and Keion Henderson, https://www.keionhenderson.com/sermons-on-relationships/, have been tremendously beneficial in developing and molding these young ladies into wonderful Christian ladies.
I’ve read everything above and my children have grown into a man and a young woman and I’ve been hurt more than you’ll ever know with relationships and it’s made me feel worthless and unworthy to be loved like my life is just over with. Nobody understands how I feel. I’d do anything to be in love and happily married but again. I really believe I’m too far gone. If I do this please Father God forgive me and protect my family and kids. I love you Luke & Abby & Mom & Daddy forever ♾ ,
T.J.
Please forgive me Lord Jesus, forever and ever, Amen
I went through a very long period of Depression in my twenties. I was diagnosed with Bipolar. It was hell on earth. There were even supernatural elements that I believe were from the devil. It was very hard to fight because I didn’t know what to believe and what not to believe. Do I believe my dreams, my strange sensations, my gloomy feelings. When depression would hit me, I wouldn’t know if I would survive it. One day, I couldn’t take it anymore. I had struggled with it for well over 10 years. At the age of 36, I jumped out of a window. I ended up breaking 3 places in my back. I should have died. While I was recovering at my mom’s house, I felt like doing it again. I was beside myself. I couldn’t believe it. This time, however, I knew it wasn’t me. I ran downstairs to get away from any possibility of doing it again. When I got to the bottom step, the Lord spoke to me. He said “The devil has surely tried to take your life. You cannot do this alone. I must live this in you.” And that’s when it stopped. I still had a couple short bouts of depression every year. But trusting in Christ, I just stuck it out like a very bad migraine, knowing that it would come to an end. What I learned was that no matter how bad I felt, no matter what dreams I had, what sensations affected me, no matter how gloomy I felt, NEVER give in to those experiences. NEVER follow the devil’s urges or feelings to hurt myself. I learned over time Galatians 5:16-17 But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh. For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please. At times, it could get so bad that I felt like I needed to let someone else know. I did not. I think that was stupid, but I didn’t want to worry my mom or family members. Now, I am in my 50’s. I learned to trust in God’s word to live my life. I learned to study my Bible daily and pray daily. And claim that what God said about me is true. I still hear voices and have to ignore them and filter them through God’s word. Like if my thought does not line up with Scripture, I toss it out with the help of the Holy Spirit. I am also learning that God does not condemn us. So when I hear thoughts that try to brutalize me, I don’t listen. I am not opposed to medicine in any way. I believe in it and I likely would have benefitted from it if I had continued taking it in my 20’s, but I would take it and either get crazier symptoms or it just didn’t seem to work. But God has blessed me so much that I just live my life now. And I am truly thankful for all He has done for me. He has taught my hands to war spiritually and practically (which can include medicine).
I pray my family and I can experience the same peace in God you seem to have found, even without medication.
I CAN RELATE!
BACK IN 2008 I WAS RAPED BY MY GRANDCHILDREN’S FATHER.
I ATTEMPTED SUICIDE BY SWALLOWING 8oz of ANTIFREEZE. I QUICKLY REPENTED AND PROMISED GOD I WOULD NEVER DO THAT EVER AGAIN. NOW IM A SELF PROCLAIMED JESUS FREAK AND PROUD OF IT!
Im almost 60 now and my life has been pure hell for over 5 long and miserable years now and things are just getting worse, not better. I am hanging on by a thin thread now. It does feel like God has abandon me and He just doesn’t hear me or flat out doesn’t care about my suffering. I life in the darkness and my world just gets uglier by the day. When I pray and cry to God I get attacked by the devil and his puppets and tormented. Its very much supernatural and perfect timing when this happens. Its also very demonic. The bible is right about your family hating you and turning on you in the last days. I am now alone and perplexed. My own family came at me when I did nothing wrong nor did I do anything to upset them recently. My own son is suicidal now also because he destroys his life with drugs and alcohol just like his mother did. My life is only filed with bad and evil now. No one has ananswer except stock answers from the bible that don’t mean anything to me anymore. I am very well educated in the bible and walked strong with the Lord so save me the cliches. I think I have finally had it. I stand alone in this world without Gods help and mercy and I have all of hell against me. I have no freinds for they have all turned theri backs on me. I also lost my career because God took it away from me. God seems to like to crush me like a bug now. I flat out want to die. Thats the only thing now that gives me peace.
I’m in a very similar situation, so I know how you feel. It’s definitely uncomfortable and totally unfair.. I’m hyper sensitive to EVIL SPIRITS. I current live with 3 of them. I stay in my bedroom all day to avoid their ugly spirit so I can maintain my Peace.
I immerse my self in watching or listening to the bible. There’s lots of cool things about God on YouTube.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE whatever you do DON’T LET Satan win. God does love you, he will never leave or foresake you. Remember GOD is working for you behind the scenes, we MUST be patient, strong and keep the faith. God is in control. He has a WONDERFUL Plan for you!
REBUKE THE DEVIL!
I live this battle nearly every day. I too thought that being saved should fill me with life and joy. Perhaps it did for a couple of years when I was a brand new Christian. I am now 60, in a loveless marriage, feeling intensely lonely and ashamed, believing I am only a burden, and wishing I had never been born. No, I have no plans to end my life, but I do wish it would just end. I think what keeps me going is my faith. I know this life is temporary and the thought of spending eternity feeling even worse than this is horrifying. I too experience times of fear that because I am not living life to the fullest that God too will ultimately reject me. I feel trapped in this body. I wish I could simply will myself into inexpressible joy and gratitude. My shame would never allow that. It is like I would be a complete hypocrite if I were to somehow like myself. Where does this come from? Why does liking myself seem to be so wrong? Why do I instantly correct myself any time I catch myself laughing? It seems like I am self determined to feel miserable and it makes no sense. I know the gospel. The Son did not come into the world to condemn the world but that the world might be saved through Him. Yet, I condemn myself. I condemn myself for wanting to be loved. I condemn myself for making foolish decisions. I condemn myself for sexual desire and occasional masturbation. The Apostle Paul stated “who can rescue me from this dead body…. Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!” My flesh is dead. Perhaps depressed people are more aware of that fact than non-depressed people. I don’t know, but I feel dead inside. Like Paul, I believe I am called to press on toward completion of my allotted earthly time—-which feels like a death sentence. Each day I try to disguise my shame and carry on, but I too rarely feel very enthusiastic about getting out of bed. In fact, I have been in bed most of the day—as well as all day yesterday. I have no desire to do anything. I pray to God that He will heal me or kill me. But, I wake up each day somewhat angry that I have to endure another,
Alan,
I too am now 60 and feel a lot of what you have described. I was in a loveless marriage for 25 years to a Borderline Personality disorder woman and the devil couldn’t have picked a more destructive force to destroy me and our now grown adult children whos lives are also a mess at this point. I still beg God to take me from her cause I have suffered depression and PTSD for many years now non stop. I used to come out of this when I was younger a lot faster than 5-6 years and going now. I can’t even work right now and haven’t in 2 years. The covid crap didn’t help much either. I just want to serve and love God with joy and gladness but thats been gone for many years now although I pray and read the bible daily. It seems I do find Gods peace after a long cry but even that doesn’t last. No one has any answers as to why this is happening. To make matters worse I feel attacked viciously by the devil himself and he recently destroyed a year long relationship I was in with a dear sister in the Lord. She started showing symptoms of schizophrenia or dementia and I became her enemy along with just about everyone she came in contact with. It has been heart breaking and that was the last thing I ever needed. I have been suicidal at times but since my own son is suicidal right now I have to put that aside and take this torment and torture like a man I guess. Right now it feels like all joy and gladness has been taken from the entire earth and maybe I am right from what I now see everywhere. I do praise God that I will not feel like this forever when I go home to be with the Lord and thats about all the comfort I have right now. I hurt for the lost souls that will feel like this for all eternity. How awful that would be.
I just want you to know you are not alone out there in this type of suffering even among us Christians. We are not immune to lifes sufferings and it seems we suffer more than our fair share cause we have an enemy that is vicious and hates us cause we will have eternity with the Lord in peace and no more tears.
God bless you brother,
Robert
praying for you Alan, hope you are doing ok.
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sending love and prayers to everyone feeling alone and unloved. Let’s help each other.
WOW what a great, but heartbreaking gift this post is. Im now a 60+ hunkOburning love who had God on my side from day one. Nothing touched me for long because I was always able to walk away. I didnt know it at the time of course as we all pretended we were real me……but in reality God was always there thats quite clear. No matter what happened I was untouchable by the big bad outside world. Out of neccesity this taught me to wake up to reality pretty quickly. I got taken from home at 10 and was a free spirit since then despite chidlrens homes, borstal, prison, YP, Detention centres etc! at 18 I stopped getting caught (UK – police become a mythical figure in the late 70s and they just stopped catching, or even trying to catch dodgy characters. Far worse today 2022 tragically as politicians look after themselves only) in reality I was really a big soft hearted wuss and loved people and ALL creation. 🙂
A few years (2006) back I saw a film called “The Bridge” by Eric Steel. It was about people jumping off The Golden gate Bridge. I was shocked and stunned as to why anyone could get so bad inside they coud do this. “there had to be some defect in their make up shirley!! a quick chat and it could all be sorted” ignorance really was bliss at times. It stuck with me forever and I wanted to help. God wasnt much help, even though he has always looked after me, never got any letters in the post about how to help these dear souls………..life went on but it was always there. i have the same trouble today in all areas, dear God how can I help people who need help? Nothing in the post again……….I always thought there had to be some simple solution for the unloved (ignorance is bliss again) I then saw a program aout why people kill (I am a great philosopher and have to find reasons for everything and why and how things happen.One guy just killed a child, walking him into the woods for an adventure then just beat him to death. The dear little soulw as only about 7…lovely and as innocent as could be. The guy just didnt know why he did it, it was an urge…..firther on they saw their brains appear to work differently to “normal” but its now clear we all do and often have no idea why we do things the way we do. We should also beware the snares of the devil as he is everywhere and in everything. This modern world is a sick society and beelzebud is having a field day.
We should be discerning what we watch and how we act. Trash TV and social media is a sickness. neanderthal man will soon be walking in a crouched position due to zombie tech. No one talks any more and no one wants to listen. Tech has turned us into zombies for thise of a fragile mind. Its brainwashing pure and simple and the rotten system has us right where it wants us. Paying ongoing fortunes for stupidity we dont need…sky TV £80pm full of more trash tv, whilst millions die of hunger around the world. We need to wake up to what we have become quickly.
God is great and he is with us 24/7 even though it might not feel like it. We can subscribe to GOD for FREE anytime we need him. The password is prayer.
I dont have any answers for you but just what works for me. The excess baggage in our lives is what overwhelms us. The ultimate rescue package is to simply walk away from that baggage and make a fresh start but leaving the old bad habits behind. Get rid of everything and go anywhere in the world and we can start again from nothing. Though obviously UK etc are easier. The fact is we can do it and just leave the past behind to make that fresh start. Knock on the door of any Salvation Army establushment and they will help or advise whats next. It really does work. We have become conditioned that we cannot live with out these subscriptions, baggage etc. Its how the rotten system has conditioned us.
I think thats the most important thing is to walk away if it gets seriously wrong in our lives and start again. New person new life. Its also very important to have the support groups and to engage such as this place here. Dont go down the pub go to a support group or friend or any church and just talk to a priest. Just reach out……. We have to accept we cannot always fix everything but we can always BE THERE for others.
The body is a temple and we should treat it as such. How can we be healthy when we eat garbage. Dead animal products that have been raised in filth, terror and screams. Theres no getting away from that consience. We need to get fresh air, smell the flowers and exercise daily at least twice if not more. Walking is all it takes. You meet people and lovely cootchy coo kids and soppy puppy dogs on walkies..smell the fresh air and flowers and hear life. it takes us out of ourselves, even briefly, for that reboot we all need. TV/TECH maybe a few hours a day NOT ALL DAY.
Most important we must fight back and become WHO WE ARE and ot what the system wants us to be. Spend the money we save on giving to the poor. This in itself is a great benefit because its in the giving that we truly receive. It really is. Love is unconditional too, if it aint for you it aint love. So let it go and we will always reap what we sow.
Get some stickers telling people they are loved and put them on your cars etc and google
“New Zealand student moved by note left on her car”
Simple sticker like this ““Please don’t take your life today. The world is so much better with you in it, more than you realise, stay.”
And God will ensure the right people see it tho we may never know. The point is its LOVE so give it away or it means nothing……
Apologies for awful prose but remember I am only 10, well 13 actually was on my last school report before the systemns robbed me of my childhood where there were no real schools but mainly cos I was a runner…. imagine that 10 years old in the wilderness fending for myself. God is great……….but thats another story ?:).
God Bless and protect us all in ALL creation. peace & Love. Pete
PS: Remember the passowrd is PRAYER 🙂
I LOVE YOU…
You wonder, to whom are these words directed?
To you…
Sometimes when you experience hardships you ask where I am?
Or perhaps you retreat from the thought of My existence?
I am. Right here beside you,
always.
There is no sin that can make Me cease to love you. I forgive everything.
Just let Me act in your life.
Please, trust Me.
Come to me and surrender all your concerns to Me.
I will take them on My shoulders, Just like I took the cross.
You know…. When My wounded body fell under it’s weight, blood spilled into My eyes, and the nails split through My hands and feet, the thought of you gave me strength.
Let Me love you.
I miss YOU so much.
I’m waiting.
Your Jesus+
==============================================================
If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels,
but do not have love, I am a noisy gong
or a clanging cymbal.
And if I have prophetic powers,
and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains,
but do not have love, I am nothing.
If I give away all my possessions,
and if I hand over my body so that I may boast,
but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient; love is kind;
love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude.
It does not insist on its own way;
it is not irritable or resentful;
it does not rejoice in wrongdoing,
but rejoices in the truth.
It bears all things believes all things, hopes all thing,
endures all things. Love never ends.
St. Paul’s Hymn of Love
1 Corinthians 13: 1 – 8
===========================================
PS: Sharon thanks for all you do. I know you will edit this post as needs must. But I should also like to send YOU a gift of love (tell me what you need – big bunch of flowers n choccies perhaps) and I should also like to subscribe anyone who wants it to a lovely quarterly magazine called “LOVE ONE ANOTHER” and every magazine I have had has lifted the spirit as it talks personally to each one of us.
https://loamagazine.org/
I’ve spent the whole time reading this crying! It’s me thru and thru. For years I’ve struggled with my depression. I’m a survivor of abuse. Over 20 yrs. I’ve been raped, beaten, and emotionally abused. My past makes me feel so dirty. I struggle with the feeling of overwhelming unworthiness when it comes to God and Heaven. I’m a former cutter and drug addict. I suffer from depression, PTSD, agoraphobia, severe insomnia, and anxiety. I just want the pain to stop. I want the memories of the horrible things they did to me to go away. I’m so broken. Thank you for this article and please pray for me.
the only thing that has helped me is to experience the love of god personally for myself, one on one. because of what jesus has done… all are forgiven, soup to nuts. with forgiveness comes freedom and deliverance. and the ability to receive god’s love for ourselves. i pray with all my heart that the church will understand this more and more, and there will be far less talk and words, and far more personal experiences of god’s love and presence by the power of the holy spirit. amen! love and blessing to all, now and forever. in jesus’ name.
I’M A CHRISTIAN! I BELIEVE IN JESUS CHRIST AND GOD! I BELIEVE IN THE AFTER LIFE AND AN ETERNITY OF HEAVENLY REWARDS! I’M AFRAID TO DIE! Bunch of fucking hypocrites.
My Faith is fading , it has for years . Doesn’t mean i am lost . I am frustrated I know my sins . And my flaws . What upsets me , is I am not strong against temptation. My heart is broken . My kids are ok but not well. My ex is using God and work to hide behind .And so much has happened and has been said and did . It’s hard to have faith in the Lord . I got in church and feel like the Devil has walked through the doors . I just want to be strong for myself and my kids ,but it hard cause all I practly do is beat myself up and pray God to lead my ex back to where we are one . But that is literally in a way stopping me from living. I just don’t understand through all the ups and downs . Why she makes it feel like me and my kids aren’t worth her time . That’s the part the hurts the most . So as I see it if that’s the way God works then thats not the God I believe to be . I just want my life back . And to be a better Farther . And as I slowly growing to understand an man . I try to be a friend to her . But I am treated like scum . Which their is no reason for . So that another that breaks my spirit. I just honestly hate my life ,but don’t . I just want to be normal again. But it seems for me it’s going to be a long long road. I pray that God will keep guiding me . But at times I am so blinded and deaf I don’t hear nor see the signs he trys to give me . For that I am so full of sorrow , grief , anger, and lack of faith in things . I don’t know if I will ever meet the goals I set for myself . I am just really broken hearted and lost. All my life I never knew exactly what I wanted to do or be . And now it’s like the whole world is in my hands and I can’t do nothing with it for that I am ashamed of myself. Idk . I just wish I honestly could believe their is a Lord . All I can say I surely hope so . Cause I truly am trying to keep my faith . All that has happened is on me . But I just really don’t want to care anymore . I really just want to give up .
So in your mind and heart so you shall receive
This is so spot on.
When I first developed symptoms of the bipolar depression I have struggled with for over 25 years, I was treated horribly by my Christian friends. They told me I had to be living with unconfessed sin in my life, or that Satan had me under his control. I used to like reading mystery novels, some of which had violence in them, and watching thriller and horror movies, and they told me that doing so was disobeying God and bringing the devil into my life in the form of depression. They told me I couldn’t be a real Christian because if I was, I would have the joy of knowing Jesus.
I avoided seeking help from psychiatrists or taking medication because they told me not to. Finally, I made a serious suicide attempt (the first of many over the years) and wound up in the hospital. I went inpatient and took part in a study where they did an MRI of my brain. Then, after months of therapy and medication, they did another.
The two scans were completely different. Serotonin and other neurotransmitters showed up in the second scan in bright yellow and green. In the first scan, areas of the brain were all dark. My scans helped prove what the author of the study, Dr. Kevin Malone, was trying to – that depression was caused by a chemical imbalance, and could be treated by medication. (this was still being established in the early 1990s when I took part in the study)
This was life-changing. I was able to see with my own eyes that there was something wrong with my brain- it wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t a sin. I had an illness.
I went back to school, convinced that all I would have to do is show my friends my MRI photos, and they would understand. I couldn’t wait to tell them how I was just sick, that I needed medication, and that I wasn’t a sinner or a bad Christian.
Well, you can probably predict what happened. They all refused to look at the pictures. They doubled down on telling me I was a sinner and I had to “trust God” and change my life in order to have joy. When I tried to explain that I felt better now and that the medication had helped me, they refused to listen.
All my friendships fell apart as they started avoiding me. I lost all my friends.
I have since left Christianity entirely. This was only one of the many, many bad experiences I have had in churches. I had another church kick me out because I attempted suicide during a bad downswing and they were afraid my parents would sue them since I was in counseling with the pastor at the time.
I am still very angry at my experiences, and often, I can’t stand Evangelical Christians. I have very, very, very few fundamentalist, Christian friends. I find Christians and religious people in general to be mostly bigoted, intolerant, self-righteous, and cruel, and I believe that if heaven is full of people like that I’d rather go to hell. Though of course, I don’t believe I’m going to hell.
(I do know that some aren’t like that. But I’ve had so many bad experiences it’s soured me to everyone and everything that is Christian. I hope at some point I can get past my negative feelings, but I don’t see that happening any time soon. I avoid places where there are Christians like the plague- I haven’t been in a church for over 10 years apart from one wedding)
I’ve since studied church history, the bible, and its origins, and science, and I have learned that the text of the Bible contradicts history, astronomy, archeology, the fossil record, and even itself in thousands of places. I am now a committed atheist.
My church experiences aren’t the real reason I left the faith, that was a long journey that took many years and lots of reading and study, but the experiences I had started me on that road.
I am sorry but i am christian and i have PMDD and never once have any christians online or offline said anything cruel, tbh you like everyone else online like to make themself the victim, you have spoke more about your hate for christians than any bipolar disorder and dont worry you will not be going to hell your study of the bible was not very good because hell is not a place of torment. hell comes from the greek word Hades and the hebrew word sheol and simply means the grave. the torment for the wicked that they speak about is called the lake of fire, which they will be burned infront of the Most High God and jesus and the holy angels. DO NOT judge us by other people standards, we are not judging you,if we were to judge you we could say that all athiests are unbeliving baby murderers labling people because you met a bad bunch of people is really bad, I have over 600 different pills in my closet i have PMDD i have to fight to stay alive every 2 weeks
you know where my grief comes from? athiests, people like you who judge without knowledge, If you wanna make a righteous judgement look at us without the church and mainstream religion, We love our God and our faith we live in peace, were not the one doing the attacking, why are you comparing the bible to science? Theres a lot of God christians in science I know people have hurt you, but i have seen more than anything most athiests are rotten to the core there always on an attack when no ones attacking them,
Beautiful article. It’s still hard for me to know how to talk with other people about this because death makes most people uncomfortable and even scared, but intrusive thoughts about death and even killing myself seem so routine to me.
I am curious about one thing, my mother as always thought suicide was a selfish act, and while this made it harder for me to confess my thoughts to my parents, it was also a deterrent from actually doing it because I didn’t want my mom to think I was selfish. It had a kind of negative and positive affect on me. idk.
Anyway, it’s refreshing to read an article that doesn’t just offer a few pithy one line tips like a webmd article or try to scare me into getting medical attention (which made the shame so much worse [I did see a psychiatrist for a while, and it was disappointingly unhelpful and very impersonal]).
Thanks for the article
Also, how do I remove my full name from my comment, it won’t let me edit it ?
I’ve had a lot of personal experience in this topic and attempted suicide twice and have had bipolar type 1 (involving extreme depression), and I wish I had read this earlier when I was a kid and starting to deal with it. I was raised Mormon, where it’s always guilt-based and perfectionism standards to live up to (practically quotas for a ton of expectations) and toxic hypocrisy. And after so long of seeing God in the wrong lens–as a tyrant and merciless–he (as in Whom I THOUGHT He was) became my enemy. But over a LONG history of loss and victories, I’ve learned the messages that Jesus was communicating from a fresh angle. I found that He suffers WITH us, NOT (at least not exclusively) FOR us, and that he didn’t do this to me; he didn’t give me my afflictions and wants justice for me and is on my side. To anybody struggling with depression, PLEASE heed these words:
Read “Ten Days to Self-Esteem” by Dr. David Burns.
This is where I learned to fight back–in a horrendous hopeless and lonely time, internally and externally. And guess what… I won… And not only that, but I also grew 400 times stronger (because that’s what opposition does–it’s an ASSET if you let it drive and teach you) with all odds stacked against me. This book is not really what the title makes it sound like, so don’t get caught up on that (although self-esteem is a key component in this and I don’t want to discredit it). It’s simple–apply it and watch as all your negative/hopeless conclusions about life turn out to be nothing more than lies and that these said lies don’t even work in real world, and it feels SOOOO good to see that. After being convinced at age 15 that I was forsaken–living alone and just lost everything as I was kicked out of home and my family left me and each other for dead, having no clue what to do while surrounded by the heavy darkness of my worries and depression–I collapsed on my face and tried one last time to beg God for an answer on what to do. And the answer I received was COMPLETELY unexpected. It was a very sudden and firm and clear voice of instruction that hit me like a brick before I could even finish my sentence in my prayer to Him: “READ THAT BOOK.” I was utterly stunned by such an obviously real and urgent response unlike anything I’d encountered beforehand. “that book” was the book I mentioned, and it was dusty on my old shelf, having sat there for years untouched (it was a gift from my father), and was the last thing I would have thought to do or wanted to do in such heavy lethargy at the time. But I had chills that made my hair stand straight up and wasn’t about to just blow this off. It’s amazing how I totally forgot about this (and in depression, your memory is impared anyway) book, and there was no way–especially at my age and all other factors here–I could have thought of this and executed it on my own. The book gave me the power of my own will and CHOICE (see book for more explanation). And it set in motion and ENTIRELY different and unexpected chapter of my life from that moment forward–night and day difference that I couldn’t even dream of and would have said impossible beforehand. Listen, I know your energy may be low and seeking “help” might seem pointless and very hard and out of question to you–I get it 150%–but try this and do what it says. Trust me. You don’t have to live this way. As for Jesus, I am now convinced that He commissioned this new fight back against what I was enduring–EVEN AFTER I REBELLED AGAINST HIM; it’s not about pride, He told me; it’s about what is EFFECTIVE right now in getting you the life you deserve and to love YOURSELF AS thy neighbor (to reverse the wording of this famous Bible passage which is EQUIVALENT to the original, even by the words, like “as”). I’ve also died before and had so many encounters with death you wouldn’t imagine, and let me tell you: It is NOT what your suicidal fantasies tell you it is–not by a longshot; it’s not ever “better,” per se, and isn’t worth suicide–a PERMANENT “solution” to a TEMPORARY problem. Human beings do not have the power to know the future–not even tomorrow–and life and EVERYTHING involved in it changes on a dime unexpectedly and in your favor often. Now is not “the rest of the story.” I know what I’m talking about. Thank you for posting this and educating people who need this information–you are a hero.
I also have suicidal thoughts, I am believer in Jesus Christ, but I’m homosexual who can’t stand what a hypocrite I am. I truly don’t want to live in this world anymore. Everything in this life is a lie apart of word of God. I am very weak and I guess my faith is also very weak. I am also a flat earther (I know the earth is flat just as Bible describe it) anyways I had enough of myself.
Hi Piotr, I’d like to thank you for your hoensty, it must take a lot of courage to write about your struggles openly.. I wanted to let you know that there is no need for shame, neither for feeling like you are a ‘hypocrite’, you are a child of God, but I understand that, maybe, it might be very hard for you to hear or accept these words, and they maybe will not help at all.. I know words can be inadequate, but I just wanted to let you know, I thought your comment was so honest.. I wish I knew what I could do or say to help… I am sorry that I cannot 😞 But I wanted to let you know, I thought it was so brave of you to comment this.. and I truly hope the Lord will send you the help you need 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 I am sorry if this comment may be a bit ‘unhelpful’.. but I do pray He will help you in your walk and your struggle 🙏🏻🙏🏻
I get severe bipolar depression !!!
My instinct is to blame God, that He obviously has allowed this and could speak the word of joy instead. He must want us to suffer for some strange reason!?!?!?!
Then of course I get to feel so guilty for my thoughts !
I truly want to die !!!!!!!
But could never commit suicide , it’s just not in me. I’m not strong enough.
Your blog is a testament to the strength of the human spirit and the power of resilience.
The fact that you found this blog and responded proves otherwise. Praying for your strength my friend.
I have been praying to God daily to remove the depression, loneliness and health problems I am having. I’m 68, living alone with my little dog but have lost the desire to carry on. I have kids and grandkids, family, good neighbors etc., but they can’t be here every day. I know my day begins and ends alone. I’m sick of living life alone in my house, doing everything alone, eating alone, watching tv or movies alone, shopping alone, just doing everything alone now, I dread waking up every day. I know that anytime I spend with my family or friends or neighbors is brief, it doesn’t make up for all the rest of the time I am alone. I spend my day just waiting for bedtime to go to sleep. Where is God, why isn’t he answering my prayers? I need him DESPERATELY now. I swear, as I write this, if God doesn’t give me some kind of sign TODAY, if he doesn’t start changing things in my life now, I won’t be able to keep going. I need a miracle TODAY!
Lori, I am exactly where you are in how you are feeling ?
I’m 66 years old and am at the end of my rope !!!
Lonliness ! Nobody understands or cares. I’m not functioning ! Every day I wake up thinking “Crap ! I’m still alive!
Everything is confusing to me.
A brain and memory that is going downhill so fast! Possibly some form of Alzheimer’s ??? Doctors don’t know.
The mental pain is suffocating !!!
GOD has left me alone to struggle through every day.
Prayers are never answered.
I want to praise The Lord … but it turns into anger … the feeling that he doesn’t care about my daily struggles to survive.
Today I’ve totally hit the bottom!
Deeper than ever before !!!!!
My soul has been cast down to the depths ???
Im 61 and feel the same sister. I dont understand God much anymore but all I can hope for now as you hope for is that God be merciful and take us home asap because I can’t last much longer before I just do it myself. This pain is unbearable for me now. I do pray that God at least comforts you somehow.
I lost my wife, who had a mental illness for half her life,When she committed suicide. The saddest time of my life, she was a sweetheart and we got along well. It really hurts people that you may not realize love you.
I really hate that filthy scumbag God as it is since he punished me by not giving me a wife and family to share my life with, since he gave so many millions and millions of other men to have that gift of life. What did i do wrong? Sucks being single and alone all the time too.
God was being merciful to you cause woman are absolute miserable selfish creatures that will only destroy your soul and leave you in a trail of destruction. Im telling you the honest to God truth.
Listen to Robert he got it. I’m already established here so don’t rush okay. When you get here tell Big L they your looking for @oneaway. You will get to me.
The fantastic thing is that God/Jesus are absolutely imaginary, so they don’t care about your little existential crisis or whether you live or die.
jane ..when some feel they are drowning in a sea of misery god\jesus are the *imaginary life raft that may keep one afloat even pluck them out of deep end ..
displaying a hardness of heart may you never trip over shallow puddles crossing the street ..
you’d likely need the real coast guard
I am Julia from New York, My husband divorce me because he was tired of me, And i was a woman who love and care for my man, and since i got married to him, but i was so shock when he say that to me, then i ask him why was he tired of me, he said he doesn’t feel no love in his heart anymore, so i think he needed space so i allowed him be, so i went to my mom house with my daughter. And when i was in my mom house i went online to find out, what i can do to have my man back. Then I saw a good testimony on how Dr UWAIFO helped a lady to have her boyfriend back, so i said to myself, i will have my man, then i run to send Dr UWAIFO a WhatsApp chat, and tell him my problem, Dr UWAIFO told me not to worry that he will help me bring back my husband to me. Then i ask him how long, Dr UWAIFO told me to wait within 24 hours that i will get a call, Can you believe that the next day of it, my man call me and telling to forgive him, he’s sorry, As a sweet lady, he get me and my daughter a gifts Smile. Dr UWAIFO I thank you very much, for bringing back happiness to me and my daughter, I love my man so much.
Christianity has nothing – NOTHING – helpful to offer anyone except false comfort and pacifying cultist lies. There is no loving god, this should be obvious to anyone with their eyes open. There is no blissful or mournful afterlife, it is a man-made construction. Straighten up and face the truth: you have only the life you make for yourself. Religion is an illusion.
religion is man-created coming from mans mind and the teachings caused many to flee in droves because it’s not a god thing ..thing is we did not man create ourselves – so we [are] the illusion but of whose creation ?
only perfection was originally created i.e. every single thing from grass to gravity , all of which was created before man yet man , still , cannot create any of those original creations out of thin air ..we can make up stuff though ..
i cannot help but think humanity was not created by this loving god but formed by illusions of some delusional distorted power to create and outdo the original ‘done that and still no one can do it better’ entity ..this assertion is bolsterd by we are *made in image of* (note -made us as copy) ..
and boy , did they mess up , bad , we are a facsimile people !
so how does any say they know there is no Creator greater than that which copied Creator ..how do we know there is no afterlifer life and do you really wanna find out that there is a hell after a one way ticket down there ..if not there its right here on earth since so many living in it daily ..that is bad enough precursor ..
a loving god may [he] be and is love and loves and granting it as a life saving raft to the sea of humanity.to save such a wretched lot from drowning in on their bad selves ..
yes , you only have the living you make for your self but remember we did not make the life (breath of) that caused us to be living
For the past several years I have struggled in all aspects of my life and questioned if it was mental illness or God giving me signs that I was just overstaying my time here on Earth. Then a few weeks ago Jesus came to me in a dream and said I would be forgiven if I ended my own life. It felt very vivid and real in the dream but when I woke up I shook it off as wishful thinking. Have any of you ever considered the possibility that God’s plan for some people involves ending their own lives when their time on Earth is complete? So that it’s not only not a sin but God’s will?
nice post
I am 29 years old and loss my mom almost 3 years ago in June of next year, my birth dad is 20 years ago last Friday, and my brother 17 years ago (he took his own life and that’s why everyone is concerned I will also take my own life but I can’t do that to my dad). I am currently feeling this way. No matter how much I try to say something. Someone is always saying,” don’t kill yourself. We would miss you and you are needed here.” Or my favorite is “you have the tools just use them. Plus you made a safety plan follow it.” No one gets that this is the last resort and I am trying to get help because I don’t want to die but I also don’t know how to without having to voice it when I get that feeling. I’ve literally told my pastor that I hate feeling like I have to say I am okay but I’m not. That’s the one time that I actually reached out and it took 2 hrs to get a response from my pastor who I call my second mom but I know why people hate waiting and they think it’s just better to kill themselves then wait for someone to talk too. Thankfully I haven’t gotten that bad in the last few weeks, but I will say that I attempted but it wasn’t deep enough to be anything major and I wasn’t trying to take my life, life just became to much to handle and I didn’t know what to do.
Everything that people are saying in the moment I hate it but after a few days and I start to climb back up on the ladder to me honestly does make sense but Idk why when I get this low I can never remember any of it just that I want to end my life so I can be with my brother, my birth dad, and my mom again. I even have my counselor worried about me the next 2 weeks because I won’t have a session and I’m fighting this but it’s getting to be so hard and not worth it anymore. I can’t tell anybody because the one Saturday I wanted to talk I got asked if I wanted to talk by my pastor and idk what would’ve happened if I said I wanted to talk because I honestly did want to talk but I wanted to talk to my pastor that day. But I promised that if it got to be too much again I would reach out instead of reverting to self harm again because I could end up in a psych ward for 72 hours which at this point seems like a dream sometimes. Anyways happy holidays
This spoke to me. But I am currently not in a great spot with my depression, and am more like your friends, who thought that their kids and spouse would have a better life if I were to just exit theirs. I do believe in God, and I absolutely do not want to burn in hell, so I do not want to commit suicide. How did you get over this? I have been suffering with this since a very young age, and it’s been over 20 years that I’ve been battling this, and it’s just getting worse and worse, and it is starting to affect the people around me, and I just don’t know how to get better. I can’t live the rest of my life, ruining everyone around me, and feeling like like this.
thank you so much for this beautiful and open article.. I personally wrestle with this as well.. and I truly feel like my life really doesn’t matter.. 😞🙏🏻 because I have no family (I am a young christian woman) and not really any close friends..
I am sorry if I might sound negative, I do not mean to make this about myself!
I am a Christian who lost my wife to suicide just over 5 years ago. The biggest loss of my life. She was a sweetheart. She had the mental illness paranoid schizophrenia. If I’ve learned anything, it’s not to depend on others, though I hope to find another. God gives everyone free will as to who they choose. I know to keep looking up is the only way to cope.
I have a beautiful family; a husband and 5 boys. I’ve dealt with depression and self-harm for as long as I can remember. It had always been one of the “taboo” subjects whenever it came up at church while growing up. It made me feel isolated. Throughout high school, there were a few suicides and several self-harmers, but, again, it was a taboo subject. If it came up in conversation, the topic was quickly dismissed or even laughed off. “Yeah, I’d never be that lame to want to do any of that.” So now, 32 years of life and struggling. My husband lost his mom and two of his closest friends, so you can guess I can’t bring it up to him. I’d be selfish. Important people to him died, and here I am alive and wishing to be gone or to trade places with them.
I am on meds (for 3 years now?), I had my first therapy session about a year ago, I even talked unfiltered to someone from our church. All I want to do is go home to Jesus and have him hold me forever.
There is so much pressure within the home to be the structural support/responsible one, but I’m physically disabled and the darkness doesn’t help. It’s like an acid burning away at me. I have no outlet, no friends, a fake smile for my little ones… the fascade is so hard to keep holding up. Like Luisa from Encanto…minus the large family for support.
I feel alone, and ashamed. I love Jesus, and don’t want to go you-know-where. He saved me twice already from myself. I’m nervous it’s 3 strikes and I’m out. I don’t want there to be a 3rd incident, especially not wanting my kids to find me if there’s no coming back.
I am very appreciative that I found this article. He led me here, to stay my hand.
Thank you for writing this.
I will try to do better. I will try one second at a time, one minute, one hour… baby steps through the darkness until I am finally brought home by Jesus himself.
I will ask for a prayer from whoever sees this, and I will pray for you, too, whoever you are.
We are not alone, even though we may feel it sometimes.
Tiptoe through the darkness with me. Jesus is holding my hand.
I will now sign this anonymously, but know I am real and hurting, too…just like you, though the situation may be slightly different.
I am 70 years old. I won’t go into the horror I went through as a child, but it left me without an anchor and for many years I was suicidal, with little hope. It’s a miracle that all the ways I tried to have an accident didn’t kill me, really. And yes, I have been a Christian since I was a child. I wouldn’t have made it through a horrific childhood to begin with, if I hadn’t had my faith and prayer. It wasn’t until I was in my 30’s, battling chronic depression that I found Sam-e combined with coenzyme B, after it became obvious that antidepressants couldn’t help me. Slowly I found the tools to patch my life back together, once depression was no longer an issue. My next issue was the terrible loneliness I felt inside. But I found the program for children of alcoholics and had a spiritual awakening. Don’t ask me what happened, I just followed it faithfully and soon after the loneliness was gone for good. I suspect that connecting with others in a way I’d never connected before made it possible, so I felt more and more like I fit in, but it still seems like an unexplained miracle to me, considering the empty, terrible loneliness and PTSD I faced every day. I stayed in therapy for many years, but eventually found my footing. God was faithful and eventually restored all that was lost, WAY, WAY beyond what I could have seen in store and in novel ways I didn’t expect, so I have been blessed way beyond anything I can comprehend and I believe now that God will safely see me home. I don’t rejoice in my suffering in the past, and once I began to fathom the unfathomable love God has for all of us, I don’t believe God wanted to see me suffer either! The PTSD can take me back there still, but I mostly only remember now minus the feelings so I’m not thrown completely for a loop by the past. I believe prayer got me where I am today, coupled with a stubborn persistence strengthened by the promise, seek and ye shall find, knock and the door will be opened, and the many helpers in my life along the way, even supplements to maintain my health and restore what gets depleted in old age. I believe there is hope if we struggle to find our way, drawing on the help of others and being open to keep searching.
Hello everyone, my name is Victoria and i live in Houston Texas. Anyone who has lost the faith of having his/her lover back should run to Dr Uwaifo. He’s a powerful man and his words are real. This is my testimony. On the 2nd of February 2024, my boyfriend was taking his shower and he left his phone in the room where I was, all of a sudden a multiple text messages came into his phone and i decided to check the text what i saw, i could not believe it, another lady was sending my boyfriend her picture asking my him if he love the picture that she send. Then i reply back to the lady text yes the picture is so hot, her reply again was thank you baby. I wanted to ask my boyfriend about it, but i could not and i was in pain, my heart was beating. I cried that day and i could not stop thinking about the text message, So i went online to search of having my boyfriend back and the first post I saw was Dr Uwaifo how he helped Lily Lopez. I quickly send him a WhatsApp message and Dr reply to me so I cried all my pain to Dr and he told me not to worry that he will bring back my boyfriend to me. That i have to give him 24 hours to cast the love spell. So I waited, the next day my boyfriend came to me himself telling me he was cheating on me but he has ended the relationship with the lady. He asked for forgiveness which I did forgive him. My boyfriend and I are living happily now.
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Hello everyone, my name is Victoria and i live in Houston Texas. Anyone who has lost the faith of having his/her lover back should run to Dr Uwaifo. He’s a powerful man and his words are real. This is my testimony. On the 2nd of February 2024, my boyfriend was taking his shower and he left his phone in the room where I was, all of a sudden a multiple text messages came into his phone and i decided to check the text what i saw, i could not believe it, another lady was sending my boyfriend her picture asking my him if he love the picture that she send. Then i reply back to the lady text yes the picture is so hot, her reply again was thank you baby. I wanted to ask my boyfriend about it, but i could not and i was in pain, my heart was beating. I cried that day and i could not stop thinking about the text message, So i went online to search of having my boyfriend back and the first post I saw was Dr Uwaifo how he helped Lily Lopez. I quickly send him a WhatsApp message and Dr reply to me so I cried all my pain to Dr and he told me not to worry that he will bring back my boyfriend to me. That i have to give him 24 hours to cast the love spell. So I waited, the next day my boyfriend came to me himself telling me he was cheating on me but he has ended the relationship with the lady. He asked for forgiveness which I did forgive him.
I can’t believe that this post has been here for so long and there are still so many comments.
I’ve been going through a really hard time.
This month will marks my 6th month being suicidal and it not getting better but getting worse. It’s been a three year battle for me, with depressive episodes lasting months. 3 inpatient stays at psych wards or crisis stabilization units. In December I attempted but didn’t require hospitalization because I stopped mid attempt. I stayed at the crisis stabilization unit and then went home and then 3 months later my therapist said I should get evaluated again cause I was suicidal and had really bad self harm urges. I didn’t go in cause I wanted to go to a youth conference with my friends. My mom said if at any point I felt like I still needed to go in I could say so, but she changed her mind when I didn’t say I wanted to go within the first few days. April 29th I almost attempted, and I haven’t told anyone this time. It’s like I know that everyone will just worry about me and have to inconvenience themselves and I don’t want that. Since I haven’t followed through with an attempt I keep telling myself it’s not serious enough. But I found a tool I can use to hurt myself and I’m back in a self harm addiction. And this is the worst it’s ever been for me. And I don’t want to give my tool up. I don’t want my mom to find out I’ve hurt myself again and walk up to me and say show me and look at me the same way she did a year ago. It’s almost like I want to die because my brain won’t stop trying to kill me and with my physical issues it feels like I’m already the walking dead. Mental health journeys don’t sound like mine. I don’t want to die cause I’m worthless or it will be a gift to others or I think they will be better off without me. I even believe life will get better and God is good. I just also feel unbelievably trapped in an indescribable amount of physical and emotional pain and I want it to stop. And it doesn’t and I’m told it will and it doesn’t and I go to counseling and then my brain gets worse. And then I’m told therapy’s the issue and I stop going but then I relapse self harm. It feels like it’s my own fault. I know what I should do and I still do the things that aren’t good for me. At this point I don’t know how to ask for help again. Every time I try to reason my way into doing it I get a crushing weight in my chest and decide not to. I was gonna tell my friend yesterday, and then she told me how scared she’d been the last time I told her something like that and how I’d shown her my marks from self injury. She only says stuff like that when she thinks I’m doing ok, but I’m so far from ok. And my mom says i over exaggerate things to make myself heard. My friends say i under exaggerate things. I try to find out what I think for myself but I hear so many opinions I can’t even think my own thoughts clearly sometimes. Im home alone and so physically sick I’ve just been laying on the couch in pain reading these articles over and over again crying because I am reading something that makes sense. It is so great to read an article that’s not hopeless that’s not trying to fix me and that’s not secular. If you read this I’d love a response but I know it’s long, and you are busy. You are amazing Sarah. <3
You are a full of shit false prophet who has never known the Christ
Prophet Isaac, I can’t thank you enough for what you have done in my life, you helped bring my ex-husband back to me like you said it would happen. I recommend him to anyone looking for help.
it is DEFINITELY a selfish choice to commit suicide. It also robs God of His authority of choosing when you will die. I do not care if people think my response is unkind or lacks compassion – it is THE TRUTH.
And yes, GENUINE bible-reading, studying, worship, and repentance, and thinking on what is true and good WILL free a person either quickly or in time. It is a season the Lord brings a person through to show He is still good regardless of our feelings.
My heart aches when I read articles like this, not just for the person who suffered through so much and did not get the respite they hoped for, but for how they’ve made themselves an authority above God’s Word and then spread the lies to so many desperate people who need to know the Truth that saves and sets free.
At this point in my life, I don’t want to displease God, as He’s life’s only sure thing, but sometimes I feel like I’m relegated to the lot of swine, such as the herd which drowned in a lake after being possessed by demons Jesus had just earlier exorcised from a man.
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Thank you for putting into words every single thing I needed to hear. This blog post has touched me and it helps knowing that I am not alone in how I feel. A google search tonight about death brought me here. I’m struggling and I’m grateful for you.
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I have MS, am bed bound, had my 2nd ex steal my home from me, have been told I’m a burden by “loved ones,” am in constant pain, depressed, anxious, can’t drive, can barely get to the bathroom and back, and am living in poverty. Before I got dx, I took such good care of myself. Why is it people who abuse their health are the one’s who never get sick. Why are the healthy afflicted? I try to pray and read my Bible, but it’s not helping. I am a Christian, which makes writing this post even more difficult. It’s easy to be filled with joy when you’re healthy, are able to work, have an individual who loves you unconditionally, can enjoy a full life and not be stuck in bed. My MS is only getting worse. My pregnant daughter doesn’t want me having anything to do with her baby. Whatever?! I put her ungrateful butt through engineering school, plus, she has rich in-laws, who have called me white trash. My daughter has never taken up for me, or told them how much what they said still hurts. She calls herself a Christian, but hurts me and allows others to hurt me. No pill in this world will ever heal this pain. I just wish there was a way to hasten my death to escape the pain this world keeps heaping on me.
I pray for your physical, psychological, and spiritual healing and restoration…You are a most beloved child of God, and absolutely do not deserve the mental and emotional anguish to which you’ve been subjected.
God’s richest blessings🙌
REACHING OUT TO LORD BUBUZA WAS ONE OF THE BEST DECISIONS I HAVE MADE IN A LONG TIME. After my coworker won $1 million and left our job, I was genuinely happy for her and asked how she did it. She told me Lord Bubuza had cast a lotto spell and revealed the winning numbers to her. She gave me his contact info, and I reached out to him right away for help. He responded, and after I provided what he needed to cast the spell. Lord Bubuza gave me the numbers 9, 16, 20, 26, 27, and 35 And With confidence, I bought my ticket at Winners Corner in Pueblo using Quick Pick for the Saturday drawing, and to my amazement, I won $3.1 million. My name is Jerold, Lord Bubuza is truly a genius. If you’re looking for help, don’t hesitate to contact him via email: lordbubuzamiraclework (@) hotmail (.) com or WhatsApp: +1 716 209 7880
Thank you for your beautiful and important website. For any listeners, you were born for a reason and only you can fulfill that destiny. You suffered but take your pain and do as this young woman did, she helped others. I have walked the line and through prayer God helped me understand why it was important that I lived, it changed my life to understand there was a purpose to it all. Have faith in your faith, in God and Jesus and their ability to save you, and please know you are important to the world, those who love you, and the future work you will be able to do if you stay. You are needed.
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LOTTERY WINNER: I don’t play the lottery often, but I buy tickets when the draw is up, though I have never won. One day, while researching online how to win the lottery, I came across testimonies of how Lord Bubuza reveals lottery jackpot numbers to people. I contacted him immediately for help. He responded, and I followed his instructions, I provided the requirements to cast the lottery spell. A few hours after casting the spell, Lord Bubuza revealed the Oregon’s Game Megabucks lottery winning numbers to me. I bought a ticket for the January 24 Oregon’s Game Megabucks draw at the Safeway store in Gladstone. When I checked my ticket, I was shocked to discover it was an $8.4 million winner! My name is David Schultze, I’m 68 years old, and I live in Milwaukie, Oregon, USA. I just can’t thank lord Bubuza enough for making me a jackpot winner. Join me in appreciating him via his email: Lordbubuzamiraclework {{{@}}} hot mail {{{.}}} com
I am very happy to share this great testimony with you. The best thing that has ever happened in my life is the day I met Dr Jatto online. I am a man who believes that one day I will win a lottery. Finally my dreams came true after I came across a series of testimonies about how Dr Jatto had helped a lot of people win the mega lottery, so I contacted him and told him that I needed lottery winning numbers. Dr Jatto assured me that he’s going to make me win but at first I doubted him because I have tried severally on my own but no avail, after I’ve done all he asked of me, he gave me the lottery winning numbers and when the draws were out to my biggest surprise I was among the winners I won One Hundred And Sixty Million Dollars. A big thanks to you Dr Jatto for making me the wealthy man that I am today. I owe everything to you and to your gods (The great Jatto) the god of wealth. If you need his help below is his contact information:whatsApp:+2349016162155
Wow the comment section here is crazy It made me feel better about myself tho so GOD BLESS you all Brothers & Sisters I’m no saint i’m a recovering 33 year old drug addict but i’m still here and believe it’s because GOD still had plans for me because I shouldn’t be considering all the crazy things that have happened in life but from one struggling depressed man and child of GOD to all you others I don’t know any of you personally but I can truly say I LOVE YOU ALL of you we are all family even if we don’t want to be sometimes and I often think it must be the good or the CHRIST within me or something but I still feel LOVE & HOPE for this fallen world gifted to us to be the caretakers of, by the MOST HIGH and even more so for all the unique and interesting people co-inhabiting it here with us! So I don’t know if this will help anyone I really hope it does Iv’e had many a terrible or suicidal thought before too but yet i’m still here and so are you all and that should mean something so I hope at least one person happens to read this and it maybe makes them feel a little better and a bit more accepted, LOVED, supported, understood and NEEDED! MANY BLESSINGS, ALL my LOVE and best wishes to you all Brothers and Sisters from a simple stranger named Mikel outta WA State thanks, as you all helped me just by reading, sharing with me and helping me to understand, or feel connected with you all, I wish I could take all the bad/sad feelings troubling you all as a thank You, and ask you each or better yet beg of you all to please please stick around PLEASE, you are all LOVED by me, and beyond human comprehension by THE ONE TRUE LIVING GOD our CREATOR I can promise you. We get what we put in and imagine the possibility if we all came together and actually made this world the home/paradise it was intended to and still can be for us all, together. Now that I am older iv’e become much better at listening to the internal moral compass (that most ignore or pretend not to have) that we all share and must choose rather or not to listen to, that makes us either feel good or bad about anything in life, like certain places, situation, decisions, people, etc. etc.. and it’s telling my lately now more than ever that we need each other, as hurting others only ever ultimately ends up hurting ourselves, and there seems to be far too many people hurting or in pain nowadays. Like the saying goes when killing someone you should always dig two graves one for you victim and one for yourself, and the more we live self centered ignoring those who need us, the more we end up hurting ourselves. I have to try to make this world a little more better off before I return to GOD and I’m also realizing more and more that I cannot do it alone! Anyways I hope this message in a bottle at best finds those intended & speaks to the good or GOD like parts found in us all and helps to set off a chain reaction, & at the very least helps prevent the death of, gives hope to, and helps to heal even one person my a Brother or a Sister, but more importantly a child or GOD & therefore a piece of a or facet of GOD!
I know these are old posts but I had to share. I’ve lived a difficult life and have wanted to die forever. I did drugs and lived crazy and eventually had a stroke and heart failure. I went to prison for the 4th time and I was looking at life. The first plea bargain would have been me dying there. I never had faith in God or religion but I had nothing else. I prayed for someone to please save me. There was no way out and I didn’t want to die in prison. That changed my suicidal thinking for a moment but I knew if they gave me the time they were offering I would be better off taking my life than slowly dying alone. I prayed and prayed and whether it was coincidence or intervention some charges were dismissed on technicalities and I was going to be out in 2 years. I’m still alive and don’t do drugs anymore I want to live. I know how it feels for suicide to make sense and I was so close. Somehow at the last minute we’ll 2 years of court. I was shocked and I can’t explain it. I have been to prison over and over and that has never happened. It wasn’t supposed to, I was supposed to die. What I’m saying is don’t make a choice you can’t undo if there is any chance it might change. It can always change. A permanent solution to temporary problems, no matter how long you have been going through it. I was on a one way trip for 40 years. I have scars. Deaf and blind on half my body heart failure. Constantly going to the doctor. I am proud to have survived and I am happy finally after so long. That was never even a possibility for so long. All I thought about was that I wanted out of this life. I can’t go back but if I could I would tell myself that it’s going to be okay no matter how terrible it is or how long. Don’t suffer more than you have to. Even if you don’t believe in God things can change. Please don’t give up.
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Why don’t you folks grift/troll elsewhere?…There is nothing even remotely humorous about the content of this blogosphere/post.
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My $40 Million Miracle Thanks to Priest Isaac. Email Priest Isaac at prophet.isaac@priest. com if you need help to play and win the lottery.
I still can’t believe this is real and I owe it all to Priest Isaac. My name is Bernard White. I’ve lived a good life in Oshawa, Ontario. A few months ago, I felt like something bigger was waiting for me. That’s when I reached out to Priest Isaac. I reached out, and everything started to change. His words, his work, his prayers they gave me real hope. Then came February 21st. I bought a Lotto Max ticket at a Shell gas station on Taunton Road East. Later, when I checked it, I thought I won $40,000 and I was thrilled! But when my daughter looked again, she said, “Dad, it’s not $40K… it’s $40 MILLION!” I was completely overwhelmed. I knew this blessing didn’t happen by accident. It was Priest Isaac’s spiritual guidance that opened the way. Thank you, Priest Isaac, for changing my life completely. I’ll always be grateful for everything you’ve done for me. If you are seeking spiritual help to change your life, I strongly recommend reaching out to Priest Isaac. Email: prophet.isaac@priest. com
Your skin deserves attention, but not everyone has the time for a lengthy routine.
Sarah, I noticed that you only have five posts and don’t answer anymore to replies. What is the intention for your blog here? Thanks!
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I’m sorry and I’m sorry for your pain but this is the biggest load of jive I’ve ever read. I’ve suffered sometimes debilitating depression since I was seven, I’m in my mid-40s now. Never included, always the “outsider,” whether at school or with the other children in church.
In my mid-20s while a student in law school I purchased a motorcycle and wrecked it, cracking my skull in four places and putting myself into a coma for three and a half weeks and sustaining what my parents were told was the worst closed head injury ever seen at a Level I trauma center. I missed a year of law school but my girlfriend (whom I lived with, oh I’m such a terrible person!) ensured my safety, I proposed to her that fall and wanted to get married in a church. We found a wonderful church community, became very involved and were married there, after a college career arguing with campus groups proselytizing about the existence of God I became a follower and we became devoted members of our church.
A year and a half later on Christmas day we were at her parent’s home, practicing Catholics and I’d never felt accepted by her family so I figured nothing mattered; I had too much of the wine her grandmother made and it interacted with the anti-depressant my wife was vehement I take. To her parents and extended family I was some college educated Easterner and that was all that mattered. I said or did something they found unacceptable, her mother pulled my ear partially off, her father punched me and they called my parent to tell them they were taking me to the police the next day if they didn’t buy an immediate ticket for me to fly out.
What’s it say in John 13? Something about “knowing them by their love?” Isn’t there something in there about forgiveness too?
I continued to go to that church, I was in choir. I loved it, the ex and I had talked about making sure any employment we took was in commuting distance to the church… and then something odd happened at a Wednesday choir practice the next summer- from nowhere many of the older members, most with families with a long term connection to that church were railing against him. Not for any reason, he just wasn’t of their local culture and values and they were trying to push him out. I was going just to support him. “You will know them by their love…” huh? They ultimately did push him out, he was the pastor that led me to Jesus and that was how the church repaid him.
After nearly two years of extreme depression I met a woman helping a college ministry while I was on a walk and we got talking. She’d sold her house and was saving to go to Africa as a missionary. Two years later we were married and modeled our wedding around Luke 14:12-14. After handing out invitations all around our historically disinvested neighborhood (with help from some of the student faith groups) we had a neighborhood party in a city park, distributed clothing and food, did aids testing, so on and so forth. We were in the news beforehand, the news was there.
We chose to be downwardly mobile. Moved into this disinvested neighborhood in the city and made our lives there. Six years later we adopted from the foster case system, all that “look after orphans” stuff and two years later adopted another. My wife, an amazing woman became a professional at a faith based organization and was the primary breadwinner, I focused on using my profession to help the community, most often without pay.
After years the stress of her job, being the primary breadwinner and having two special needs children our marriage was suffering and our therapist recommend we separate, we’d purchased a home to make into affordable housing and I agreed to live there for the time being.
It was as if we were no longer a family, it was a toxic situation. I asked our pastor if he and I could meet and talk and he said only if he could tell my wife, which really gave me pause, why did he need to ask my wife if one of his church members was asking him for guidance?Ultimately the person that repeated “we’re never going to say the word divorce” filed for divorce.
I had hope. I had faith. God would redeem the situation, I wasn’t sinless but I had a Biblical foundation for every choice I made when it came to the relationship.
God didn’t; I guess he was too busy orchestrating the genocide His people would soon be carrying out.
I pray for death each and every day. There is but one reason I haven’t taken my own life. I went to a hospital to seek treatment and was locked in on a 72 hour holder and almost wasn’t able to file my taxes – all they intended to do was add more medicines atop what clearly wasn’t working. I went to see a specialist who prescribed me something that left me absolutely unable to complete my work and I found myself in trouble with my professional licensing board because of it.
At this point I don’t care if “god” has a plan for me or even if they actually exist. “God” is a monster and created me for no reason other than pain and self-loathing.
Indeed — at least to me — you sound like a man (of/after) God…I’m sorry that you’ve suffered so…I pray for your mental, emotional, psychological, spiritual restoration and healing; and, if it’s His will, reconciliation with your wife and kids.
I definitely get your meaning about His “chosen ones” launching widespread genocide and warfare.
This is serious business, lord bubuza please keep your crap off here
No kidding…Not today, or ANY day, for that matter, Satan!!!
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Excellent understanding and much gratitude!
Excellent understanding and much gratitude!
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I used to struggle badly as a farmer barely surviving, buried in debt, and losing all hope. One night, I came across testimonies online about a man named Lord Bubuza who helps people win the lottery. I reached out to him. He guided me, performed a lottery spell, and gave me specific numbers to play. I used them to buy a ticket and two days later, I couldn’t believe it. I had won $5.1 million. I just stared at the screen in shock. From being broke and hopeless to becoming a millionaire overnight. Thanks to Lord Bubuza, I’ve cleared all my debts, bought more farmland, and secured my family’s future. I’m so thankful for what he did for me. If you’re in a tough place, he can help you too. You can contact him on email: lordbubuzamiraclework @ hot mail . com …..!
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I am sorry, but most of this article isn’t true. Therapy does not work and neither does medication. We have more antidepressants out on the market and therapy has been around to 150 years and yet there are more depressed people now than anytime in recorded history.
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I am 64 years old and for almost my entire life I have suffered from mild moderate but mostly severe depression with my very first thought that pops into my head as I wake up being ” I wish I were dead” It’s been an agonizing life but thankfully it all vanished three months ago and im very certain those feelings have now left me for good. Respectfully I’d like to take issue with a statement you made Sarah when you said that suicide isn’t a selfish act. I used to believe that if I ended it all I would be doing a huge favor for everyone around me as I thought my existence was a net negative and I thereby would no longer be a source of turmoil in the lives of all I interacted with but I did a 180 degree flip on my belief system One of my very favorite movies is “It’s a wonderful life” a Christmas time classic starring Jimmy Stewart He was given the miraculous gift of seeing how life would be so different had he never been born. I have always loved giving and doing for others and by focusing on that I thought if I were to end it all that would put an end to my ever being able to do another single deed of kindness for another. And would I want that to happen? Of course not! And I now most definitely believe suicide is the ultimate wholly selfish act one can commit because the choice is ours. We choose to do good towards others Yes we make mistakes but oftentimes these mistakes can be corrected and amends can be made No I DO NOT want to throw away that sacred privilege to work good towards others for all eternity The depressed and suicidal however have unfortunately entered a bubble of self centeredness and have lost the vision of the big picture. Believe me I know this well. They are not to be scolded for thinking selfishly but rather carefully directed out of that dangerous bubble and to be assured of their inherent worth and their potential to do good works if they choose to All praise to God though who the Bible attributes as being the Originator of all good gifts and perfect presents in the inspired book of James. Praise Him for all eternity.
I am living proof that lottery spell work magic truly works. I never believed in spell casting until I had my own life-changing experience. While searching online, I came across a spell caster called Oniha Spells on Google. After contacting him and following his instructions carefully, everything changed for me. Not long after the spell work was completed, I won the Michigan Lottery. This experience turned me into a firm believer, and today I confidently share my story as evidence that Oniha Spells’ magic is real and effective.
I never thought a spell could help a couple before. I am very pleased to contact you and initiate all this to happen. Anyone who has a relationship problem can contact Dr masako via email. (doctormasako@ gmail. com ) his whatsAPP +2349047144277
I won 378,000,000 dollars from the MEGA MILLIONS LOTTERY with ease after lord Bubuza the great spell caster revealed the winning numbers to me after casting a lottery spell for me. Contact him today for help via email: Lordbubuzamiraclework @ hot mail . com
I WON 378,000,000 DOLLARS WITH LORD BUBUZA LOTTERY SPELL: Lord Bubuza is the greatest spell caster I have seen, He is like a God on Earth, sent to save us. His spell is so active and the lottery winning numbers he reveals after casting his lottery spell are super accurate. I have been playing the lottery for years without winning and this made me contact spell casters for years for help and none of them could help me, But when I contacted lord Bubuza and told him I needed help to win the lottery, he responded and I provided the requirements to cast the lottery spell. After casting the spell, lord Bubuza gave me a Six digit number and those numbers won 378,000,000 million dollars for me in the MEGA MILLION LOTTERY. I couldn’t believe it until I was paid and taxes were subtracted. I can’t thank lord Bubuza enough, with a worm heart please join me and thank him via email: Lordbubuzamiraclework @ hot mail . com
I WON 378,000,000 DOLLARS WITH LORD BUBUZA LOTTERY SPELL: Lord Bubuza is the greatest spell caster I have seen, He is like a God on Earth, sent to save us. His spell is so active and the lottery winning numbers he reveals after casting his lottery spell are super accurate. I have been playing the lottery for years without winning and this made me contact spell casters for years for help and none of them could help me, But when I contacted lord Bubuza and told him I needed help to win the lottery, he responded and I provided the requirements to cast the lottery spell. After casting the spell, lord Bubuza gave me a Six digit number and those numbers won 378,000,000 million dollars for me in the MEGA MILLION LOTTERY. I couldn’t believe it until I was paid and taxes were subtracted. I can’t thank lord Bubuza enough, with a worm heart please join me and thank him via email:::: Lordbubuzamiraclework @ hot mail . com
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my husband left, my world completely fell apart. I was heartbroken and sank into a deep depression. Out of desperation, I reached out to Dr. Peter and to my amazement, within 24 hours, my husband returned, full of love, regret, and a promise to rebuild our life together. I’m forever grateful to Dr. Peter for restoring my marriage and bringing happiness back into my life. If you need help, don’t hesitate to reach out to him. drpeterspellcaster 21 @ gmail .com
How do so many of you all NOT understand your toxicity? I’m not suicidal today, but I have been, and acted on it. Currently I’m maybe not struggling, but I feel like it. It’s a long story, and I don’t want to belittle or seem to be belittling anyone else’s feelings and/or story.
I grew up in the church. My grandparents, parents were/are Christians, they served in the church. I served in the church for decades.(I say the church, because we served and spent years in a more local church after moving for my school, then returned to our “home church” after I graduated. I’ve been a Christian for over 40 years.
I was never physically assaulted, thank God, but I was mentally and emotionally, and I saw my mother go through similar “stuff,” for want of a better word. I believe we’ve both been through religious trauma.
I try to believe everyone means well. I think many of the commentators here really do mean well.
But here’s the toxicity. We know the cliches. We’ve done the work. We’ve trusted what we were told – we were lied to. We begged for help, for answers. We “troubled deaf heaven,” a lot. (I’m saying we because I’ve read/heard stories and had similiar experiences, and don’t want to explain that every time. Believe me, my story is nothing compared to so many that I’ve read/heard.)
Yet when we ask for help, when we either attempted the act or gathered enough courage and bravery to ask for help, to say “I’m struggling,” or “I’m not doing/feel well,” what happens?
It’s not “I’m sorry this is happening. I’m sorry you feel this way,” (said and meant sincerely), ” what do you need to feel better? What’s going on? How can I help? Can I listen for awhile?,” and so on. Realize that you might actually have to help us, but that we’re worth it.
Don’t bring out the “Jesus loves you.” cliche. Don’t play the “if you just havd more faith,””if you just pray more,” “God has a plan for your life,”” if you’d just stop sinning,””if you’d just rebuke the devil,” “if you’d just read your Bible more,””if you’d just do what I tell you/told you,” and so on. These are really all cliches. (Please do us the favor of not kneejerking here, I can here it now, “but He dooooooes.” That’s not the point.
The point is that we’ve done those things- and we’re still where we are. Telling us those things, no matter how strongly you believe them, isn’t helping us; it’s just another blow. Another proof that we’re irrevocably broken, again for want of a better term, that we are a burden, etc. It doesn’t hit the same as it does for you.
Our coming to you isn’t about you; it’s about us. We may not want to go the whole route of a psych hold or inpatient care, or to “step back” or “step back” from our positions, but we want/need help. We need a listening ear. We don’t need “I’ll pray for you,” we need active listening and action. We may need you to be there when we cry, we may need you to have an open mind and to stand with us if we look into medication, therapy, or anything else you or your church might disagree with. Again, our health may not match your view.
You can do so much damage to us with your cliches and responses, no matter your intentions. Please don’t. We’re already hurting. Please don’t make it worse. Please don’t be toxic.
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I am Genevive Brown, I’m from Houston Texas. A single mother who was abandoned by her husband because of this numerous flings who was taking his attention. Since my husband left me, I have been struggling on how to pay my bills and cater for myself and son, it wasn’t easy for me and my son for a year and six months. I came in contact with Dr Uwaifo page and I saw all the numerous testimonies of people he has helped win Lotto Max with his spiritual spell casting. I decided to contact him and told him all I was going through, he replied “my daughter you are in the right place, I will help you accomplish all that you seek. “ he then told me all I need to do, I actually did them reluctantly because I wasn’t too sure with the whole thing. After the whole process, he gave me the winning number, I followed his instructions and played the Lotto Max game with the winning number he gave me. Few days. I got a text that I won the Lotto Max tag price for the game I played. I can’t believe that I won the sum of $ 850 Million Dollars. All this wouldn’t have been possible without the help of Dr Uwaifo the spell caster. Thank you Dr Uwaifo. Please contact Dr Uwaifo for any spiritual spell casting.
I want to share my experience to express my heartfelt gratitude to Oniha Spells. Before this breakthrough, my life was filled with financial stress and uncertainty. I had tried many things over the years with no real change, and I was close to giving up hope. After being introduced to Oniha Spells, I decided to take a leap of faith. The guidance, reassurance, and support I received throughout the process gave me a sense of calm and confidence I hadn’t felt in a long time. Not long after, something truly incredible happened. I won $3 million in the lottery. This life-changing moment still feels unreal to me. It has allowed me to clear my debts, support my family, and finally live without constant financial fear. I genuinely believe that Oniha Spells played a meaningful role in helping align my path toward this blessing. Anyone can also reach out to Oniha Spells via.
Email: droniha16 @ gmail. com
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I am overwhelmed with gratitude and joy! On December 31, my life changed forever when I won $2 million in the POWERBALL drawing. I want to share my incredible story with the world, and I must give credit to the amazing spell caster, Dr. Oniha. His lottery spell was the key to unlocking my winning fortune. I had been playing the lottery for years, but my numbers never seemed to match. That was until I met Dr. Oniha. His guidance and expertise gave me the confidence to take a chance on his spell. Dr. Oniha’s spell was like a beacon of hope, shining brightly in my darkest moments. His words of encouragement and support kept me focused and motivated. When I won, I was in shock! I couldn’t believe my eyes. Dr. Oniha’s spell had worked its magic, and I am now a multimillionaire. I urge everyone to seek Dr. Oniha’s help if they’re struggling financially or need a change in their lives. His spells are real, and his expertise is unmatched.
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I am Genevive Brown, I’m from Houston Texas. A single mother who was abandoned by her husband because of this numerous flings who was taking his attention. Since my husband left me, I have been struggling on how to pay my bills and cater for myself and son, it wasn’t easy for me and my son for a year and six months. I came in contact with Dr Uwaifo page and I saw all the numerous testimonies of people he has helped win Lotto Max with his spiritual spell casting. I decided to contact him and told him all I was going through, he replied “my daughter you are in the right place, I will help you accomplish all that you seek. “ he then told me all I need to do, I actually did them reluctantly because I wasn’t too sure with the whole thing. After the whole process, he gave me the winning number, I followed his instructions and played the Lotto Max game with the winning number he gave me. Few days. I got a text that I won the Lotto Max tag price for the game I played. I can’t believe that I won the sum of $ 850 Million Dollars. All this wouldn’t have been possible without the help of Dr Uwaifo the spell caster. Thank you Dr Uwaifo. Please contact Dr Uwaifo
I want to use this medium to share my incredible manifesting with Dr. Kachi, who truly changed my life. For a long time, I struggled with homelessness after losing my job as a nurse. Life felt like an endless battle, and I spent many years trying to win the lottery, hoping for a better future. But despite my efforts, I had no success and was growing increasingly frustrated. That was until I came across an amazing testimony from a woman named Natasha, who shared how Dr. Kachi helped her win the National EuroMillions jackpot. I had always loved playing EuroMillions, but winning seemed impossible for me. However, after seeing Natasha’s story, I decided to reach out to Dr. Kachi prepared a special spell to help me with guaranteed lucky numbers. Within 24 hours, he provided me with the winning numbers and instructed me to play. To my amazement, I won £184.656 million in the EuroMillions! Thanks to Dr. Kachi, my life has been transformed, and my financial situation has changed for the better. I will never forget this joyful moment, as it has been the best thing to ever happen to me. If you’re struggling and seeking a way out, never give up. Dr. Kachi can help you, just as he helped me. Keep your faith and take a chance – your life could change too! his or his phone text or call number: +1 (209) 675-7342
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If there’s anyone that I trust and believe in his spells is LORD MEDUZA. My Heart is filled with Joy and Happiness after LORD MEDUZA cast a Lottery Spell that made me win $435 MILLION with the Numbers he provided for me. This is the only secret to win the Lottery. For immediate response on how to win the lottery, email him via: lordmeduzatemple @ hotmail. com
The marital crisis I was going through came to and end when Dr Adoda got involved. Just like every other couples out there, we had our differences and I ensure I did my best to lead her right, provide for her and my kids and also protected them. We both made sacrifices to ensure we survived the union until she started acting up and deliberately had so many fights with me. The home became unpleasant for everyone else including my children. She was being manipulated by a friend who had been divorced and wanted to also ruin my marriage. I had to contact {http://dradodalovetemple.com} and he responded and did his best to end what was going on within us. He restored the love and connection between us and I can tell now that whatever illusion my wife was under has been taking away and she is a better Wife and a mother now. The result of what Dr Adoda did for me that manifested after 48HOURS was what amazed me. I and my household remain grateful. I appeal to anyone who needs help to fix their relationships and marital problems to Visit Adoda website because the solution is sure. http://dradodalovetemple.com
I want to share my experience to express my heartfelt gratitude to Oniha Spells. Before this breakthrough, my life was filled with financial stress and uncertainty. I had tried many things over the years with no real change, and I was close to giving up hope. After being introduced to Oniha Spells, I decided to take a leap of faith. The guidance, reassurance, and support I received throughout the process gave me a sense of calm and confidence I hadn’t felt in a long time. Not long after, something truly incredible happened. I won $3 million in the lottery. This life-changing moment still feels unreal to me. It has allowed me to clear my debts, support my family, and finally live without constant financial fear. I genuinely believe that Oniha Spells played a meaningful role in helping align my path toward this blessing. Anyone can also reach out to Oniha Spells via.
Email: droniha16 @ gmail .com
My life changed forever when I won $2 million in the POWERBALL drawing. I want to share my incredible story with the world, and I must give credit to the amazing spell caster, Dr. Oniha. His lottery spell was the key to unlocking my winning fortune. I had been playing the lottery for years, but my numbers never seemed to match. That was until I met Dr. Oniha. His guidance and expertise gave me the confidence to take a chance on his spell. Dr. Oniha’s spell was like a beacon of hope, shining brightly in my darkest moments. His words of encouragement and support kept me focused and motivated. When I won, I was in shock! I couldn’t believe my eyes. Dr. Oniha’s spell had worked its magic, and I am now a multimillionaire. I urge everyone to seek Dr. Oniha’s help if they’re struggling financially or need a change in their lives. His spells are real, and his expertise is unmatched.
Email: droniha16 @ gmail .com
I can confidently say that Oniha Spells are real and life-changing. Before meeting Dr. Oniha, I had never won anything significant from the lottery despite years of trying. After he performed a strong and focused lottery spell for me, everything aligned perfectly. I became the Mega Millions winner of $420,000,000, a moment I will never forget. Dr. Oniha treated me with respect, kindness, and spiritual wisdom from start to finish. His energy and guidance made all the difference. I recommend Oniha Spells to anyone ready for a financial breakthrough and a new beginning.
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All thanks to Lord Bubuza, the lottery spell caster that reveals the lottery winning numbers to me and i won $18.7million dollars. My name is Nang T, join me thank this genius lottery spell caster via email: Lordbubuzamiraclework @ hot mail . com …..
I WON $18,700,000 USING LORD BUBUZA SPELL: I was going to be a retired bus driver without savings, the thought of life after retirement kept draining me daily, I have been playing lotto for the past years without winning. I went online for a research on life after retirement when I saw Random testimonies of people appreciating a spell caster called Lord Bubuza for giving them the right LOTTO winning numbers so I immediately contacted Lord Bubuza for help to win a the LOTTO 6/49 JACKPOT, he said I can only win with the right numbers which will be revealed to him by his gods after casting a spell. I did as he instructed and the spell was cast, he gave me the numbers and said I should go and play without fear. I bought the ticket and played. It was very shocking and surprising when I discovered that all the numbers Lord Bubuza gave me matched all six winning numbers in the April 6 draw. I became winner of $18,700,000 million with the help of Lord Bubuza numbers. I will continue to appreciate him, contact him too for help via email: Lordbubuzamiraclework @ hot mail . com …
I can confidently say that Oniha Spells are real and life-changing. Before meeting Dr. Oniha, I had never won anything significant from the lottery despite years of trying. After he performed a strong and focused lottery spell for me, everything aligned perfectly. I became the Mega Millions winner of $420,000,000, a moment I will never forget. Dr. Oniha treated me with respect, kindness, and spiritual wisdom from start to finish. His energy and guidance made all the difference. I recommend Oniha Spells to anyone ready for a financial breakthrough and a new beginning.
Email: droniha16 @gmail .com
My life is incredibly beautiful and I owe my deepest appreciation to Lord Meduza as his efforts are the epitome of excellence in making me the lottery winner of €116 million. Reach out to Lord Meduza for help via his email: lordmeduzatemple @ hotmail . com
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I was in a very difficult financial situation and honestly didn’t know what else to do. While searching online for help, I came across someone testifying about a spell caster called Oniha Spells and decided to give it a try, even though I was skeptical at first. I followed the instructions carefully and stayed hopeful. Within a few weeks, things started changing for me in ways I couldn’t explain. Then the unbelievable happened. I played Powerball and won $5 million dollars. My life has completely turned around, and I’m truly grateful for this experience. Anyone who wants any kind of spiritual help should kindly contact Oniha Spells and he will be of help.
I never thought a spell could help a couple before. I am very pleased to contact you and initiate all this to happen. Anyone who has a relationship problem can contact Dr masako via email. (doctormasako@ gmail. com ) his whatsAPP +2349047144277
I have never believed in spiritual powers all my life because I grew up in a family surrounded by Atheists, I play the lottery for fun, my parents are wealthy people so I was born into a rich Family. I live in Las Vegas where gambling is on the rise. I play the casino and other games, including the lottery. Sometime last year I met someone who introduced me to a spiritual doc who specialized in helping one win gambles, the first sequence of numbers I was given won me over Two Million Dollars. This man is a witch with gifted powers. contact him Via Oniha Spells via google
I want to share my experience to express my heartfelt gratitude to Oniha Spells. Before this breakthrough, my life was filled with financial stress and uncertainty. I had tried many things over the years with no real change, and I was close to giving up hope. After being introduced to Oniha Spells, I decided to take a leap of faith. The guidance, reassurance, and support I received throughout the process gave me a sense of calm and confidence I hadn’t felt in a long time. Not long after, something truly incredible happened. I won $3 million in the lottery. This life-changing moment still feels unreal to me. It has allowed me to clear my debts, support my family, and finally live without constant financial fear. I genuinely believe that Oniha Spells played a meaningful role in helping align my path toward this blessing. Anyone can also reach out to Oniha Spells via google
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I went through a painful breakup after a 5-year relationship ended just a month ago. I still loved my partner deeply and couldn’t stop thinking about them, no matter how hard I tried to move on. I did everything to get them back, but nothing worked, and I was losing hope. Out of desperation, I decided to reach out to a spiritual counselor, and that decision changed my life. Things started improving, communication returned, and today we are back together, happier than before. If you’re going through a similar situation, don’t give up. Help is real. You can reach out via email: alaskaspellcaster44 @ gmail. com. Your happiness might just be one step away.
There was a time I thought my marriage was over for good. A third party had completely taken over my wife’s attention, and no matter how much I tried to fix things, nothing worked. I felt helpless, frustrated, and deeply hurt watching someone else come between us. It got to a point where I almost gave up, but something pushed me to seek help and that’s when I found Dr. Alaska. What made him different was how he truly understood my pain. He didn’t judge me or rush me; instead, he patiently listened and guided me step by step. He explained everything in a way that gave me hope again. I followed his instructions with faith, even when things seemed impossible. Slowly but surely, I began to notice changes. My wife started reaching out again, her attitude softened, and the connection we lost began to rebuild. Today, I can proudly say my wife is back home, our love is restored, and the third party is no longer part of our lives. If you’re going through something similar and feel like no one understands your pain, I promise you there is still hope. You can reach on email: alaskaspellcaster44 @ gmail. com
I never thought a spell could help a couple before. I am very pleased to contact you and initiate all this to happen. Anyone who has a relationship problem can contact Dr masako via email. (doctormasako@ gmail. com ) his whatsAPP +2349047144277
HOW WE WON 70,000,000 DOLLARS: We have been married for 51 years and we have tried everything we could to win the Lotto Max lottery. I went online for help then I saw Testimonies of people thanking lord Bubuza for helping them win the lottery by casting a spell and revealing the lottery numbers to them. I immediately contacted him for help and he responded saying “I will cast a lottery spell and reveal the lottery winning numbers to you” I provided the requirements to cast the spell and after which he gave us the number so we purchased the Quick Pick Lotto Max ticket at a grocery store while on our way to camp and behold we won 70 million dollars and kept it a secret for a while. Our names are Doug and Enid Hannon and we are gladly recommending lord Bubuza to everyone willing to win too. Contact him via email: Lordbubuzamiraclework @ hot mail . com
I never thought a spell could help a couple before. I am very pleased to contact you and initiate all this to happen. Anyone who has a relationship problem can contact Dr masako via email. (doctormasako@ gmail. com ) his whatsAPP +2349047144277
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I never thought a spell could help a couple before. I am very pleased to contact you and initiate all this to happen. Anyone who has a relationship problem can contact Dr masako via email. (doctormasako@ gmail. com ) his whatsAPP +2349047144277
I feel so fortunate to have crossed paths with MEDUZA a specialist in lottery spell. He enabled me to win a $259 million Jackpot with his lottery spell winning numbers.. Reach out to him via: lordmeduzatemple @ hotmail . com
We are Doug and Enid Hannon and we won $70 million in the Lotto Max lottery after reaching out to a spell caster named Lord Bubuza for help. We have been trying to win for 51 years. Lord Bubuza cast a spell and gave us the winning numbers. We bought the ticket and won big and kept it a secret for a while. We are recommending Lord Bubuza to others who want to win too. Contact him for help via email: Lordbubuzamiraclework @ hot mail . com
HOW WE WON 70,000,000 DOLLARS: We have been married for 51 years and we have tried everything we could to win the Lotto Max lottery. I went online for help then I saw Testimonies of people thanking lord Bubuza for helping them win the lottery by casting a spell and revealing the lottery numbers to them. I immediately contacted him for help and he responded saying “I will cast a lottery spell and reveal the lottery winning numbers to you” I provided the requirements to cast the spell and after which he gave us the number so we purchased the Quick Pick Lotto Max ticket at a grocery store while on our way to camp and behold we won 70 million dollars and kept it a secret for a while. Our names are Doug and Enid Hannon and we are gladly recommending lord Bubuza to everyone willing to win too. Contact him via email:::: Lordbubuzamiraclework @ hot mail . com
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my husband left, my world completely fell apart. I was heartbroken and sank into a deep depression. Out of desperation, I reached out to Dr. Peter and to my amazement, within 24 hours, my husband returned, full of love, regret, and a promise to rebuild our life together. I’m forever grateful to Dr. Peter for restoring my marriage and bringing happiness back into my life. If you need help, don’t hesitate to reach out to him. drpeterspellcaster 21 @ gmail .com
I never thought a spell could help a couple before. I am very pleased to contact you and initiate all this to happen. Anyone who has a relationship problem can contact Dr masako via email. (doctormasako@ gmail. com ) his whatsAPP +2349047144277
Lord Meduza is the spell caster that helped me win the whopping sum of $48 million Canadian Dollars in the Lotto game 6/49 Gold Ball. Email him now to win the lottery: Lordmeduzatemple @ hotmail . com
Wishing good fortune to everyone who comes across this comment! I went bankrupt last year due to failed business ideas. I used to enjoy playing the lottery for fun but as my situation worsened, I sought help to win big this time and found a man called OGBO, who has assisted numerous individuals worldwide with their financial issues. This man prepared a powerful spell for me that enabled him to get the secrete lucky numbers for me, I played the game with the numbers and to my astonishment, I discovered that I had won $259 million Jackpot after 2 weeks just has he said; Today, I’m now free of debt and I own different investments globally. Without OGBO, I wouldn’t have made it through the tough times I experienced last year. Truly ,OGBO is a divine presence among us. If you are currently struggling in aspect of your life, reach out to OGBO through the below information’s.
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Are you looking for help to win the lottery? Dr Dominion is here to help.
phone: +12059642462
Hi everyone, after 10 years of playing lotto game i am finally living my dream life, all thanks to Dr Dominion i will never forget that great man never in my entire life, i am who i am today all because of him he gave me a winning numbers to play and he prepared a lotto winning spell for me that helped me won the powerball jackpot. friend and I stopped at the party store that day to buy some Lottery, I bought a couple scratch offs and decided to get one Mega Millions ticket and one Powerball ticket, too.
I was at work the next morning when my friend FaceTimed me and asked me if I had checked my ticket because the news was saying the winning ticket was bought at the Huron Plaza Liquor.
I got off the phone and went to my truck to get the ticket. After I checked it, all could do was scream. Everyone from work came running to check on me. Once I got calmed down, my boss made sure I was able to get a ride home because there was no way I would be able to drive after learning I was a multi-millionaire. thank you so much Dr Dominion for what you have done for my entire generations, i will forever be grateful. you may want to try him too here is his info bellow:
phone: +12059642462
Praise be to the incredible gifted Lord Meduza, the sorcerer. I won the lottery with the help of Lord Meduza winning jackpot numbers. Email him to get yours now if you want to win the lottery: lordmeduzatemple@ hotmail. com
This accomplishment is one of the biggest turning points in my life. Just a few months ago, things were really tough and I had lost almost everything, life became so overwhelming that feeding myself was even a struggle. One day, while searching for hope and guidance, I came across Dr Uwaifo page and saw testimonies of how he helps people win mega millions through his spell casting gift. I contacted him and told him everything happening in my life, he assured me to stay calm and told me what to do. I did everything and he gave me the winning number. When the draw was out, I won $90 million mega millions. I’m grateful to Dr Uwaifo for this financial breakthrough that completely turned my situation around.
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I never thought a spell could help a couple before. I am very pleased to contact you and initiate all this to happen. Anyone who has a relationship problem can contact Dr masako via email. (doctormasako@ gmail. com ) his whatsAPP +2349047144277
Hi, I’m Henry Smith, living in Dallas,Texas. I came across many testimonies on net testifying of DR. UWAIFO a voodoo spell caster that will help you cast a LOTTERY spell and give you the rightful numbers to win the lottery, i didn’t believe it, at first but as life got badder i decided to take a try, now my try has made me a million dollars, i have been playing all types of lottery since 2 years now but i have not win up to $20,000, after contacting DR. UWAIFO cast the lottery spell and gave me the hot figures. Behold, I won $230,000,000,00. Now I am a living testimony of the good work of DR UWAIFO. A gifted man with great powers, it is my secret but I decided to make the world aware of it as it might be a help to any one who is interested, this happened last week,you are free to contact DR. UWAIFO..
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I would never have thought that my husband will ever call off the divorce case and returned back to his family until i met Dr Seer who helped me and my husband returned back home to me and quit the divorced. When my husband told me he was issuing a divorce, i was very scared and besides i still love him and i do not want to lose him. At that period i was living alone, nothing good was going through my mind, i was frustrated, because the burden was too much for me and my kids to bear. A man we have been married for 15 years, all of a sudden started acting up on me and later told me he is going to issue a divorce because he can’t continue taking care of me and the kids and that he is fed up, and not knowing to me that he has found another woman and the evil woman has been the one manipulating him and that my husband should issue a divorce paper to me so that she can move into our home. One faithful day, the woman parked her belongings and moved into our home to stay with my husband and the worst thing was that she was pregnant. I couldn’t stand it, my kids and i have to parked our belongings and left the house for them. My greatest fear was that how am i gong to get rid of the evil woman from my husband and also where am i going to get money to get a good lawyer if he has finally made up his mind on the divorce because i was not working and how on earth am i going to win a divorce case without the help of a good lawyer. so i was totally confuse and it keeps running through my mind to the point i was having nightmare at sleep, because i know if he finally goes to court he will surely wins and i might have or not have anything left for me to take care of my kids, besides i still love him. I want to get rid of that evil woman from him and i do not even want the divorce. I just wish he would call off the divorce and pursue away that evil woman from him but he did not, so my worried increase and i was completely dead at that period. I was always thinking and praying to God for him to change his mind so that he get rid of the evil woman and call off the divorce. God so kind i was reading an article on a marriage forum on the Internet about how to get your EX back, the forum was for people sharing their marriage problem, relationship problem, breakup, divorce, and also giving advice to any of the problem. So i saw a lady called Georgina Rodriquez, she is from Spain, testifying about the power of Dr Seer on how he help her get her husband back when her husband left and dumped her for 6 months while she was pregnant and moved on with another lady. she left an email down that any body looking for help should contact him, so i did take the email and emailed Dr Seer because i believed on karma(high power). Dr Seer respond to me immediately and told me what to do, i bought the items he ask me to buy and he was praying for me, and he told me i should not worry again that my husband will come back to his senses, he will call off the divorce, get rid of the evil woman and return to me and my kids. indeed after three days of Dr Seer works in my life, my husband returned to me started begging me, he told me he beat the hell out of the evil woman and drove her out of the house. He has also called off the divorce, that he is sorry for the pain and agony he has put me and my kids. And to my greatest surprise my husband told me the woman even lost her baby when she was giving birth, indeed Dr Seer is powerful and he is the greatest man i have ever seen in my whole life. we are happily living again as one big family, all thanks to God for using Dr Seer as a blessing to me. please this is my first time at this Forum/Site, i just decided to share this my life testimony story after i saw some people post who are looking for help, and i strongly believe they will need this help, by saving their homes, their marriages and getting their EX back. Here is the Dr Seer private email address, spiritualrelationshipseer @ gmail. com Good luck and i know you will be the next to testify just like i’m doing now.
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Hi, I’m Henry Smith, living in Dallas,Texas. I came across many testimonies on net testifying of DR. UWAIFO a voodoo spell caster that will help you cast a LOTTERY spell and give you the rightful numbers to win the lottery, i didn’t believe it, at first but as life got badder i decided to take a try, now my try has made me a million dollars, i have been playing all types of lottery since 2 years now but i have not win up to $20,000, after contacting DR. UWAIFO cast the lottery spell and gave me the hot figures. Behold, I won $230,000,000,00. Now I am a living testimony of the good work of DR UWAIFO. A gifted man with great powers, it is my secret but I decided to make the world aware of it as it might be a help to any one who is interested, this happened last week, you are free to contact DR. UWAIFO…
I never play the lottery often, but after reading testimonies about Lord Bubuza helping people win, I reached out to him. Following his instructions, I had a lottery spell cast and was amazed when I won $8.4 million in Oregon’s Game Megabucks! I’m David Schultze, 68, from Milwaukie, Oregon. I’m incredibly grateful to Lord Bubuza… You can contact him via email: Lordbubuzamiraclework @ hot mail . com …
I don’t play the lottery often, but I buy tickets when the draw is up, though I have never won… One day, while researching online how to win the lottery, I came across testimonies of how Lord Bubuza reveals lottery jackpot numbers to people. I contacted him immediately for help. He responded, and I followed his instructions, I provided the requirements to cast the lottery spell. A few hours after casting the spell, Lord Bubuza revealed the Oregon’s Game Megabucks lottery winning numbers to me. I bought a ticket for the January 24 Oregon’s Game Megabucks draw at the Safeway store in Gladstone. When I checked my ticket, I was shocked to discover it was an $8.4 million winner! My name is David Schultze, I’m 68 years old, and I live in Milwaukie, Oregon, USA. I just can’t thank lord Bubuza enough for making me a jackpot winner. Join me in appreciating him via email: Lordbubuzamiraclework @ hot mail . com
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Hi, I’m Henry Smith, living in Dallas,Texas. I came across many testimonies on net testifying of DR. UWAIFO a voodoo spell caster that will help you cast a LOTTERY spell and give you the rightful numbers to win the lottery, i didn’t believe it, at first but as life got badder i decided to take a try, now my try has made me a million dollars, i have been playing all types of lottery since 2 years now but i have not win up to $20,000, after contacting DR. UWAIFO cast the lottery spell and gave me the hot figures. Behold, I won $230,000,000,00. Now I am a living testimony of the good work of DR UWAIFO. A gifted man with great powers, it is my secret but I decided to make the world aware of it as it might be a help to any one who is interested, this happened last week,you are free to contact DR. UWAIFO
My salary was not enough to pay my bills, I was frustrated and In my frustration, I kept looking for a better job. One late night I search online for a better life of a sale representation when I came across testimonies of people thanking lord Bubuza for revealing the lottery winning number to them and they won the Lottery. I contacted lord Bubuza immediately for help and he responded. He told me the requirement needed to cast the lottery spell and I provided them, after casting the spell he gave me some numbers. Without delay I bought my ticket at a 7-Eleven on Pleasant Valley Road in Chantilly and played the numbers. 24 hours later I was notify that the numbers I played have won me $590,600,000 million, I couldn’t hold myself but to shout in tears of joy. lord Bubuza is like a God on Earth. Join me Appreciate him via email:: lordbubuzamiraclework @ hot mail . com
I was frustrated and In my frustration, I kept looking for a better job. One late night I search online for a better life of a sale representation when I came across testimonies of people thanking lord Bubuza for revealing the lottery winning number to them and they won the Lottery. I contacted lord Bubuza immediately for help and he responded. He told me the requirement needed to cast the lottery spell and I provided them, after casting the spell he gave me some numbers… Without delay I bought my ticket at a 7-Eleven on Pleasant Valley Road in Chantilly and played the numbers. 24 hours later I was notify that the numbers I played have won me $590,600,000 million, I couldn’t hold myself but to shout in tears of joy. lord Bubuza is like a God on Earth. Join me Appreciate him via email:: lordbubuzamiraclework (@) hot mail (.) com
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HOW $8,400,000 MILLION OREGON MEGABUCKS JACKPOT CHANGED MY LIFE: I don’t play the lottery often, but I buy tickets when the draw is up, though I have never won. One day, while researching online how to win the lottery, I came across testimonies of how Lord Bubuza reveals lottery jackpot numbers to people. I contacted him immediately for help. He responded, and I followed his instructions, I provided the requirements to cast the lottery spell. A few hours after casting the spell, Lord Bubuza revealed the Oregon’s Game Megabucks lottery winning numbers to me. I bought a ticket for the January 24 Oregon’s Game Megabucks draw at the Safeway store in Gladstone. When I checked my ticket, I was shocked to discover it was an $8.4 million winner! My name is David Schultze, I’m 68 years old, and I live in Milwaukie, Oregon, USA. I just can’t thank lord Bubuza enough for making me a jackpot winner. Join me in appreciating him via his email: Lordbubuzamiraclework @ hot mail . com
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My name is Richard Nuttall, my wife Debbie Nuttall and I are both 54 years old. WE ARE GLAD TO ANNOUNCE TO THE WORLD THAT WE WON £61,708,321 EUROMILLIONS JACKPOT PRIZE, with the number a lottery spell caster called Lord Bubuza gave us after casting his lottery spell. This man is a great seer and he is like a God on Earth that has turned our financial status for the better. He was recommended to us by a friend in my office who he helped win the lottery, and as a couple, we discussed and decided to give his spell a try. We provided his requirement to cast the lottery spell and we are £61M richer today. We have made a vow to ourselves that we will keep testifying about him. We were sceptical at first, but no protection is risky, so we tried it and we are financially stable now. Join us to appreciate this genius. Do you want to win like us? Contact him via email: Lordbubuzamiraclework @ hot mail . com
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My name is Richard Nuttall, my wife Debbie Nuttall and I are both 54 years old. WE ARE GLAD TO ANNOUNCE TO THE WORLD THAT WE WON £61,708,321 EUROMILLIONS JACKPOT PRIZE, with the number a lottery spell caster called Lord Bubuza gave us after casting his lottery spell. This man is a great seer and he is like a God on Earth that has turned our financial status for the better. He was recommended to us by a friend in my office who he helped win the lottery, and as a couple, we discussed and decided to give his spell a try. We provided his requirement to cast the lottery spell and we are £61M richer today. We have made a vow to ourselves that we will keep testifying about him. We were sceptical at first, but no protection is risky, so we tried it and we are financially stable now. Join us to appreciate this genius. Do you want to win like us? Contact him via email::: Lordbubuzamiraclework @ hot mail . com
FROM STRUGGLING SALES REPRESENTATIVE TO A $590,600,000 MILLION LOTTERY WINNER: I was a sale representative and my salary was not enough to pay my bills, I was frustrated and In my frustration, I kept looking for a better job or ways to win the lottery. One late night I search online for a better life of a sale representation when I came across testimonies of people thanking lord Bubuza for revealing the lottery winning number to them and they won the Lottery. I contacted lord Bubuza immediately for help and he responded. He told me the requirement needed to cast the lottery spell and I provided them, after casting the spell he gave me some numbers. Without delay I bought my ticket at a 7-Eleven on Pleasant Valley Road in Chantilly and played the numbers. 24 hours later I was notify that the numbers I played have won me $590,600,000 million, I couldn’t hold myself but to shout in tears of joy. lord Bubuza is like a God on Earth… Join me Appreciate him via email: lordbubuzamiraclework @ hot mail . com
HOW $8,400,000 MILLION OREGON MEGABUCKS JACKPOT CHANGED MY LIFE: I don’t play the lottery often, but I buy tickets when the draw is up, though I have never won. One day, while researching online how to win the lottery, I came across testimonies of how Lord Bubuza reveals lottery jackpot numbers to people. I contacted him immediately for help. He responded, and I followed his instructions, I provided the requirements to cast the lottery spell. A few hours after casting the spell, Lord Bubuza revealed the Oregon’s Game Megabucks lottery winning numbers to me. I bought a ticket for the January 24 Oregon’s Game Megabucks draw at the Safeway store in Gladstone. When I checked my ticket, I was shocked to discover it was an $8.4 million winner! My name is David Schultze, I’m 68 years old, and I live in Milwaukie, Oregon, USA. I just can’t thank lord Bubuza enough for making me a jackpot winner. Join me in appreciating him via his email::: Lordbubuzamiraclework @ hot mail . com
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The prospect of a significant bull run in the crypto market is thrilling, but success hinges on strategic buying and selling, not just holding the right coins. Day trading, the heartbeat of the crypto market, involves making strategic decisions based on market trends and fluctuations, capitalizing on short-term price movements. It offers the opportunity to ride market waves, buying low and selling high, thereby maximizing profits.…managed to grow a nest egg of around 85k to a decent 932k in the space of a few months. Thanks again, Bullish Ledger Market Signals, for the regular updates
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My name is Richard Nuttall, my wife Debbie Nuttall and I are both 54 years old. WE ARE GLAD TO ANNOUNCE TO THE WORLD THAT WE WON £61,708,321 EUROMILLIONS JACKPOT PRIZE, with the number a lottery spell caster called Lord Bubuza gave us after casting his lottery spell. This man is a great seer and he is like a God on Earth that has turned our financial status for better. He was recommended to us by a friend in my office who he helped win the lottery, and as a couple, we discussed and decided to give his spell a try. We provided his requirement to cast the lottery spell and we are £61M richer today. We have made a vow to ourselves that we will keep testifying about him. We were sceptical at first, but no protection is risky, so we tried it and we are financially stable now. Join us to appreciate this genius. Do you want to win like us? Do you need your Ex back? Contact lord Bubuza because he is a miracle worker. His email: Lordbubuzamiraclework @ hot mail . com
I WON THE LOTTERY AS A RETIRED BUS DRIVER: I was going to be a retired bus driver who had no savings, the thought of it kept draining me daily, I have been playing lotto for the past years without luck. I went online for a research on life after retirement when I saw Random testimonies of people appreciating a spell caster called Lord Bubuza for giving them the right LOTTO winning numbers so I immediately contacted Lord Bubuza for help to win the LOTTO 6/49 JACKPOT, he said I can only win with the right numbers which will be revealed to him by his gods after casting a spell. I did as he instructed and the spell was cast, he gave me the numbers and said I should go and play without fear. I bought the ticket and played. It was very shocking and surprising when I discovered that all the numbers Lord Bubuza gave me matched all six winning numbers in the April 6 draw. I became winner of $18.7 million with the help of Lord Bubuza numbers. I will continue to appreciate him, Join me thank him via email: Lordbubuzamiraclework @ hot mail . com
I was going to be a retired bus driver who had no savings, the thought of it kept draining me daily, I have been playing lotto for the past years without luck. I went online for a research on life after retirement when I saw Random testimonies of people appreciating a spell caster called Lord Bubuza for giving them the right LOTTO winning numbers so I immediately contacted Lord Bubuza for help to win the LOTTO 6/49 JACKPOT, he said I can only win with the right numbers which will be revealed to him by his gods after casting a spell. I did as he instructed and the spell was cast, he gave me the numbers and said I should go and play without fear. I bought the ticket and played. It was very shocking and surprising when I discovered that all the numbers Lord Bubuza gave me matched all six winning numbers in the April 6 draw. I became winner of $18.7 million with the help of Lord Bubuza numbers. I will continue to appreciate him, Join me thank him via email: Lordbubuzamiraclework @ hot mail . com
ALARNA ULLAH
I feel very happy to have crossed paths with MEDUZA a specialist in lottery spells. His spell enabled me to win a $259 million Jackpot with his lottery spell winning numbers. Reach him for help via email: lordmeduzatemple @ hotmail . com
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I’m beyond grateful after winning $2 million in the POWERBALL drawing on December 31. After years of playing without success, I sought help from Dr. Oniha, whose guidance gave me hope and confidence. When my numbers finally matched, I was amazed. Winning changed my life forever, and I’ll always remember this unforgettable experience.
Email: droniha16 @gmail .com
FROM STRUGGLING SALES REPRESENTATIVE TO A $590,600,000 MILLION LOTTERY WINNER: I was a sale representative and my salary was not enough to pay my bills, I was frustrated and In my frustration, I kept looking for a better job or ways to win the lottery. One late night I search online for a better life of a sale representation when I came across testimonies of people thanking lord Bubuza for revealing the lottery winning number to them and they won the Lottery. I contacted lord Bubuza immediately for help and he responded. He told me the requirement needed to cast the lottery spell and I provided them, after casting the spell he gave me some numbers. Without delay I bought my ticket at a 7-Eleven on Pleasant Valley Road in Chantilly and played the numbers. 24 hours later I was notify that the numbers I played have won me $590,600,000 million, I couldn’t hold myself but to shout in tears of joy. lord Bubuza is like a God on Earth. Join me Appreciate him via email: lordbubuzamiraclework @ hot mail . com
OUR PERSONAL ACCOUNT OF A LIFE CHANGING LOTTERY WIN: My name is Richard Nuttall, my wife Debbie Nuttall and I are both 54 years old. WE ARE GLAD TO ANNOUNCE TO THE WORLD THAT WE WON £61,708,321 EUROMILLIONS JACKPOT PRIZE, with the number a lottery spell caster called Lord Bubuza gave us after casting his lottery spell. This man is a great seer and he is like a God on Earth that has turned our financial status for better. He was recommended to us by a friend in my office who he helped win the lottery, and as a couple, we discussed and decided to give his spell a try. We provided his requirement to cast the lottery spell and we are £61M richer today. We have made a vow to ourselves that we will keep testifying about him. We were sceptical at first, but no protection is risky, so we tried it and we are financially stable now. Join us to appreciate this genius. Do you want to win like us??? Do you need your Ex back? Contact lord Bubuza because he is a miracle worker. His email: Lordbubuzamiraclework @ hot mail . com
HOW $8,400,000 MILLION OREGON MEGABUCKS JACKPOT CHANGED MY LIFE: I don’t play the lottery often, but I buy tickets when the draw is up, though I have never won. One day, while researching online how to win the lottery, I came across testimonies of how Lord Bubuza reveals lottery jackpot numbers to people. I contacted him immediately for help. He responded, and I followed his instructions, I provided the requirements to cast the lottery spell. A few hours after casting the spell, Lord Bubuza revealed the Oregon’s Game Megabucks lottery winning numbers to me. I bought a ticket for the January 24 Oregon’s Game Megabucks draw at the Safeway store in Gladstone. When I checked my ticket, I was shocked to discover it was an $8.4 million winner! My name is David Schultze, I’m 68 years old, and I live in Milwaukie, Oregon, USA. I just can’t thank lord Bubuza enough for making me a jackpot winner… Join me in appreciating him via email: Lordbubuzamiraclework @ hot mail . com
LORD BUBUZA THE GREAT SEER WHO CHANGED MY LIFE: Friends and family members have asked me several times how I manage to win the lottery game, Today I want to thank Lord Bubuza, the great spell caster who made it possible. I read about his lottery spell online so I contacted him for help to win the lottery Jackpot, he requested my name and some information and said he will need to cast a lottery spell to reveal the lottery winning numbers and the right platform where I will play and win. I doubted him but my husband stressed that we give it a try so I provided the information and his requirements to cast the spell, after casting the spell he gave me some digit numbers and said it was revealed when casting the spell.. I bought the ticket and played the numbers. I was shocked when I was announced the winner of $60 million from the Ontario Lottery and Gaming Corporation (OLG)… My name is Leah Murdoch Gerics, join me appreciate him via email: Lordbubuzamiraclework @ hot mail . com
Friends and family members have asked me several times how I manage to win the lottery game, Today I want to thank Lord Bubuza, the great spell caster who made it possible. I read about his lottery spell online so I contacted him for help to win the lottery Jackpot, he requested my name and some information and said he will need to cast a lottery spell to reveal the lottery winning numbers and the right platform where I will play and win… I doubted him but my husband stressed that we give it a try so I provided the information and his requirements to cast the spell, after casting the spell he gave me some digit numbers and said it was revealed when casting the spell. I bought the ticket and played the numbers. I was shocked when I was announced the winner of $60 million from the Ontario Lottery and Gaming Corporation (OLG)… My name is Leah Murdoch Gerics, join me appreciate him via email: Lordbubuzamiraclework @ hot mail . com
My name is Richard Nuttall, my wife Debbie Nuttall and I are both 54 years old. WE ARE GLAD TO ANNOUNCE TO THE WORLD THAT WE WON £61,708,321 EUROMILLIONS JACKPOT PRIZE, with the number a lottery spell caster called Lord Bubuza gave us after casting his lottery spell. This man is a great seer and he is like a God on Earth that has turned our financial status for better. He was recommended to us by a friend in my office who he helped win the lottery, and as a couple, we discussed and decided to give his spell a try. We provided his requirement to cast the lottery spell and we are £61M richer today. We have made a vow to ourselves that we will keep testifying about him. We were sceptical at first, but no protection is risky, so we tried it and we are financially stable now. Join us to appreciate this genius.. Do you want to win like us???? Do you need your Ex back? Contact lord Bubuza because he is a miracle worker. His email: Lordbubuzamiraclework @ hot mail . com
My name is Merel Chiassonam, and I have been a crab fisherman for 40 years. I started working at a local fish plant a few years ago. I love playing lotto bets, so I buy lotto tickets often but find it difficult to win. I read about Lord Bubuza’s lottery spells on the internet, so I contacted him for help to win Lotto 649. He told me that he would need to cast a lotto spell so that he can reveal the lotto numbers I will choose. I was sceptical, but my wife Nancy told me to give it a try. I provided his requirements to cast the lotto spells, and he gave me the numbers. I bought a Lotto 649 ticket and played as Lord Bubuza instructed, to my surprise it was a big win. I won $64,000,000. My partner Nancy and I travelled to the Atlantic Lottery in Moncton to confirm the win and collect the prize. I will retire from my crab fishing with this win and continue to recommend lord Bubuza. Join me and appreciate Lord Bubuza for his help via Email: lordbubuzamiraclework @ hot mail . com
My name is Merel Chiassonam, and I have been a crab fisherman for 40 years. I started working at a local fish plant a few years ago. I love playing lotto bets, so I buy lotto tickets often but find it difficult to win. I read about Lord Bubuza’s lottery spells on the internet, so I contacted him for help to win Lotto 649. He told me that he would need to cast a lotto spell so that he can reveal the lotto numbers I will choose. I was sceptical, but my wife Nancy told me to give it a try. I provided his requirements to cast the lotto spells, and he gave me the numbers. I bought a Lotto 649 ticket and played as Lord Bubuza instructed, to my surprise it was a big win. I won $64,000,000. My partner Nancy and I travelled to the Atlantic Lottery in Moncton to confirm the win and collect the prize. I will retire from my crab fishing with this win and continue to recommend lord Bubuza. Join me and appreciate Lord Bubuza for his help via Email:: lordbubuzamiraclework @ hot mail . com
Winning $2 million in the POWERBALL was a life-changing moment. I had played for years, and after receiving guidance from Dr. Oniha, I finally hit the jackpot. I was shocked and overjoyed when I saw the winning numbers. It’s an experience I’ll never forget, and I’m thankful for the hope and encouragement I found along the way.
Email: droniha16 @ gmail .com
This year began wonderfully for me as I won the mega millions of $277 million after applying the perfect 6 numbers and guidance provided by Lord Meduza. Certainly, his magical abilities are unmatched. Thank you, sir, and you can reach out to him for assistance through email at: lordmeduzatemple @ hotmail . com
Here is the wonderful thing Dr Reethesh did for me that saved my home. I was having serious trouble in my marriage, Things weren’t going fine between me and my wife, we were always fighting ourselves for no good reason and this issue almost ended up killing ourselves during any fight we had. But thanks to Dr Reethesh for coming to our rescue. On this day after me and my wife had an argument she left the house. After she left I came back to my senses. It’s just like something bad left my body. So I told myself that I need to look for a solution. That’s how I went online and did some research so I came across good review testimonies about Dr Reethesh how he has been helping a lot of people in restoring their broken home. So I reached out to Dr Reethesh and explained myself to him, After he did everything he needed to do. He explained to me that the person behind me and my wife’s troubles is my Ex-girlfriend. She wants my wife to leave me alone so she can take the place of my wife. I asked Dr Reethesh what the solution was and he told me what needed to be done. So I paid for all the items needed. When Dr Reethesh did his work the rest was history. Dr Reethesh was able to destroy the evil spell my Ex-girlfriend did to destroy my home and helped me to bring everything back to normal between me and my wife. My wife and I apologized to ourselves and made peace with ourselves. Today me and my lovely wife are living happily together without any troubles. If you need Dr Reethesh help you can contact Via WhatsApp: +2349012999010 Or Email: reethesh60 @ gmail. com
Here is the wonderful thing Dr Reethesh did for me that saved my home. I was having serious trouble in my marriage, Things weren’t going fine between me and my wife, we were always fighting ourselves for no good reason and this issue almost ended up killing ourselves during any fight we had. But thanks to Dr Reethesh for coming to our rescue. On this day after me and my wife had an argument she left the house. After she left I came back to my senses. It’s just like something bad left my body. So I told myself that I need to look for a solution. That’s how I went online and did some research so I came across good review testimonies about Dr Reethesh how he has been helping a lot of people in restoring their broken home. So I reached out to Dr Reethesh and explained myself to him, After he did everything he needed to do. He explained to me that the person behind me and my wife’s troubles is my Ex-girlfriend. She wants my wife to leave me alone so she can take the place of my wife. I asked Dr Reethesh what the solution was and he told me what needed to be done. So I paid for all the items needed. When Dr Reethesh did his work the rest was history. Dr Reethesh was able to destroy the evil spell my Ex-girlfriend did to destroy my home and helped me to bring everything back to normal between me and my wife. My wife and I apologized to ourselves and made peace with ourselves. Today me and my lovely wife are living happily together without any troubles. If you need Dr Reethesh help you can contact Via WhatsApp: +2349012999010
The Only Trusted Spell Caster for Restoring Love & Marriage is Prophet Isaac and this is a quick reminder that when it comes to restoring broken relationships and saving marriages, the only true love spell caster you can trust is Prophet Isaac. His services is fast, effective, and affordable. Prophet Isaac has helped countless couples reunite and prevent divorce, just like he saved my marriage. If you are struggling in your relationship, don’t loose hope! Email: urgentspellcast01 @ gmail .com
Prophet Isaac is the best spell caster, he brought back my ex lover within 24 hours with his powerful love spell, the love spell is very effective and strong I recommend it if you need help. Email: realonlineprophet @ gmail .com
I feel so happy and blessed that I won the Lotto Max Lottery because Lord Meduza was recommended to me for assistance and he utilized his spell-casting abilities to get the correct Lotto Max winning numbers that earned me a staggering $80 million dollars. My victory marks the biggest win for a single ticket in Lotto Max history in Canada. If you need his assistance reach him via email: Lordmeduzatemple @ hotmail. com
I have been a crab fisherman for 40 years. I started working at a local fish plant a few years ago. I love playing lotto bets, so I buy lotto tickets often but find it difficult to win. I read about Lord Bubuza’s lottery spells on the internet, so I contacted him for help to win Lotto 649. He told me that he would need to cast a lotto spell so that he can reveal the lotto numbers I will choose. I was sceptical, but my wife Nancy told me to give it a try. I provided his requirements to cast the lotto spells, and he gave me the numbers. I bought a Lotto 649 ticket and played as Lord Bubuza instructed, to my surprise it was a big win. I won $64,000,000. My partner Nancy and I travelled to the Atlantic Lottery in Moncton to confirm the win and collect the prize. I will retire from my crab fishing with this win and continue to recommend lord Bubuza. Join me and appreciate Lord Bubuza for his help via Email: lordbubuzamiraclework @ hot mail . com
I was a sale representative and my salary was not enough to pay my bills, I was frustrated and In my frustration, I kept looking for a better job or ways to win the lottery. One late night I search online for a better life of a sale representation when I came across testimonies of people thanking lord Bubuza for revealing the lottery winning number to them and they won the Lottery. I contacted lord Bubuza immediately for help and he responded. He told me the requirement needed to cast the lottery spell and I provided them, after casting the spell he gave me some numbers. Without delay I bought my ticket at a 7-Eleven on Pleasant Valley Road in Chantilly and played the numbers. 24 hours later I was notify that the numbers I played have won me $590,600,000 million, I couldn’t hold myself but to shout in tears of joy. lord Bubuza is like a God on Earth. Join me Appreciate him via email: lordbubuzamiraclework @ hot mail . com
My name is Richard Nuttall, my wife Debbie Nuttall and I are both 54 years old. WE ARE GLAD TO ANNOUNCE TO THE WORLD THAT WE WON £61,708,321 EUROMILLIONS JACKPOT PRIZE, with the number a lottery spell caster called Lord Bubuza gave us after casting his lottery spell. This man is a great seer and he is like a God on Earth that has turned our financial status for better. He was recommended to us by a friend in my office who he helped win the lottery, and as a couple, we discussed and decided to give his spell a try. We provided his requirement to cast the lottery spell and we are £61M richer today. We have made a vow to ourselves that we will keep testifying about him. We were sceptical at first, but no protection is risky, so we tried it and we are financially stable now. Join us to appreciate this genius. Do you want to win like us? Do you need your Ex back? Contact lord Bubuza because he is a miracle worker. His email: Lordbubuzamiraclework @ hot mail . com
I am wealthy today because of Oniha Spells. The spell caster helped me win the lottery by providing guidance and support. After I contacted him through Google, I explained everything I wanted. He did more than I expected and completely changed my life. I was fortunate to win the Powerball worth $754,550,826. You can also reach out to him via droniha16 @gmail .com
I never thought a spell could help a couple before. I am very pleased to contact you and initiate all this to happen. Anyone who has a relationship problem can contact Dr Masako via email. (doctormasako @ gmail. com ) his whatsAPP +2349047144277
I experienced a miracle: I won $3 million in the lottery. This unexpected blessing has changed my life in ways I can’t fully describe. I am deeply thankful to Oniha Spells for the support that helped guide me toward this breakthrough. I share my story to encourage others not to lose hope, because life can change when you least expect it. Anyone in need of help can also reach out to Oniha Spells via.
Email: droniha16 @gmail .com
I won $3 million in the lottery. This unexpected blessing has changed my life in ways I can’t fully describe. I am deeply thankful to Oniha Spells for the support that helped guide me toward this breakthrough. I share my story to encourage others not to lose hope, because life can change when you least expect it. Anyone in need of help can also reach out to Oniha Spells via.
Email: droniha16 @ gmail .com
Are you searching for methods to win the Lottery Jackpot? Look no further for Lord Meduza can help you in winning the Lottery you desire with his Lottery spell. His magic lucky numbers transformed me into a Lottery winner of £177 Million Pounds. Email: lordmeduzatemple @ hotmail . com
Believe this isn’t news to you anymore that DR REETHESH is the best man in bringing EX-couples back together. He has been doing it for many years. So if this is the first time you are coming across this post and you are having a marita issue I’ll advise you to rush and contact DR REETHESH today. DR REETHESH is ready to bring back all your happiness to you. When I had an issue with my woman and I went online for a solution the testimonies I saw about DR REETHESH blew my mind. When I reached out to him and shared my problem with him he told me to relax and that everything will be fine. Just like he said today, I’m enjoying my marriage because he did a perfect job for me. Remember you deserve to be happy so don’t allow anything to push you down. With the help of DR REETHESH i promise you, All your happiness will come back. Just contact him and share your problems with him. Pay for all items needed to do your job and get the best result from him. You can contact DR REETHESH Via WhatsApp: +2349012999010 OR E:mail: reethsh60 @ gmail. com
I never thought a spell could help a couple before. I am very pleased to contact you and initiate all this to happen. Anyone who has a relationship problem can contact Dr Masako via email. (doctormasako @ gmail. com ) his whatsAPP +2349047144277
I am now a multimillionaire. I urge everyone to seek Dr. Oniha’s help if they’re struggling financially or need a change in their lives or want to win lotto. His spells are real, and his expertise is unmatched
Email: droniha16 @ gmail .com
I feel so fortunate to have crossed paths with MEDUZA a specialist in spells. He enabled me to win a $259 million Jackpot with his lottery spell winning numbers. Reach him for help via this email: lordmeduzatemple @ hotmail . com
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DR UYI has done it for me, His predictions are 100% correct, He is real and can perform miracles with his spell. I am overwhelmed because I just won 336,000, 000 million Euro from a lottery jackpot game with the lottery number DR UYI gave me. I contacted DR UYI for help to win a lottery via Facebook Page DR UYI, he told me that a spell was required to be casted so that he can predict my winning, I provided his requirements for casting the spell and after casting the spell he gave the lottery numbers, I played and won 336,000,00 euros. How can I thank this man enough? His spell is real and like a God on Earth. Thank you for changing my life with your lottery winning numbers. Do you need help to win a lottery too? contact Dr UYI via WhatsApp on +17174154115
One Friday in Texas, I was filled with anticipation as I prepared to onboard a new subcontractor for a project that had been meticulously planned for months. As the project manager, I bore the responsibility of ensuring that every detail was executed flawlessly, and I was eager to integrate this new talent into our team. The subcontractor had reached out to me via email, presenting themselves as a highly skilled professional with an impressive portfolio. Our exchanges were seamless and persuasive, instilling a growing confidence in their capabilities. They proposed using Bitcoin for payment. Trusting their professionalism, I proceeded with the transfer, sending 4 Bitcoin (BTC) to the wallet address they provided. I felt a profound sense of accomplishment. I had fulfilled my obligation, and everything appeared to be falling into place. My relief swiftly morphed into dread when I realized that the subcontractor had vanished without a trace. All communication ceased, and the email address I had been corresponding with was no longer active. I convened with my team to discuss the unfortunate turn of events. We quickly recognized the irreversible nature of cryptocurrency transactions. Unlike traditional banking, where payments can often be reversed. I had placed my trust in someone I barely knew, I embarked on a quest for solutions and discovered Yuri who is a PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR ,He is one of the expert in a firm specializing in tracing and recovering lost or stolen cryptocurrency. He explained how they would utilize advanced blockchain analysis techniques to trace the Bitcoin. As Yuri commenced with the investigation,he was undeterred. With each update from him, I felt a renewed hope that they might be able to recover my Bitcoin. I am relieved to share that I recovered all the funds. I hope that sharing my story will serve as a cautionary tale for others….Reach Out To Them on whatsapp:+1 (425) 568‑7825 or via Email: privateinvestigator1967 at gmail com
I almost fell victim of bitcoin investment scam and all I can say is these scammers are good at what they do..FREIEXCHANG allowed me to withdraw a chunk amount which I later realize was a way to earn my trust …So I went all in and invested triple of my initial capital..Then it began from one story to another till they sucked me dry and never got my capital after all was said and done..I lost a ton of asset,when I reported to local authorities,FBI etc but got no response…I work with a firm that contract the service of Private investigators,so I opted to contract the service of one of the tech guys that works for us..His name is Yuri….he traced the bitcoin wallet address I made payment to and recoup my stolen crypto..I was shown the transaction history of these scammers I was in total shock, he saved me from depression..if you are looking to recoup your crypto that was stolen by Fake investment platform, reach out to Yuri on WhatsApp : +1 (425) 568‑7825 and via Email : Privateinvestigator1967 at gmail com
When I first lost $156,000 to a cryptocurrency investment scam, it felt like my entire world had collapsed. Years of hard work, savings, and dreams disappeared in what seemed like the blink of an eye I barely slept for weeks constantly replaying every decision in my mind and blaming myself for trusting people who turned out to be professional fraudsters The emotional toll was even greater than the financial loss I felt embarrassed, isolated and convinced I would never recover Just when I had almost given up I came across CRYPTORECLAIMEXPERT AT GMAIL COM ..At first I was skeptical because I had already encountered people claiming they could recover my funds, only to ask for more money upfront. I expected another disappointment From the beginning however the team treated me with patience and professionalism. They took the time to explain the fictional recovery process, answered my endless questions and kept me informed at every stage.For the first time since the scam I felt like someone was actually listening and trying to help.The waiting period was emotionally exhausting, but their regular updates gave me hope when I needed it most. Eventually I received the news I had been praying for my lost funds had been successfully recovered I couldn’t believe it I cried tears of relief knowing I finally had a second chance to rebuild my life. Today I look back on that painful chapter with gratitude for the lessons I learned While the experience changed me forever it also reminded me never to stop believing that difficult situations can have brighter endings
To Sarah… medication is not always the answer. In my case it destroyed my life. Some medications are dangerous and I was put on one of those. Im stuck on the medication and I feel the effects on my brain. I was left on it too long. I hope you csn see this message and stop saying that medication
I have once tested positive for Herpes Virus Infection and wanted to share my experience with NZE NJOKU HERBAL HOME. Two years ago, I came across testimonials about Dr. Utu Herbal Cure and decided to contact him via Nze Njoku Herbal Home. He was very approachable, and I ordered the Herpes Herbal Cleanser. I followed his instructions for four weeks, staying disciplined and praying daily.
I’m glad to testify today that I have tested negative for both HSV1 and HSV2 on two separate tests. If you need help or support, consider contacting Dr Utu at NZE NJOKU HERBAL HOME. There is hope for healing. Wishing you all strength and health on your journey.
Hi everyone, I want to use medium appreciate a great spell caster called Dr Ogaga for transforming my life financially, i met him online through a friend he has helped to win lottery before I contacted him through his email, he prayed for me and gave me a winning numbers to play and i won 600million$ Jackpot, you can also contact him and be a winner too
email. ogagaodia41 @ gmail. com
I want to use this opportunity to tell the whole world how I became rich and famous. I’m 93 years old. I was passing through difficulty in business and there was no hope of me coming out of my debt. I borrow money in my bank to do my business and I run at lost on the business I got frustrated and decided to be playing lottery to see if I can win and make my business grow and I have played for years now nothing good is coming my way on till I meet someone online talking about Dr UYI on the internet. He was talking about how Dr UYI helped him to win a mega million lottery game. I said to myself if this is true and decided to contact him and told him to help me as well. I later read more about this man and see how he has been helping people all over the world. I have faith in him and choose to work with him. After working with him he told me what I needed to do for the number to be given to me, which I did after he finished working. He said I will have a dream and the number will be reviewed to me in the dream. That night as I was sleeping I dreamt a number immediately. He called me and gave me the same number I dream of and asked me to go and play the number. Today I’m here testifying of the good work he did for me. I played the number and I won the sum of 340, 000,000 million dollars in a mega million lottery. You can contact Dr UYI for help if you want to win big in a lottery game. He has the gift of giving the right number to contact him today and thank me email him today Via WhatsApp on +17174154115